Of Gods and Titans
by Miki-chan13
Summary: The salaryman is reincarnated not into a world of magic, but a world of man-eating giants. Now a little girl, can they survive and flourish in this cruel and beautiful world? And more importantly, can they hold fast to their pride and beliefs against Being X even in the face of overwhelming horror and despair? Manga spoilers up to current chapter. Character divergence.
1. Deja Vu

"Please sir, I'm begging you- give me a chance!"

The dark-haired salaryman forced down the disgust to keep his expression stoic, though the tapping of his pen became a bit louder- how many times had he heard this line now? And yet, the bespectacled man before him never learned, never even tried to make the effort to clean up his performance. If he kept the man before him around, it would only lower the morale of the people under him and cause trouble for their clients.

"I have a family and a daughter in college- how will I pay for our house or her tuition?!"

He was done listening to his excuses, done giving him chances. If he cared as much for either as he said he did, he wouldn't disregarded the attempts to help him better himself or so flippantly disregarded the rules of the workplace.

"You brought this on yourself," he stated, voice impassive but final. "You have been given several warnings and opportunities to improve your ethic- I myself have offered to help. But you have repeatedly been tardy, absent without excuse and you haven't even tried to improve your numbers."

The pen rotated in his hand as he held it out, palm up. "At this point, there is no logical reason to keep you in our employment," and the contempt seeped into his voice, "At this point, you're nothing but a _waste of space."_

"Please! You can't just fire me, come on-"

The salarymam's dark brown gaze held no sympathy as he pushed forward the pamphlet that all employees were given upon being hired. "Kindly clean out your desk."

The bespectacled man slumped to his knees out of the chair but the salaryman behind the desk gave him no sympathy, watching impassively as the now jobless man stumbled out of his office. When he was gone, the salaryman closed his eyes for a moment and put the pen down- that was not wise for him to let his composure slip like that.

He reported this to the manager above him and finished his work as storm clouds rolled in over the busy metropolis. He packed away his things, including a favorite book of his, "Freedom of Choice", which he kept rolled up in his pocket. As he began to walk home, the rain started to trickle down and the salaryman hurried his pace to the subway. As he waited for the train to arrive, he found that his concentration on the book kept slipping as he remembered the day's earlier events.

Regardless of the man's performance, they were down a worker and would have to hire again. The employees under him would have to adjust to another new worker coming in, account for any mistakes in said new worker and the paperwork required for both. Regardless, if he truly cared for his money and family as he so claimed, that man would have adhered to the rules and regulations that were in place to help make everything run smoother.

It was his duty to oversee the performance of his workers, as the HR agent over them. There was nothing personal in this, as they were all there to make the company run smoother and fill their pockets. Well, at least most of them were- the salaryman's ambitions wouldn't be filled just using the job to pay for a small flat or family. No, he was aiming to gain a corner office of his own and to eventually lead the leisurely and secure life of an executive.

The thought of that future brought a smile to his face- arrogant, hungry, but a smile nonetheless and he turned another page. The rain and general noise of the subway kept him from hearing the short-breath noises of a desperate man or hear the footsteps behind until he had been forcefully pushed forward. His brief case and book went flying as the salaryman entered the train's path and a glance behind him showed the bespectacled man he had fired earlier with his arms out-stretched.

Even with death just seconds away, the salaryman was more annoyed at the other's irrational stunt than afraid for his life.

Then, everything stopped. The wind, the rain, the noise, the people. Everything was silent and still, frozen just seconds before the train came upon the salaryman. Said man's dark brown eyes flickered about, trying to assess the situation. Was this his death?

 **"This is very tiresome."**

The salaryman froze at the man's voice, trying to pinpoint who had spoke before another joined in, this time a woman. **"Humans think they're all knowing, and have lost sight of what's right and what's wrong."**

 **"They think the laws of the universe don't apply to them."** An older man.

What on earth were these people saying?

 **"Humans no longer emphasize with others."** A teenage girl.

 **"And they haven't an ounce of faith in their mighty creator."** ... a pigeon.

Wait, "creator?"

 **"You heard the bird,"** the train conductor said.

The salaryman took this in: he had been pushed by a vindictive former employee into a train and then God himself stopped time seconds before his death, just to speak with him through some random bystanders... and at least one talking pigeon.

 **"That's correct,"** said pigeon affirmed.

And that was as far as his suspension of disbelief was willing to stretch itself. The salaryman's panic began to subside as his mind became calm- he had been right in assuming this was a near-death hallucination. He did not believe in the existence of "God" or any other divitinities, logic and reason long having since rationalized away the possibility of such things.

 _ **"WHAT."**_ Several voices cried out this time, incredulous.

Besides, how could he be certain that this was indeed "God"? If God did exist, then so would angels, demons and other creatures who inhabited the spiritual realm. Even if God existed, why would he do something this absurd to get a point across and why choose him to try and do so? No, this must be someone else.

 **"Like the devil?"** a bespectacled school girl asked.

Or perhaps a similar entity. For simplicity's sake, he would refer to them as "Being X".

 **"You really don't want to believe, even with a miracle happening before your eyes?"** the same girl asked, expression irate.

If this was God, then perhaps they'd have known that lecturing him on faith would be an exercise in futility. If they had wanted his interest or attention, then they'd have filed a report to him personally.

 **"As the being who controls the cycle of reincarnation, there are firm rules I abide by,"** a college student said, gaze becoming cold as they stated, **"That said, I shall make an exception for _you."_**

His mind raced as he processed this. Reincarnation? So people are reborn even after they die then?

 **"That's no longer your concern, I'm afraid,"** a vest-wearing man stated.

He forced the panic down- did none of them know the principal of full disclosure?! Why even bring this up to him?! Not only that, but if this was really "God" speaking to him, surely he would follow the rules he put into place and avoid heat-of-the-moment decisions like this one?

 **"I manage over seven billion people, I'm completely over-worked as it is,"** a man looking at his watch while clutching a briefcase.

 **"Frankly, reincarnating people who have no faith is a waste of my time,"** a balding bespectacled man said, scorn audible.

The first sign of a flawed business model, he knew. Why would people need to cling to something they had no certainty existed if the tools to fill their core needs were widespread and common place? Therefore, the only ones who would cling to "God" would be the ones who either couldn't gain access to said tools or were weak and/ or needy enough to believe in something to alleviate their suffering, rather than work to overcome it themselves. People like him would never need Being X or any divinity.

 **"So you're saying that you have no faith because of the world you are in,"** a baby mused.

 **"All your needs are met through technology-"**

 **"- you have a high social class-"**

 **"- and you have never been in dire straits before."**

And this conversation was not taking a good turn, the salaryman's eyes widening as he realized what they were insinuating. While they were technically right, they were also jumping to the wrong conclusions about him too fast! His hand twitched as he tried to move and reach towards Being X.

 **"What if I placed you-"**

 **"- into dire straits?"**

 **"Do you think then-"**

 **"- your faith in me-"**

 **"- would be awakened?"**

They couldn't be hasty about this! He didn't want to break any rules of reincarnation-

* * *

 _Three circular walls, each smaller than the last inside one another._

 _A rose and thorns, blue and white wings and a green unicorn._

 _A cave of crystal with a staircase leading to a single pillar._

 _A family in robes with two others flanking them, dressed in black and standing to attention._

 _Nine naked giants in a single group, one holding a horn while reaching to the sky while the other eight knelt with their backs turned to the first._

 _A woman accepting an apple from an hooded figure._

 _Three children looking up to the sky, stunned._

 _A an arm curled around their chest and the fist above their heart._

 _Bright green eyes that held a smoldering rage and hatred._

 _ **"TRY TO SURVIVE AS LONG AS YOU CAN- IF YOU DIE AGAIN, THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER REINCARNATION. GO."**_

* * *

 _Wait- what?!_ was his last coherent thought before every bone in salaryman Ikeda Susumu's body was crushed by the train, ending his life.

* * *

Keep going? Think of the possibilities yourselves? Let me know if I should continue this.


	2. Home and Family

Tracitus: Thank you :)

amerdism: I try my best. And that would be telling.

rajinfairy: I will do my best.

* * *

It was dark. It had been dark for a very long time. They couldn't move and their breathing was slight. Not only that, but it seemed as though the space they were in was slowly but surely shrinking around them until they could barely move.

They wondered if this was hell and that Being X had lied- they wouldn't put it past him after their conversation.

Then, they saw a light. Desperate, they reached to it and tried to lift themselves out, but they didn't have the strength or room to move. When hands reached in and pulled them out, their first reaction was to feel relief- and then panic because a giant was carrying them!

They tried to cry out for help but all that came out was a garbled mess. The hands wrapped them in something soft and warm and gave them to new hands, softer and gentler ones. Someone with black hair and soft, kind gray eyes that made some of the panic recede as they murmured comfortingly to them.

* * *

He- or rather, she, knew why humans couldn't form long-term memory until at least four years old. But because she wasn't four years old, mind and soul-wise, she remembered everything from being taken from the womb. The first four years of her new life were the most frustrating of either of her existences- she couldn't walk, get her own food, she couldn't relieve herself without making a mess!

She forced herself to learn to accomplish these things, even when it amounted to several bruises. Her mother kept gently chastising her for hurting herself but helped her learn- or rather, relearn, how to walk and take care of herself. She knew she must have worried her mother immensely but showed that she wouldn't get into trouble at least.

"Tanya, come here!" her mother called her gently and she toddled over to the woman, allowing her to pick her up and balance her on her lap. "I have something to show you."

She took out a hand-drawn portrait from a book and let Tanya touch it- it was of her mother and a man with wavy hair tied back in a ponytail and both were dressed formally. "That's your father- it was drawn on our wedding day," her mother explained.

This was an interesting discovery, she mused as she looked at the picture. While she resembled her mother facially, her hair was blond and wavy and her eyes bright blue and from the drawing before her, it was clear that she had gotten her coloring from her father. Ever since she had been able to get around the house, Tanya had never seen anyone around their small house save for her mother. So either her father had left them or he had died- she wasn't sure which one seeing how her mother clearly had fondness for him as she showed Tanya the picture. She could easily be deluding herself that he would come back to them.

"Where is father?" she asked aloud.

Her mother smiled sadly but explained gently, "He died. That means he was taken away- far, far away from us. But he loves us both and is always watching over us." Her hand gently ruffled Tanya's hair and she kissed it.

Tanya frowned as warmth curled in her stomach- her mother in her previous life had been in a nursing home that she had moved her into when it became clear she couldn't take care of herself anymore. The feeling of a mother's love and warmth had been so long absent from her previous life that to feel it again provoked a stronger response than she expected.

 _This could prove to be a problem,_ she thought.

They lived in the mountains in a small village near the outskirts. Her mother managed a small farm with a few chickens, two goats and a solid gray horse, Mercury- the horse had once belonged to her father. On the side, she worked as a seamstress and helped repair some people's clothes when they couldn't. She often watched her mother work and once she had proper motor control, asked to be taught in order to help.

It was clear that her new surroundings lacked much of the technology and comfort she was used to, but she was nothing if not versatile and hard-working. As she grew older, Tanya helped her mother out around the farm and even took to cutting wood in her place when she got tired and eventually learned to ride Mercury even with her small size. It took a great deal of effort to become used to the work and riding- with her smaller body, less developed muscles and the fact that she hadn't worked that hard in either life, left Tanya aching and bruised and tired as she crawled into bed each night.

But she was nothing if not persistent and kept herself repeating the motions until they became second-nature to her. She built her reputation in their small village as a responsible and hard-working girl and often heard praise from the villagers to her mother for raising such a good daughter. She was held in contempt by the other children for being no fun, creepy and a mommy's girl. Tanya couldn't care less what a bunch of snot-nosed brats had to say about her and continued to work hard.

Of course, not everything was perfect.

* * *

Soldiers would often come in the winter to visit- their families were so proud of them for their accomplishments, they were treated like celebrities. Tanya had been rather embarrassed that her first interaction with the soldiers had been to gawk at their uniforms and the memory of a BDSM magazine she had once confiscated continued to surface as she tried to apologize.

They had all taken it in stride and laughed along with her. There, Tanya found that the soldiers were a treasure trove of information and she even had an excuse to egg them on for answers as her father had been in the military. From them, she learned of the three military divisions- the Garrison, Survey Corps and Military Police- as well as the walls surrounding them- Maria, where she and her mother lived in the mountains, Rose, the more urban where several factories and military academies were stationed and Sina, home of the elite, privileged and the royal family, the Fritzes.

Many of the soldiers visiting belonged to the Garrison, the soldiers who watched over the walls and the cities within Wall Maria and Wall Rose. But a precious few belonged to the Survey Corps, the division that her father- Aren Degurachaff- had been apart of. Through them, she learned the titans- naked, man-eating giants who had pushed humanity to the blink of extinction before they had built the three walls to keep them out.

 _So,_ she thought, laying in bed long after dark, _there are naked man-eating giants that have the remnants of the human race cornered on all sides. And my father was eaten by one. This at least explains why mother doesn't speak of him much- I'd like to see any parent explain that kind of fate to their child._

Tanya didn't know if she was having a delayed reaction or if she had become so scared she had looped right back around to calm again. Tanya didn't know if she should be grateful she could actually straighten her priorities out now but her first and foremost goal was to get the hell out of Wall Maria and into Wall Sina however possible. She could handle the corruption of humans well enough- naked man-eating giants were a whole other bag of marbles.

Of course, doing so would be easier said than done. Luckily, she found out that there was a way through the military- just become one of the top ten graduates and she would be allowed to join the Military Police and enter Wall Sina. She was rather incredulous that the minimum age to enter the military was a mere twelve years old, but it also meant she could start working earlier than expected.

 _It makes sense they'd want as many soldiers as possible, given the death toll even the Garrison and Military Police have next to the Survey Corps,_ she mused _and children are certainly malleable enough to mold into ideal soldiers._

"Mother, would you be mad if I became a soldier like father?" she asked.

Her mother looked surprised but quickly shook her head. "Of course not! Your father was a brave and kind man and he did everything he could to protect us," she said rather shakily. "I couldn't be more proud that you would follow his example."

"I'm not gonna join the Survey Corps, I'm going into the Military Police," Tanya said adamantly.

Her mother only smoothed her hair out and kissed her head. "I'll be proud whatever path you choose, Tanya," she murmured.

The warmth curled in her stomach and every instinct was screaming at her that letting this bond continue would only cause her trouble. But for once, Tanya ignored them and let her eyes close against her mother, remembering one of the tidbits of information regarding the Military Police- should one get to a high enough rank, they could even bring family inside to live with them.


	3. That Day

amerdism: I try to keep Tanya IC but I also take cues from the original light novel source and the manga as well as the anime.

As for Being X...

warpterror: Thank you :)

See above answer for amerdism.

DarkNightNRobin: I will do my best.

* * *

From that moment on, Tanya and her mother began to set aside money to get her to Wall Rose once she turned twelve- with her birthday in January, she'd still have a good two months before the military term started in March.

The soldiers were a great help, as they suggested inns and markets for discount food and clothes during training and advice on how to get on the officer's good sides, how to properly clean and maintain the 3D Maneuvering Gear- Tanya immediately tuned them out when one suggested a secret place for couples. Even in her old life, the thought of sex and romance had never appealed to her- so naturally, her co-workers had badgered her about getting a girlfriend or wife or suggesting sites for dates for either or any gender. Her mother in her previous life understood this at least and was kind enough not to bring up grandchildren or romantic partners to her.

If she couldn't fathom such a relationship when she was a grown man, how would she do it as a little girl?

Meanwhile, her mother showed her how to repair a saddle and reins and how to ride Mercury even with her small size. When her mother first put Tanya on the saddle in front of her and then put Mercury into a gallop had terrified her, but she soon became accustomed to the speed and motion of riding the gray horse. It also helped that with the food they had on hand, Tanya was slowly growing taller and soon her feet were able to touch the stirrup.

But as she continued to expand her skills and resources, Tanya became more aware of the strangeness of her surroundings- the village reminded her of Europe during the middle ages, yet the technology the 3D maneuvering gear used was reminiscent of steam punk and the swords held the gleam and sharpness that only a modern day factory blade would have. It was deeply frustrating for Tanya and only made her more determined to get to a more urban area for more information because she was getting far too many mixed signals.

On more prying, her mother began to talk of Aren Degurachaff.

"I met him when I was visiting my parents in Zhiganshina- they had moved there because there was a doctor who would treat them properly. During that time, the Survey Corps returned from an expidition. They had lost several men and even one of their outposts- many people were very angry at them and hurled insults at the returning soldiers. But your father ignored them all and kept his head high even after everything he had gone through."

She smiled at the memory. "I knew a crush when I felt one but I approached him all the same. He was so kind but not afraid to state his thoughts. I kept visiting my parents and hoping I could see him again until he started to meet me there on his time off and... well, the rest is as you know it."

Tanya would have been intruiged by Aren Degurachaff's apparent nerves of steel but she was more concerned about the townsfolk's behavior to the returning soldiers. _So what, do they actually wait outside the gates when the Survey Corps come back in?_ she had thought with a frown.

In fact, the entire Survey Corps felt rather unnecessary as a whole especially when compared to the Garrison and Military Police. She could understand wanting to get more land and resources, but from what the soldiers said, the land inside the walls seemed to supply everything they needed. It seemed that all the Survey Corps did was lose people to the titans and showcase how fighting these things was an exercise in futility.

 _Their whole existence is a joke- a reminder to stay inside the walls and not go outside,_ Tanya concluded. _I wouldn't be surprised if this was just a way to thin out the population. It probably is._

As March began to fade into April, Tanya grinned as she counted up the money she had stashed away. At the rate she was saving, she'd even be able to afford a horse should anything happen to Mercury! She flopped down on her bed with a contended smile- she wasn't helpless, she was on her way to a career that would secure her even earlier than in her old life.

 _And not a peep from Being X this whole time,_ she thought with a smirk before falling asleep.

* * *

When Tanya usually woke up, it was through habit and was rarely awakened by anything other. But this morning, she was roused from sleep by a commotion that the animals were starting- especially Mercury, whose neighs the loudest.

Her mother was always careful with the animals so they never panicked. Even when Tanya started being around them, they never made this much of a racket and Mercury was as stoic as a horse could manage. Tanya quickly got out of bed and pulled on her shoes while grabbing the hatchet by her bedside before rounding the corner and going out the door connecting the back to the stables. There didn't seem to be anyone there but the chickens and goats wouldn't calm down and Mercury even reared up, neighs becoming frantic.

"Hey come on, there's no one out here," Tanya muttered as she checked the troughs- all filled and none of them had anything suspicious inside, so she stepped out from the shadows of the stable to the shadow of the-

 _Wait a minute._

Tanya stopped where she was as she processed this- she never got up later than ten, even when given a chance to sleep in. Shadows cast by the sun shouldn't be here- hell, it was impossible for shadows to be present where she was standing in the first place! Tanya turned around to find the source-

 _!_

Her mind froze, the blood in her veins ice cold against her skin and the hatchet slipped from her fingers. Before her looming over the rooftop of the stable was a person. No, not a person- a person wasn't over seven meters tall, naked without nipples, navel or genitalia. It's expression was curious as it looked down at her, head cocking to the side and jet black hair falling over it's eyes before a grubby hand began to reach towards her.

Then, her mother was in front of her and smacked the titan's hand away with the hatchet, leaving it stuck in the knuckle. The titan stopped for a moment and Tanya was scooped up and rushed into the house before her mother slammed the door shut and barricaded it.

 _"They're here,"_ her mother rasped as she pulled out a pack. "I have no idea how- but _they're here. The village is overrun."_

Her mind still wouldn't work, nor would her body but her mother's words hit her with a diamond-hard clarity- they were no longer safe.

 _This shouldn't be happening,_ the thought repeated over and over in Tanya's mind. _The titans shouldn't be here in the mountains, not unless-_

Her eyes widened in realization. _Being X did this- he must have! Why else would titans appear right now?!_

But even if the so-called divinity was behind this, it meant little if they couldn't survive- knowing there was no chance for another life after this one did nothing to snap her out of shock. Luckily, Tanya was taken from her thoughts as her mother pulled a dark gray cloak over her form and fastened it into place before giving her the pack, heavy and solid, and a map they used to mark the best places to go down on horse back.

"Get to Mercury and down the mountain- I know you know the way," she said in a low voice as she put down the heaviest kitchen ware on the table. "When I tell you to go, don't look back _no matter what."_

Tanya couldn't speak, could only nod before a shadow crossed over the window and she saw the titan peering inside their house and at them. Her mother kissed her head. "I love you," she rasped. "More than my life."

At that moment, the titan's hand crashed through the wall, reaching for them. Her mother pushed Tanya to the door leading to the stables and grabbed the fire poker sitting in the ashes before ramming it into the titan's hand. Tanya shot out of the room as fast as she could and heard glass shattering behind her, her mother shouting as the titan began to tear apart their home. She reached Mercury and placed her hands on his side, fumbling with the reins and saddle before pulling herself up.

"North path- hurry!" Tanya rasped and Mercury obeyed, running to the path down the mountains. As they went further from the house, Tanya became aware of the screams behind her and the thudding footsteps echoing behind her.

 _Don't look back,_ she repeated in her head. _Just keep going, keep your eyes forward, don't-_

 _"DON'T LEAVE ME!"_

Tanya froze that this anguished scream, already turning to find the source- and saw titans of every shape and size in the town,shuffling in every which way. The townsfolk screamed as one by one, they were shoved into their mouths, limbs cracking underneath teeth and falling past their mouths. Some were even fighting over other people, pulling at their limbs like children arguing over a doll before their limbs were pulled off.

And her mother was in the titan's clutches reaching to her while one arm was trapped, tears and mucus sliding down her face and terror etched in her expression. The titan's grip tightened and her mother went slack before she was tilted over it's mouth. The titan bit through her waist and tore her body in half before tossing the bottom part away as it's teeth mashed down on the torso, red staining it's jaw and chest.

* * *

The previous last part of this chapter is no longer canon.


	4. Enter the Kirsteins

warpterror: It mean the shadow cast by the titan- I edited that bit.

... "bond" is a _strong_ word.

Guest: I'll do my best. Also don't ask for new chapters.

amerdism: It would be, wouldn't it.

Evinco: (Shrugs)

HaloBleachMasseffect: That makes two of us ^^;

Amaspa: :D

The decoy family is indeed called Fritz while the true royal family changed their name to Reiss for whatever reason. As for what path Tanya chooses...

* * *

"Get more flour over here!"

"Do we have any more eggs?!"

"We don't have any more milk, will water do?"

Gaelle Kirstein was in her element as she helped organize the supplies and making food for Wall Rose's newest occupants. It had been a whole week since Wall Maria had been breached by the titans- the two responsible for breaking the walls themselves were named the Colossal titan and Armored titan- and more and more people had begun to flood Wall Rose.

The sight of these poor people coming, having lost their homes, possessions and family and friends had all but broken her heart. Gaelle couldn't sit by and do nothing, so she volunteered to help make food and find shelter for the refugees. She knew her husband and son would be able to manage the house without her and would leave as the sun came up and return long past the time it set.

But even with all of them working together, they could only get one baguette per person- there was just not enough to go around, no matter how much they gathered and made. Wall Maria had held the bulk of humanity's crops and livestock- without it, there just wasn't enough to go around for them or for those who already lived in Wall Rose.

Gaelle refused to let this taint her thoughts or slow her work- she barked orders, hauled ingredients, trained the younger and more easily overwhelmed volunteers and tried to keep the morale up as best she could.

As the sun dipped down into the horizon that day and they had all but run out of materials for food at this point, Gaelle bade her fellow workers and volunteers goodbye.

"Good night, Mrs. Kirstein!" one of the stable boys, Eilian, called to her from where he took care of the animals.

She bade him farewell wearily before heading home. She wondered how they'd feed the refugees now- they could always plant more crops but Wall Rose wasn't nearly as big as Maria, even if they had more hands to help out.

"- great haul!"

"I know, right? I've never seen this much gold before!"

"This horse's pretty sturdy, too."

 _"N-n-n-e-e-e-i-i-i-gh!"_

Some Garrison soldiers- a lanky brunet, stout brunet and red-haired soldier- were surrounding a gray horse- one was trying to keep it from rearing up and running away while two more were shifting through a pack. At any other time, she might have ignored them- however, the tiny figure that they had laid by the wall didn't look any older than her son.

"HEY!"

The three Garrison soldiers looked to the source of the voice, a blond man with slightly curly hair and beard storming over to them. "Really?" he questioned angrily as he swiped the reins from the red-haired soldier to calm the horse down. "Abandoning your posts to steal from a child?"

"Hey, mind your own business!" the stout brunet barked.

"Yeah, a kid doesn't have any business having this stuff anyways," the lanky brunet shrugged. "Probably looted it on the way."

The red-haired soldier sneered at the tiny figure. "'sides, this'll do more good for the people of Rose than this brat. The last thing we need is another body filling up our walls."

 _"At this point, she's nothing but a waste of space."_

And that was the last straw, Gaelle was already pushing past the soldiers to pull the cloak back from the child's face. She really wasn't older than her Jeanie, with short and wavy blonde hair and a cherubic face.

"Hey, what're-" the stout brunet began

"How dare you!" she barked at the soldiers. "How dare you try to steal from _my niece!"_

"Wha-?!" The soldiers were stunned at this.

"My sweet sister's only daughter, they were supposed to come visit a week ago before all of this happened!" she continued as she plucked up the girl and placed her back on the horse's saddle while snatching the food and coins back from their hands.

"H-hey now-" the lanky brunet began before Gaelle pushed her finger right between his eyes. "I have a mind to report all three of you! You're supposed to protect humanity, not steal from their children!"

The red-haired soldier growled at this and grabbed her arm. "Or maybe we could arrest you for stealing Garrison property!"

"Or maybe I could do this."

The blond soldier's fist collided with the red-haired soldier's nose and sent him sprawling. The two brunet soldiers attempted to try and punch back but the blond easily side-stepped them and easily caught the stout brunet's punch before sending his elbow back into the chest of the lanky brunet. He caught Gaelle's eye and narrowed it slightly.

Gaelle nodded back and quickly guided the horse away from the commotion as quickly as she could. She was at once relieved and worried that her house wasn't that far away from the gates.

* * *

Luke Kirstein turned from the window- the sun had long since set and it had been nearly two hours since he tucked his son into bed. The candle on the table had whittled down until it was just an inch away from the holder. Every few moments, he would glance at the door and strain his ears for the sound of footsteps. His eyes began to droop but he forced them open, slapping his face or pinching his arm harshly.

It had been a week since his wife's schedule had changed so drastically- he had the titans breaking into Wall Maria and sending it's people flooding into Rose and his hometown of Trost. Since then, he only saw his wife if he woke early enough to see her leave and if he managed to stay awake long enough to greet her when she returned.

It didn't help that his sleeping schedule had been changed drastically thanks to the new occupants- he would wake up well before the sun rose or kept awake through half the night thanks to the hubbub. He knew this affected Jean as well, as the boy complained about this to him whenever Gaelle was out of earshot- he knew better not to whine when in his mother's presence.

He knew that his wife- bless her soul- was just trying to help them and that she'd be angry if he said it out loud, but Luke sorely wished they'd all just go away. Why did they have to interrupt his life and barge into his hometown?

 _Because of the titans,_ he thought for the umpteenth time, the scowl faltering.

To hear of them in school and from the Survey Corps soldiers visiting family members was one thing- seeing the effects of their rampage was quite another. Now they weren't separated by miles and miles of land but could be camped right outside of his hometown. Just the thought of those things just separated from them by one wall was enough to send icy panic down the dirty blond's veins. What if they broke through again? His home would be overrun by titans and-

Luke shook his head violently to force the thought out. _Don't think about it, don't!_

Eventually, he was able to calm down enough and the light flickered from a stray breeze from the open window- well, there was no chance of him going to sleep any time soon now. At least he'd be able to stay awake long enough to greet Gaelle.

Just then, he heard the quiet creak of someone attempting to sneak downstairs and saw the shadow of his son a ways away. "Can't sleep, son?" he called to him gently.

Jean rubbed at his eyes and adjusted his sleeping shirt as he shook his head. Luke smiled tiredly and patted the chair next to him before his son trudged over and slumped over the table with a frustrated groan, "'s'not fair."

The dirty blond's face softened and gently ruffled Jean's hair. "No," he agreed, "no, it's not fair. But we have to live with it."

His son scowled at this and was about to reply when the door was kicked open. Both jumped at this and turned around to see Gaelle cradling someone in her arms. "Luke, there's a horse outside. Take it to the stables and tell Eilian it's Gaelle's and not to let anyone take it, especially the soldiers- Jeanie, get some spare blankets and start a bath," she said urgently as she came in fully.

Luke had years of obeying his wife's orders that he neither hesitated or asked questions and he was already outside to find a gray horse waiting for him. He had enough years of working stables to know how to lead a horse without too much noise and found the public stables where Eilian was resting.

"Good evening, Mr. Kirstein-" the black-haired stable boy began before Luke made a shushing gesture and the boy quickly became quiet.

"My wife is giving this horse to you to look after- don't let anyone take it, not even the soldiers," Luke said urgently before adding, "her exact words were 'especially the soldiers'."

Eilian nodded, making a zipper motion over his fingers before taking the horse's reins. "Don't worry, you'll be just fine here," he murmured and led it inside.

Luke got back home to see Gaelle helping the girl onto the sofa where Jean had set the blankets. She was barely walking upright and Gaelle helped her lean against her figure before gently easing her down and pulling the blankets over her. Her eyes were a startling blue with the slightest hint of green but dull and unfocused as though she were stuck between dream and lucidity.

"It's okay, you're safe now," Gaelle murmured gently, running a hand through the damp locks. "It's going to be all right..."

Eventually, the girl slumped against the sofa asleep and curled in the blankets, breathing low but constant. Jean stood a little ways away, watching them with a confused and upset expression.


	5. Nightmare Fuel

amerdism: To be fair, the anime leaves out more of her sympathetic traits from the light novel source and manga adaption. As for losing her mother, anyone would be thrown off by that- canon! Tanya was born an orphan so she didn't have the chance to have that bond.

Mikasa's shown plenty of effort- she earned her place in the top ten because of her dedication and strength.

warpterror: Tanya is ten at this point, same age as the Zhiganshina trio and Jean, as well as the same age she was in canon in the early episodes.

Perhaps, but this isn't canon! Tanya who used magic to get her ranking and went on to fight a war. This Tanya has no such tools at her disposal and lost something that she never expected to grow attached to, or expected to lose.

OSR fanatic: I'm happy you like the story, but don't ask for updates okay?

Tracitus: See above statement.

Guest: Actually, the X number of X will be used in a different story of mine :)

* * *

Gaelle had been able to put Jean to bed, apologizing for not being able to come home often- this at another time would have been enough for the boy, but the arrival of the strange girl made him less receptive. "I'll make it up to you, Jeanie- I promise," she murmured at last, kissing his forehead- he didn't reply and just curled beneath the covers.

When she came back downstairs, Luke was waiting for her and the girl was thankfully still asleep, her pack resting against the sofa and her body curled into a ball around the blankets. Her husband pulled her into a tight hug which she gladly returned before sitting down at the table with him. "A refugee?"

"Yes- some soldiers were trying to steal her money, food and horse," Gaelle affirmed. "Luckily, another soldier helped stop them and I was able to get them away before anything else happened."

She looked a little sheepish before adding, "I may have also told them she was my maternal niece and that their family was planning on visiting anyways."

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose at this. "Gaelle, I am proud of you stepping in to help, but provoking those soldiers was _not wise_. Did they recognize you?"

"I'm not sure, it wasn't as dark as it is now but the sun had already set- they didn't bother to take off her cloak, so that's a small mercy that they won't recognize her," the brunette said with a frown before sighing. "I know you're angry with me for not being careful-"

"I'm _not_ angry- I'm just concerned. We might get arrested if they try to make it look like you were the aggressor."

 _"I know that could happen-"_ Gaelle cut herself off to look at the sleeping blonde. "Luke, I _couldn't_ just leave her like that."

The two fell silent at this.

"What are we going to do with her?" Luke finally asked. "We can't support two children."

"No, we can't. But we can offer her work should things get worse," Gaelle compromised.

"Fair enough."

* * *

 _The sun filtered in through the windows as Tanya walked in from her bedroom. She tidied up as she always did, though there wasn't much- she and her mother were both clean by habit, but it never hurt to be sure._

 _She entered the stables where the goats and were tied and the chickens inside the wicker cages. Tanya distributed the grainy feed to both animals before refiling their troughs. After cleaning the muck and feces from the stables and bringing in more hay, Tanya went inside and washed her hands and face, scrubbing over the skin._

 _When her hands came back, they were bright red. She blinked in surprise at this before she felt something hot and thick drip down on her head from above, the stuff running down her face and dripping onto her shoes. Tanya looked up to see the black-haired, curious-looking titan above her, the upper half of her mother's body between it's teeth._

 _"Don't leave me," she said, voice clear and pronounced as her hand reached to Tanya's face, cupping it gently._

* * *

 _She gasped as she bolted upright on Mercury's back, the gray horse galloping full speed down the mountain trail. Her face was wet and raw and stung from the wind and cold. She could hear the footsteps, booming and shaking, behind them._

 _The titan- face and chest still stained- leaped over them and landed on the outlook over the path, hands reaching for her. Mercury screamed and galloped at full speed, hooves almost slipping on the stones. Tanya could feel the tailwind as the hand barely missed her, her hair ruffling._

 _The trail was growing steeper- she could see the tops of the trees below them. But the titan kept following them, scrambling over the rocks and path like a spider. Mercury kept his footing, his hooves clapping against the stone even when it became grains of sand and slipped beneath him._

 _The titan stumbled and fell on it's face, but the action caused the stone to break away and begin to roll towards them. Tanya grabbed for the reins to spurn Mercury faster but the gray horse was already picking up speed as he galloped down the path. As the titan tried to go after them, more rocks fell and trapped it but caused a much larger avalanche. Mercury needed no prompting to go faster._

* * *

 _She was back in bed, blinking blearily as the sun shone through the cracked glass of her window. She cleaned the house like always, even if it never got truly messy- she and her mother were always tidy, but it was better safe than sorry._

 _She went into the stables and cleaned out the stables, replacing the hay and refilling the troughs with grain and water before she pulled out the tool kit and began to repair the fence where Mercury used to be and rewired the chicken coop. She didn't bother going inside, using the pump outside to splash water on her face._

 _She recoiled from the unexpected hotness of the water before red flickered before her eyes as blood flowed from the pump, her face and hands caked in the stuff. The pump was no longer connected to the ground but to her mother's belly, right where her torso ended._

 _"Don't leave me," she said, voice loud and flat, hands grabbing at her pants and legs as the blood seeped into her clothes._

* * *

 _The night obscured everything and Tanya couldn't sleep, eyes wide and darting too and fro from where she huddled in the abandoned house while clutching a discarded fire poker, Mercury tied to the window post. Her body ached from the ride, her mind was too exhausted to even form a coherent thought but the terror kept her from sleep._

 _She stayed awake even as the sun loomed over the horizon and she stumbled to Mercury only for the horse to star neighing frantically and pulling at the reins. Tanya looked behind to see the eye of another titan- bright blue- peering inside at them. If Tanya hadn't been awake before, she was now and brandished the fire poker clumsily as it's hand began to claw at the house._

 _Mercury reared up and galloped past the titan and around the house, who spared him no glance as it tore at the walls more to get to Tanya. She ran to the back, trying to find another exit anywhere until she came to the kitchen window. She shattered the glass and squeezed herself through even s glass cut at her hands and face, heart leaping to her mouth when her foot kicked back as the titan's finger brushed against it momentarily._

 _She nearly landed on her head but managed to roll to cushion her fall. Mercury was running to her and she jumped to get on his saddle, pulling herself up as he broke into a gallop._

* * *

 _She sat up in bed, fully awake- her bedroom was destroyed and a hole gaped through the wall where her door used to be. She got up and started to sweep the rubble she could away while clearing a path for herself. The rest of the house was in rubble, she could barely recognize it._

 _Nevertheless, she kept picking up the bits and pieces of stone and put it back in the walls before checking on the stables- the chickens, goats and Mercury were gone. She still upended the troughs and cleaned out the mucked hay before heading back inside._

 _The titan was squatting over the kitchen table and holding a large knife over her mother before beginning to chop her into tiny pieces and popping them into it's mouth. "Don't leave me," the pieces said together, swarming around her._

* * *

 _She didn't look behind, she knew from the thumping footsteps behind them that the titans were still on their trail. Mercury kept going despite that, hooves thundering against the ground. All she could do was hold onto him and hope that the gray horse could keep out-running it- a great, looming wall was just ahead of them, they were so close._

 _The sun was setting, it'd only be a few more minutes before it disappeared under the horizon. She spurned Mercury forward- however, the gray horse was beginning to lose speed. He had been going at breakneck speeds for a week now with little to no rest each day, just as she was._ _The titans were nearing them both, grubby hands trying to grab at her and one of them tried to grab at Mercury once._

 _They were so close now, if they could keep out of their reach just long enough. Then, the sun disappeared and the titans began to slow down until they had all stopped running. Tanya could have screamed for joy if she wasn't so tired as they got further and further away and finally reached the walls._ _She pulled herself up, even with her body weak and weary, and screamed, "Open up! Please, let me in!"_

 _But that took the last of her energy and she collapsed against Mercury as she heard the grinding of stone and gear..._

* * *

 _"This is your fault, you know."_

 _Her mother was at the kitchen sink as she chopped up her leg and fed the bits to the chickens and goats._ _"You're the one who goaded him into sending you here, the one who assumed everything would be smooth sailing. So he acted in order to strengthen your faith- and I paid the price."_

 _She ripped her own leg off and wagged it in Tanya's face. "Aren't you going to say anything?" her mother asked, head cocked to the side as she slowly morphed into the titan from before. "You speak of rationality, of logic, yet you would deny both because what's happening in front of your eyes doesn't match your world view?"_

 _Her mother took the knife and ran it through her mid-section, cutting through the bone and sinew before her pelvis crashed into the floor and the titan's jaw scooped up the rest of her body._

 _"Your pride killed me,."_

 _And the jaws smashed down, turning Tanya's vision red._

* * *

 **"Enough."**


	6. Revolving perspectives

Amaspa: They don't show much of Jean's dad in either manga or anime, so I took some liberties with his character.

... 'superior entities?'

warpterror: Thank you.

Dead Pann: 1- The anime is great, but they made Susumu/Tanya's character a lot more antagonistic and took out several of his/her more altruistic thoughts and actions.

I used to be catholic- now I'm cautiously agnostic.

2- a mother is someone that one can connect with easily, even if there's bad blood in between and things you will never, ever agree on or if the other has done things you will never condone and/or forgive (Not that I would know about that) and I'm happy that it makes you smile :)

3- No, they weren't hitting on her, they were suggesting where she could go if she ever got a boy/girlfriend ^^;

... (Rubs hands together gleefully)

4- That was Hannes. Also, they didn't knock her out, she fell unconscious when she entered the walls. They were just divvying up the spoils they found on her.

5- She is a bit taller than in canon, as canon! Tanya grew up malnourished and Ogat! Tanya had a much better diet.

Thank you :D I enjoyed reading all of your reviews.

Acerman: Ax dwarf...?

Honestly, I think her titan form would look identical to Annie's.

amerdism: I have been battling sickness and my laptop has been in the shop- I'm only just getting back into the groove of things.

* * *

Jean scowled as he looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Another morning where he woke up too early and was still dead tired. _Stupid people, stupid titans, stupid everything, stupid girl..._

The night before played in his mind again and again- his mom had come home with a _girl._ Jean may not have kept track of his relatives well, but he knew that that girl was no cousin of his. So why did his mom say that she was and that they'd be keeping an eye on her?

 _So she's got time to take in and take care of some random girl, but not enough time to come home to her family?_ he thought bitterly. _It's not fair..._

That was when he heard the screams. He nearly shouted in surprise before trying to pinpoint their location, realizing they were coming from downstairs. The girl from last night was writhing on the couch, eyes wide and face stretched in horror and despair. His mom and dad showed up right behind him and his mother tried to calm her down only for the girl's screams to rise in pitch and tears start to stream down her eyes alarmingly fast- she scratched and pushed at his mom's face but she still held onto the girl tightly.

Jean couldn't tear his eyes away from this. It took his dad to firmly tug him away from the scene and escape upstairs to their room. He was more used to having his mom comfort him, but his dad held him just as tightly and he him. The screams slowly began to recede in volume and intensity and became hiccuping cries before becoming silent all together.

His dad didn't leave his side until his mom came upstairs, red scratch marks on her arms, face and neck. His dad quickly went to her side. "Are you all right?"

"She's asleep again," she said, expression worried. "Luke, we can't let her go back to the other refugees in the state she's in."

"Gaelle, she attacked you!"

"She was panicking- she didn't know who we were or where she was."

"We can't support her!"

"We can't just abandon her! What if someone takes advantage of her?"

Jean shrank back from his parents as they continued to argue and ran out of his room before they could notice. He didn't want to hear this, didn't want to see his mom and dad fighting like they were. He went out to the back of his house in the alleyway, eyes squeezed shut and hands over his ears as he tried to block out their voices.

This isn't fair, this isn't fair, kept repeating in his head.

His parents never fought, not beyond teasing and snarking. But now, they were almost yelling at each other and _it was all because of that damn girl-_

 _"Oof-!"_

Someone collided with his knee and sent pain right through the limb before he heard them crash to the ground. Jean yelped in surprise at the pain, clutching his knee. That had been the last straw.

"WILL YOU WATCH-?!" Jean began to bellow before he saw who had bumped into him.

It was another girl, with silky black hair and eyes the same color, fair skin and pink lips, trying to put in some bruised apples and baguettes back in the knapsack she had. Jean stared stunned at the girl for a moment before her hand brushed against his foot while trying to get the apple by the appendage.

"H-hey!" he began to call after her, but she didn't answer, already running down the alleyway.

He was on his feet a second later, running after the girl. Only problem was that she was so fast, he could barely catch sight of her each time they rounded a corner- only the sound of her feet and the brief glance of her back kept Jean on the right track. When he rounded the next corner, Jean was startled to find she had vanished.

 _Where did she go?!_ he thought, frantically looking wherever he could before he heard a scuffling and realized where he had turned.

The stables were around this area and most people mistook it for a dead end because of the stone walls. Jean calmed down a bit and slowly crept towards the corner of the wall. The girl knelt by two boys, one a timid blond with blue eyes and the other a brunet with bright green eyes.

"- insane?!" the blond hissed. "You could have been hurt- you know that stealing rations..."

"It doesn't matter," the girl said, voice low and determined. "We need this food," and began to divide it up between them, giving the two boy's the lion's share of the loaves and dirty apples.

However, the brunet grabbed one of the loaves of bread and stuffed into the girl's mouth before she could protest. "You told me not to starve- and now I'm telling you the same."

The girl remained silent but accepted the dirty food, eating it with the same vigor he and the blond did. Jean blinked as he watched the three eat- it was obvious they were refugees, just from the unkempt state of their clothes and hair and the fact that the girl had apparently stolen rations. Did they really have no where to stay but in the stables?

Suddenly, he was yanked back by the back of his shirt harshly. Jean was about to exclaim before he saw blue-gray eyes- Eilian looked at his with an arched eyebrow questioningly. After a few moments of looking back at each other, Jean went back the way he came while the stable boy stared after him.

* * *

When he came back home, his mom had burst through the door to see him. "Jeanie!" she cried in relief and pulled him into a tight hug. "Where have you been?!"

The boy was caught off guard by this, he hadn't thought he'd be missed. "I... went out walking," he said, not lying.

"Don't just leave without telling me or your father," she told him firmly but not without some gentleness. "We couldn't find you anywhere, we didn't know where you went..."

Knowing that they had worried about him made him feel relieved- they hadn't stopped loving him or paying attention to him because of her. "I'm sorry."

"I know," his mom sighed and motioned him inside. "I was just about to get lunch started."

He nodded to this, knowing she expected him to help. When they went inside, Jean saw the blonde girl curled up on the couch with the blankets covering her form. Irritation bit at him before he remembered the raven-haired girl and the two boys inside the stable with the food.

"What are you going to do with her?" he asked softly.

"... she'll be staying here for the time being," his mom said, expression pensive but determined. "I hope you won't mind, Jeanie-"

"It's fine," he said, much to his own surprise.

* * *

The days that passed in the Kirstein household din't change much, despite the nervous energy surrounding Trost. Gaelle still worked as hard as she did before to help the refugees and was gone from sunrise to far past sunset.

This time however, Jean didn't mind as much- thinking of the girl living in the stables with the two boys, having to content themselves with so little food, made him feel guilty over his anger towards the refugees. It certainly didn't mean that he still wanted them around, but he knew he couldn't change what had happened or their situation.

The girl that Gaelle brought in stayed with them as she promised, but only so far that she had a place to sleep for the night. All refugees were called to help cultivate the land and grow new crops and, girl was called along with them. Jean also saw the same girl and two boys being rounded up for work as well. She and Gaelle would leave around the same time and return late at night.

Jean barely saw the girl beyond those times- whenever he did see her, it was when she was asleep, curled up and burrowed deep into the blankets on the couch. There were also times that he found the girl curled in the darkest corners of the house, as though she were trying to hide from the world. She never said a word, not even giving her name, her startling blue eyes always staring through whatever was in front of her.

It was honestly a little unnerving and rather sad and Jean found he could feel something like pity for her. He didn't know what she had experienced inside Wall Maria, but looking at the state the girl was in, he honestly didn't want to know.

* * *

And then, a proclamation was issued- all refugees would be called to be conscripted into an army in order to retake Wall Maria.

* * *

I am so sorry for taking this long- I have not only been sick as a dog, but my computer has been in the shop because of some problems. I only just got it back and have been trying to get back into the groove of things.


	7. Hope and despair

Necromancy94: I do my best.

Acerman: It's more of a transitional chapter than anything, used to offer Jean a different perspective.

Chaos Ditcher: I've been swamped- and even if I wasn't, I can't constantly update whenever people tell me to.

Guest: You say not to worry and then you demand more chapters from me -_-

ThatGreenDooredBookshop: Thank you kindly- I wanted to try and humanize her and using one of SnK's biggest strengths: how Isayama uses pure fear against his characters.

warpterror: That stable doesn't belong to Jean's family, his family just happens to know the stable boy there. Also, it's a strain to let Tanya live there already and Jean doesn't know the trio outside of spying on them.

Emperor Palps: Your screen name brings up images of the Villain Pub :D

Also thanks.

Ulydace: Thank you kindly.

chaosrin: Hmm...

Jupiter's Bull: Thank you- I did what I could to get as good a grip on Tanya's character as I could, taking from the light novel source, manga and anime alike. I'm really happy you enjoy my story and will continue to do my best.

Lewascan2: (Rolls away)

OBSERVER01: Meduka Meguka?

* * *

The scream tore itself out of Tanya's throat before she could stop it. Even when she tried to take a breath, another ripped itself out of her and more followed. She couldn't stop, it was out of her control.

 _She had no control._

That thought terrified her even more, making her screams raise their pitch. She could faintly hear voices around her, one frantic and childish, the others more gentle and firm. Two stout arms wrapped around her tightly, hands rubbing at her back and hair.

"It's okay now, you're safe," the voice, a woman murmured.

Tanya stiffened involuntarily at this, eyes widening as she saw her mother overlap with this woman before she remembered the last time she saw her. The crunch of teeth was audible in her ears and she could still see the half of her mother's body being tossed away, red staining the titan's jaw and chest-

Her next scream became more strangled and she couldn't stop the tears sliding down her face as she faced the undeniable truth. No where was safe, the titans would come and eat everyone. Being X would pave the way and use them to take away anything she tried to gain or make, all the for the sake of instilling his twisted version of faith in her.

With this in her mind, Tanya had truly given up- if she couldn't even survive and flourish without that bastard coming in and knocking down everything, then she couldn't get the motivation to even try. Her hatred, her spite, it was all so tiny and useless in the face of the titans- what could she do against them?

These people- the Kirsteins- gave her a place to stay, but she felt even more trapped here than if she were on her own. She couldn't look Gaelle in the eye and her husband and son were so foreign to her, she couldn't exert the effort to even interact with them. She was actually relieved that she could go out and do something, even if it was physical labor that child protection agencies in her world would tear their hair out at her engaging in it.

But the work gave her something to distract her, the repetitive movements commanded much of her time and energy. It soon became her haven and she feared returning to the Kirstein household, feared falling asleep and being trapped within the dark recesses of her mind.

Then, the proclamation was issued- calling all refugees forward to serve as soldiers in an army to take back Wall Maria.

* * *

"This is ridiculous! She's a child and my niece! _You can't do this!"_ Gaelle shouted as she was held back by one of the brunet soldiers.

Soldiers were coming daily to pull in refugees, taking them from their lean-tos and tents and stables to prepare to head out. Tanya wasn't surprised when a group of soldiers, those she dimly recognized from when she first made it into Wall Rose, came for her while she was resting alongside Gaelle.

"The proclamation is calling for all available refugees to fight for humanity- would you defy the king's orders for such selfish reasons?" the red-haired man asked with a barely repressed sneer.

Tanya didn't bat an eye or move as the stout woman tried to fight against the soldiers only to be back-handed before the blonde was pulled away. She didn't struggle or resist as she was dumped with the other people being rounded up. There were only a few Survey Corps soldiers with them, all on horseback and with their weapons on the ready.

The refugees were drilled in on the titans' weakness and possible strategies to use when facing them, despite not having the 3D maneuvering gear. Tanya barely listened, this just a recap of what she already knew and it only added to her depression. What use were these if the soldiers who fought even at peak condition were killed regularly? How could they survive if they had so much less, let alone take back Wall Maria?

Many of them had no weapons or supplies, just the clothes on their backs. Some had pitchforks, axes, knives. Some elected to carry flags holding the Survey Corps emblem, though Tanya suspected they had these to use as weapons or distractions rather than an actual symbol. One of the younger soldiers tried to give her and the teens there some weapons as well.

"Now I know these don't look like much," she said, gesturing to the blunted and beaten tools before them, "but they're far better than nothing."

Tanya ended up with a blunt ax with half a handle but her hands clutched around it tightly. Her mind wandered as the solider kept talking, not bothering to listen. The nickering of the Survey Corps horses drew her attention and she wondered what would happen to Mercury with her gone. The Kirsteins were short money and food, it wouldn't surprise her if they sold him or ate him. But the thought of losing him, all she had left of her old life and the reminder of what she had, only made her feel worse.

"We'll be leaving tomorrow early in the morning- get plenty of rest," the solider finished, albeit half-heartily when she saw the flat gazes on her.

The blonde wandered off to sit at the edge of the makeshift camp, having no desire to be around people- which would soon prove futile as she saw more and more refugees being herded over to them. Eventually, she found a small corner in the trees by them that she could hide away from the world, still clutching the ax to her. Some sat down and stared into space like her while other pleaded to be let go- one poor woman tried to run away only to be caught and beaten by the Garrison soldiers.

Some still had a look of determination in their eyes, fists tightened and postures resolute. They were the ones to had their heads held high, they were the ones who asked to be trained, they were the ones who demanded better weapons if they had any chance against the titans. Tanya felt disgust towards them curl her stomach, the only emotion that wasn't dead and gone inside her now.

Many they might be, they were ants to those monsters. What chance did they have, untrained and undisciplined, when the soldiers best suited to killing the titans still lost so many with the right equipment and weapons?

She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard someone stepping her way- she looked up and saw an old man with long gray hair and beard, blue-gray eyes, with a warm brown jacket hanging from his shoulders. "They'll be giving out food soon, little miss," he said gently.

Tanya blinked, stomach rumbling harshly. But the thought of imminent death didn't lend enough motivation to move from her spot. The old man went away after seeing she wasn't going to be getting up. The blonde just curled up tighter, clutching the ax harder to her as she watched the soldiers bringing out loaves of bread and a pot of water for the refugees.

Her stomach rumbled again and Tanya winced at the noise and the hollow feeling inside her body, as well as the stiffness of her limbs becoming more acute. But it still wasn't enough motivation to move and she curled further into herself as she watched a fight break between some of the refugees between the rations, spilling the pot of water.

"Here."

She looked up to see the same old man hold out half a baguette and a can of water to her. Tanya blinked owlishly at this, a large part of her yelling to either knock it out of his hands to spite him or just keep ignoring the old man. But her stomach rumbled even louder and the empty feeling in her stomach became more uncomfortable and she accepted both.

Regret set in almost immediately as she took the first bite, the bread stale and hard enough to make her teeth ache. The old man knelt by her and said, "Try splashing some of your water on it- it softens it up quite nicely."

Tanya obeyed, carefully pouring a few drops and taking a bite- now it tasted like soggy bread and her gag reflex kicked in at the texture, but it was softer so she could eat it properly. But it barely filled her stomach and the food and drink now sat like stones inside. She cast the old man a flat stare and curled up where she was again, hoping he'd leave if she just ignored him.

"Hard to believe that they would conscript a child here," he said, expression soft with sympathy.

The blonde buried her head into her knees, a groan of annoyance in her throat. Why wouldn't this old man leave her be to ruminate in existential despair?!

 _ **"Yo** u di **d w** hat yo **u co** uld to **survive,"**_ the old man said, voice sounding strangely disoriented but determined and certain.

Tanya looked up and her eyes widened at seeing his eyes now a brighter shade of blue- and before her eyes, they changed to red. _"A **mother** **w** ould do **anyt** hin **g for** her **child** ,"_ he said, the distortion changing his voice yet still remaining familiar, yet gentle and compassionate.

The blonde leaped to her feet- was this Being X?! But whoever this was sounded so different from him, and the people he used to talk didn't change their eye colors of their voices! So who was this?!

The old man's eyes turned green and placed a hand on her shoulder, making her startle at the touch. _"This is **not y** our doi **ng,"**_ he said, voice refined and elegant. _ **"Th** ey wo **uld ha** ve co **me** to Par **adis** wit **h or** without_ **his** _interf **erence."**_

Tanya felt the air leave her lungs as though she had been punched in the stomach. "Wait, what do you mean?!" she cried out, grabbing the old man by his jacket.

But the green glow left the old man's eyes and they returned to their blue-gray coloring. He blinked in confusion at seeing her in front of him but then pulled her into a tight hug. "I know this is frightening and overwhelming- I know nothing I say will make it better," he said gently before kneeling in front of her so they could see eye-to-eye. "But you are not alone in this."

The blonde stared stunned at this, her chest clogged with emotion she couldn't put a name to and her eyes burning with the sensation of tears. She recoiled back, trying to wipe them away harshly but more and more kept coming. The old man didn't embrace her again but his hand settled on her head, ruffling her hair comfortingly.

The reality hadn't changed, she was still being forced to fight with no way out, the grief concerning her mother hadn't faded in the slightest and she still didn't have the motivation she used to. But her heart was full and her mind had received it's first kick back into full gear.

* * *

Sorry for the wait, folks. Real Life continues to rear it's head and **The Depression** continues to sap away at my muse. But good lord, I don't think I've ever recieved so many reviews for one chapter 0_0;;


	8. Leaving for Maria

ThatGreenDooredBookstore: Well, then I did my job.

Haha, all of those assumptions are wrong - well, most of them.

I do my best ^_^

Emperor Palps: :D

Fireflyeleven: Yes, they are that petty- and if someone protested, they'd say it was her honor to fight for humanity and shut them down.

Guest: Why thank you.

Acerman: "Haunted"- that's not one I've used. Thank you for pointing that out.

amerdism: Tanya hasn't joined anything- the refugees were essentially ordered to go out and die so that Wall Rose wouldn't be so crowded.

Fro: Things... are as all right as they can be.

 **The Depression** is different for everyone and mine is more or less brought on my by my anxiety concerning my family, work and personal affairs, the general state of the world right now and winter.

Ulydace: Not a problem.

Jupiter's Bull: It helps more than you think, and writing has always been something that makes me feel better. Thank you.

Angels, eh?

tentaclecat: That does sound rather repetitive ^^;

I will endeavor to do my best as always U_U

chaosrin: I think anybody in her shoes would react similarly. As for her being conscripted, it was the soldiers acting out of spite.

Lewascan2: One of the things I didn't like in Youjo Senki was the magic- it made things too simple, at least from my point of view. But you're definitely right in Tanya's potential for great and terrible things when motivated.

The 250,000 refugees being sent were supposed to fight, but it was mainly to make the population dwindle so that everyone wouldn't starve.

General: This isn't the world Being X sent her to in canon, the anime-Tanya was far more bloodthirsty and cold than her original characterization and most of Ogat!Tanya's is buried under crushing grief, horror, despair, demoralization and various other negative emotions.

Guest: Indeed, her origins are different and therefore her development will be different.

* * *

Tanya flinched as someone shook her awake, wincing as she pulled herself up from where she had been curled on the ground. The old man followed her example, bones cracking rather ominously. She rubbed at her eyes, the movement making the old man's brown jacket slide from her frame- she barely managed to catch it before it hit the grass.

Today was the day they would be marching into Wall Maria.

The sun had not yet risen, but titans apparently "slept" during the night just as humans did- or at least, weren't as active during the day. So the plan was to leave in groups before the sun rose so they wouldn't be slaughtered the second they left the walls- Tanya doubted they'd be able to get everyone out before the sun rose and hoped she and the old man would be among the first to leave, or at least before the sun was in the air.

As they were organized into their groups led by the soldiers, Tanya held the ax to her tightly- it was better than nothing. If panic broke out between the refugees, she'd have a weapon, and even the pain could distract a titan for a few seconds. She didn't want to die, not without answers from whoever had used the old man to speak with her.

 _His eyes changed color from blue, to red, to green,_ she thought as she walked down with her own group. _The distortion over his voice was different each time too- were those three different people talking to me? And who were they? Beings like_ him?

Her grip on the ax handle tightened, the taste of copper filling her mouth as her teeth ground down on the inside of her gums. Being X had taken her away from her world, dumped her in this one and ripped away what she had allowed into her heart- there was no chance in hell or anywhere else that she would worship him, not even to save herself.

But the moment she thought of that, the memory of her mother's death came back. The crunch of the titan's teeth on her bones as it ripped her body in half, her blood staining it's chest as it tossed away the lower half of her body, and Tanya wasn't so sure anymore. Her grip on the ax handle turned her knuckles white and she felt the old man ruffle her hair gently- her grip relaxed, just a touch.

Each group was led by Survey Corps soldiers, each given a speech of how brave they were and how they honored humanity. Tanya wondered if they believed the words coming out of their mouth, not even bothering to listen- she had already heard what was necessary to fight and survive. She had dismissed it yesterday but she was deeply relieved that she remembered what they had said.

 _I called them a joke, a way to decrease the surplus population,_ Tanya thought ruefully, _and now I'm going to be one of the thousands who're chosen to do just that. True irony at one of it's finest._

She could see the sun slowly creeping up, turning the sky from jet black with dark purple with lighter shades of magenta on the horizon. She fidgeted with the ax handle, becoming more nervous as more sunlight crept over the sky, but she and her group were finally called on to leave. They shuffled out of their camp and into the streets, where the windows of the houses were open to watch the procession and some came out themselves to watch.

They said nothing, at least nothing Tanya could make out, but their eyes made her bristle and she felt a deep resentment to them all. How dare they come out here and gawk at them like they were some spectacle when they were going out to die, just so they wouldn't starve?

 _They should be on their hands and knees, thanking us for what we're about to do,_ she thought, jaw clenched tightly in fury. _Or at least respectful enough to leave us be._

They reached the gate and the stone creaked as it was slowly pulled up, revealing the outside of Wall Rose. The Survey Corps soldiers ushered them out, expressions grim and resigned. Tanya's stomach was twisting itself into knots as their procession pushed her closer and then underneath the arch of the wall before she caught the faint scent of grass.

They had entered Wall Maria.

Tanya's feet began to slow, the sounds drowned out by her heart pounding against her ribcage and filling her ears. A gentle hand gripped her shoulder and Tanya gasped at the pressure before turning back, eyes wide at the old man- his gaze was solemn and resolute. There was no comfort in the gesture or his gaze, only meant to bring her back to her senses. He knew just as she did that there was no chance of them avoiding going out of the walls and no chance of escape.

All they could was try to keep their heads and try to die with some dignity.

* * *

Eilian yawned a bit before wrapping his coat tighter around him and continued to brush the gray stallion he had been given indefinite care of- if it wasn't for his experience, he'd be put off at how the discomfort Mercury was clearly showcasing.

"Shh..." he murmured, gently running his hand over the horse's side to calm him. "It'll be all right..."

Mrs. Kirstein had asked him to take care of him and not let anyone take or attempt to buy him while his master recovered, signing the necessary lease and paying in that time. He had agreed in order to shelter the fine horse, that had the build of Survey Corps horses and the same temperament. He had received several similar proposals from breeders and soldiers and merchants- even then, it wasn't too uncommon that children had also asked, inheriting them from an old or dead relative. They would either keep a steady payment for food and supplies for their horses, or Eilian would pick up the slack so that they wouldn't be in discomfort- it was hardly the horses' fault their masters were misers or just plain stupid.

Regardless, Eilian saw little chance of the gray stallion being taken care of, even if the Kirsteins put aside the money. The expenses for supporting horses were nothing to laugh at and many people under-estimated how much care they needed to thrive. He had seen them waste away in the stables, abandoned by their masters. He did everything he could for them with his own salary, but the lack of money would always ensure their deaths.

That was no end befitting them, certainly not one for a horse of the Survey Corps.

Eilian shook his head, banishing his thoughts- he could think of several better things to do rather than stew in what he knew was inevitable. As he finished brushing Mercury's mane, he heard the familiar footsteps of army-issued boots and feet that were very comfortable in them. He closed his eyes for a moment while taking a breath and then looked up.

"Working hard or hardly working, Maddox?" the red-haired soldier drawled casually.

"Officer Driscoll," Eilian greeted the soldier carefully- he didn't seem drunk this time but Eilian did not care for the sleazy confidence he seemed to always project, nor how he always walked about like anything he set his eyes on was his for the taking.

Especially when he had his eyes locked on Mercury.

Eilian remembered Mrs. Kirstein emphasizing not to let any soldiers try to take him and he shifted his stance so that he stood in front of the gray stallion and had a hand on the fence and the loose post that would come free with a good yank. Mercury neighed sharply, hooves beating on the ground as he struggled against the stall.

"It's okay, he won't..." Eilian began to murmur before stopping as Driscoll was mere feet from them both.

"New blood, Maddox? Looks like a strong one," the red-haired soldier remarked.

"Thank you, sir," Eilian said, grip tightening on the post. "His owner is very proud of him."

"I bet they are. However, it looks like they were conscripted into the army to go and retake Wall Maria," the soldier sighed faux-sadly before out-stretching his hand. "They said they'd like it that their noble steed not waste away, but continue to serve humanity the best way possible."

Eilian's eyes narrowed as Mercury's neighs took a frantic tone. "I'm very sorry sir, but I require written permission to transfer ownership," he said before adding, "Besides, this horse's ownership has already been taken up."

It was technically true, considering Mrs. Kirstein's apparent stake in the gray stallion's master and his own that he always took with the horses in his care.

Driscoll's eyes narrowed at this and Eilian tensed as the hard lines pressed his expression into a scowl- one that always had a fight and/or arrest break out afterwards. "You do know the penalty for lying to an officer, don't you?" he asked, reaching for a knife that Eilian was not confident he could dodge. "If not-"

His sentence was cut off when Mercury reared up with a scream and his front hooves smashed against the door of the stall, breaking it open. Driscoll's eyes widened as he began to run at the gray stallion but Mercury's hooves smashed right into him, the impact sending him sprawling against the alley wall. Eilian stared stunned at the way Driscoll's head hung from his neck, eyes glazed over and dead as the gray stallion dashed down the pathway towards the streets.

* * *

Eilian is one of the people who prefer to interact with humans as little as possible and spend their time with animals.

Happy (various) Holidays!


	9. Murphy's Law

ThatGreenDooredBookShop: That would be telling, I'm afraid ^_^

Nerf585: Patience is a virtue, my young padawan :)

Acerman: Horses have long-term memory- Mercury remembered Burrows as one of the soldiers who assaulted him and his master.

Guest: I'm glad the build-up was to your liking :)

chaosrin: He remembered enough to make an excuse for getting Mercury- as Eilian has established, horses are worth their weight in gold.

Lewascan2: When one is in a position of power, sometimes it goes to their heads- it's been shown in SnK effectively and I hope I showed it well enough here. Burrows is the kind of person that when given power, believe that they are entitled to whatever they please. He saw Mercury and someone carrying food and coin and decided he deserved it more than Tanya.

Originally, I had Eilian being possessed by "Being-Z" as you call them (ALOLA INTENSIFIES) but then decided not to since it halted the story. Also, Mercury is male.

As for how things go down, you'll just have to wait and see.

MOTHER RUSSIA AND WALL TITANS INTENSIFIES

Tracitus: You see?

* * *

Tanya's hands shook to the point where it was hard to keep holding her ax, wincing from the morning sun's rays. The old man was beside her, clumsy bandages holding his arm against a splint, eyes hazy with pain.

 _Dammit..._

* * *

 _Their group continued down the beaten path before them, the sun slowly but surely creeping up in the east as they made their way. One good thing about this endeavor was the fact that each group already had a destination and a place to take cover in- theirs was the district just a few miles south from Trost, Ruhe. On the way there were several trees and an odd farmhouse that served as ideal cover._

 _This did nothing to calm Tanya, remembering how the titan before had ripped apart the house just to get to her mother. Unless there were cellars or tunnels underneath or if the titans lost interest, the houses would serve as little more than a distraction and potentially trapping them further._

 _They moved quickly, the Survey Corps soldiers urging them on as the sun rose higher and chased away the night. Tanya was torn between running up ahead and keeping her pace even with the old man so that they wouldn't get separated. Already, thoughts of being attacked en-route and watching everyone be eaten up close and personal were attacking her and try as she might, Tanya couldn't banish them- especially when she fully believed that this would happen._

 _But they had yet to encounter titans- they had seen some shapes of them in the distance but they either hadn't noticed them or just chose to ignore them. Just the thought of those things looking over them like they were ants and all they had to do was decide to pay attention to them made cold fear and seething rage battle inside of Tanya._

 _Despite her fears, they had made it to Ruhe without being noticed. Seeing civilization again made some of her fear abate somewhat and the old man smiled softly in relief. They still had a plan- albeit full of holes and with many ways that could go horribly wrong- and cover- if the titans didn't think of ripping open the buildings and if they had cellars- but it was still something._

 _"I can't do this."_

There it is, _she couldn't help thinking as a brunet a few years older than her stop, eyes wide and terrified. "I can't do this," he said again, voice becoming high-pitched and defiant. "I won't."_

 _"Hey now," a dark-haired Survey Corps soldier began, directing her horse over to the brunet only for him to point at her and exclaim in a shrill voice,_ "This is all your fault! If you had just done your damn jobs, we wouldn't be out here!"

 _Tanya felt her blood run cold as the brunet kept shrieking- was he trying to get them noticed by the titans?! Already the refugees were trying to quiet him down but the brunet's voice only grew in volume._

"I'm not gonna let you use me like a meat-shield! I WON'T, I WON'T, I WON'T-"

 _His next word was finally cut off- by the sound of a shovel wielded by an older woman impacting the brunet's head. Tanya stared stunned at the sudden attack and flinched when the woman brought it back up over the boy's head, eyes flat and furious as she began to angle it so that it would be the sharper end of the shovel that would strike. However a dark-haired man grabbed the shovel's handle and socked her in the face, knocking her down._

 _But the damage had already been done, the refugees were murmuring amongst each other and quite a few were looking at the Survey Corps soldiers with new rancor._

 _"He's right, we shouldn't be out here."_

 _"It's their fault for not keeping the titans out."_

 _"We're only out here to whittle down the body count."_

 _Suddenly, a dirty blonde woman grabbed one of the swords strapped to a brunet soldier's side and stabbed the man through the chest. She knocked him off and boarded his horse, urging it on. Other refugees began to crowd around the horse, trying to yank the blonde off and one succeeded in yanking the woman off before her head cracked against the cobblestone._

 _Tanya was nearly crushed against the refugees as more fights broke out before the old man grabbed her arm and pulled her through, trying to find a way out of the crowd. As they fought through the people, the old man gasped in pain when someone's hammer smashed into his arm and Tanya flinched at the_ **crack!** _that went up his arm, now bent backwards._

 _The flinch turned into a violent and cold shudder when she felt the ground shake from the force of giant footsteps. She wasted no more time and yanked the old man out of the crowd towards one of the buildings. She tried the doorknobs before finding one that was open and ushered the old man inside before slamming it shut, locking it and hiding underneath the windows as the screams started..._

* * *

 _I know things would go wrong,_ she thought bitterly, _but this..._

She sneaked a glance back at the old man, still resting his splintered arm against his chest. They were incredibly lucky that there was some water stored inside the house already. Tanya even found some clean sheets in a small laundry bin by the stove and a sturdy and straight piece of kindling for makeshift bandages and splint for the old man, all that were accessible via crawling against the walls to the kitchen without being seen through the windows. But there was little she could do for the obvious pain he was in- Tanya had broken an arm in her previous life before and she still remembered the pain had knocked the breath that hadn't been used for screaming.

The sun kept climbing higher, along with the sounds of footsteps shaking the ground and the occasional scream, until Tanya judged it to be roughly noon at this point. _Titans don't attack during the night- we could make our way back to the walls then,_ she thought before frowning. _But the others might get the same idea- and even if we do make it back, there's no guarantee that we'll be let back inside-_

The shaking became louder outside the house and Tanya's breath stilled at the red-haired titan lumbering right outside, with nothing but the door and wall separated it from them. The panic became more powerful and the girl struggled not to start screaming again while her mother's death began to flash before her eyes. The next moment, the old man hugged her close with his uninjured arm and gave her his coat to bite down on. Tanya obeyed, tears leaking down her tightly shut eyes as the footsteps continued past them.

She gasped as she let the coat go, trying to kill the sob in her throat and wipe the tears and mucus from her face. What was she thinking, hoping that things wouldn't turn out the way they would?! What mattered now, that she was trapped with the titans with no hope of escaping?! Even if by some miracle she did avoid the titans, she could fall to the humans who so easily ousted themselves to the giants!

The sun continued to creep across the horizon and Tanya crawled back to the kitchen via the only blind spot of the windows, reaching the barrel of water in the kitchen- taking the small can beside it, she scooped some out and helped the old man drink before taking some for herself. Part of her would have liked to explore more of the space and find food, but she doubted her ability to stomach it and didn't want to risk being seen through the windows. As she moved to return to the shadows, Tanya saw something that her caution and panic had prevented before- a door by the stairs.

The girl crept to it and was relieved to see that it was far away enough from the windows that she could slowly creak it open. She peeked out and saw a small alleyway, shielded by garbage and an alcove. Her teeth barred into a relieved grin- they had reasonable cover and an escape route! She turned back to the old man and motioned to him- he shook his head and pointed to the sky as it continued to grow darker and then to the stairs.

 _Right, it'd be better to get a move on when we've gotten rest,_ the girl concluded and shut the door before grabbing one of the chairs and putting it against the door knob.

As the sky became dark blue, Tanya helped the old man get to the stairs before reaching another door. Tanya pried it open and found a single bed there- there was a window but the curtains had been drawn over it. The old man tapped her shoulder and gestured to an oil lamp on the nightstand. Tanya breathed a sigh of relief as she found matches and struck them before lighting it up. It cast shadows across the room but brought clarity to their surroundings. The girl helped the old man settle on the bed and placed a spare pillow beneath his arm before going to explore the room.

She found two doors on either side, one that led to a room that had a smaller bed and a small chest of toys in the corner and another that led to a washroom. Tanya quickly raided both closets for clothes for herself and the old man- the clothes in the master bedroom fit him all right but the child's clothes were a little too big for Tanya. Exploration of the washroom offered a barrel with little more than half of the water inside and some towels and washbasin- seeing these, Tanya became acutely aware of the grime on her body.

 _Not yet._

She helped the old man out of his clothes and took one of the towels to help wash him. He looked sheepish but resigned and a little ashamed that he couldn't do so himself but Tanya shook her head before he could protest. It was dangerous for someone to move a broken arm too much and she was fine with this. After she finished, Tanya helped him into the new clothes, a button-up shirt and light brown trousers, and re-bandaged his arm against the splint before retreating into the washroom.

Tanya sighed with relief as she washed the grime, sweat and mud off of her person but contented not to wash her hair as they would need all of the water they could get. She pulled on a white button-up shirt with dark gray pants and looked back at her old ones- her original clothes were in the ruins of her old house and it made her sad that she would leave them there. But the relief of being clean and the clothes on her made up for it just a little and as she went to bundle them up, her eyes froze on the small mirror set up there.

Tanya had never been solid but now her body was almost rail thin, she could see the ribs on her chest albeit barely, her limb and finger joints stood out against her skin. Her face was drawn and gaunt, dark circles beneath her eyes and a haunted gleam in her eyes. But the biggest change to her was her hair, the previously golden locks had turned pale, almost stark white.

Her fingers came to rest against the strands, eyes wide as she examined it. _Marie Antoinette syndrome?_ she wondered- one of her classes had studied the French revolution and how said wife's hair had allegedly turned white from the stress of being captured and facing death via guillotine.

She had been skeptical of this, but considering the sheer stress and emotion she had been under the past several days... Tanya shook her head- she needed to rest and get some respite from the fear or else she'd lose her mind.

Tanya returned to the bedroom where the old man was waiting. Part of her grappled with going to the other bedroom but the more irrational part of her desperately didn't want to be alone.

 _It'd be safer to be together so we're not caught by surprise,_ she decided and settled onto the bed, giving the old man a wide enough girth for his arm.

It was at this point Tanya realized that she didn't know his name and he didn't know hers. They had met, stayed together and yet had barely exchanged a few sentences. Body moving on it's own, she reached out and griped his hand. "Tanya- Tanya Degurachaff," she whispered, throat hoarse.

The old man's gray-blue eyes shimmered with warmth and he squeezed back. "Ambrose Arlet," he murmured back.

With that, Tanya's eyes slowly but surely grew heavy and she slept, her hand never leaving Ambrose's.

* * *

"Ruhe" is German for "calm".

For those of you who deduced old man was Armin's grandpa, you get a cookie! His first name is actually one I remembered from the Magic Circle series book "The Will of the Empress" and is the name of Sandrey's cousin.

So, 2018. I don't know if I should try to expect anything ^^;


	10. Questions

amerdism: Who the heck is even?

There have been cases of people's hair graying due to stress but it's yet to be proven. On that note, she now resembled the picture that I've used for the story.

Nerf585: I like shorts, they're comfortable and easy to wear :D

ThatGreenDooredBookshop: Well, thank you- I try my best.

Acerman: That they are.

I usually refer to them as the Survey Corps- or Surveyconlegiment when it's convenient or for humor. Cookies for those who can spot the reference.

AlsoSprachOdin x 2: Well, sometimes they're necessary- I needed the first chapter to be Susumu's (The Salaryman's) old life to establish several things about him, especially his character. The anime is good but they made him far too cold and cruel, so I'm- mostly- using the light novel and manga's interpretation of him.

Thank you- it made the scene flow better and he wasn't talking aloud before, so it made sense not to do so. Also, world-building is my favorite part of writing anystory.

Dead Pann x 3: Well she came face to face with a naked man eating giant, watching her hometown be destroyed and her mother eaten while screaming for her daughter not to leave her, went with a week without sleep to get through a Wall Maria festered with said naked man eating giants, nearly got robbed while unconscious and was forced to realize that a being with deistic powers that made her reborn in a new world could take away anything she worked for with a flick of the wrist. I'd like to see anyone not shaken by that.

Yup, THAT one- the one where 200,000 refugees are forced back into the hell Wall Maria has become and less than one hundred survive. Also, Jean barely knows her and has conflicted feelings about his mom taking in a stranger.

Horses have long-term memories and Mercury remembered Driscoll as the one who had attacked his master. As for the ax, you'll learn it's fate soon enough.

Guest: (Blinks) Do you mean the light novel or that I'll abandon this story?

Lewascan2: ... yeah! But the companions aren't out of the woods yet and Wall Maria is now dark and full of terrors...

* * *

 _Tanya winced as she trudged on home- her eye was swollen shut and her nose ached as blood and mucus flowed steadily. She didn't say a word, struggling to keep the tears back until she made it home. When she opened the door, her mother was cleaning the table and gasped when she saw her face._

 _The woman didn't say a word, just sat her down on the couch and prepared some tea and brought out a first aid kit. She didn't ask what happened and Tanya was grateful for that. When she dabbed her bruises with ointment, the tears returned and try as she might, they escaped past her tightly closed eyelids._

 _"There now, it'll be all right," her mother murmured, pressing a kiss on her forehead._

 _"M'not s'pposed t' cry," she mumbled, her nose making her speech more clogged._

 _Her mother smiled sadly as she continued to tend to her injuries. "Oh Susumu," she said kindly, "if boys and men were never meant to cry, they wouldn't have been born with tear ducts."_

* * *

Tanya blinked blearily as she slowly woke back up- Ambrose was still asleep and hadn't shifted very much during the night, so his arm was still propped up safely. She frowned as she rubbed her head, the dream still in her mind.

Even as Ideka Susumu, Tanya had never thought much of her childhood save for when she brought her mother to the nursing home. The fight had been between her and a few other children after they had moved into the neighborhood- she didn't remember what it was about but the fight had left her with injuries that her mother had furiously confronted their parents over.

 _Why now?_ she wondered. _The last thing I want on my mind is mothers._

She shook her head, eyes falling on the shape of the lamp. It had gone out a while ago and the smell of oil and smoke was present- through the curtain she saw the faintest of light behind it. The girl slipped out of bed and pulled some of the darker spare blankets with her as she trudged downstairs. The windows showed no sign of being broken nor were there titans peering in. The light was faint but still dark enough that the sun had yet to break the horizon. She pulled up a chair and hung the blankets over the windows so they'd block the view of anyone peering in, using her ax head as one of the linchpins. Once she was sure they wouldn't fall, Tanya felt much safer.

After that, the girl looked around and found another lamp stored in the cupboards. Lighting it, Tanya began to explore the ground level with ease. Beside the water barrel and kindling box, she found a pantry that held a box of herbs, dried meat, a few stripes of bacon, two loaves of bread, a few bruised apples, two sacks of flour and rice respectively and a jar of butter. A moment later, her stomach growled loudly enough to make her startle and her face burned- she had barely eaten anything at all in the past several days and now her hunger had returned full force.

Further exploration yielded eating and cooking utensils and some plates and bowls- she even found a tin of black tea. Looking to the small stove and pot over the pit, Tanya desperately wanted to fire it up but feared that the smoke would get them noticed. _But the water might be better if it's boiled- we don't know how long it's been live this or if bacteria's set in,_ part of her rationalized.

 _Besides, it'd be better to have clean, hot water for his wound._

She returned to the bedroom to find Ambrose awake and struggling to get up. Tanya quickly went to his side and gave him support to rise to his feet. "I covered up the windows downstairs and found some food," she said softly.

"You're quite on top of things, aren't you," the old man said with a weak but impressed grin.

She helped him down and laid him against the couch there before returning to the pot- a few strokes against the flint and filling the pot with water later, Tanya sighed with relief at the warmth of the fire. She took out a tea kettle and the tin, placing the bag inside while getting out two cups and plates, a pitcher, pan and bowl and some forks, knives and spoons.

She took one of the loaves and sliced some up, slathering just a little bit of butter on it. The girl went to Ambrose and helped him eat before she forced herself to eat slowly- if either of them went too fast, they might not be able to keep it down. By that time, the water had gotten to a slight boil and Tanya filled the kettle and pitcher before putting some rice in to the pot to eat.

 _I can finish looking over his wound before the rice finishes,_ Tanya thought as she settled back by Ambrose and undid the bandages.

He visibly relaxed at the warm water over his arm and Tanya winced at the bruising and blood clotted beneath his skin from the hammer's strike. The herbs she found were ones her mother used for pain relief, but they were too old and too few to have a lasting impact. Regardless once she finished re-bandaging his arm, Tanya ground them up and placed them in the cup of tea and helped Ambrose drink it down before returning to the pot.

Sure enough, the rice was done cooking and she scraped it into the bowl before setting the pan against the coals and began to reheat the meat and cook the bacon. The smell of hot food and tea with the sizzling of the bacon's grease brought a sense of comfort to Tanya and she remembered how both her mothers cooked it over the stove.

The agony of her mother's death had dulled into an ache and the girl's eyes closed as she fought to keep herself together. Ache or not, it was still deep. A bit of the grease splattered against her cheek and she recoiled, wincing at the hot pain and quickly returned to her senses. She took off the dried meat and bread while sprinkling the meat and bacon with some flour.

Once the food was finally finished, she placed the meat, bacon, bread and rice onto a place along with an apple for each of them. Settling by the couch, the companions ate- it took all of Tanya's willpower not to tear into the food and drink and Ambrose managed well enough considering his injury, only needing help a few times with managing his plate and food. The tea helped calm them both a great deal and Tanya could almost pretend she was at home or in the Kirstein residence.

The kindness of the family, especially Gaelle, had taken her completely by surprise. That the woman would risk herself not only by bringing her into her home during a food crisis and take care of her horse but defend her against soldiers- Tanya was profoundly amazed and grateful.

 _I need to do something for them if I make it back to Wall Rose,_ she thought, index fingers tracing the rim of her cup.

"If you don't mind me asking," Ambrose spoke up, "where did you live before all of this?"

"I grew up in Leise, a village in the mountains," Tanya said quietly. "I lived there with my mother." She couldn't speak more of it. "What about you?"

"Zhiganshina- I took care of my grandson there. He's a bright lad, around your age."

"Zhiganshina..." Tanya repeated, brows furrowed. "You mean the southern-most territory that the titans broke through?"

"Indeed." The old man frowned at the memory. "There was a sound and light like thunder and lightning before I saw a hand clutching at the wall. It kicked the wall's gate in and let the titans swarm in and then another appeared to smash right through the gate leading into Wall Maria."

"The Colossal and Armored titans." Tanya swallowed the lump in her throat as she digested this information before something occurred to her. "Ambrose, you said that they both destroyed the gates, right?"

"You noticed that too, I see." Ambrose's eyes were narrow with contemplation, gleaming against the light of the oil lamp. "Not only that, but the attack took place almost immediately after the Survey Corps returned from a mission that cost many lives. A far cry from the ones who pounded their fists against the stone walls for decades beforehand."

Tanya felt a cold shudder wrack her body at these implications- titans weren't intelligent and even abnormal titans were limited in that regard albeit more unpredictable. But from the way Ambrose described it... this was no random attack, but a clear invasion meant to strike when they were at their weakest. It was obvious that these two titans at least were intelligent.

As if she didn't have enough to fear from them.

"But why now?" she wondered. "If they were capable, why wait a whole century to attack?"

"Why indeed," Ambrose wondered, eyes closing tiredly. "I can't fathom what goes on in those creature's minds."

The girl slumped against the couch, apatite gone. So the titans that broke the walls had intelligence, how did that help either of them? It just made her fear all the stronger and lowered her moral at the possibility of more intelligent titans.

 _You're to blame for this aren't you, Being X,_ she thought, her face beginning to set in a furious glower before she remembered the words that Ambrose had spoken.

* * *

"This is **not y** our doi **ng,"** _he said, voice refined and elegant._ **"Th** ey wo **uld ha** ve co **me** to Par **adis** wit **h or** without **his** interf **erence."**

* * *

"Ambrose-" she began before feeling his arm slump against the couch, the old man's breath rising and falling quietly. She shook her head- he needed rest after what happened, she wouldn't-

 _ **"I im** agi **ne y** ou ha **ve s** ome que **stion** s."_

She froze at the voice and whirled around to see Ambrose looking at her with glassy eyes, now bright blue. "What have you done to him?!" she exclaimed.

 _ **"Pe** ac **e, pl** eas **e.** "_ His eyes were now red. _**"He t** rul **y is** resti **ng, o** f th **at w** e as **sure y** ou."_

"'We'? There's more than one of you?"

 _"Inde **ed."**_ They were green now. _"O **ur tim** e is **lim** ited- a **sk yo** ur quest **ions an** d w **e sh** all ans **wer t** o th **e b** est o **f ou** r abiliti **es."**_

"Limited-?!" Tanya felt incredulous at this- if they were deity-like as Being-X, then why would they say something like that?

 _"Ou **r pow** er ha **s wax** ed and **wane** d ov **er th** is cent **ury but t** he followi **ng** **we** eks ha **ve decre** ase **d it t** o almost **nil,"**_ Green Eyes- as Tanya mentally referred to this one- said.

 _"A **nd be** for **e y** ou as **k,"**_ Blue Eyes butted in, _"it' **s bec** ause thos **e wh** o follo **w us a** re losin **g fait** h by **the thousands-** ther **e's bare** ly anyo **ne le** ft w **ho actually** belie **ves i** n us **, let** alon **e pra** ys fo **r o** ur **blessing."**_

"So you rely on the prayers and faith of others rather than being all knowing and powerful?" Tanya realized.

 _"Ind **eed."**_

 _They don't seem to have the same power as Being-X and they're telling me this outright,_ the girl thought before asking, "Are any of you connected with Being X?"

 _"By **Being X** , yo **u m** ean t **he fo** reign **power?"**_ Red Eyes asked before shaking Ambrose's head. _ **"No-** w **e ar** e **not affi** liated **wit** h **him."**_

Tanya let out a breath she was holding, one of relief. "But you know of him," she pointed out.

 _ **"W** e d **o. A lit** tle ov **er te** n ye **ars ag** o, he a **ttemp** ted t **o pu** t him **self in** to o **ur wor** ld b **ut wa** s _**repelled,"** Green Eyes explained, scowling.

The girl took a moment to respond. "How?!"

 _"H **e trie** d to **interf** ere i **n a w** orl **d th** at was **n't h** is to loo **k after,"**_ Red Eyes explained, expression stern. _"H **e eve** n ha **d th** e auda **city to tr** y an **d conn** ect hims **elf t** o o **ur wor** ld- h **e wa** s ha **lf succ** essful."_

"What do you mean?"

 _" **The f** act th **at y** ou wer **e bo** rn **here,** an **d st** ill ha **ve me** mori **es o** f th **e wor** ld yo **u an** d h **e ca** me **from."**_ Blue Eyes minced no words.

"So he's connected through me." This made a shudder run up her spine in revulsion.

 _" **Bu** t s **o a** re **we** ,"_ Red Eyes told her, voice gentle and encouraging. _**"You a** re o **ne o** f th **e on** ly hu **ma** ns th **at h** as s **uc** h a **connection** to divi **nity a** nd t **he o** nly **one t** o ha **ve i** t with **out ye** ars **of gen** uine **and** altru **istic pr** ayer **s, serv** ice a **nd offe** rin **gs."**_

"And how does that help me? You gonna give me the power to part the seas?" Tanya sneered. "'cause right now, I'd rather have the power to turn water into wine."

 _ **"I'm goi** ng to assu **me th** ose refere **nces w** ere profo **und i** n yo **ur wo** rld,"_ Green Eyes deadpanned before continuing, _"T **his con** necti **on to** **us do** esn **'t jus** t giv **e us** lee **way t** o inte **ract w** ith yo **u, b** ut _**it-"**

Ambrose suddenly shuddered and the green disappeared from his eyes as they rolled back into his head and the old man slumped back on the couch. "Wha- Wait!" Tanya exclaimed, shaking him before his eyes opened back up- but to her disappointment, they were gray-blue again.

"Tanya?" he rasped in surprise. "Is something wrong?"

The girl stopped shaking him and slumped on the balls of her knees, mind racing. She could only shake her head numbly and offer a murmured apology before slumping back against the couch. The fire had long since burned out and a cold draft filtered into the room, even with the sunlight blazing just underneath the makeshift curtains.

* * *

This came out a lot faster than I expected 0_0


	11. So Close

amerdism: It's cool :)

ThatGreenDooredBookShop: Thank you- that's why I'm using the Light Novel and manga interpretations of her character.

Inspiration struck faster than usual- chapters won't always come out this quick.

Jupiter's Bull: I do my best.

Lewascan2: I can't give away everything yet. Here, have a cookie for the reference :D

Well, then I did my job. As for being fueled by prayer, that's more my theory for every deity in our world- that they need prayer for power or else there's not much they can do.

See my answer to TGDBS.

chaosin: ._.

Glasses Writer: Good to know.

Guest: ... what.

* * *

The day continued by slowly and Tanya brought down some pillows and blankets to settle beside Ambrose as he fell back asleep. She didn't want to trouble him further and needed time to actually go over what she had learned.

 _So those three are beings of divinity in this world, and they kept Being-X from actively interfering in this world save having me be reincarnated into it._

Just knowing that that bastard wouldn't be able to tamper with her life had given Tanya a severe boost in moral, along with Red, Blue and Green Eyes being far more benevolent and calm. But she also had to acknowledge that the threat of the titans wouldn't go away and weren't the cause of a psychotic man-child of a being with phenomenal cosmic powers, but at least they could be defeated- albeit with several sacrifices.

 _And the fact that the Colossal and Armored titans are intelligent enough to stage an attack like they did..._

Tanya closed her eyes, the all too familiar fear making her body cold. The titans were strong, large and had a healing factor that almost always healed wounds faster than their attackers could make them. The Survey Corps were supposed to be the ones who could take them on and yet they lost so many of their soldiers to the giants on a regular basis.

 _Well, "regular" as far as I know._

The best course of action at this point was to try and get back to Wall Rose when it was dark out- but that plan was filled with several ways it could go horribly wrong, with abnormal titans and murderous refugees being the worst of them. Ambrose's injury and their lack of transportation would only make things more difficult.

 _But there might be horses from the Survey Corps members, or a stables where one might be left behind._ She was aware how the straws she was grasping, but it was only because they needed a plan- they couldn't stay in this house forever.

There was still something good about all of this, she acknowledged as she looked to Ambrose's resting form. Knowing that Being X had no sway on this world took so much weight off of her shoulders- she had been so afraid that he would destroy everything she might have built in this world to spite her for not believing in him, but now she didn't have to worry about that happening!

 _All we have to do is get back to Wall Rose,_ she thought, hand clenching, _and then we'll keep going from there._

* * *

The light beneath the blankets began to grow dimmer as Tanya looked through the house for anything they could use. She put most of the edible food left in a sack and found a satchel for matches, the tinder box, the few coins she found beneath the main mattress and a canteen. She also found an ax hidden in the box of kindling that was in far better use than her old one and a carving knife with long handle.

 _We can get moving around twilight- there's enough light left to see and NOT enough light for the titans to move,_ the girl decided as she finished stowing away the essentials.

She stole a glance at Ambrose, still asleep, before checking the light again. _We don't have much time left._

Shaking the old man awake, Tanya quickly explained her plan and handed him the sack of food along with the carving knife while she shouldered the satchel and ax. Wasting no more time, the girl opened the back door, cautiously moving the chair and undoing the lock before peeking outside. The alleyway was wide enough at least for two people to walk down it, albeit a very tight fit. The two crept down the way, carefully moving over the rubbish and bits of junk and looked from outside the alcove.

The coast was clear, with no humans or titans in sight.

Tanya kept their pace brisk and Ambrose soldiered on admirably. They kept to the shadows of the houses and stayed in the cover of alley ways for extra caution as the sun continued it's descent. A few times, she heard the fall of earth-shaking footsteps but they never came too near them and she was able to force her panic down.

Until they got to the center of town and found the streets painted in blood, corpses and pieces of human meat littering the pavement. Tanya's stomach roiled harshly and her hand covered her mouth as she swallowed against the bile rising in the throat and trying not to gag at the vile, her stomach kept twisting itself into knots and a particularly violent roil sent another wave of vomit up her throat before some of the foul substance filled her mouth.

She tried to force her eyes away only for her foot to catch on stone and send her sprawling forward- looking up she saw the stone crushed in a large foot-sized hole and the squashed remains of a Survey Corps soldier. The strength died in her limbs as her veins went cold and the vomit spilled out of her mouth.

Tears leaked from her eyes from the foul smell taste stuck in her nose and mouth and even when she had emptied her stomach, her insides continued to twist in nausea. She fell to her knees and dry-heaved harshly, her ribs creaking from the force. She couldn't move herself, her limbs felt like they were molded to the ground and her knees and fists dug into the bloodied stone as Ambrose's worried voice was all but drowned out from the roaring in her ears.

After far too long, Tanya's stomach seemed to calm just enough and she let Ambrose help her back onto her feet. She slumped between him and the wall, trying not to inhale the scent of her own vomit and get some feeling back in her shaking legs. _Get it together, dammit!_ the girl berated herself. _If you can't walk through this, how're you going to navigate through-_

"TANYA!" Ambrose's yell brought her back to reality just as two massive- and hot- hands clutched at her clavicle and throat, lifting her into the air.

She shrieked in surprise and kicked out, trying to see who had her only for her shriek rose in pitch when she saw the hands belonged to a three meter brunet titan with a dissonant smile. Ambrose slashed at the titan with the carving knife but the titan released one of it's hands and knocked Ambrose against the wall, the old man slumping down a moment later. Her feet kicked out and struck the titan in the chest, her fingernails digging into it's almost scalding hot flesh- making bits of steam start to rise from the indents- but it did nothing as she was brought closer to it's open mouth.

Her hands came up push against it's face, her fingers brushing against it's teeth and lips as she tried to gain some leverage. But the awkward angle weakened her arms and the titan's jaw seemed to unhinge as it pulled her closer.

 _I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die just like her._

"NOOOOO!" she screamed in desperate terror, her mother's face as she reached out to her etched into her vision and overlapping with the titan's gaping mouth, her heart pounding her her ears.

 _That's not pounding-_

The next moment, the titan was knocked into the side of the house and Tanya saw Mercury from where he was regaining his footing- with this chance, she held the ax handle with both hands and swung at the titan's arm. It didn't hack it off but it did break the elbow joint and she was able to drop free and onto the gray horse's back.

Her legs and crotch ached from the lack of support from a saddle and she could only clutch Mercury's neck to avoid falling but the joy of having him here and having a way to outrun the titans made hope renew in her. That hope died a quick death when she saw the titan going for Ambrose. Urging Mercury on, she slammed her ax into it's back to distract it only for it to get stuck in the shoulder and yank her right off the stallion's back. Panic gripped for just a moment before Tanya saw just how close she was to the titan's nape and remembered the soldiers' lessons.

 _Destroying the nape of a titan's neck will kill them._

As though she was watching someone act through her, Tanya scrambled up and wrapped her left arm around the titan's neck as it was pulling Ambrose up. Her fingers dug into it's eyes, feeling fluid and blood run down her fingers as her right hand struggled to yank the ax out. The old man hacked at the titan's arm with his knife and seemed to at least cut some veins that made it's arm spasm and lower. The girl finally got the ax loose and slammed the ax blade against the back of it's neck.

The titan jolted as if struck by lightning as the blade dug into it's neck and it dropped Ambrose. Tanya's hand shook as she smashed it in hitting the nape dead center. It stumbled forward before falling forward, the impact sent Tanya sprawling forward head over heels before landing on her back.

She jolted back up, her chest heaving from shock and adrenaline. She felt Ambrose grip her shoulder and help her back onto her feet before she heard the clopping of Mercury's hooves and turned to the gray stallion. She reached out, her arms feeling disconnected from her body, and placed them on either side of Mercury's face. She couldn't speak, her throat was clogged and her eyes burned but she killed the sob in her throat and blinked back her tears.

"Can you- can you get up all right?" she asked Ambrose and the old man gave a firm nod.

She placed a hand on Mercury to still him for Ambrose when she heard footsteps coming closer. She turned just in time for her face to explode in agony as something smashed into her face and knocked her aside. Her head just barely avoided the pavement but her wrist shifted from stopping her fall and pain sprung almost immediately at the joints. Her head spun as she tried to get her bearings, her wrist screaming in protest and her knees shook with pain from the impact.

"Tanya!" she heard Ambrose exclaim before a woman snarled, "I ain't dyin' here, now git off ya ol' fart!"

Tanya shook her head harshly, trying to get rid of the spinning before she heard a sickening _shunk_ and Mercury screamed. Her eyes widened at seeing the old man collapse sideways before the gray horse's hooves cracked against the filthy dark-haired woman, knocking her against the wall. The girl flinched at the sharp _snap!_ as the woman collided with the wall, her neck hanging limply to the side as her body folded in.

Her breaths came out in short, frantic huffs and she scrambled to her feet to reach Ambrose. She turned him over and was unable to repress a groan of horror at the blood coloring his torso from the knife stuck in his left breast.

"No, no, no..." she croaked, hands shaking as they laid on his shirt and came back wet- if she took the knife out, it would only increase the blood loss and she had nothing to stop the flow.

Tanya had only known him a day, not even that much, but he had comforted her and stayed by her side even though she brushed off and wished he would leave her be. Yet his fate had been to die to his fellow humans and not to the titans, the ones he had been sent out to fight. Her breath came out faster and more frantic huffs and her mind had gone blank as she could only watch as more blood slowly soaked the old man's shirt.

She couldn't even speak, her throat was clogged with sobs and all she could do was clutch at his hand as hot tears slid down her face. She flinched at feeling Ambrose's other hand shakily land against her cheek as he tried to speak but was unable to past his own blood choking him.

She didn't avert her eyes from him and their hands clutched at one another tightly until his eyes lost their light and her grip was all that was keeping his hand up.

* * *

Hannes sneezed from where he sat huddled by the fire- he didn't have the night watch originally, but he chose to go up to watch for anyone either coming to the walls or returning from the campaign.

Watching the people who had suffered at the actions of the titans being forced to head right back into the literal mouth of madness, the blond soldier could only feel relief in that Eren, Armin and Mikasa hadn't been forced to go back into the walls. He closed his eyes in resignation and self-loathing at himself.

 _What kind of soldier am I, if I couldn't even act when they needed me?_

The sounds of Carla Jaeger being devoured still echoed in his ears and Eren's tear-stricken face filled his mind before the eerie grin of the titan responsible for both flashed before him. Their mother, ripped away, because of him-

The sound of hooves clopping just outside of the wall made him jolt up and he shook his fellow soldiers awake to open the gate. The stone grated harshly and the gate seemed to move slower than normal, or it might have been because the blond soldier's nerves were frayed. But soon enough, Hannes saw a horse trot inside and they lowered the gate back down.

Hannes recognized the horse but it's rider looked like a completely different person than the little girl he had seen just a week before, her eyes haunted and dim as she stared up ahead.

* * *

Writing this chapter was like pulling teeth.


	12. Cold Turkey

Nerf585: I like shorts, they're comfortable and easy to wear :D

Glasses Writer: Yup.

TGDBS: I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not.

Kge: Okay.

Amaspa: Yeah, his death was planned from the beginning.

Lewascan2: Indeed.

* * *

Gaelle's head jolted up at the sound of knocking against their door, Luke following her a moment later. The two exchanged a glance and nod before getting up before the stout woman quickly ushered her son back into his room from where he was peaking outside of his door. Luke unlocked the front door and opened it up cautiously before his expression became open in surprise. Gaelle looked around him, knowing her husband's open expression meant this was something serious.

The blond soldier who had helped her before- Hannes- stood in front of them with the girl in her arms and the horse behind them. Gaelle wasted no time and ushered both in, Luke quickly heading out to find Eilian. She took the girl from his arms and settled her on the couch- in the light, Gaelle saw the light blonde locks had turned pure white and her shirt was stained dark red.

Her eyes, so wide in horror and despair before, had been narrowed in a determined frown but no less haunted.

"Thank you so much," she whispered gratefully to the blond soldier.

"It was the least I could do- enough people have died already," Hannes said, shooting the girl a concerned look. "I found her riding outside. I have a feeling she won't be the last we'll see coming."

Gaelle hoped that his feeling would be proven correct- watching so many people walking outside of the gate with nothing but the clothes on their backs and meager of weapons made her heart ache and her stomach twist itself into knots. Yet even when she knew the girl was among them, the relief that her husband and son weren't among those being sent to fight dominated Gaelle in that moment.

Once Hannes left and Luke returned with Eilian taking the horse, Gaelle took the girl to the washroom. Taking off the bloodied clothes, Gaelle forced back a wince at seeing the ugly bruises on her legs and her right wrist. Once the girl was cleaned, Gaelle quickly rubbed salve on the injuries and wrapped them up securely before helping her back down onto the couch.

"When it's morning, I'll change the bandages again," Gaelle told her as she tucked the girl back in. "So if you need anything, just call..."

 _"Tanya."_

Gaelle froze and looked down more sharply than she intended before the girl raised her head to meet her gaze. "Tanya Degurachaff," she stated.

The stout woman regained her composure and smiled. "And you can call me Gaelle."

* * *

When he woke back up again, the sky was light gray as dawn was slowly approaching. Jean felt groggy and stiff but he knew he wasn't going to get anymore sleep. Slipping out of bed, Jean crept downstairs to see if he could catch his mother leaving before he saw her by the couch with a pan of water and some towels and bandages. There was an old woman bent over, pure white hair cut short.

"- know this is painful, but please keep resting here," his mom said gently as she wrapped bandages around her legs, which were covered in painful looking bruises and her wrist was in a splint. "If you need anything, my husband and son can help you."

"Thank you."

Jean blinked, startled as he heard the high and scratchy voice that didn't match her appearance. When she looked up, Jean's mouth dropped in shock as he realized this was the same girl from before.

 _How did her hair turn white?!_

"Please, it's no trouble," Gaelle assured her but the girl didn't look convinced. "I'm just so relieved that you were able to survive and return! That isn't to say that no survivors will turn up..."

As his mom kept talking, The girl's expression slowly grew colder and her eyes were narrowed in a look that was at complete odds with her appearance. Jean felt the room grow a great deal colder the longer he watched her. His mom didn't seem to notice and this only made him feel more afraid- he knew that it had been a bad idea to let her stay in the first place!

"-horse should be all right now that Eilian's taking care of him. Mr. Hannes assured us that the soldiers from before won't bother you anymore now." His mom finished bandaging the girl's legs and tucked her in on the couch. As she moved to get up, she finally noticed Jean.

"Oh, Jeanie!" she smiled before gesturing to the girl. "Tanya will be in our care for a little bit longer- her legs and wrist are hurt so until she recovers, help her if she needs anything."

He was nodding before his brain could catch up with her words and the stout woman pulled him into a tight hug before collecting her bag. "I'll be back at the end of the day!"

Jean weakly waved good-bye before the door closed, the sound echoing in the deadly quiet room. He turned to where the girl- Tanya- had been watching his mom leave before their eyes met. Jean shuddered at the look in her eyes, devoid of light as she stared back. Anger quickly replaced the fear and he became determined not to quail before her.

"Let's get something straight here!" he declared angrily, pointing at the girl accusingly. "I don't care what happened to you or where you came from, but don't think that you can stay here forever! This isn't your house and this isn't your family, and- and you don't get to order me around! Got it?!"

"... are you done." Her voice was a flat deadpan, devoid of emotion.

This unnerved the boy more than he liked and his fists clenched tightly. "You'd like that, wouldn't you!"

Her expression remained unchanged.

"Y-you don't get to come out of nowhere and just mooch off my mom and dad!" he continued, hand shaking as he pointed at her again. "You might have mom looking out for you, but don't think this means you can do whatever you want! I-if you do anything to- to incon-inconvi-"

"I won't inconvenience your family," the girl cut him off, tone dry. "And if you're worried about me stealing attention from your mother, just say so."

This made Jean's entire face burn in surprise and furious embarrassment. What was the matter with this girl, she was speaking like-like a grown-up? Even though she was probably younger than Jean was!

He was about to go into another tirade only for his father's footsteps to creak against the stairs and the man came down. He blinked blearily at the scene before he went to the kitchen, stride not broken. Jean's mouth dropped open in disbelief at his dad's nonchalance at the situation and shot one more glare at Tanya before absconding into the kitchen.

* * *

Tanya successfully repressed the urge to roll her eyes at the boy from where he shot metaphorical daggers at her. Luke Kirstein took the situation surprisingly well, considering he had earlier been arguing that they couldn't afford to look after her. The man set a plate and glass by her side and she quickly polished both- her stomach still felt empty but the girl new better than to ask for seconds.

 _I'm lucky they can spare this much for me in the first place,_ she thought with a frown, fist tightening against the covers. _I_ will _pay them back for this._

Her wish to repay the family for looking after her, despite having no connection prior and even lying about her being a cousin, hadn't changed. But Tanya kept her interactions short and to the point with the family, forcing down any warmth that threatened to take over her and throttling it before it had a chance to thrive. It was merely so she wouldn't be in their debt- she was no freeloader in her last life and she'd be damned if she became such in this one.

The days passed by in a painful and monotonous blur as she waited for her legs to be steady enough so they didn't shake with strain or agony, as well as for her wrist to heal from the sprain it suffered. The only upside to this was that Tanya had trained herself, in this life and the other, to be ambidextrous so that she could use one hand in case the other was injured.

Gaelle and Luke both made sure that she was comfortable while their son avoided her like the plague. While this was welcome to a degree, as Tanya avoided children similarly in both lives, it did make the meals they had together awkward and the boy would do everything he could to draw out anything she had asked of him like he had said he would before.

 _And my mothers from before always wondered why I didn't want a family,_ she thought, the ache grown dull.

Tanya was able to suppress the memories of both of both moment this time save for just a moment and she fought down the last image she had of Am- the old man. Even though she had barely known the old man, his death had left as large a gash on her as her mother's death had. The dwelling in the Kirstein Household without much movement or activity had brought the memories of both back like flies to rotting meat and her only solace from those thoughts and feelings had been when she was asleep.

If she had to deal with nightmares on top of that, the girl would have likely gone insane. The news concerning the campaign into Wall Maria didn't help either- of the two hundred and fifty thousand refugees that were tossed out of Rose, less than one hundred had returned in utter defeat. She spoke to no one of what had happened outside of the walls and Gaelle didn't push her, for which she was deeply thankful for.

She was an idiot to grow close to others when the titans could destroy everything with ease. Even if Being-X couldn't affect her, those monsters could devour everything if they were given the leeway to do so. Tanya had already paid the price in daring to let her guard down around her m- the woman who gave birth to her and Am- the old man. She had let them in and paid the price in their deaths tearing metaphorical holes in her. If there was anything positive about this, it was that Tanya knew there the part of her that could still feel the way it did.

 _And now that I know where to find it,_ she thought, eyes cold as ice, _I can kill it forever so it'll never hamper my judgement again._

* * *

And so Tanya tries to put up the walls her canon self was able to erect- how effective she'll be here, only time will tell. Cookies for anyone who got the reference at the end.

I have a feeling some of you are upset with me killing Ambrose- the thing is is that I had planned for him to die, with a human doing the deed, from the moment his and Tanya's paths crossed.

But in all seriousness, please don't ask about pairings and romance- even if there's any in there, it's never going to become the central focus of the story and me adding it in would only lessen the quality of said story or distract from what's important. If you want to see a romance plot or sub-plot, then go see the millions of the movies out there who shoe-horn it in for money -_-


	13. Two Years Later

Kweh Viola: Not specifically what I was referring to but you get a cookie anyways!

Nerf585: Soon.

Glasses Writer: (Winces at volume) Please calm down ^^; It was just to shoot down future questions about romance.

TGDBS: Okay.

Akuma Heika: You're right, but I don't think I wrote that enough time had passed for hair growth on Tanya's part.

amerdism: Indeed-

Sasha37: Victoriya was born in the Empire of the Youjo Senki World, not Attack on Titan. So she's not going to appear.

Mingyu: Cookie for you!

Acerman: I was referring to SAO abridged by SomethingWittyEntertainment, yes- I had no idea that quote came from Portal ^^; Cookie for you!

You make several valid points, though I won't way which hit the bull's eye. However, the army was a conscription- none of them joined the Survey Corps, the soldiers were there to at least give the illusion more substance.

tentacle cat: Well it's hard to stay a brat in the face of a titan attack and finding the only person who gave you support when you made a choice that caused several people's deaths as a half-eaten corpse. Also barring the refugees flooding Trost, Jean had the most normal childhood out of the 104 main cadets.

Chaos Ditcher: Amen to that!

Soft as in going through severe emotional trauma that canon! Tanya hasn't gone through? Not to say she hasn't seen truly horrific shit, but there are things she hasn't experienced that Ogat! Tanya has.

Guest: It fit the situation and gives some foreshadowing.

* * *

Two years passed by both faster and slower than Tanya expected. Her legs and wrist healed and she was able to contribute to the Kirstein Household in chores and work alongside Gaelle. Jean remained aloof but eventually stopped constantly shooting glares or trying to constantly pick a fight when he saw she didn't care what he said or did- one of the best ways to dissuade children was to act like you didn't care, after all.

Luke was neutral- always.

Now she had settled into a new normal and it was one that she found no problem in, in light of her circumstances.

"JEAN, I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT FOR CLEANING!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU OLD HAG!"

All right, she found _one_ problem.

Tanya winced from where she was sitting beside the couch as the cacophony began- once it started, she knew it would go on for a while and that the next meal would have Jean giving Gaelle the cold shoulder which she would either leave him to sulk or try to coax him out of his bad mood.

She might have had disdain for children, but teenagers- especially those who were beginning to react to puberty- held her undying loathing and contempt.

Tanya pulled on her shoes, tucked her book, journal and pencils under her arm and quickly absconded the house, eager to be away from the shouting match that was going to take place. She ignored the stares that some people sent her way as she reached the alleyway that would lead to the stables. Said area had proven to be a haven of sorts for her during times like these and Mercury being there certainly helped- since she was keeping her distance between other humans, the horse served as her only emotional attachment to what she had before.

When she got to the stable, Eilian had just finished emptying a tattered bag of oats into the troughs for the few horses there and he frowned when he saw her. "I specifically told you not to come around here during feeding time," the black-haired teen said, hands on hips.

Tanya simply settled on the ground beside the wall and Eilian rolled his eyes in annoyance before going back to the horses and bringing up some hay- she hadn't bothered them before and the horses didn't care if she came by, regardless of what the stableboy said. Besides, the horses all had different feeding schedules since some were only there for a few days while others were being used for work while newer ones were being held while older ones went away- how was Tanya supposed to know when feeding time would occur?

Though this was more to do with the fact that she had only cared for Mercury in her time and he was only one horse.

She cracked open the journal against her legs and twirled the pencil between her fingers- Gaelle had found the blank book along with some sketching paper and charcoal when a family moved from Trost and were giving away what they couldn't bring. Jean had immediately hoarded the paper and charcoal while Tanya was left with the book, which she quickly converted into a journal for her uses.

Normally, she never wrote down information in her old life save some post-it notes and a memo pad- her memory was sharp enough so that she usually never forgot what was needed to be done and she was paranoid of someone getting a hold of something that contained personal information. But considering that this was an entirely different world with entirely different alphabets, Tanya felt secure in writing in her old language- even if someone got a hold of it, they'd be hard-pressed to understand Japanese kanji.

With this, Tanya took to writing down any information that she could find about her surroundings. While she didn't have access to a library, she could easily learn from asking other people who knew- while some contradicted others, it was better than nothing.

But the more she asked about, the more the world she was reborn into didn't make sense.

 _One hundred and seven years ago, humanity was pushed to extinction and made these walls- how could they have made them if there were so few left? I know some people say that the gods built the walls to give us shelter, but that's bullshit right there,_ the girl thought, idly rolling a pebble between one hand while the other flipped through the pages. _The inconsistencies between technology and culture are apparent between the walls- Wall Maria being more rural, Wall Rose urban and Wall Sina supposed high-class._

Tanya was aware that both of these inconsistencies could be passed off as exaggeration and the divide between the rich and poor, but even then that'd have to imply that they had a level of technology that was reached before being dialed back.

 _Or suppressed._

Along with that was speculation on the beings who were lending her their aid- Red, Blue and Green Eyes all seemed benevolent and had some disdain for Being X since he tried to exert dominance in a world that wasn't his own. That fact alone had endeared them to Tanya already and she honestly wished that she had another chance to talk with them, but all three had been silent for the past two years.

There was also the matter of figuring out who they were and why they were stopped being worshiped. _They rely on prayers and faith and said that recently they've stopped getting both,_ Tanya thought. _Either they're a religion in the walls that just became a lot more obscure or there're other humans that aren't in the wall that worship them but suddenly stopped for some reason._

"All right, I'm done."

Tanya tucked her effects under her arm and went to Mercury as Eilian put away the bags. The gray horse nickered softly as he nuzzled the top of her head- soon to be at level with his muzzle- and Tanya took the brush Eilian had to start grooming his coat and mane. Said black-haired teen began to go over the equipment, including shinning an expensive looking saddle in the corner. Tanya didn't know who would be in Trost during this time if they could afford such an extravagant saddle but it wasn't her business.

She let her mind drift as she continued to groom Mercury, eyes closing half-way at the familiar and comforting repetition.

* * *

Jean scowled at the ruined picture from where he sat beside the window where the light was slowly fading- though winter was slowly thawing into spring, the days were still too short for his liking.

 _And this one was my best yet,_ he thought, scowl deepening. _Stupid hag..._

He couldn't stand looking at the stout woman anymore, much less having her around. Always nagging on him, always barging in whenever she wasn't wanted and always doting on _fucking_ _Degurachaff_ for being such a perfect little peon!

Oh, she thought that he didn't know what she was doing, but Jean Kirstein was no one's fool. It was clear Degurachaff was doing her damnedest to stay in his family's good graces because she had no where else to be, and the fact that she stayed as far from the family as she could made it clear she had disdain for them. His animosity couldn't be held at every given second of every day but Jean still held deep negative feelings for the white-haired bitch and that's how he knew how she truly felt.

He hated the cold way she looked at them, how stoic she remained even when he screamed at her how much he hated her and that she could go die in a ditch, how her voice was so calm and patronizing when she spoke to him. It was like she was wearing a little girl's skin to hide something twisted underneath and while Jean didn't believe in demons and whatnot, he knew he was right.

 _Well, I won't have to put up with her once spring rolls in,_ he thought, smirking slightly.

He wasn't always going to enter the army, but now that his home was the border between humanity and the titans, Jean knew that the only course of action he would take was to get as far away as possible from those monsters. He knew it would be hard to get into the top ten, but he would do it and get inside the interior- if he couldn't...

"Dinner!"

Jean scowled at the old hag's voice and stomped downstairs to where she was along with dad and Degurachaff.

"Tonight's a special occassion, so here you go!"

Jean scowled at the sight of the omelette, so much smaller and thinner thanks to the supplies being rationed as they were but Degurachaff nodded her thanks quietly. As they began eating, Jean remembered the first time she had been given _his_ favorite food.

When his- the old hag had set down the two plates in front of them, Tanya had spent a whole minute staring at the omelette with a stunned expression before rapidly blinking back tears. For a moment, Jean thought they'd be getting a repeat of the first time she had awoken in their house and his mom as already going over to her, concerned.

Suddenly, her hands came together in a quiet clap over the omelette and she murmured, _"Itadakimasu,"_ under her breath before beginning to eat, composure back.

Jean didn't know what that was and he didn't care- who the hell got teary-eyed over an omelette?

 _Must be a girl thing._

"- need for that, Tanya," the old hag said.

Degurachaff looked surprisingly serious as she said, "You've been housing me all this time- you even claimed I was family to protect me. If I couldn't pay you back for everything that you've done for me..."

Jean blinked at the sincerity in her voice, the determination in her expression. Dad and the old hag were both taken aback by this before she smiled gently. "If that's what you want to do," before asking, "Does this mean you've found some way outside of the work you do already?"

"I plan on entering the military once spring begins."

Jean choked on his rice and coughed harshly, his dad patting his back slightly before he caught his breath. _"Are you-_ _fucking serious?!"_ he rasped in furious disbelief.

"It's been my plan from the beginning," the bitch said, calmly sipping from her cup and Jean felt the overwhelming urge to strangle her.

"Language," the old hag said sternly but Jean furiously got up and knocked his chair aside before storming back up into his room, his mouth filled with the taste of ash.

Of _fucking_ course- why did he think it'd be that easy to get away from the bitch?! He snarled and slammed his door shut hard enough to rattle the frame and kicked the chair by his desk out of the way. But just as quickly as his anger erupted, he calmed down like ice water had been thrown over him.

Now that he thought of it, nothing had changed. So what if she was going into the army? That didn't mean they'd go to the same branches- hell, the thought of Degurachaff even thinking of the same plan had lit a fire under him. He would enter the military, become the best damn soldier they've ever seen- so good that that bitch had no chance of surpassing him- and go to the interior as far from her as possible.

With this plan in mind, Jean soon fell asleep, lulled by dreams of getting as far away from the titans and Tanya Degurachaff as possible.

* * *

So it begins. Also, the one hundredth reviewer will get a one shot of anything I can write for them.


	14. Thin Ice

Abciluvpie: Survival is Tanya's priority- how can she live with titans at her doorstep?

Kweh Viola: He's a teenage boy who hasn't gone through puberty or character development who actually has some insight on a rather twisted person.

Also congratulations! You are the one hundredth reviewer for Of Gods and Titans!

TGDBS: The salaryman did say that he was a twisted individual with several mental problems at the beginning and reincarnation+ recent events on Tanya's psyche have not been doing her mental state any favors.

Yeah, I don't think I could write a compelling romance even if it was central focus ^^;

I'd tell you but that would be SPOILERS.

Tentaclecat: Well since he's living with Tanya, he's the only one of the of future 104 group to actually know her, albeit his perception colored by bias. Also, one of the reasons I shift POV around is just to show more of the environment.

I know you're annoyed by Jean- you're supposed to be- but he'll eventually mature.

Glasses Writer: Haha, the sarcasm/ future vision is strong here.

Jean ride the devil…?

Well, that image is going to replace the Kraken/Wailord in my nightmares O_O;

Guest: Indeed.

In the manga, Being X is actually comprised of a counsel of deities that are worshiped by humanity and they often confer about what to do, similar to the Socratic Dialogue or Split Personalities. While it didn't inspire me to create Blue, Red and Green Eyes, I always thought that was a really cool twist in that adaption.

Lewascan2: Cookie for you :)

Tanya's hair change was due to the sheer stress and emotions she was put through from when her mother died to when she and Ambrose were stuck in Wall Maria. It is a phenomenon called Marie Antoinette syndrome that occurs in real life due to severe stress or other negative emotions but there have been cases where the hair changes to it's original color.

As for her motivations, paying the Kirsteins is one of them but not the one with the highest priority- she wants to go to the army in order to get into the top ten and enter the Military Police and get as far from the titans as possible.

Oh, Erich Von Rerugen you mean? Also, the journal was an idea I saw in Dreaming of Sunshine and other Self Insert fics where the SI keeps journals and uses their language from their old world as a decoder.

Amaspa: She did have an advantage over the cadets maturity, knowledge and work ethic-wise.

Direwolf1974: I did my best to take her character down a different path.

The reason Tanya is going down this path is that it's the fastest, easiest and legal way to get into Wall Sina and as far away from the titans as possible. Tanya's priority is to be as far from the titans as possible and she can't relax with them right at their doorstep until otherwise.

* * *

Tanya knew on a practical level why the uniforms were designed the way they were. White pants were so that bloodstains wouldn't be missed, the jackets ending at the midriff would ensure they wouldn't get tangled in the gear and the belts themselves were for support. That didn't mean she wasn't just the slightest bit scandalized that what she was wearing would pass in her former world as a possible BDSM user's wet dream. Watching soldiers wear them was one thing, actually wearing the uniform itself...

She mentally slapped herself and straightened her back as best she could. This was the very first day of her career in the army and getting into Wall Sina legally. First impressions may not show everything about a person, but they went a long way to showing people what you were made of and was instrumental in many of her interviews, deals and colleges.

 _... on second thought, not like colleges. Or anything school related._

"All right listen up you little shits!"

Tanya's back straightened at the bellowing voice, coming from a bald man with tanned skin and deep-sunken eyes and barely visible pupils from her vantage point.

"I'm Commander Keith Shadis and I guarantee by the time three years pass, you're gonna hate my guts!"

 _Typical Drill Sergeant talk- trying to psyche out the weaker and more timid in order to find the truly strong,_ the girl thought dismissively, but Shadis' voice had her nerves on end and that had nothing to do with the volume of his voice that would probably involve her getting tinnitus in the next three years.

"What do I call you, maggot?!" Shadis bellowed at a thin blond near the front.

"Armin Arlert of Zhiganshina, sir!"

The gasp escaped her before she could stop it and Shadis bellowed back, "I wouldn't name my worst enemies something that shitty, so what made your parents decide to curse you with that name?!"

"My parents didn't name me, my grandfather did, sir!"

It took everything to keep her face impassive but Tanya was already a mess of contradicting emotions inside. She had put the old man out of her mind in order to steel her resolve, but now seeing his grandson in front of her was bringing forth emotions that she had thought she had killed violently.

"Cadet Arlert, what is a runt like you doing here?!"

What was she supposed to do? Avoid him? Seek him out? Tell him of his grandfather's fate, or how he had been supportive of her?

"To help humanity overcome the titans, sir!"

"That is delightful to hear, you'll make a great light snack/distraction for them!"

But her colder and rational side tore down those questions. _Unless he proves useful, there's no reason to interact with him,_ she told herself as Shadis physically turned Arlert around, forcing down the metaphorical punch in her stomach at seeing the boy- whose eyes looked too much like the old man's- face to face.

She averted her eyes and focused them anywhere but Arlert but she could feel his eyes on her even as he moved to his group. Her stomach was recoiling from the conflicting emotions and the anxiety was making her twitch in her boots. No matter what she did, she couldn't calm down and Shadis' tinnitus-inducing voice did not help one bit.

It was so much easier in her old life to fend off the emotions curling her stomach despite her most fervent determination to throttle it. The anxiety in her one, reasonable, shot at getting inside Sina being decided here, the shock at finding Am- the old man's grandson, and the conflict on whether or not she should interact with him.

 _Didn't we just establish a game plan involving him?_! she yelled internally and the girl suppressed a groan or horror- when the hell did she _ever_ have cause to argue with herself?!

"Jean Kirstein of Trost, sir!"

Tanya quickly took this chance to focus on the boy she had been living with for the past two years as Shadis turned his attention to him. "And why are you here, cadet?!"

For a moment, he hesitated before a confidant smile crossed his face. "To join the Military Police, sir! The best of the best!"

She noticed a brunet with striking green eyes flicker towards Jean and Tanya couldn't help comparing the look in them to a cat that had just found a plump mouse. The sound of two heads colliding brought her back and Tanya paled at seeing Jean slump to his knees, groaning in pain as he clutching his forehead. _H-he's not actually going to be beating us up, is he?!_ she wondered, hoping to whatever in the universe didn't get kicks out of abuse that that wasn't the case.

 _If he really did abuse cadets, then he wouldn't be here, would he?_ the more sensible part of her rationalized.

 _Except that abuse in this day and age- whenever and wherever the hell it may be- clearly has different standards than mine,_ the more cynical part pointed out.

 _That's just asking for- WHEN DID HE GET THIS CLOSE?!_ she began to think only for it trail off when she realized Shadis was mere feet away from her- in the row in front of her own- and in front of a bald boy that was actually shorter than her.

"Connie Springer from Ragako Village, sir!" he exclaimed and Tanya paled as Shadis picked him up by the head.

"The first thing you were told what to do was salute, Connie Springer- the symbol of your commitment to fight the ones systematically bent on destroying our people!" he ground out in a snarl, fingers stretching the outer corners of the bald boy's eyes. "IS YOUR HEART ON THE RIGHT SIDE-"

 _Chomp_

 _Was that...?_

Tanya turned to the direction of the noise and sure enough, the source was a girl with auburn hair tied back and nervous hazel eyes eating a steaming potato. Her mouth dropped open, aghast and incredulous at what she was seeing. Shadis dropped the bald boy and stood before the girl, voice ominously low as he growled, "What do you think you're doing?"

The girl didn't reply and just kept chewing at the potato, eyes darting back and forth. _Oh dear god,_ came the thought, more from instinct and the habit of taking the lord's name in vain from her old world, as Tanya stared stunned at the girl.

"YOU ARE OFFICIALLY ON MY SHIT-LIST!" Shadis roared right in the girl's face, even as she kept chewing her mouthful. "JUST WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

The girl then deftly swallowed and saluted sharply with potato still in hand. "Sasha Braus of Dauper of Rose at your service, sir!" she barked back and Tanya could hear the slightest trace of accent in her voice.

"Sasha Braus, what is that you're holding?" Shadis' voice was quieter but no less dangerous.

"A boiled potato, sir! I saw it sitting in the mess hall!"

"A theft I understand, but why eat it here of all places?"

"Potatoes are no good once they're cold, so I gave it shelter in my stomach, sir!"

"No, why are you eating _that?"_

"Wait... you're asking why people eat potatoes? I'm surprised you don't know, sir."

Tanya couldn't _believe_ what she was witnessing- who stole food from their employer and then ate during the interview and then questioned them in such a manner?! Her incredulity only grew when Braus split the potato in half and offered Shadis the smaller part with a stupid, eager smile that belonged on a dog.

 _"... laps."_

Braus blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"Run laps around the compound until you can't move another fucking inch if you want to stay here," Shadis intoned deadly.

The girl blinked confused before the drill sergeant roared, _"NOW!"_ and she shot away to do so, still eating the other half of the potato. Tanya stared after her and tried one last time to calm the fuck down.

 _It will be_ fine, Tanya thought determinedly, eyes flickering between the cadets. _Not to toot my own horn, but I've got plenty of advantages over the people here. While my physical prowess might not be equal to my mind, I can definitely bridge the gap between the two given time._

The girl's mouth quipped into a smirk, teeth barring just the slightest to keep it from trembling. _With this kind of competition, I'll leave them all in the dust._

Her thoughts of domination were cut short when her point of view was filled with Shadis's face and sunken eyes, head swiveled down so that they could look one another in the eyes. The startled scream broke out before she could stop it and Tanya fell backwards onto the ground, her chest already heaving to try and regain her breath.

"And what the fuck are you smirking for?" Shadis intoned, voice icy. "Think this is a joke? Something to laugh at?"

"N-no sir!" Tanya exclaimed as she scrambled back onto her feet only for Shadis to shove his face closer to hers to the point where Tanya bent backwards so their faces wouldn't touch.

"I've seen shitheads that smirked like you piss and shit themselves as they got eaten! Or were you thinking that you're better than the people here?! Think that you've got what it takes to stand head and shoulders above everyone here?!"

This unintentional bullseye made Tanya sweat but she quickly fell into the routine she had developed as a salesman when confronted with an irate employer. She saluted sharply and said, "I apologize for offending you! I was out of line-"

"I'M NOT ASKING FOR AN ASS-LICKING, BITCH!" he roared right in her face, his nose mere milometers from touching hers. "IF YOU THINK THAT'LL DO JACKSHIT IN MY PRESENCE OR THE TITANS, THEN YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!"

At this point, Tanya was bending backwards as Shadis kept leaning over her and she was becoming more and more unnerved- not only was she making a bad first impression but her usual tactics were only digging her in deeper. "OR IS THAT WHAT YOU DID FOR A LIVING BEFORE COMING HERE?!" Shadis continued to bellow. "GOT TIRED OF SERVICING OLD FARTS AND DECIDED TO TRY YOUR HAND HERE?!"

Tanya's mouth dropped in horrified shock at the aspirations he was casting on her and she forced herself- not really- to yell back, "I did no such thing, sir! I lived on a farm with my m-"

Her throat caught on the word and she couldn't say anymore, no matter how hard she tried. _No, no, not now! Please not now!_ she begged even as her mind began to swim with the memory of two years ago-

Suddenly, a hand landed on the top of her head and she was snapped back out. Shadis' expression was unreadable as he looked down at her and he didn't seem to deliberately causing her pain. "Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing here?"

"Tanya Degurachaff, from Liese of Maria," she managed to get out. "I'm here to become a soldier."

"Why?" Shadis intoned. "You could choose any other paths and yet you're here. Why?"

 _Because here I can learn how to fight and defend myself from humans and titans. Because I need answers. Because it's the easiest way to get into Wall Sina. Because if I don't get as far from the titans as possible, I'll lose my mind to fear._

"Because I have no other path," Tanya spoke truthfully.

Shadis said nothing as he loomed over her and Tanya feared that she was going to kicked out after what happened. Then, he pointed in the same direction he sent Braus. "If you don't start running laps around the compound, you won't have any path," he ground out.

For a moment, Tanya was torn between relief she was being given a chance and upset that she was basically being grouped with the girl. ""Well?! Get the fuck on it, Smiley!" he bellowed and turned her around- making her teeth stand on end at the pain her head and hair were going through- before pushing her forward.

She quickly broke into a run, less trying to catch up with Braus and more to get away from the prying eyes of every single cadet that she'd have to be around for three more years.

* * *

Keith Shadis is a gem to write.


	15. With friends like these

Glasses Writer: Whatever the terminology, I enjoyed writing him.

Code Orange: The problem with that is that while both the Empire and SnK are willing to use child soldiers, the former has magic that gives a huge boost and enough technology and philosophy that Tanya can use to her advantage while the latter allows only the barest technology and the people are really under-equipped in general save those with power and/or money. The Empire is doing everything within it's power to appear and become powerful and prosperous while the Walls are doing everything in it's power to lay low and not aggravate the outside world.

Again, SPOILERS.

TGDBS: Thank you :)

tentaclecat: Well he probably would have ignored her if he didn't see her smirk and he wasn't in the best of moods after Sasha snuck in food and SPOILERS. Tanya is unflappable in jobs but she's never been up against a Keith Shadis- he'd throw anyone off guard.

Oh don't worry about that...

DescendantYI2: I drew her character from the light novel and manga, because the anime made her too cold. You're very sweet :)

Direwolf1974: Very good points you make- you'll get a POV explaining his- well, POV, soon.

As for Tanya, it was more her trying to calm the fuck down than anything by reminding herself of her strong points.

Acerman: Tanya turned twelve in the January of 847.

It was easy to keep the wall up in the Kirstein Residence but, like you said, seeing a living link to Amrbose Arlert completely caught her off guard. Also, Armin didn't rank in the top ten- canon top ten was Christa, Sasha, Connie, Marco, Jean, Eren, Annie, Bertolt, Reiner and Mikasa. Maybe you're thinking of Christa, because Ymir handicapped herself so Christa would get in the top ten.

I know the feeling of abridged! characters taking canon! characters' spaces ^^;

Which fic did you get the passage from?

Lewascan2: He really is- also, it didn't help that Tanya's usual tactics in dealing with others not only didn't work on Shadis but actually dug her in deeper.

Well, she wasn't lying- right now, Tanya's whole focus is on getting into Wall Sina and as far from the titans as possible. If she can't do that...

Guest: You'll find out why Shadis reacted the way he did.

Also, stoic traumatized saleman- I don't know how but it really rings to me.

* * *

Tanya panted harshly as she tried to keep some semblance of a jog but her legs were already burning and the breaths she was taking weren't enough to fill her lungs properly. Her uniform stuck to her skin through the sweat and the belts of the gear were going to leave bruises and blisters even through her clothes once this was done.

She hadn't caught up with Braus left but she knew that once she did, there would be words. _If that moronic glutton hadn't stolen food, Shadis wouldn't have taken it out on me,_ the girl thought with a dark scowl. _Now I'll be associated with her and people will assume we'll become friends after running together..._

The sun had begun to drift closer to the horizon and Tanya's legs were becoming weak even with the even jogging pace she was keeping. _If I make it through this, I need to get a schedule for exercise so this doesn't become agony._

"Oh hey!"

Tanya twitched at the sound of Braus calling to her and schooled her expression into a blank calm as best she could. Braus soon caught up with her, sweat pouring down her face and staining her clothes visibly yet her face had the same stupid, earnest grin that belonged on a dog. "Wh-what did you get s-sent here for?" Braus asked between pants.

"I was the-the closest cadet that- _Shadis_ had to take his anger out on after your theft," she ground out, gulping in air when she could.

Braus's expression faltered at this and Tanya took this chance to run ahead away from her, refusing to have anything more to do with the girl. But much to her surprise and dismay, Braus quickly caught back up with her. "I'm sorry!" she gasped out. "I didn't mean-"

"Well you did anyways," Tanya spat. "What, were you- _trying_ to get kicked out before training even starts?"

"I was- hungry..." Braus trailed off, expression ashamed and face starting to color.

Tanya gave her a look of pure contempt before running ahead again. The sun was sinking lower and though she tried to ignore the agony in her legs and chest, her pace stumbled when a loose bit of gravel caught her foot and sent her sprawling forward. When she tried to get back up, she only stumbled again from exhaustion and her hands planted against the gravel, the grains of stone digging into her skin and against her fingernails.

She heard Braus run faster before she knelt down beside her, concern on her face. This brought another spike of anger and Tanya slapped her hand away, whirling on the girl with a furious expression. Braus was startled and dismayed by this but then her face set in determination just as quickly. "It wasn't right that Shadis took it out on you, not when all you did was be in his way."

Tanya was about to retort again when she digested what Braus said and her anger died as cold realization set in. _The job of commanders is to weed out the incompetent and act with logic and with reason- and Shadis did neither after what happened. He took his anger out on me,_ (new nervousness set in) _but then allowed me to stay when on the verge of a breakdown._

Her fingers came to rub at her temple. _I'm grateful that he didn't fire me outright, but if I bring up that unprofessional-ism he might really kick me out..._

As she moved to get back on her feet, her left leg had fallen asleep and she pitched forward only for Braus to grab her arm and steady her. "Here, let's take a second to rest," she said. "You can't run if you can't stand."

Tanya grimaced as she sat back down, eyes darting about nervously as she rubbed her legs to get some feeling back in them- what if someone was watching them and thought they were being lazy or giving up and reported back to Shadis?! Hell, he might be watching them now if binoculars or telescopes were a thing in the walls and new sweat began to break out on her temple.

The sound of a sharp clap broke her out of her thoughts and Tanya was aghast at how she jumped at the noise before whirling at Braus again. "You really are on edge," she said with concern before pointing out, "If we were gonna get kicked out, I don't think we'd be running laps. Besides, we can't run until we can't if we don't pace ourselves."

 _... okay, what the actual hell?!_ Tanya thought. _Am I in some sort of heat-induced hallucination where this buffoon is making sense?!_

But Braus made a good point- it'd do neither of them any good if they blew all of their energy here. She modulated her breathing, counting to ten in her head backwards and forwards to try and calm herself down. _She's right,_ she concluded. _We'd know if we were fired- we're just being punished, and that's something I can rise up from no matter what the others might say-_

"Okay!"

Tanya looked over to Braus and her eyes widened at seeing the girl already back on her feet and stretching her limbs, eyes brimming with determined energy. She stared in disbelief at this and as though she sensed her question, the other girl chirped with the accent from before stronger, "This is nuthin' compared t' th' hunts I used t' go on with my pa!"

 _... hunts, in_ plural?

Tanya forced herself back up- while her lungs still screamed for more air and her legs burned, at least she could feel the latter again. Braus looked concerned for a moment and was about to open her mouth but Tanya shot her a scowl, daring her to speak. She wisely closed her mouth and the two continued running.

* * *

Christa Lenz's stomach growled again.

She ignored it and carefully wrapped the baguette she was given then broke in half with her rations while setting aside her skin of water with a can of soggy vegetables. The sun was already passing the horizon and the sky turned dark blue with the fringes colored yellow and magenta, yet the two girls who were sent to run had yet to return.

One of the boys from before that Commander Shadis walked past was currently talking about what he had seen at Zhiganshina when the Colossal and Armored titans appeared. The thought of going through something so frightening made her stomach turn with sympathy for the brunet and relief that she hadn't been there when it happened.

 _That's so cruel and selfish,_ she chided herself sternly. _So many people were killed and all you can think about is yourself?_

She heard the clatter of a wooden spoon and the brunet looked like he was about to be sick, one hand covering his mouth and the other clutching at his stomach. But just as quickly, he regained his confidence and while the haunted look didn't leave his eyes it was overshadowed by determination. Hearing him speak of his desire to wipe the titans out with such purpose kept her eyes on him longer than she thought.

"So, you want to fight the titans?"

Christa Lenz tried to avert her eyes back to her portion- none of which she had actually eaten since she was saving for the two girls- but her curiosity was already piqued as she watched the back and forth between the brunet another boy with an arrogant smirk. She frowned slightly- that was the same boy who looked as though watching the white-haired girl from before get into trouble with Commander Shadis had made his entire day.

 _How can he be so happy about someone's suffering?_

The two rose up and for a moment, Christa Lenz feared a fight would break out only for the bells to clang in the distance, announcing the beginning the evening. The boy offered his hand and the brunet slapped at it, not rejecting it but not accepting fully either before heading out. The petite sighed softly in relief, glad that a fight didn't break out before returning her attention to hiding the portions under her shawl.

As the other cadets began to file out, Christa Lenz struggled to hold the food and skin beneath the fabric and kept her pace slow so she wouldn't spill anything. Her stomach growled louder than before and she fought back a grimace and a not-so-small voice pleading with her to just eat.

 _Those two girls have been running since noon, with no food, drink or rest,_ she chided herself. _They need this far more than I do._

She sat by the steps as the sun's last light disappeared entirely and the only light was from the torches around them. The cold air made her shiver and she blew into her hands to keep them warm, hoping that the girls weren't hurt. After far too long, or it might have been her worry making time feel slower, Chrita Lenz heard two footsteps coming closer.

The auburn haired girl was wheezing as she limped towards the light, supporting the white haired girl against her. The white-haired girl began to gasp something before the auburn-haired girl pitched forward and they both fell onto the ground with a thud, the white-haired girl muttering in disgruntlement.

Christa Lenz quickly got up and made her way over to the two girls, relieved that they were finally back. But just as she reached them, the auburn haired girl suddenly lunged at her and ripped half of the baguette from her hands via her teeth. "How the hell-?!" the white-haired girl squawked, pointing at her companion accusingly with a freaked out expression.

"Bread!" her companion exclaimed and Christa quickly gave the white-haired girl the other half, which she accepted more out of surprise than acceptance and she went to the auburn-haired girl. "Here- drink this first so you can properly."

The white-haired girl frowned with suspicion as she accepted the skin while the auburn haired girl had suddenly grasped her shoulders in a vice. "Are you god?! You must be!" and shook Christa Lenz in joy.

The white-haired girl's expression soured before her eyes flickered behind the petite. "Hey, what the hell's going on out here?"

Christa Lenz looked behind to see a taller girl with dark brown hair and freckled olive skin with an apathetic expression looming over them. "They were both running for so long," she explained as the two girls began to eat and drink in earnest, "so I-"

"Neither of them asked you to starve yourself," the freckled girl pointed out. "What, were you just trying to be a good little girl?"

The petite stiffened at this- how did the girl know she had set aside her meal? The auburn-haired girl let out a small burp before falling forward, snoring softly. "Unbelievable," the white-haired girl said softly, eyebrow twitching slightly.

"You said it," the freckled girl remarked before turning back to the petite blonde. "I bet you don't even know their names, but you still went through all that effort?"

Christa Lenz didn't know how to respond to this- she did this to help the two girls because they needed it. How did she not understand that, and why did she act that helping others selflessly was something to look down on? But much to her surprise, the freckled girl heaved the auburn-haired girl onto her back and her eyes flickered to the white-haired girl.

"Well? If you expect me to carry you, you'll be disappointed."

The white-haired girl's cyan eyes narrowed and she headed to the barracks without looking back. Christa Lenz stared in surprise at hear leaving, as well as the freckled girl suddenly doing something so nice. "You lecture me about my actions and yet you-?"

"Don't you worry- I'm only doing this so she'll be in my debt," The freckled girl smirked. "I've got high expectations for her stupidity."

Christa Lenz frowned at this as the freckled girl brought the auburn-haired girl into the barracks, her stomach feeling emptier than before. But as she pulled herself into bed, she found a baguette nestled beneath her pillow.

* * *

My condolences to those who were hurt, killed and affected in the shooting at Florida.


	16. Ripples

amerdism: I don't know what's going to happen when Efren and Tanya meet, but you'll have to wait and see what happens with Eren and Tanya.

TGDBS: I work better with shorter chapters nowadays- in the past, I crammed too much into my chapters (averaging 6,000 to 10,000 _at least_ ) and it burned me out faster. Like this, I can pump out chapters faster and not get burned out.

That being said, I think I can attempt to make the chapters a little longer- they've been creeping up ever since I started posting.

Acerman: Thanks.

Are you saying Sasha wasn't competent or interesting before?

Lewascan2: Sasha is wonderful :)

* * *

Tanya blinked blearily from where she was standing with the other recruits. When she awoke early that morning, it had been minutes before the bells had clanged harshly and roused the other female recruits in the cabin. She had fallen asleep in her clothes from the previous night but luckily her and Braus's belongings had been given to them by one of the officers before the girl cleaned herself up.

Her legs still ached from the run before but she at least didn't feel like there was a stone in her stomach from hunger or nervousness. _What is wrong with me?_ she wondered, pushing some of her bangs out of her eyes as she washed the grime and sleep from her face. _I never used to be this on edge before._

Cyan eyes narrowed in contemplation. _But I've never been through any of this before,_ and forced the memories of the last two years down.

Braus kept trying to talk with her and Tanya ignored her until the blonde from the previous night also came by. "I'm so glad you two are doing better!" she said, voice light and honeyed.

Immediately, Tanya was put off by the obvious show that the blonde was putting on- especially when it was reminiscent to the facade she had to put on when she first started her career as a salaryman. But Braus was oblivious to this and hugged her in joy. "Thank you so-o-o-o much!" she wailed, tears actually welling at the corners of her eyes.

The girl remembered the night and how the blonde had set aside food for them despite them being strangers. "Thanks," she said as well. "I'll make it up to you-"

The blonde was already shaking her head. "There's no need for that- I was happy to help you both," she assured her.

Tanya immediately frowned at this as Braus gushed over her kindness- did she really help them without thought of reward? She dismissed the notion just as quickly- everyone did something for their own interests, regardless of what they wanted. If they could get something from a task or interacting with someone, they would do it. The fact she was dismissing the thought of being paid back was suspect in of itself.

 _She's either doing this to be in our favor and present herself in a positive light,_ Tanya thought, _or she honestly believes in helping people is it's own reward. I don't know which one makes me more wary._

"Christa. Potato Girl. Smiley."

She blinked for a moment, confused before remembering the last thing Shadis had yelled at her before she began her run and her eyes narrowed as the freckled girl from the previous night lazily greeted them. Braus blushed at the nickname while Christa nodded her head towards her, expression cooler. "Ymir," she greeted.

 _The giant from Norse Mythology whose body shaped the world,_ Tanya thought without prompt before she saw the officers gathering at the front, including Shadis.

Braus stiffened and Tanya straightened her back, refusing to let herself to humiliated again under his eye. They were directed to several contraptions with pulleys and hooks and the girl blinked in mild confusion.

"All right you shit-mongers!" Shadis bellowed and Tanya winced at the volume of his voice, louder than before. "I'm sure you must feel like you've got it made now that you've lasted half a day here! _BUT!"_

He pointed to the contraptions as he belted out, "If you can't even balance here, you can kiss your chances of being a soldier good-bye! We've got no room for dumb-asses who can't even fly well-enough to act as bait!"

Tanya felt the belts and straps of the gear more acutely- they still burned against her skin despite her clothes between them and clenched her hands into fists. She had almost forgotten the most important part of becoming a soldier: mastering the 3D Maneuvering Gear. If she couldn't do that much, then she really would have no future as a soldier.

But even as she let her belts and straps be hooked up, Tanya wondered just how they expected to fight with the gear. Already, her mind flashed back to physics classes and the g-force that the human body could tolerate. With the grappling cables shooting out with the gas propelling them, not to mention the landing itself, the girl couldn't stop the lectures of the broken bones and the increase of blood that would pool up or down depending on the direction they were going in from echoing in her mind.

Then the world turned upside down.

Tanya squawked in startled surprise as her body flipped over and her hair brushed against the dust as she tried to right herself before the officers manning the contraption righted her and helped her down. For a moment, she thought she had failed but one of the officers- a dirty blonde with glasses- said gently, "It's okay- you have all of today and tomorrow morning to keep trying."

This made Tanya's fear recede and she strapped herself back up and tried again but the lecture came back and her body stiffened again and she flipped over. The next two tries had the same effect and the girl stepped away to catch her breath and try to get the blood out of her head after the fourth. As she looked at the other recruits, she was dismayed to find many of them, including Jean and Braus, were managing their balance with ease. The only one who was having as hard a time as she was was the brunet she had seen from before and he kept heading back regardless of how many times he flipped over backwards.

"Hey!"

Tanya cringed at the sound of Braus's voice, as well as seeing Christa running over alongside her. She didn't want either of them to see her, not when the former could use the gear so easily and not the latter with that sickeningly sweet facade. "Are you all right?" Christa asked worriedly. "You look dizzy..."

She shot the petite blonde a look of pure disdain that made her wilt a bit before Braus protested, "Come on, we're just worried for you!"

"I didn't ask you to," she muttered, turning away.

"Well we did anyways," Christa said determinedly and Tanya bit back a sneer at the contrived line- who did she think she was fooling?

"You're thinking way too much again."

Braus was looking at her with concern and determination as she said this. "You think too much, you let fear freeze you up," the auburn haired girl explained. "This kind of thing- if you think too much about it, you'll never be able to get off the ground." She smiled that stupid smile that belonged on a dog. "Just relax, y'know?"

 _... fuck it, what've I got to lose?_

Tanya went back to the contraption strapped herself in. She forced down the thoughts and let herself relax despite the anxiousness threatening to bubble up. For a moment, her eyes closed as her hands came out to steady herself and she braced herself for flipping backwards. But when she opened her eyes, she found herself balancing just fine. Her breath came out in shallow huffs as she hung suspended from the contraption, the feeling of the cables holding her up borderline surreal but empowering as well.

Her expression was of open astonishment at how much easier a time she was having because of Braus's advice and after the allotted time had passed, the officers helped her down and Tanya felt almost giddy at the mark of approval they had put down. "Welcome to the Training Corps," the bespectacled blonde said with a smile.

"YAHOO!"

Tanya was then assaulted from behind by Braus as the auburn-haired girl pulled her into a tight hug and Christa joined in a moment later, the combined force pushing the air out of her lungs. From the corner of her eye, Tanya saw Ymir watching from where she finished and she couldn't make out the expression on her face. She also became aware of the other eyes on them from the recruits and she had a sinking feeling that any attempt not to affiliate herself with either girl would end in failure.

Her resignation was cut short when she heard a surprised yell and the sway of pulleys and saw that the brunet had flipped over again, a distinctly Asian girl and Ambrose's grandson beside him. Her first instinct was to leave only for Braus to grab her and Christa both, babbling about "helping him too!" and Tanya visibly blanched at coming into proximity with the blond and redoubled her efforts to free herself from Braus's iron grip.

* * *

Armin Arlert winced as Eren flipped upside down again, the brunet struggling to recompose himself as his limbs flailed harder. The officers flipped him back onto the ground and his childhood friend collapsed onto his backside, panting for breath and trying to stop his dizziness.

"Hello!"

He looked up to see three girl coming towards them- well, two of them were waling over while the third was trying her damnedest to go in the opposite direction. He recognized the auburn-haired girl who had stolen a potato and the white-haired girl who had earned Shadis' ire but the petite blonde with them was unfamiliar. Mikasa was immediately on guard as the three approached and Armin quickly walked with her in order to prevent a misunderstanding.

"What do you want?" Mikasa intoned.

"We came over to see if we could help your friend," the petite blonde explained.

"My advice helped my friend here-"

Braus' sentence was briefly cut off by the strangled noise dying in the white-haired girl's throat before her head hung in a defeated face-palm. "- and we thought we might be able to do with same here!" she finished with an earnest smile.

Mikasa remained stoic while Armin stared for a moment in surprise. "I'm fine!" Eren snapped from where he was getting up, even as he stumbled from a bout of dizziness as he put himself back in place. "I don't need help- this thing is just..." his sentence trailed off into an angry mutter as he let the officers hook him back in only to flip over again and nearly bang his head against the ground.

"Eren, maybe they can help," Armin said as the brunet was back on the ground with a defeated and incredulous expression. "There's no harm- or shame- in asking."

Eren scowled but sighed in resignation as he looked over to Braus and the petite blonde. As the two girls began talking with him while Mikasa watched with the flattest possible expression, Armin found his eyes wandering to the white-haired girl- the moment she saw his eyes on her, she stiffened and looked away with a tight expression, hands balled into trembling fists.

He remembered how she had reacted similarly the previous day but couldn't fathom why. He didn't recognize her among the other children of Zhiganshina or the refugees that he interacted with helping farm the sparse land of Rose.

 _She said she was from Liese in Maria,_ the blond thought, mind racing as his eyes flitted to the stark white locks. _Age and stress can whiten hair- no prize for guessing the source of her stress..._

Eren's frustrated yell interupted his musing and Armin and the white-haired girl turned to see the brunet struggling in vain to right himself again while Braus and the petite blonde watched with concern and confusion. "This is getting weird- you're relaxed and ready but it's like your gear just doesn't wanna listen," she said with a frown.

The white-haired girl's eyes widened at this and she spoke, "Could the problem be with his equipment?" Her voice was high and scratchy, not one that Armin expected to hear.

Braus and the petite blonde exchanged glances while Mikasa practically ripped the belts off of Eren- further inspection found parts of the belt buckles were indeed screwed out of place. The officers went get a new gear for Eren, who looked befuddled and a little embarrassed at the attention was getting from this. When Commander Shadis ended up coming over to see what was going on, Armin quickly explained the situation to him.

Shadis' expression could have been carved stone and Armin briefly worried that they would be on the receiving end of his bellows. "Good eyes," he finally spoke, voice devoid of emotion.

When Eren tried the next gear and easily balanced, the entire camp heard his yell of triumph. Armin smiled at the sight of his friend's joyful grin full of teeth as he looked back at them. _"Check me out",_ the blond could easily guess what the brunet was thinking. _"I can fight the titans!"_

"He's happy he won't have to leave us," Mikasa said softly, expression as stoic as ever.

* * *

Keith Shadis watched as Grisha's son celebrated with his friends after touching down on the ground. _Your son is a soldier now,_ he thought, eyes flickering.

Carla wouldn't have wanted this, her son fighting and the possibility of his death. He had done what he could but it was clear that her son would take part in this. But if he was being honest, he hadn't expected the broken buckles to be found out so quickly. His eyes flitted to Degurachaff, beside Braus as Lenz went to congratulate the brunet.

"Braus. Degurachaff."

Both stiffened as Shadis addressed them. "Office," and let them follow after him. When they reached his main office, he let the two girls stew in anticipation before he began to talk.

"I'm sure you've been wondering: what the hell was old Shadis thinking letting a kid who blatantly stole food before even being inducted and another who nearly had a panic attack in the ranks?"

"... among other things," Degurachaff admitted while Braus blushed hard.

"I've thrown out worse piles of shit of you two and those who've eked past have dropped out a day later, died during training or were fired for misconduct." He let the words sink into the two and while Braus looked terrified, Degurachaff only looked contemplative in a way that showed she had heard something like this before. "However, I'm sure you've both noticed that I cannot take as many liberties in turning away recruits."

He closed his eyes, forcing the wonder of how many were killed by the titans along with the refugees who were forced to take up arms. "We are scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of manpower," he continued. "You've both at least shown you've got what it takes to have a chance in surviving training and flying."

Braus' eyes widened with surprise and Degurachaff remained stoic even as her hand trembled. Shadis fixed them both with a stern glare. "Make no mistake- if I even think either of you'll try a repeat of your first impressions..."

He let the silence speak for itself and Braus nodded vigorously before saluting, Degurachaff following a moment later. "All right, get out of here Braus," he ordered and the girl ran out with a skip in her step.

Degurachaff watched after her with a soft incredulity before turning back to Shadis expectantly. The commander momentarily readied himself.

"I've had soldiers like you before- nerve-wracked basket cases that would either freeze up on the battlefield and get eaten... or they'd lose their minds."

He forced down the sight of the soldiers who laughed even as they were eaten alive, who would delight in causing as much pain as possible rather than killing their targets. "Then there were recruits who were pining everything on becoming a soldier only to fail to meet the qualifications- their bodies were usually found the next day."

Degurachaff was fighting to remain stoic, her fist trembling against her side. "Sir... why are you telling me this?"

"You've got the same look in your eyes as both kinds of recruits, and I've had soldiers whose hair whitened thanks to fear and stress. But you've shown that while you're not able yet, you're willing to fight through both."

He was lying through his teeth but Degurachaff didn't notice this. "You'll be seeing Officer Bierne in the side office for therapy until you've gotten over what you have."

Degurachaff blinked in honest surprise before saluting. "Understood, sir."

"All right, get out of here," he waved her off and she took her leave.

Shadis closed his eyes for a moment, a man with wavy blond hair and cyan blue eyes tending to the horses outside the stables. _Aren,_ he wondered, _would you have wanted your daughter to follow in your footsteps?_

* * *

I want to bring awareness to something- a writer and voice actor, Miles Luna, for Rooster Teeth, the people who make RWBY, is under a great deal of harassment and bullying. This has gone so out of hand that a minor running a blog for one of Rooster Teeth's show who, according to their attackers, "sounds like Miles" and so they have begun harassing them and have even issued death threats. I want to give him support any way I can- this has gotten to the point where Miles is scared of doing any writing or acting for his characters and that is just awful.


	17. Unsure

Acerman: That obvious, huh?

I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Sasha and what really cemented my love for her was when she took on a titan without maneuvering gear all to help a child escape.

That is in the manga and that was why Eren's gear had an "unseen malfunction".

tentaclecat: I apologize that it came off that way to you. Perhaps you could tell me how to improve the scene?

Akuma-Heika: Yes, both are being bullied. The bullying comes because they think that Miles is "self-inserting" himself into Rooster Teeth's RWBY even though the creator himself Monty Oum had wanting the character in his story and portraying their archetype. The bullying for the other blog is because the bullies think that Miles is using that blog rather than it being someone else.

The blogs in question can be found on Miles-Luna Tumblr and In-the-words-of-camp-Campbell and Miles Luna has a twitter account.

the pen or the sword: To each their own.

Guest: I care because a blog written by a minor is being sent death threats because they "sound like Miles". I wish I was making this up.

Also, you call Miles a hack writer with bad humor but not Kerry? They're both working together on the story and following the late Monty Oum's script- which he wanted to portray Jaune Arc and his archetype character- so it's incredibly hypocritical, and a real dick move, to put all the hate on just one of the writers when both are in this together.

Glasses Writer: Aren was mentioned in the second chapter, he is- was- Tanya's father.

I just want to get word out any way I can.

Direwolf1974: In the end, Shadis didn't fire Tanya for the same reasons he sabotaged Eren's gear- his connection with one of their parents. He knew Carla wouldn't approve of Eren in the military and did what he could to stop him, while he did not want the possibility of Aren Degurachaff's daughter going to such extremes herself.

I have no idea what that means ._.

Don't you worry- Tanya will get her chance.

Ferno16: Good to know.

Lewascan2: There will be ripples, as Aren Degurachaff and Tanya's mother were part of the SnK narrative and left behind impacts that Tanya's going to deal with later in-story. Also, he was described in chapter 2 by Tanya's mother, as well as his death.

That's... actually a really good description XD

Jarjaxle: I originally was going to have more Being X interactions but then I hit an idea that opened so many more doors for and that I think is going give the story more depth and thus Blue, Red and Green Eyes came into the picture.

* * *

 _How the hell am I still a soldier?!_

Tanya was poking at her bowl of stew while Braus and Lenz had taken residence on either side of her, the messhall crowded and loud. _Shadis said it himself,_ she thought in resignation. _I'm a mess- I thought I'd gotten some equilibrium over the past two years, but if just seeing_ his _grandson was enough to shake me up this badly..._

She shoveled some of the soggy vegetables into her mouth, the taste nonexistent. _He even said that people like me were either going to die or go mad, and he still let me stay._ She swallowed it down roughly. _But why? He's supposed to weed out the weak, and as much as it hurts so say, I'm part of that crowd right now-_

Her spoon clattered out of her hand at a sudden thought, splashing a little stew to the side. _Could it be?_

"Is something the matter?" Lenz said with concern before Tanya asked, "Do either of you know if Shadis was apart of another army before all of this?"

Braus seemed to strain herself and Lenz frowned thoughtfully before saying, "He's referenced fighting the titans several times now- he must have been in the Survey Corps at one point in time, before the titans invaded."

 _That's it then,_ the white-haired girl realized, fist clenching. _He_ must _have known my father then_ \- _I can't think of any other reason he'd let me stay, not after all of that._

Tanya never knew Aren Degurachaff or felt anything to him other than the fact he and her mother had been happy together before he was eaten by the titans, but now relief and disbelief alike flooded through her for her father and she didn't know which one she should have felt more strongly right now. _Saved by a dead man, who'd thought?_

"Hey, are you still worried about earlier?" Braus asked before poking her cheek with a smile. "What matters is that we're both here and we'll be able to be great soldiers! So cheer up, okay?"

Tanya sent her a scowl at the contact but it didn't quite reach the level of disdain she was hoping for. _She's right, loathe as I am to admit it,_ she acknowledged, face-palming the auburn-haired girl away from her. _I could have been kicked out but I wasn't- but I still have to make sure that I get better._

She was hesitant to talk with anybody about what happened two years ago, but Tanya knew at least in her mind, that thousands had gone through what she had. _I'll bet anything that there're people here who went through events similar to mine but are still coping well enough,_ she thought, eyes flickering over Jaeger and his friends as she looked over the others in the messhall.

Once she finished eating and left the messhall, a soldier came to her. "I'm here to escort you to Officer Bierne," she said.

Tanya followed her over to the side compound. Asking around directed her to one of the smaller offices, with a small couch and a few punching bags in the corner. At the desk was a woman with pale dirty blonde hair and wide pale green eyes looking over some papers, her eyes flickering up when Tanya closed the door behind her.

"Tanya Degurachaff." Her voice is low and there is a coarseness to it.

She nodded stiffly and Officer Bierne motioned to the couch. Tanya had seen the position in TV shows and movies but this was the first time she had taken the couch of a psychiatrist or therapist in either lives. The couch was comfortable enough but Tanya didn't like being at such a low level with the officer.

Officer Bierne doesn't say a word as she pulls up the chair next to her but she holds no clipboard or pen. She was still silent and Tanya began to fidget a little under her pale green gaze, unsure of how she would even begin to speak. Her mouth opened but her throat was dry and her mind blank- she had become so used to keeping silent and shutting the memories out by any means necessary.

She spent nearly thirty minutes like this and Officer Bierne remained where she was, expression never changing and nary a fidget. Then, she abruptly stood up and began to set up the punching bag, handed Tanya a pair of boxing gloves and sat back down. Tanya looked at the pale brown sack hanging there and her hands itched. She got up and walked to the bag, looking down on it before she curled her hand into a half-hearted fist.

The first couple of punches were more testing the waters, feeling the bag and getting her arms into the motion. But soon, her blows became faster, harder, and Tanya slowly felt black anger coil inside of her. Memories flashed before her the more she hit the bag- her mother's death, the three soldiers who conscripted her, the woman who murdered Ambrose, the sheer helplessness, terror and lack of control that had become far too big a part of her life as of late.

The final punch knocked the bag up and around the stand, nearly hitting Tanya right in the face before she jumped back in surprise, the spell broken. Officer Bierne got up and this and motioned for Tanya to follow her. After leaving the office, she led the white-haired girl to an entire gym in another building- punching bags, parallel bars, weight benches and dumbbells and other body weights greeted her sight.

When turning to the officer, she stated, "You might not be ready to talk, but this can at least help you ease stress in a productive way."

* * *

Jean rolled his eyes as Jaeger still wouldn't lose that proud grin, Arlert and Mikasa by his side. Who did he think he was, acting like he was on top of the world just because he snatched a passing grade?

He remembered the night they met, how everyone was crowding around him because he had supposedly been there when the titans invaded and had seen the Colossal and Armored titans. (He certainly didn't join in because he wanted to hear how those monsters tore into their territory and were now on his home's doorstep. Nope.) When they had asked about normal titans, that was when Jaeger's bravado faltered but got it back in seconds.

Jean was both amused and annoyed. That bravado was bullshit or he was a cabbage. He already saw _her_ reduced to a screaming and crying wreck after coming in from Wall Maria and he'd best anything Yeager was in a similar state when he came through as well. When he voiced his thoughts, Jean was honestly startled when Jaeger rose to the bait with dark anger in his eyes.

Two years of being around someone who never reacted to what he said or did, even when in a fit of rage he screamed at her to go die so his parents wouldn't have to put up with her and she didn't so much as bat an eye, had not prepared him for someone who was more than happy to fight with him. It was... cathartic in a way but Jean had a nagging feeling that that was not a good thing.

His eyes flitted back to where Potato Girl and that pretty blonde were still sitting- Potato Girl he understood ( _Smiley,_ his brain supplemented and his lips trembled as he kept himself from snickering), but how did _she_ rub elbows with the blonde that looked like she couldn't hurt a fly, much less be a soldier? Speaking of which, why did _she_ leave so suddenly anyways?

Lunch was soon over as more and more soldiers flocked in from getting through the test with the gear and Jean could see some carts carrying away more failed would-be soldiers. The sun soon dipped into the horizon as evening soon approached and the cadets that were there wore a more easy-going energy- they had made it in and barring incompetence, death or other unfortunate events, they were there to stay.

He saw Jaeger and Mikasa return and once more, he mourned the lose of her hair and the fact that she did it right at that bastard's say-so. Arlert waved to them from where he was heading over before stopping, eyes averting past Jean and the other two with him. "Is that-?"

Jean followed his line of sight and looked to see _her_ approaching the communes shower room. "Isn't that one of the girls that Shadis made run laps?" the freckled boy, Bott, wondered.

The bald boy, Springer, squinted a bit from where he was relaxing on the rails before replying, "Yup, that's Smiley all right- you can't miss her with that white hair."

"She seems more relaxed than before," Jaeger remarked.

Jean blinked as he looked at her further- she looked like she had just run through a mile but the expression on her face, while still stoic, was certainly not as severe as her previous expressions.

"- know Smiley?"

Arlert blinked as Springer. "Why do you think I know her?"

"She looked pretty shocked when she heard you say your name yesterday," Springer said, pinkie in one ear. "She was really jittery after that."

"Someone like that should not have been allowed to be a soldier," Mikasa stated factually. "If that was all that took to shake her will, she has no place here. I don't know what Commander Shadis was thinking not throwing her out."

"She has a point," Bott said with a concerned frown. "That wasn't nerves, it was like she was cross-way between having a panic attack and wanting to curl up and disappear."

Jean found himself nodding in agreement- how did she become so ruffled from something like that?

"You don't think..." Springer trailed off.

"Think what?" Bott asked.

"All that stuff that Shadis yelled at her yesterday, about ass-licking-"

"I fucking dare you to finish that sentence, Springer," Jean cut him off savagely.

 _"There's no way Shadis would do something like that."_

Jean stared at Jaeger as he stated this, expression and eyes cold and certain. Then it just vanished and Jaeger looked just as startled as the rest of them with what he said. "Things are too desperate for anyone to be motivated like that right now, especially soldiers," he said with a scowl.

"Rumors like that don't serve any purpose, only to drive wedges between people."

Jean looked up at the speaker- two teens that were the largest males there and the one who spoke was dark-haired with dull green eyes and looked like a tree who had spoken, while his companion had blond hair and amber eyes with a broader build who looked both surprised and proud in his friend. Springer was startled at their intervention before quickly holding up his hands in "don't-kill-me" sign. "I-it was only a joke, seriously-"

"It's in incredibly bad taste," the dark-haired boy said sternly. "How would you like it if someone joked about you soliciting others when you clearly didn't?"

"S-sorry..."

Jean said nothing to this, glad that they had stopped this conversation in it's tracks- he wasn't so low as to go around spreading rumors about a girl and that kind of thing after all, even if it was _her_. Besides if he wanted nightmares, he'd just think of his home now the border between humanity and the titans and how any wrong move would take away even more of their territory and he should probably stop this train of thought or he really would have nightmares.

 _There's no way she'd do something like_ that _to get in_ , though, he thought with a grimace. _Besides, I don't think Shadis is into_ anything-

"Well, we really don't know her," Arlert said. "Eren, Mikasa and I both came from Zhiganshina, but she said she was from somewhere called Liese."

The blond and dark-haired boy exchanged glances at this before the blond said, "Liese is- _was_ , one of the villages in the Southeast Mountains of Maria. It was close by our own village."

The three boys looked at the older teens as they said this, the significance lost on them. But Jaeger, Mikasa and Arlert all looked startled and comprehending. "So then..." she said in a soft voice.

"We weren't able to receive word of the invasion, not until the titans were right at our doorstep," the dark-haired teen said, eyes closing. "It was in the morning, the livestock were making a huge racket and I could feel the ground rumbling beneath me. I went to check outside the window and..."

If he didn't have nightmares at this point, Jean was certain he was going to have them now.

"What did you go and bring that up for?" the blond asked with a frown and his companion shifted his eyes away.

This killed any conversation between them and she came out of the showers, hair wet and flat against her skull. When she saw they were all looking at her, she looked confused and pointedly didn't look at Arlert before heading over to the female barracks where Potato Girl and the blonde went to greet her. Jaeger and Mikasa watched her like a hawk while Arlert's expression was pensive.

Jean left for his own bunk, conflicted.

* * *

I noticed a lot of people seem confused about Aren Degurachaff- he was mentioned in chapter 2, so go back and read it for more understanding.

Also, I had a plot bunny for Tanya if he was born into the Ally With Monster-verse. She is mostly incredulous at Pokemon existing and will deny to her last breath that she ever went through a phase in her previous life. When she joins the military after the titans invaded, she gets a Honedge for a partner as well as choosing to use ReBurst (See Pokemon ReBurst manga) as a technique.

The end result is Tanya with Aegislash fused to her body in a badass knightly armor outfit and gaining the power of her Pokemon. She is guaranteed a spot in the Military Police but soon she becomes drunk and then addicted on the feeling of battle when fused with Aegislash- a great deal of the story would deal with the conflict between the two desires and how she could best reconcile them.


	18. Redo

BingeBoi: Read chapters 7 through 11.

Jarjaxle: Indeed.

Jean doesn't actually know where she went those few days.

Amaspa: Well, he kind of does- he's just there until someone either draws attention to him or events conspire him to act. Shadis wasn't kidding when he said Bertolt lacks motivation/drive.

Owl: U_U

Heika: Not a problem.

Glasses Writer: Thanks.

TGDBS: I'm glad you liked it- it took me a bit to get to written out in a direction that made sense.

Direwolf1974: I'm going to try and put more original content in.

Those were on orders of the monarchy, not the soldiers- all so that there would be less mouths to feed.

Lewascan2: I figured if anyone knew about the benefits of therapy, it'd be a former Survey Corps Commander- lord knows they need it.

Acerman: So, roughly forty chapters/ a season and a half before then?

* * *

 **Due to everyone's annoyance- including my own- with the subplot I created, I have edited the last part of this chapter- 4/22/18**

* * *

Tanya's days blurred together into a new sense of normalcy.

Mornings started at the crack of dawn and after quickly getting on her uniform and cleaning herself up, she left the cabin and was soon joined by Lenz and Ymir. Most, if not all of the cadets, had nicknamed her "Goddess" for being so kind and sweet and it made Tanya throw up a little in her mouth the first time she heard of it. Ymir was only there because of Lenz. Braus meanwhile usually raced Springer to the messhall, both panting and sweating messes by the time they made it. She would take her place at the table nearest to the back, Braus and Springer on one side and Lenz and Ymir on the other.

Tanya had by now resigned herself to be in their company but that didn't mean she had put up with this or extend more than she needed to for either of them.

After breakfast came lessons and Tanya quickly excelled in them, if for nothing else than the fact that she had faced worse in high school and college- she, along with Arlert, Leonhardt, Braun and Hoover quickly rose to the top of the class. She sometimes wished more was being taught, as the lessons revolved around history- mainly the titans driving humanity to extinction, which she did not care for- mechanics with the basics of how to repair their gear and math. Lenz was an adept reader and was often asked to repeat passages during classes and Braus was surprisingly good at math but she was only adept in that.

While she, Spinger and Ymir were clearly near the bottom of the class, Braus was the only one who seemed worried about getting better grades. Springer and Ymir were both too casual about this for Tanya's tastes, the former being even worse than Sasha academically. Somehow, Lenz shoehorned herself and Tanya into giving them lessons- Ymir automatically collected Lenz as her "private tutor" (Tanya gagged at this) and left her to deal with Braus and Springer.

It had taken her fighting tooth and nail, but both were improving... marginally.

Mid-morning would be devoted to learning the basics of the 3D maneuvering gear and how to use it. At this point, they were learning how to scales surfaces and learn control of the cables and grappling hooks so they could fire them off and not have them either break loose or miss their intended target. They usually scaled a large wall that was reminiscent of the ones used for mountain-climbing training back in her old world and the principals were more or less the same. This training was both exhilarating and terrifying- if she made one wrong move, one misstep, one rash judgement, she'd fall and have nothing to protect her.

Braus and Springer both clearly enjoyed this and had experience in scaling ledges and trees to either get vantage points or take birds' eggs to cook at home. While Braus was stronger and had more endurance, Springer was lighter on his feet and faster. Tanya, Ymir and Lenz had more trouble with this as they weren't as strong as agile as the two but they all pushed themselves to succeed- Ymir often slowed down just enough to show Lenz a safer path or give her advice, Tanya powered on through with just her drive to improve, eyes locked on Braus and Springer as she studied their movements and techniques.

While a large part of Tanya still screamed fighting like this should be absolutely impossible, another more worrisome part was impatient and eager for the day they would actually fly.

Noon had lunch, albeit the smallest meal of the day, and Tanya found herself once again with Braus and Springer on one side- always animated, specks of food flying between mouthfuls, landing on her hair and face- and Lenz and Ymir on the other-quieter but with several looks between the two that said far more than words- and the white-haired girl was a little concerned at how quickly she grew used to this arrangement.

After lunch was a brief rest period to let the food settle and Tanya would spend that time with Officer Bierne- she now knew the entire layout of the gym and what exercises helped her not only sort her emotions but made her muscles even stronger. A few times... a few times she had been able to talk about her life before the Fall of Wall Maria. It had only been a few things, like their routines, her mother talking about Aren Degurachaff or how they had saved up so she could join the military. This only happened a grand total of three times in three separate sessions as whenever she though of doing so, more often than not her throat would close and her newfound anxiety would creep up on her until she exercised it out. Officer Bierne didn't admonish her for this but once remarked that she felt more like a trainer than a doctor.

The only one who seemed to know about what she was doing was Ackerman and she used the gym even more than Tanya. Whenever she came in during break, the Asian girl wouldn't say a word as she trained but her eyes did flicker at seeing the white-haired girl. Tanya was just glad she hadn't been around when she had talked to Officer Bierne.

Mid-noon to afternoon, they'd be focusing on hand-to-hand combat and self defense. This Tanya took with gust, determined to be ready to defend herself if someone tried to approach her with untoward intentions. This quickly became one of her favorite lessons during the day, between academics and Officer Bierne's sessions. However, several cadets were frustratingly apathetic here and usually spent it goofing off- Braus and Springer included. The only ones who were taking it seriously were Jaeger, Braun, Hoover, Bott, Ackerman, Lenz and Arlert and the latter was almost always thrown on his ass.

Tanya refused to let them waste this time and she made Braus and Springer take this time seriously, even if she had tor resort to physical intimidation to do so. That said, it told sad things when she could put two people in a headlock as a twelve-thirteen year old girl when she couldn't manage that as a thirty-to-forty year old man. Ymir always disappeared during this time and Tanya decided not to question this.

The rest of the afternoon until dinner would be devoted to training with the 3D maneuvering gear once more and Tanya would end the day feeling sore, bruised but satisfied she was getting back into a routine and some semblance of normalcy. Her body became leaner and more wiry with muscle, her movements and instincts sharper.

* * *

"If you wait too long, the meat'll get too tough!"

"But you kill it too soon, then you won't get enough!"

Tanya struggled to resist the overwhelming urge to bang her head against the table as Braus and Springer kept talking back and forth about chicken meat. Lenz was at least wise enough to keep out of their conversation but the looks she and Ymir were both sending each other were beginning to make the white-haired girl uncomfortable.

 _I didn't come here for this bullshit,_ she thought venomously, stabbing her spoon down into the slowly cooling stew before shoveling it into her mouth- Braus and Springer bonded over one another's stupidity and similar backgrounds, much to her chagrin.

Tanya had been very surprised that Braus had been a skilled hunter back in her village, nor that the efforts of said village and it's people had been able to keep the area from starving but at the cost of food for them. She had joined the military for the food, money and security it gave to it's soldiers. Springer meanwhile came from a farming village that, while having gone through the same in that they had to work twice as hard to provide relief for refugees and themselves, had bounced back. Rather than joining the military for the main purpose of food and money, Springer had plans on getting into the Military Police and getting recognition for his village and family.

Lenz claimed that she was there to help humanity however she could while Ymir just shrugged and stated she did what she wanted. The former was clearly lying while the latter, while honest, hid her motivations. When they had pressed her on why she joined, Tanya had kept her answer short and simple.

 _"I have no other path."_

It was honest and it displayed what motivations she wanted it to display. Braus and Springer were disappointed that was all she ever said but accepting nonetheless, Lenz was clearly curious but kept her mouth shut while acting like she was concerned and Ymir...

Tanya didn't know if she disliked the freckled girl or tolerated her the most out of the group that formed around her. She always seemed to hang around, just out of the corner of her eye. The two didn't speak to each other and the only reason they were usually seen together was because Ymir clearly had a fascination with Lenz that she didn't understand and Lenz wouldn't leave Tanya the hell alone for whatever reason.

Braus and Springer were idiots and that was all the explanation she needed for the two.

Other groups had begun to form up now that the cadets were settled in- Jean usually hung around Bott and a few others whose names she couldn't place, Arlert was almost always seen with Jaeger and Ackerman while Braune, Hoover and Leonhardt stood apart with Carolina occasionally sitting with the blonde. Kefka and Diamant were always together, acting in a lovey-dovey matter that made her stomach churn.

As she turned away from the obvious couple, Tanya noticed some cadets including a dirt blonde, giving her dark or sneering looks. She ignored them and returned to her food- she knew that there would be people who looked down on her after the first day, so it didn't dismay her outside of the fact that she was used to having a good reputation. She had worked tooth and nail in her old life to make the best impression possible, so when she fell short of that it brought a feeling of inadequacy that made her stomach twist itself into knots.

She ignored them entirely and didn't give them any indication that she even cared they existed. She knew how to handle herself around the pettiness of bullies. In fact, once the meal was over and if things went swimmingly, she wouldn't have to deal with some of them again...

* * *

Jean winced as his joints cracked as he stretched- the night was slowly closing in on them as the sun set further and they had no more classes or training once dinner was done. He saw the others return to their cabins, save for a few in the shadows of the messhall's right outside wall. As he moved to get up, he saw Marco's eyes locked over to the right.

He followed the freckled boy's line of sight and saw three cadets, two boys and a girl, approaching her. He didn't hear what they were saying but their tones- mocking and degrading- made it clear what their intention was. Tanya's expression never changed and actually moved in closer and murmured something to the blonde girl that made her and the two boys with her recoil before the white-haired girl turned around to leave.

"Don't you walk away from us, slut!" the larger boy yelled, grabbing her arm tightly and immediately, Tanya kneed him in the groin hard.

"Jean, get Shadis!" Marco barked, voice and expression authoritative and the boy was moving before he even realized it.

"Sir, there's a fight!" he yelled for the bald officer and the man was already following him back.

By the time they arrived, a small crowd had formed outside the four- the larger boy was still on the ground clutching his crotch while the blonde and lanky boy flat on their stomachs with Springer and Freckles were sitting on their back to prevent her from moving. Potato Girl and Christa were both with Tanya, fussing over the white-haired girl who was wearing an exaggerated expression of relief.

"These three were harassing me and then tried to attack me," Tanya said, just adding a slight quiver to her voice that was so obviously scripted.

"I grabbed your arm and you hit first!" the larger boy rasped, voice high-pitched before he groaned in agony.

"You called me derogatory names and grabbed me without consent- what was I supposed to think?" She made her eyes wider and Jean nearly gagged at the false whimper.

Shadis expression became stone cold as he looked over the three cadets. "The titans are on our doorstep, a third of our territory lost to them- and yet you waste time trying to bring your comrades down."

"You mean bring your whore down!" the blonde yelled, glaring accusingly at Tanya. "She's only here because she-"

Springer applied more weight on his side, pinkie in his ear. "You know if you were jealous of her getting better scores than you, you should just improve yourself," he drawled, flicking a bit of ear wax off his finger.

Shadis wordlessly gestured for them to get up and Springer and Freckles moved so that the three cadets miserably trailed after the commander, expressions apprehensive. "Are you gonna be okay? Do you need us to stay with you?" Christa asked worriedly.

"If anyone tries that with you again, you can always talk with us!" Potato Girl said determinedly.

"Thank you, I'll be fine," Tanya said, fake relief coloring her voice and she made a show of rubbing her eye.

As the cadets began to file back into the messhall, Jean looked back at the white-haired girl was leaving for the barracks. For a moment, wreathed in shadows, he saw a smirk spread across her face, teeth visible. His throat became dry and he turned back for the building, cold all over.

* * *

Kefka and Diamant are Franz and Hannah's last names.

As for the delay, **The Depression** reared it's head in the last week and my father's fiance moved in with us just last night- these two events are not related.

Also, I looked up Japan's view of and actions to bullying... and it is incredibly disturbing. Many teachers are not only not trained in how to spot it, but some even encourage it because their society is based on around conforming and anyone who even looks like they're stepping out are mercilessly bullied, sometimes picked on by an entire class. And the teachers almost never step in because either they don't know how to handle it or they don't want to be singled out for "not conforming".

Yeah everyone hates the subplot including me -_-;


	19. Gifts

tentaclecat: Ogat! Tanya Degurachaff is in a very different place than canon! Tanya Degurachaff. She's not a prodigal soldier with nigh unshakable authority and decorated officer at nine-ten years old because of great magical skill and with no deep emotional connections save for the hatred with Being X. Right now, she is just one of the many grunts of a Red Shirt Army and trying very hard to work through trauma that ripped her to pieces the few times she allowed herself to open up.

I know you want to see Tanya as a badass, and so do I! But she needs to deal with this shit before any of that. I did say... _somewhere_ , this was going to be long. I'm sorry that you've lost interest U_U

Fireflyeleven: H-heh-heh-heh...

Jarjaxle: They will get their just desserts.

89ingenting: There's a reason that Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world right now.

Thank you :)

Akakuroforever: z

Jupiter's Bull: You can see my reply to tentaclecat on Tanya and her passiveness. Worry not, Tanya won't be like this forever.

* * *

 **This chapter has been heavily edited due to dissatisfaction- 4/23/18**

* * *

Tanya felt light as she walked through the streets of Trost.

The district was just a few miles outside the training compound and, along with Kroleva, was a popular place to go when the cadets had days off. With the first few days off they had since arriving at camp, the cadets were all eager to relax and visit their families. While Tanya didn't have such a thing anymore, she did look forward to seeing Mercury after so long as well as Gaelle's rice omelettes.

With last night's triumph still fresh in her mind and a day that promised relaxation, Tanya had a new energy to her step. No more being passive, no more just reacting. She had allies, even if they left something to be desired, and after last night there'd be hard pressed to find someone to try and smear her again.

 _I'm not helpless,_ she thought with a smirk, _I can handle myself._

Jean was still giving her a wide berth and she understood that he didn't want to be seen with her, what with them having used to living together. So she didn't disparage him when he shot her a distrusting glare and went in the opposite direction of his house. It was just as well, Tanya wasn't planning on heading there anyways.

"Doesn't the military have their own stables?" Eilian deadpanned as Tanya approached him with his money.

They did, but it was criminally expensive and after having Mercury nearly stolen three times, Tanya didn't want to take the chance of any cadets trying to steal or hurt him. The gray horse neighed softly at seeing her and Tanya felt at ease as he nuzzled her hair. On closer inspection, she found herself nearly reaching his withers. Her hands smoothed over his coat before taking the brush and gently brushed his mane and coat, letting her mind quiet with the motions.

Eventually, Tanya's stomach growled as the noon sun began beaming down harshly on Trost. "I'll be back," she murmured to the horse and went on her way after paying Eilian.

Gaelle was overjoyed at seeing her and Tanya's breath was knocked out of her by the stout woman as she hugged her. "You haven't seen Jeannie by any chance, have you?"

"He hasn't arrived yet?"

"No, I'm getting a bit worried."

 _He's definitely avoiding the house,_ she thought as Gaelle prepared food for her, Luke reading the newspaper from the armchair. _I guess he's not too keen on being seen visiting his mother, especially after how rocky things have been between them. Teenagers..._

"I can look for him if you'd like."

"Aren't you sweet! But just focus on eating, dear- you must be starving."

Gaelle's cooking was even better than she remembered it, especially after months of the military's rations. "I could send some care packages if you'd like," the stout woman suggested and Tanya nodded through her mouthful before finishing the omelette.

With the sun high in the sky, Tanya left the Kirstein residence and kept her eyes pealed for the boy. Passing by a few taverns made her wish that she could buy booze, but the drinking age was fifteen and she didn't want to get in trouble for drunk mishaps. The last thing she needed was more dubious allegations against her character.

She soon came to the west area of the district where the merchants had set up shop. At one point, this area would have been far livelier but there was an air of depression and anxiety over the buyers and merchants. Their wares were pitiful, with dried fish, half rotted fruit and vegetables and foul smelling breads and cheeses. Flies buzzed around the food, incessant.

Tanya saw some cadets walking about but no sign of Jean. As she moved to leave, she noticed a lanky man with tussled sandy-brown hair tied back with a ribbon, wide-rim circular glasses, a beak-like nose and robes that were too big for him moving a stand in the center of the market place. Some people were slowing down out of curiosity but most kept to their errands. Tanya watched as the man stepped up and pulled forth a book and a string of beads that reminded her distinctly of a rosary.

 _This is gonna be great._

"Hear ye hear ye!" the man spoke for all to hear, voice surprisingly young, "I beg a moment's time!"

She knew of the Church of the Walls: a cult that considered the Walls Maria, Rose and Sina to be sacred, to the point where they preached that trying to leave the walls or even touching them was tantamount to blasphemy. Tanya understood why they had this attitude, considering the walls kept the titans at bay and let them live, but only in so far that they were necessary to exist as shields, not worshiped like shrines.

 _Might as well watch the slow-motion train wreck begging to happen,_ she sneered silently- a man of the church trying to preach to people just a wall away from the titans and who had experienced the refugees flooding into their district?

They'll eat him alive-

"What happened two years ago was a tragedy that could have been avoided."

 _... what._

"The Walls exist as the barrier between humanity and the monsters known as titans. They are our shields, our protectors, our guards- to claim they are anything otherwise is lunacy. Yet far too many insist that the Walls that protect us not be strengthened but to be enshrined. They claim that anyone who would touch their stones would be cast into the fiery depths of hell!"

The young man's hands clenched tightly. "Those words are the _height of idiocy!_ The Walls were made to protect us and anything that hampers their ability threatens our survival as the human race! They should not be untouched and shrouded in gold and cloth, they must be fortified, built upon! They must be allowed to guard us from the monsters, they must be allowed to be the protectors of the human race!"

His eyes closed tightly in restrained anger. "And because we were prevented from fortifying the only barriers we have, the titans were able to invade our lands, raping the very Walls that were supposed to protect us! Because of the mentality that the walls are hallowed and untouchable, we were unable to build greater defenses and add to our arsenal! This cannot go on! Not when the future of humanity is dependent on the Walls!"

 _What a thing to see,_ Tanya marveled, _a churchman with common sense._

This got a fair bit of applause from the people in the crowd and the young man held forth a stack of papers with a few pens. "I ask you- I beg you- if you could simply sign your names here, perhaps we can do something about this. We can prevent the titans from destroying our livelihood to building upon the defenses the gods were so gracious to bestow upon us!"

More cheers erupted and several people flocked towards the young man, passing the pen around as they signed name after name before a line began to form as even some of the merchants had joined them. Tanya watched this, surprisingly impressed at what she had seen as the young man thanked each person. _Mixing in religious fervor with common sense- not bad at all._

The white-haired girl wasted no more time and got in line- she saw the cadets that stayed fall in as well. Once she got to the front, she took the pen and signed her name with a bit of flourish, aware of the eyes on her and her uniform. The young man beamed at her as she handed back the pen and leaned down to thank her-

 _ **"Th** e fa **r ea** st o **f th** e dist **rict, n** ext **to t** he wa **lls."**_

Her eyes widened and her body felt like ice as she forced herself not to betray any emotion as she stepped out of line and the young man handed the pen to the next person. She kept her pace steady as she moved from the area, ducking into one of the alleyways she passed and slamming against the wall to catch her breath and process what had just happened.

 _After nothing from them in two years, they just spring that shit on me with no warning?! In front of a crowd of witnesses no less!_

Her hand came to smooth her hair back and her chest heaved as she controlled her breathing to calm down. _I can get more answers this time,_ was Tanya's last thought as she made her way down east, her body like a bound spring and the search for Jean forgotten.

A she went further down, she found the houses in poorer repair and several tiny shacks that dotted around a small stream that, judging by the smell, connected to the district's sewage. She paced about a little impatiently as the sun descended further across the sky.

 _This area seems deserted but I have no idea if someone will overhear us or not,_ she thought, strangling the anxiety trying to rear up.

"Apologies for the wait!"

Tanya turned as the young man rushed up to her, his bag bulging and some papers visible from the lip- his eyes were a dull hazel. "It seems that the people here were more taken with my words than expected- it took far longer than expected to get away," he said, trying to catch his breath.

"Do you actually believe what you said?" Tanya asked, wondering if those had been his own words or theirs.

"Of course. The gods wouldn't give us tools with the impression we won't use them," he said, adjusting his glasses with a small sweat-drop. "Now if only my fellow church-goers would understand this..."

The white-haired girl's lips quipped a bit at this. "I take it not many Wallists are happy with your petition?"

"I'm amazed more aren't singing for me to be burned at the stake, cast out like the heretic they claim I am."

A chuckle escaped both of them at this before Tanya focused on the task at hand. _He doesn't seem to be possessed, not from how they did before. The old-_ Ambrose _, didn't seem to realize what was happening, and neither of their voices is distorted..._

"Apologies again." The young man adjusted his glasses, the light making the lenses opaque. "You didn't come here for idle chatter. I shan't take anymore of your time."

 _Wait, what?_

Tanya blinked as the young man's body slumped for a moment, his head bowing. A moment later, it came back up and his eyes were a warm red color. _**"I** t's **good** to s **ee y** ou aga **in. Tha** nk yo **u fo** r hum **oring** Elijah **."**_

"... you told him," Tanya realized in horror. "You told him _everything."_

Red Eyes looked confused and concerned for a moment before the eyes became green. _**"Elijah** is **a dev** out me **mber o** f o **ur fait** h," _Green Eyes intoned, hands folded behind the back as they walked beside her, _"h **e w** ill n **ot be** tray **us."**_

Something clicked in her brain. Tanya's head whipped back and even from beyond here, she could see the banner of Wall Rose above the gate. She stared back between the banner and the- the apparent goddesses for a good ten seconds, trying to articulate her thoughts before face-palming. _"I can't fucking believe it..."_ she groaned.

 _"O **h my** , yo **u rea** lly di **dn't k** now,"_ Green Eyes tittered softly before Blue Eyes flat-out guffawed.

In hindsight, Tanya knew that it made sense- the presence of three, the only other religion in the walls that had prominence.

 _"W **e- w** e ass **umed y** ou kn **ew o** ur ide **ntities,"**_ Red Eyes tried to placate her. _"Th **at's w** hy w **e cho** se **Elijah** a **s o** ur **corresponder.** It w **ould ma** ke se **nse fo** r u **s n** ot to **sudd** enly po **sses som** eon **e goin** g abo **ut th** eir liv **es, or** els **e it** m **ight r** ais **e suspic** ion-"_

"Oh and a man of church going to talk with a teenage girl in private isn't?" Tanya snarked, eyebrow arching. "Are you seriously telling me this is the best way we can talk?"

It lowered at Red Eyes frowning softly. _**"I'm sorry** th **at th** is ups **ets y** ou, bu **t**_ _**th** is r **eally** is **th** e onl **y w** ay w **e ca** n spe **ak fa** ce t **o face** , a **s o** ur po **wer wa** xes a **nd wa** nes- u **sing th** e bodi **es o** f othe **rs an** d un **able to** sh **ield ours** elve **s fro** m un **wanted e** yes. Me **mbers of** o **ur fai** th ar **e eas** ier t **o u** se si **nce th** ey h **ave a** grea **ter conne** ction t **o us."**_

 _ **"Bes** ide **s, pas** tors a **re ask** ed o **ver t** o t **he tra** ine **es an** d sold **iers fo** r bles **sings an** d wedd **ings,"**_ Blue Eyes pointed out, lips quirking into a smirk. _**"An** d it **'s n** ot **uncomm** on fo **r the** m in **to g** et i **nto fig** hts eit **her."**_

 _I suppose that makes sense- they did say that their power is tied to those who worship them,_ Tanya thought.

 _ **"N** ow n **on** e **of** us w **ants to** wa **ste an** ymor **e time** , so I' **ll sta** rt **off,"**_ Green Eyes cut in, expression serious. _"H **ow d** id on **e s** uch as **Being X** dec **ide to** cu **rse y** ou a **s h** e d **id?"**_

Tanya's blood chilled at the question, the last few minutes of her previous life already playing before her. She had never forgotten it, not one detail, no matter how much time passed. But she spoke still, surprised at how clear her words were. The eyes shifted between red, green and blue as they listened patiently. Much to her annoyance once she was done, Green Eyes was moving a hand to their mouth to stifle a smile.

 _" **I ma** rve **l at y** ou **r pighe** ade **dne** ss," _Green Eyes barely suppressed a chuckle before becoming more serious, _"a **nd que** stio **n why** yo **u wo** uld de **ny wh** at y **ou s** aw y **ourself**."_

"... everyone wants something. Humans operate on that basic need- we approach others because we believe they can give us what we want and we try to get others to approach us for the same reason. When one goes to an interview, they sell themselves to the workers in order to meet their livelihood and the employees pick and choose who they hire for the same reason. Believing that something that may or may not exist and expecting them to just give them whatever you need is insanity, especially when you already either have the tools and standing to get what you want."

She remembered her old mother would pray for an hour a day, looking up to the cross hanging from an old nail while begging it to make life better for her and her son. _If she had just concentrated on what she could bring forth with what she had..._

 _ **"Wha** t a str **ange combi** nation **of wis** dom a **nd arroga** nce,"_ Green Eyes murmured. _**"Yo** u bel **ieve wh** at y **ou ar** e sh **own beca** use o **f eviden** ce b **ut stil** l re **ject i** t bec **ause it** do **es not** f **it in** to yo **ur pre-esta** blishe **d world view."**_

 _"Y **ou've g** ot so **me go** od poi **nts** ,"_ Blue Eyes conceded, _"b **ut th** ere **'s a ga** pin **g h** ol **e in** yo **ur argum** ent: **Being X** pr **oved h** is **existence** an **d s** o h **av** e **we."**_

Hatred curdled Tanya's stomach as she spat, "Oh he proved himself all right- proved what an arrogant, irrational psychotic man-child he is! He put me through this hell just because I didn't care to worship him! How many people don't believe in him or pray to him, yet he- he-!"

 _"Y **et he** ch **ose yo** u o **ut o** f th **em al** l, **t** o ta **ke hi** s frus **trations o** ut o **n,"**_ Red Eyes deduced, sympathy evident. _ **"Yo** u ha **ve ev** ery rig **ht t** o b **e ang** ry w **ith suc** h a fa **te."**_

Tanya looked away at this, trying to will her throat not to close up. "Have you got anything else you wanna grill me on?"

 _"... **I wi** ll as **sume t** ha **t's a** n expr **ession in** yo **ur prev** ious w **orld,"**_ Green Eyes said carefully. _"B **ut no,** t **hat is** a **ll we** wa **nted to** kn **ow fro** m yo **u th** us **far. Yo** u may a **sk u** s w **hat yo** u w **ill the** n."_

The white-haired girl's lips pursed a bit- she knew who they were and what they were so far capable of.

"Why do you want to keep in contact with me?"

The eye colors flickered and Elijah looked deeply pensive and unsure. Finally, they stopped on Blue Eyes. _**"Ther** e's n **o on** e li **ke yo** u he **re- so** me **one w** ho wa **s reb** orn wit **h the** ir me **mories o** f a **nother life** an **d tim** e inta **ct. Is** it s **o har** d to be **lieve w** e ju **st wan** t to s **tay in** touc **h?"**_

"Did you not hear my spiel on human agenda a few minutes ago?"

"Fair enough." Green Eyes looked at her cautiously. _"W **ith th** e d **ecline in** o **ur fait** h, w **e ha** ve n **ot jus** t lo **st pow** er- we **'ve lo** st a g **reat ma** ny **of ou** r **memories. W** e no lo **ng reme** mber th **ose wh** o fir **st worsh** iped **us, the** on **es w** ho ga **ve** us sha **pe."**_

Tanya forced back a scoff- if they thought she was going to go around spreading the gospel truth, they had another thing coming. Elijah's hand moved into his bag and pulled out three things.

The first was the rosary from that he had worn earlier- a closed cord with three small bronze medallions with the emblems of Maria, Rose and Sina engraved. Between each medallion were seven beads with each string being red, blue or green.

 _" **Th** is w **ill gi** ve y **ou power,"**_ Green Eyes instructed. _"W **ith ea** ch b **ead, a** n in **cantation ca** n b **e giv** en an **d th** ey m **ay hel** p yo **u depen** ding **on w** ha **t y** ou s **ay."**_

The second was a dagger roughly nine inches with a brown leather scabbard and dark brown polished wooden handle and hilt. The blade had a slight ripple pattern about it and tapered off into a sharp point, double-edged.

 _ **"F** or **protection,"**_ Blue Eyes said, smirking lightly. _"Yo **u can** ne **ver go w** rong w **ith a** dag **ger, espec** ially sin **ce the** ol **d met** al is **so scarc** e now._

The third was a book.

 _ **"We** do n **ot as** k y **ou to** ta **ke u** p o **ur fait** h, n **or t** o a **dopt o** ur wa **ys,"**_ Red Eyes said softly.. _**"We** on **ly as** k th **at y** ou t **ry a** nd **understand** **us** , th **at y** ou l **end a** n ea **r."**_

With that, the red light vanished from Elijah's eyes and he slumped, eyes hazel once more.

* * *

The sun was nearly gone as Tanya and Elijah- no longer possessed- began to walk back to where the wagons would depart for the barracks- she still saw no sign of Jean but to be fair, she wan't trying very hard to find him. Tanya kept glancing over at Elijah during this, questions running through her head. How was he approached by them? Was he shocked that they truly existed or accepting immediately?

The gifts that she had received were tucked securely in the sack and while adverse to the book and rosary, the white-haired girl would make sure no one but her laid hands on them.

"It's all right that you are concerned with these events," Elijah suddenly said, gently smiling. "I myself was quite taken back by their communication with me."

"Didn't believe they existed?"

"I used to believe whatever had been told to my by my fellow church-goers," the young man explained, smile dropping. "I knew nothing else, and my father and mother wouldn't allow me know anything they deemed unnecessary."

Tanya frowned at this- yet another aversion she had to religion. It was one thing to choose to believe in a deity, it was another to be spoon fed the teachings and not be given a choice in the matter. "What changed?"

"My father took me Wall Maria on a pilgrimage two years ago- we were in Zhiganshina when the titans invaded."

His hand shook in a tight fist, glasses opaque. "Even as he was being devoured, my father still never stopped reading from his book. Did he believe that he would be saved if he showcased his belief? Or was he hoping that he would be granted passage into Heaven?"

Tanya wasn't sure what to do but the sympathy for watching a parent be eaten was overriding her right now. Her hand reached and tried to settle on his shoulder, but fell short a few inches and patted lamely against his upper arm. "I- I get it, losing someone's hard, even if..." she trailed off lamely.

Elijah turned back to her with a sad smile. "I'm sure you have a great deal of experience in that regard," before his voice became softer, "I can't imagine what it must have felt like, being taken from all that you know and put in a foreign world..."

Her hand clenched tightly. "Don't remind me."

"I apologize." Elijah's hands folded in front of him. "I thought my faith had died with my father- my mother's certainly did- before I realized the truth." His expression became determined. "The Walls are indeed precious, but because they are shields, not shrines. What good are our words if we cannot protect those of our faith? I may have lost my faith, but I gained new resolve to spread word."

He gave a sheepish smile. "Just not the word my fellow church-goers expected. Or approved of."

 _So he had those beliefs before they contacted him,_ Tanya thought before she said, "That's not what concerns me."

"Does it perhaps have to do with their power over humanity?" The white-haired girl remained silent but the young man seemed to understand. "That they have the potential to do what they please to us? Is it because they could disrupt the world if it meant converting you?"

Tanya remained silent before Elijah said gently, "The goddesses said it themselves- he does not have the power here that he had in yours."

 _Not yet._

* * *

"Jeannie, there you are!"

The boy stared at the hag with as blank an expression he could muster as she hugged the breath out of him. After wandering around his hometown for hours, he knew he couldn't put this off any longer and came home. Of course the hag was already smothering him but he endured it.

"Did Tanya come through here?" he asked once she let him go.

"Why yes, I asked her to look for you earlier- is everything all right?"

His teeth grit at this as he fought to calm down- he felt sick just being here knowing she had been under the roof. He knew that there was something seriously wrong with her and that grin from before confirmed his suspicions.

"Don't let her come back here."

She blinked at this before her expression became protective. "Jeannie, I know the two of you don't get along very well-"

"That has nothing to do with that!" he snapped. "She's dangerous!"

"Jeannie, that's ridiculous-"

"It's true!"

"How?"

"She got three cadets in trouble and that-" That disturbing smirk crossed his mind, sending chills up his spine.

"Were they trying to hurt her?"

"W-well-"

"The she had every right to defend herself."

Jean tried to protest but they died in his throat and he stormed out a moment later, the bitch's protest in his ears. _Dammit, dammit DAMMIT!_ he screamed in his head. _Every time, every fucking time she just has to go and-!_

"Jean?"

The boy turned around to see Arlert approach him. Of the trio around Jaeger, he was the easiest to approach and the two got along all right right. "Are you all right?"

A minute later, Jean finished ranting of his visit home as well as the events of the previous night. "I see," the blond said with a frown. "You think she might be planning something untoward then."

"I _know_ she's planning something- she always is," Jean said vehemently. "I know what I saw and I know _her_."

Arlert looked thoughtful at this. "What?" Jean asked before he felt a little panic. "You think I'm making this up?"

"No." The blond's expression became pensive. "I think that she's still recovering from the attack on the walls."

"Seriously? That was two years ago and you and Jaeger got over-"

Jean froze at the haunted look that appeared in Arlert's eyes. "Just because we don't constantly think about it anymore doesn't mean we're not affected," he said, voice low. "We lost our homes, our families, everything that had made us who we are before. That's not something anybody can walk away from."

He remembered the last two years before the military, the same haunted look in her eyes as Arlert. But that smirk came back full force and his fist clenched. "Even still, I don't trust her," he finally said, "and you shouldn't either- I've seen how she looks at you."

Arlert looked confused at that but Jean was done with this conversation and left.

* * *

Elijah's appearance is based on Samuel Seabury's appearance in the Farmer Refuted Animatic by Krystaliaaa on Youtube.

Also, I am honestly amazed no one guessed who Blue, Red and Green Eyes were until this point.

Edited (again) 4/22/18.


	20. A long awaited talk

tentaclecat: Then you have missed several bits of the story that would have made it clear how we got here.

If you really have so much hatred for this story, then I don't understand why you waste your time reviewing this ^^;

TGDBS: :D

Sasha37: Good for you.

Guest: This is a turning point- for better or worse.

Like I said before, Tanya had gone through a different kind of hell as opposed to her canon self and has demons to fight that she never had before.

nanoidManicist: What ost?

Well, cool.

Jarjaxle: (whistles innocently)

Well, in that so far that she can use their friendship for her own goals- like I said in the previous chapters, Tanya utilizes the Power of Friendship but she doesn't actually consider them friends.

amerdism: Tanya acknowledges that they can be useful to her. She doesn't acknowledge Being X as a god in the light novel, manga or anime out of spite either- it doesn't help his actions towards her either.

Glasses Writer: I see.

As in realizing that it has potential to get her what she wants?

Akakuroforever: ... (lmao)

Fireflyeleven: Read the manga.

Yes indeed.

Babull: Huh- that's a first.

Jupiter's Bull: I'm glad someone's excited :D

Tanya was never meant to be passive forever- all it took was motivation and a change in perspective.

Akuma-Heiki: Yeah, he gave a speech about relying on friends and accidentally awoke the analytic and pragmatic side of a former salary man.

Acerman: (... rolls away)

Elijah has a specific role here, so he'll have more appearances. Also, I can just imagine someone asking Tanya, "Where'd you get that cool dagger?" and she replies back, "From a man of the church."

Blue, Red and Green Eyes are Maria, Rose and Sina respectively- they could be considered goddesses.

tsun: You and everyone else, it seems.

BingeBoi: :D

ChrisVegamelo: Thank you.

animecutylover: (Checks the story from the previous day and spits out drink at seeing nineteen more reviews)

Yes, her mother isn't Asian, Deceased Parents Are The Best, Yes she is Jean's mother, subconscious is a bitch, no dice there, yes, yes, yup, Mercury escaped when Officer Burrows tried to take him for himself, Tanya is a strong independent prepubescent girl/former salaryman who don't need no arm candy, Jean pre-character development- 'nuff said, probably, why(?), Aren Degurachaff was a Survey Corps soldier, she has no reason to speak of herself, nor the resources to fight back without getting into trouble or damage her reputation (because Japanese put a great deal of emphasis on both) and yes.

* * *

 **Edited 4/23/18**

* * *

There were many things people said about Armin Arlert, but thing they all agreed on was that he was smart. His natural environment would be filled with books, pen and paper if he had one, though his bunk and the classroom made due for the meantime. When problems arose, Eren and Mikasa often looked for him for answers or a solution.

It was the least he could do to be their friend.

But right now, his mind was stuck concerning the topic Jean had ranted about the previous night. Tanya Degurachaff was an enigma to him- he knew that she was refugee from the mountains like Reiner and Bertolt, but there had always been something about her that was strange. Looking at her, Armin didn't see a girl their age but an adult wearing the skin of a child.

 _That sounds disturbing even in my own head,_ the blond thought, _but it's really the only way I can describe her from what I've seen._

What very little he had seen of her, considering the white-haired girl, since the first day, had pretended he didn't exist. He still remembered the look in her eyes when she saw him, how rattled she had become afterwards. The blond had thought it was nerves before, but the fact that she was clearly avoiding him at every turn suggested something else.

But what? What could make her decide something like that even though they never interacted? Armin went over the possibilities in his head before one of them made the rest disappear and he dropped his spoon- it was a long shot but from what he had seen, it also made a disturbing amount of sense.

 _I can't just jump to conclusions,_ he thought with a frown, looking over to where the white-haired girl was sitting with Sasha, Connie, Christa and Ymir. _I need to talk with her directly._

* * *

 _Why is he looking this way?_

Tanya kept her eyes firmly off of Arlert as she gave a short nod to Braus' question, the auburn-haired girl not noticing that she wasn't paying full attention. She refused to acknowledge his presence and forced herself to keep eating even when her stomach churned. She had been able to control the grief, the fear and smother them on the spot in the past few years. But every time Arlert looked her way...

 _This should have be easier,_ a voice in the back of her mind complained. _This shouldn't be giving me so much trouble._

"-do?"

Tanya looked back at Braus as she finished speaking, cursing herself for getting distracted. "Do?" she repeated the last part, silently screaming for sounding so stupid.

"For winter," Springer said, completely missing her being distracted. "We're nearly done with handholds and climbing, but are we really gonna start using the gas tanks when it's cold out?"

"It'd be dangerous to try practicing with the gear during the cold, and it could set us back," Lenz pointed out. "It's only a few months away, but it bears some preparation."

"Don't you worry about the cold, Christa," Ymir said with a smirk, ruffling hair. "I'll make sure you don't freeze."

Tanya mentally slapped herself to refrain from making a face.

"I think the only ones who'd worry about fighting in the snow are the Survey Corps," Braus mused. "But I dunno if they actually fight during the winter..."

These were good points- winters in the mountains had been hell but winter the past two years, trying to keep the ground from freezing, farming day in and out so that they wouldn't starve, had been worse. Just the thought of using the gear, trying to grip icy handholds and the cold metal of the cables and scabbards through her clothes made Tanya grimace.

 _But there's a chance they might decide to strike then,_ Tanya thought, fist clenching. _The Colossal and Armored Titans attacked when our only fighting force against them was weakened. I'd bet anything they'd try the same during winter just to catch us off guard._

And wasn't that just a cheery and not paranoia-inducing thought. The white-haired girl's fingers trembled slightly around her spoon but she took a deep breath to calm down. _Worrying isn't going to do anything but run me ragged- it's useless,_ she thought harshly. _All I can do now is prepare the best I can._

Once she finished her food and put away her dishes, Tanya exited the messhall, almost running and avoiding Arlert calling out to her, quickly made her way to her barracks. She kept her pace swift but easy, eyes flickering back and forth just to make sure she wasn't being followed.

She reached the barracks and stepped in, slipping a hand underneath her mattress- she withdrew her back. Through the material, the white-haired girl could feel the beads of the rosary, the scabbard of the knife and the corners of the book. She withdrew the rosary first, giving it a more thorough look-over.

The bronze medallions were roughly the size of an American dollar coin, and the only reason she knew this was because of a fellow salaryman who collected foreign currency. Each held the engraving of the banners of Maria, Rose and Sina, recognizing the engraving as the banner in Kroleva as Rose's face. They felt cool and heavy in her palm and there was a soft scent of incense from them. The beads between each medallion were roughly the size of her fingernail, with the beads between Maria and Rose colored blue, Rose and Sina red and Sina and Maria green. They felt surprisingly light in her hands, like glass.

She put the rosary back into the sack and pulled out the knife and scabbard next. They had not yet learned to wield the swords that were issued to every soldier yet and most cadets only used wooden knives and swords during self defense. Tanya didn't want to take any chances that she might break the rules if she used the knife itself.

After hiding the knife, she took out the book. Flipping through the thin pages, Tanya quickly realized that rather than being a bible or missal, this was a prayer book with a few parables sprinkled here and there. Further flipping through, she found specific areas marked down.

"The joy of Maria is my strength- if this is true, let Her joy bring strength to my mind, body and soul."

"Proud Maria, renew mine self and give me the power to overcome each obstacle in my path."

"Gentle Rose's grace shall be sufficient, for weakness brings forth perfection."

"May Gentle Rose give thee the strength to work without a soul knowing."

"Surround us with Your divine hedge of protection, Sina."

"For those whose cause and soul are righteous, Sina, surround them with favor as a shield."

"Gentle Rose, Your word speak promises of restoration and healing, and I claim these for those close to me."

"She does not give as the world gives, but Peace Sina leaves and Peace Sina gives."

There were more passages marked that Tanya flipped over before reaching the end of the book. A single sheet of parchment was stuck to the back, handwritten.

 _"_ Maria, Rose, Sina, I don't always know what your wills are, especially in these trying times, when I desperately seek your faces. I can offer no promise, no bargains, no ideals in exchange for your divine intervention. I simply bow my head to tell you the desire of my heart."

 _I wonder..._

Tanya flipped back to the front of the book and found a little scribbling near the top. "To Elijah: may the Goddesses bring you joy with their words- with love, Leila."

Her grip on the book tightened. She had assumed this had just been another book and she'd keep it safe because the "goddesses" and the young man at their disposal were actually benevolent. She didn't know how to feel about Elijah giving her something that was clearly personal to him. _Did he choose to give this himself or did they convince him to do it?_ she wondered- the latter option was one that she would consider, but it didn't fit into the pre-established view that they had given her, any of the three.

* * *

 _ **"We** do n **ot as** k y **ou to** ta **ke u** p o **ur fait** h, n **or t** o a **dopt o** ur wa **ys,"**_ Red Eyes murmured. _**"We** on **ly as** k th **at y** ou t **ry a** nd **understand** **us** , th **at y** ou l **end a** n ea **r."**_

* * *

 _Well, that's a hell of a lot better than what he proposed,_ she thought, lip curling at the thought of the manchild of a deity- one could lead a horse to water but they couldn't force them to drink, after all. She still didn't like the ideas of god-like creatures, but these three at least weren't trying to force her into an all or nothing outcome.

She continued reading through the book before she heard the bells clanking in the distance, signaling the end of lunch and the rest period. She put the book back in the sack underneath her mattress and went out, keeping her pace brisk. Much to her displeasure, she saw Arlert talking with Braus and Lenz at the railings and she was already heading back to the barracks.

 _Just a little further-_

Her shoulder was grabbed gently and Braus was right beside her, panting. "Please, just hold on," she pleaded. "We just want to help."

Tanya scowled at this before Arlert caught up to them and her stomach churned harder. "Hear me out," the blond said gently. "Then you can go back to ignoring me."

She glared at Braus, making the girl fidget before leaving them be. "I need to know," Arlert said, struggling to find his words before asking, "Did you meet anyone with my last name in the time you arrived at Trost?"

Tanya stiffened in surprise. _He already guessed that? How?!_

"So you did," the blond said softly, eyes closing. "And from your reaction, I can assume that you cared for him."

Her entire body went cold, the memories of Ambrose coming back and panic was starting to rise in her chest despite her furious efforts to control it. This was the very worst case-scenario that she had feared. _I have to leave, now! Or at least deny anything he's talking about-_

"You don't have to tell me," Arlert said, making her brain freeze at this. "I just wanted to know why you've been avoiding so much. I know this is deeply personal to you, so I won't pry anymore-"

"He wasn't killed by titans," left her mouth before she could stop herself, her voice quaking in her ears. "It was a woman, trying to take the horse we found."

Her eyes flickered to the ground, the cold becoming worse. "I was ready to die, but he wouldn't let me- he was- he comforted me. Tried to protect me."

Tanya's brain was screaming and the sound was drowning out everything else. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid, she couldn't look at the blond's face and have him know that despite how humanity had harped about the titans being the biggest threat, the ones who damned them were human.

"I couldn't do anything for him," came out and Tanya cursed herself for this, her hands coming up to grip opposite arms. "He died right in front of me and I couldn't help him-"

Arlert's hand rested on her shoulder. "But you were with him," he said, eyes wide as a few tears escaped before his expression hardened with determination. "And I know- I know what happened."

"She died," Tanya said, more in control of her faculties. "If that makes-"

"It doesn't, but at least I know. I wish I didn't, but I do."

Tanya tore her gaze from him, furious at the burning in her eyes. Despite her upset, her back felt strangely light. She also felt incredibly awkward now that everything had been said. She tried to speak but her throat chose this time to close up and she was furious with how little control she had right now. Eventually Armin left and Tanya didn't know what how this would change things.

* * *

Grab the arm, disrupt the balance and-

 _"Grrk-!"_

Eren looked down from where he had swung Reiner over him, half proud of finally throwing an opponent and surprised he had succeeded. The large blond pulled himself back up, grabbing the wooden knife. "You be the attacker next," he groused.

"Sorry about that- my control's pretty bad."

"And here I thought my size'd protect me... You're used to grappling more than fighting?"

"Yeah." Before he had met Mikasa, the brunet had "played" with other kids and one of them had been huge- learning how to grapple had been a necessity to avoid being pummeled.

"I don't get this," Eren admitted as he grabbed Reiner's arm and pulled him back up. "How many incidents have there been when soldiers actually have to fight humans?"

"I can think of several."

The brunet's eyes flickered over to the speaker- Degurachaff looked surprised at her actually answering while Sasha and Connie were spitting on their various bruises. His eyes narrowed on her- Degurachaff lurking around and trying to analyze everyone during training was nothing new, but ever since she had gotten back a day ago, the white-haired girl had been acting strangely. Almost exactly like Christa Lenz acted, only she didn't go out on her way to pretend to be a saint.

But there was something different about her now- what exactly, he couldn't place.

"Oh yeah?" he retorted.

"Robberies, murders, accidents, rape- soldiers are needed to quell any kind of dissent that humans cause," Degurachaff stated. "All this is doing is preparing us in case we get into a fight."

"Even if we did, practicing like this isn't gonna guarantee victory- I mean, who comes at a soldier bare-handed, or with a wooden knife?"

"Repetitiveness and exercise build up strength and muscle memory."

"Maybe..."

* * *

 _The three_ animals _pretending to be humans, Mikasa pale and tied up, blood all over the floor-_

* * *

"... but in real life, hoping for that kind of luck to happen is foolish."

Degurachaff's expression became solemn while Sahsa and Connie looked between the two of them. Reiner's hand gripping his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. "I get what you're saying, but that's irresponsible thinking. Of course there'll be times when the odds are against us, but we'll still fight those odds, whether to protect others or defeat the enemy. That's why we're here, mastering as many skills as we can so we can be prepared."

"It's our duty as soldiers."

 _!_

"Wow..." Sasha and Connie said in awe and Degurachaff... smiled? "Well-said, Braun," and there was honest admiration in her voice.

The large blond looked surprised at being complimented before muttering, "Didn't mean to get all lecturing there..."

"That doesn't mean it wasn't helpful or true," the white-haired girl stated, looking up at him- the size difference between the two was comical. "There're plenty of people here who came to join the army for the privileges that come with being a soldier but have no intention of actually taking responsibility with their post. It's good to see someone actually keeping in mind that it's a job we're obligated to do."

Eren blinked at this- he had never thought of that before. They were both right, in that becoming soldiers they would have power, but he never thought of the responsibility that came with that. All this had been for him was a way to get stronger in order to kill every last titan- in that regard, he was similar those who had come for the perks that being a soldier had come with.

"Hey, isn't that...?" Connie said, pointing over.

Eren followed his gaze and saw Annie Leonhardt, walking past the training cadets with a done-with-this-shit look. The blonde was strange in that where the others had used this time to train, all she did was watch or walk around. He didn't know how she did it, but Annie never seemed to get caught by Shadis or the other officers for this.

"Hey Eren." Reiner was grinning, half determined half mischievous. "How about we teach her a lesson for slacking off? If anyone could use a lecture on how to be a good soldier, it's the slouch over there."

"Ah- um, maybe that's not a good idea!" Sasha began but the blonde was already walking close to their group and Reiner quickly stepped into her path. "Do you like the instructor's headbutts? If you don't wanna get any shorter than you are already, then try to recall your first day here and actually get serious."

Eren was about to ask what he was talking about before he saw the look on Annie's face and his blood chilled. She always looked annoyed, but if looks could kill, Reiner would be dead twice over, maybe even more. Sasha and Connie both hid behind Degurachaff, the white-haired girl's expression surprisingly stoic despite the situation.

"All right, you first Eren!"

"Wait, what?!" he exclaimed as Reiner put the wooden dagger in his hands and pushed him towards Annie.

 _What the hell?!_ he thought in disbelief at the situation before Annie took an unfamiliar fighting stance

"Huh?" Connie said in confusion. "Iv'e never seen that fighting pose before."

"Whatever it is, it's not the one we use with weapons," Sasha said back.

Degurachaff's eyes widened at the stance. "Boxing...?"

Eren didn't pay their words any more mind and rushed right at the blonde- but as soon as he got close, her leg smashed right into his. Agony rippled up his shin and he was sent sprawling onto the ground. _What the hell?!_ he thought again, trying to get up only for his leg's pain to make him falter.

"Can I go now?"

"Not until you get the dagger away from him!"

"H-hey, come on now! That looked like it really hurt!"

Annie sighed and began to walk back over to him and Eren was startled at the fear that he was feeling. "H-hold on a second!" he tried to stall. "We're supposed to do this diff-"

Her hand closed around his face and before Eren realized it, he was sent flipping through the air and landed on his back, half his body slumped over. In his pain, he dropped the dagger and Annie picked it up, tossing it over to Reiner.

"Your turn."

"I-I- no-"

"Get her, Reiner." Getting his ass handed to him because of the large blond's insistence was annoying enough, but watching him try to weasel his way out put cold rage in the brunet's veins. "Didn't you say you'd teach her the responsibilities of a soldier?"

"Yeah. I said there're times when soldiers can't run away... and this is one of them!"

Approximately two seconds later, Reiner was on his back in the exact same position Eren had taken. _He was more twice her size and she still flipped him over like it was nothing!_

"SO COOL!"

Sasha and Connie had shot out from behind Degurachaff and were right in Annie's face, expressions amazed. "Can you show us how to do that?!" Sasha exclaimed, eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, that was amazing!" Connie added, grinning.

"Your technique is incredible," Degurachaff admitted, walking over to the blonde. "I think we'd all benefit with you as a teacher."

"... whatever." A look of resignation crossed Annie's face as she faced to them.

"You don't have to if you don't want-" Eren began before the blonde turned to him.

"You saying you don't wanna learn?"

"N-no!"

* * *

Nearly a month later, I return. Real life has been keeping me from writing, but unlike before it's not from stress or something bad.

My first workplace has been going through renovations that should be finished in April and because of that I've been having more shifts at my second workplace. Add that to the fact that I'll be moving out, and you've got me scrambling for literally every penny in preparation for the future.

In the last month, my father's fiance arrived all the way from the Philippines to live with us and they got married just a few weeks ago. I have been adapting to a new environment with my stepmom and so far, she has not only settled in well but she's also one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure to meet, as well as one of the best cooks- I've gone literally years without home-cooking and having it nearly every other day is a new experience. Like an inverse of the evil stepmom trope- where my biological mother was obsessed with housework and not giving us a say in any matter, my stepmom is literally one of the best people ever.

Also I've been trying to re-watch/finish Stardust Crusaders and got sucked into Sonic Forces, specifically the OC creation- you can find her on my tumblr as my most recent post, Miki-chan13.

Also writer's block.

I do not own the prayers, I just found them online.


	21. Should not

amerdism: That and the fact that Ymir's been near Tanya since day one. As for Tanya, this is just so she has allies- allies= resources in her mind right now, and this is going to come up.

alexc123: I'm glad :)

Jupiter's Bull: Yeah, we're all really lucky in that regard- thank you.

Kaioo: I have not heard of nor played that game.

pipn123: I'm sorry that the writing has not been your preference. Thank you for your honesty.

Weebsweb: I will do my best.

Mayuraheika: Tanya is an aggressive person in canon, but this is usually when she is in a position of power over another person or peoples. Here in training, the ranks are far more equal and they're all subject to military hierarchy.

* * *

 **Edited 4/23/18**

* * *

Tanya stared at the new bruises that coated her body, the purple-black skin nearly taking up half of the pigment. She had seen how merciless Annie was when handing Jaeger and Braun their asses, but she still hadn't been prepared for just how _brutal_ the training under the blonde would be. She gingerly scooped some salve and rubbed the light green stuff over the bruises.

Every time she thought she had something down or had Annie right where she wanted her, the blonde would smash apart her expectations and send her sprawling onto the ground. At this point, she didn't bother keeping track of how many times she had been flipped, tripped or thrown down, nor how many injuries she had concocted.

Even still, the way that the blonde fought had been beautiful in it's brutal efficiency- Braus had once compared it to how a wolf would snap it's jaws around the jugulars of an unsuspecting sheep and Tanya found it an apt description. Efficient in style and in mannerisms, Tanya found that she honestly enjoyed the sessions with Annie and the blonde's attitude- no-nonsense, never beating around the bush and actually had some semblance of maturity.

 _I wish I could say the same for the company I keep, in both lives._

"Mmm..."

Tanya glanced over where Braus winced as she rubbed the light green salve into a particularly nasty bruise on her side, trying to hold back tears. During one of the lessons, she had dropped her wooden dagger and landed on the blade upright. While it hadn't broken bone or skin, the girl was in almost constant agony and it didn't help that the belts of her harness went over it and chaffed against the skin whenever she moved a certain way.

 _At least Shadis is holding off on the next stage of gear training until winter is over,_ she consolidated. _I don't know what we'd do if we tried using the wires or gas tanks in the cold._

Tanya strangled the rising concern right where it started. _I am DONE letting my emotions rule over me like some teenage girl-_

The harsh bark of laughter escaped her before she could stop it and her chest ached from the action. "You okay there, Tanya?" Brause asked, concerned. "You like kind of-"

 _"Perfectly fine,"_ she rasped out, teeth gritting together.

"Okay...?"

Tanya turned away before a particularly harsh gust of cold wind made the walls shudder and goosebumps crawled up her flesh. With no more gear training, they had two free periods that most cadets spent huddled in their cabins. Tanya had been briefly worried that the training they were doing with Annie would halt before she remembered the gym. Now in those free periods, she, Braus, Springer and Jaeger would meet Annie in the gym and continue their lessons while using the equipment there.

Officer Bierne had begin to come in as well and supervise them, making sure that things wouldn't get out of control. This was a relief as Ackerman was almost always there outside of free time and a rather fierce rivalry had sprung between her and Annie. With Officer Bierne there, things wouldn't get as vicious as the two girls wanted to be, even if their spars ended bruises aplenty on both sides. Not to mention whenever Ackerman was there, Jaeger would either push himself harder and be more focused, or get angry and be sloppier. More than once Tanya had nearly lost an eye when Jaeger accidentally sent his dagger right at her face.

Speaking of which, Tanya had taken to using the wooden daggers in practice as often as she could. When she was certain no one would see her, Tanya would take the dagger out of it's sheath and go through the motions she had learned. The wooden dagger was lighter and blockier than the the blade and she had taken to making her own practice dagger to better emulate the real deal. Springer had been a surprising help knowing how to whittle with different kinds of wood, and the fact he didn't question why she needed it made things much easier.

That and he was a moron.

She was still cultivating the facade that she regarded them as friends with varying success- Braus, Springer and Lenz bought it, Jaeger was suspicious, Ymir seemed to see through it and kept to Lenz like a tick and Annie didn't seem to care. As for Armin, the two of them had come to a sort of truce at this point- she didn't ignore him at all turns and even found that she enjoyed his company when they were in the same area. He was incredibly smart and perceptive and Tanya had a feeling he'd do great things once training was over.

Through her sessions with Jaeger, Braus and Springer, as well as her newfound good relations with Armin, they all began to sit together during mealtimes and free periods. Lenz and Ymir would sometimes join them and Tanya quickly realized that Jaeger saw something off about Lenz as well but never remarked on it. They would also overlaps with Annie, Braun and Hoover's company as well, if only because the three were so often together.

She respected Braun, if only because his mentality was similar to her own at least in working hard to become soldiers albeit for different reasons, and the fact that he was incredibly reliable. She wasn't sure what to make of Hoover, he reminded her a great deal of a tree- she was aware he was there but he never tried to stand out or draw attention to himself. Even Braus and Springer were more tolerable, if only through exposure and the fact that they wouldn't leave her alone despite her protests.

As Tanya's fingers gently touched the skin just above her left eyebrow where one of the bruises had finally healed, she remembered how Officer Bierne had taken her aside the other day to talk.

"There's only so much you can do just taking out your issues on the equipment. I was worried that you'd isolate yourself and just bottle everything in, but now you have friends- or at the very least, comrades you can speak with. This isn't meant to be pressure, just something to bear in mind."

Well, Tanya was in no danger of taking that advice anytime soon- with the talk with Arlert and training in the meantime, she saw no need to speak of what had happened and simply focused on her work. Even if she did talk, she doubted there would be someone who could emphasize with her.

 _That's not_ entirely _irrational,_ she thought. _I doubt there's anybody else who was reincarnated by a psychopathic man-child of a deitic-like being._

Despite her shivering from the cold, Tanya pulled her shirt on before grabbing her patchy winter coat and gloves. As Braus finished getting ready, the two girls braced themselves and opened the door. Immediately, the cold burst through and Tanya winced at the brightness of the snow and the light reflected off and blinked rapidly, bright and black spots dancing before her vision before forcing herself outside.

They raced back to the barracks and Tanya ignored the protests as they threw the door open to get inside, slamming a little harder than necessary. "Sorry, sorry!" Braus gasped, rubbing her hands together to get some warmth back in them.

Tanya went to her bed and curled up in the sheets, letting the cloth drape over the mattress as she pulled out the book and rosary. An unexpected benefit with the cold was that with the blanket around, her reading was hidden from the other cadets- she had given off several impressions and she'd be damned if people began thinking she was religious.

 _I'm reading the book given to me by a man of the church possessed by the personifications of the walls,_ she thought sardonically, rubbing the beads between her fingers, _that'll make sense._

* * *

The months of winter that passed her some of the slowest that Tanya had experienced. Even with the training and lessons, everyone had slipped into lethargy in the cold. She fought to keep her body in peak condition, inside and outside of training. This became harder when an especially powerful blizzard brought nearly eight inches of snow and made the gym's roof cave in.

Finding fellow trainees frozen dead in their bunks had not helped morale. They had lost twenty cadets to the cold and exposure, some frozen in their beds. Tanya felt nothing as they removed one of her bunkmates out of their bed, blue with cold and death- she was far more concerned with the fact that her source of training and the only relief to the inevitable cabin-fever was out of commission.

Having little choice, Tanya took to training in the barracks despite the others protests. She never skipped a day, even when her body creaked in protest and her bruises began to show. Push-ups, sit-ups, planks, stretches of all kinds, anything to keep her body limber and strong. She never skipped a day, even when her bruised body kept creaking and cracking from the strain. The sweat and energy she worked up kept her warm even as the walls shuddered from the cold gusts outside.

But day by day, warmth eventually started to return, the snow and ice melted and Tanya had volunteered to help get the gym's roof fixed with a few other cadets. Spring had yet to fully settle in but winter was already over.

* * *

"Listen up, you fucks!" Shadis roared. "This next part of training with the gear is going to determine whether or not you can actually get off the ground! Don't even think this is gonna be easy- a third of you shit-mongers can die or get maimed in this stage!"

Sasha trembled with the slight chill and excitement despite this warning and she exchanged eager grins with Connie- they were finally going to learn how to fly and not even the the last chills of winter in the air could dampen her spirit! She shot Christa a little wave and grin and the blonde's lips twitched despite her trying to pay attention. Ymir smirked back from where she was trying to wrap an arm around Christa while Annie looked bored. Tanya and Eren didn't look back, their eyes locked on Shadis.

They were shown to the forest training area where several nets had been put up along the bottom of the area. Sasha fumbled for a moment with the tank before securing it onto the back of her waist- they had worn the tanks during climbing to get used to the weight but now that it had actual gas inside it, Sasha didn't know if she was imagining the weight or not. She checked over her gear a few times to make sure that it wasn't broken or out of place before joining the others.

Each cadet would take their place up at the trees and fire their hooks before activating the gas, trying to control the direction and speed before landing on the other side of the net. She watched as Mikasa took to the air with a grace that shouldn't have been possible before landing on the other side. Eren scowled with annoyance and some jealousy while Tanya just stared in disbelief at her performance.

"Seriously?" Connie said in incredulous awe. "How the hell are we gonna top that?"

Sasha doubted anyone could, at least with their first try. The cadets afterwards either got stuck mid-flight and dangled from their wires or overshot and landed on the net. One unfortunate cadet's grappling hook came undone and in his panic, fired the gas up and propelled him past the net and right into the ground with a sickening thud- and of course Sasha was set to go right after they got the body taken care of.

Her hands shook with fear, the fall of that poor boy etched in her mind. She fired the grappling hooks and the first try fell too short and landed on the net. She pulled them back and fired again but they struck the leafier part of the branch and came back with the greens stuck in the hook. No one badgered her for this, not after watching what could happen if they got it wrong. Finally, her grappling hooks sunk into the bark of the tree and a firm tug kept them stuck. She took a few breaths to calm her nerves, and activated the gas as she stepped off the platform.

Sasha's stomach plummeted as she fell before the wires snapped taut, halting her descent before her heart went up to her throat when the gas propelled her up. As she came towards the platform, she tried to retract the grappling hooks only for the wire to pull taut. The force of being pulled made the blood rush to her head momentarily and her stomach plummeted as she swung back. She tried to increase the flow of gas to propel her up again but the force wasn't enough and she ended up swinging back and forth like a pendulum.

"It was only your first try," Christa tried to comfort her once they got her down. "You can only get better."

"Yeah, it's not like we're all expected to be like Mikasa on our first go," Connie pointed out.

The other cadets had similar experiences with their first tries with a few standouts- Jean activated the gas tank right away rather than waiting to be in the air and he landed almost right on his feet, and Ymir pulled her grappling hooks out of the branch early and let the gas itself propel her up onto the platform. Eren had gotten stuck and immediately cut in line of the next cadet to try again before Shadis yelled at him to wait his turn. Annie was one of the few who were able to make to the platform without anything happening.

Tanya's scowl was dark as she looked up at them from where she had fallen onto the net, her grappling hook having come loose when she put took much weight into swinging. When Christa tried to comfort her, she ignored the blonde completely. "Don't waste your good graces on her," Ymir muttered with an eye-roll at the white-haired girl.

With this next step in their gear training and the longer days, nearly half of their lessons were now devoted to the new regiment with the gear. Now Sasha found herself quickly exhausted and strung just from the new training and often dozed off during mealtime or lessons before Tanya would always shake her awake.

"You can't afford to be slacking off now that we're at this stage," she said sternly.

She had always found her friend helpful but right now Sasha could only feel annoyed at the white-haired girl pushing them so hard. Even Annie was beginning to grow tired with Tanya pushing her to teach them every single say without rest.

* * *

The nausea was getting easier to handle and while the blood rushing to her ears still disoriented her, Tanya could power through it. The white-haired girl was fast approaching where her grappling hooks had embedded themselves into the tree and she quickly retracted them, her entire body tingling at the feeling of free-falling before she fired them off into the next tree, her body jerking with the movements as she was pulled forwards.

With one last glide, she landed on the ground, propelling the gas so she wouldn't land as heavily on her feet. She panted for breath, adrenaline pumping hard and hot through her veins while the officer wrote down a few notes. "All right, you can go."

Tanya nodded breathlessly and went to put away her gas tank and scabbards. She didn't think it was possible for time to pass as quickly as it did, but now they were coming close to the end of the second year. Her stomach churned inside and out, her head felt light and her body tingled with energy and adrenaline. She took deep breaths to try and calm down but the endorphins made her feel disturbingly giddy and a giggle escaped her before she could stop it. She covered up her face, trying to stifle them and hide her grin.

More than once, Tanya had narrowly avoided slamming right into trees or free falling if her grappling hooks got loose. She still didn't think she'd ever get used to fighting like this, but going in now for seven months had shocked her with how accustomed she had become. She no longer visualized the dozens of ways she could die horribly in this stage of training, the feeling of flying through the air was too exhilarating. The white-haired girl knew that this could be it's own problem if she got addicted to the adrenaline rush.

Finding out that the gear counted for more than half of the final scores quickly made her more somber. Her gaze became sharp with a grimace as she remembered over-hearing the officers speak about it and her stomach still plummeted a bit. She had been pushing the others to the limit in academics and hand-to-hand and if they found out that the former barely counted and the latter had no points, it would destabilize the routine she had set up for them.

The routine that was where she had the most control presently.

She made her way back to the field where the cadets were beginning to start the hand-to-hand lessons and she became more serious once she met with the others.

"Seriously Tanya, _pull the stick out of your ass!"_ Springer said exasperatingly from where he slumped on the ground after she had flipped him over. "We'll be dead if we keep this pace up!"

Tanya didn't bat an eye to this as she said, "We have to be in the best shape we can be in if we all want to get into the top ten."

"She's right," Jaeger said and Tanya blinked at the brunet taking her side. "With her pushing us and Annie's lessons, we'll-"

"It doesn't matter."

Tanya turned to the blonde as she uttered this, a shade of the anger from the first day of their lessons flickering on her face. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said- this is pointless." Annie jerked her head up and Tanya followed her gaze towards the cadets. "Why do you think the other cadets either unwind at this point or goof off? Hand-to-hand doesn't count for points in the final exam."

"What?!" Springer and Braus both exclaimed in upset disbelief.

 _Shit!_

"Meanwhile, they put all their focus onto the maneuvering gear training since it's worth the most points," the blonde continued impassively. "The right to live in Sina- that's all I'm interested in, not revenge, not being a 'soldier'."

Tanya fought to keep the scowl off her face- why did Annie have to go and say it?! The others knowing could completely destabilize the routine she had set up, with moral dropping for Braus and Springer if they saw no reward in training. Not to mention that Tanya would have to contend with other less brutally efficient people in training and she had no desire to do so.

"Then why did you agree to give us lessons?" Jaeger asked, that annoying fire in his eyes again- the kind that meant he was going to give another bullshit shonen hero speech. "Why bother to put up with us if you think it's pointless?"

Annie's eyes narrowed and she closed the gap between them, the brunet barely able to block her blow and keep the wooden dagger from hitting his ribs. "Good question- here's another," she growled. "Why do you think that the ones best suited for killing the titans are the only ones given the chance to be the furthest away from them?"

The white-haired girl's blood froze and her mind raced at the implications. Before she had assumed that the ones with the highest scores or the most well-rounded were given the chance because the Interior would only accept the best to guard the more privileged. But with the revelation of the scores concerning the gear and the question Annie raised, it was clear something was up. Why would they need the gear to go up against humans, especially ones that don't have access to the same weapons?

Jaeger's grunt as Annie slammed him onto the ground brought her back to reality. "Maybe it's just human nature?" the blonde continued. "Maybe that they're just fine with the 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality like everyone else?"

"H-hey come on!" Braus protested and she and Springer quickly pulled them both apart, Jaeger pulling himself up.

"You two are just like my father." Tanya blinked at this unexpected admission from the blonde, her expression frustrated as she looked at her and Jaeger. "Whether being carried away with ideals that had nothing to do with reality, or trying to please everyone while hiding under a facade. Even as a kid I knew it was bullshit, but dad still made me learn these moves and I was too young to defy him."

 _... is that what she thinks of me?_

Jaeger looked conflicted at this, mind racing. Braus and Springer both looked sympathetic at this and the former tried to reach for the blonde to comfort her before the blonde wrenched her shoulder away from her touch. "What's your point?" Tanya asked and Annie set her a cold look.

"My point is that I refuse to play pretend at being a soldier in this pathetic world like you are."

Tanya stared as the blonde walked away from them, never looking back. She... was not sure how to feel about this. She had assumed that the blonde was similar to her, but now she wasn't as sure. Clearly, there was a misunderstanding here from her end of things. Not to mention there was an undercurrent of something in the blonde's words that gave her cause to worry- what it was she didn't know.

Much to her displeasure, her worries were founded as Springer and Braus began to goof off again despite her protests. "You heard Annie- we should be focusing on the gear training," Springer said before shooting her a look. "Besides, I thought you'd be more excited about this, being so concerned with your scores and all."

The insight from the bald boy briefly startled her before she became furious. She grabbed their arms, grip like a vice. "Tanya?!" Braus exclaimed in surprise, fear crossing her expression.

"I won't let you throw away this training." The words were low in her throat.

She was not going to lose the area where she had actual control, dammit!

"You're not the boss of us!" Springer snapped, trying to pry her hand off him.

"Tanya let go, you're hurting me!" Braus said, fear becoming stronger.

The next moment, her arm was caught in a lock as Jaeger pulled her backwards. Her leg shot out and tried to sweep his feet out from under him before she had to dodge his fist, brushing against her cheek. In this moment, his foot came out and smashed against her shins and she could feel herself falling. Snarling angrily, she grabbed at his torso and shoved her elbow into his stomach, cutting off his air.

His hands grabbed at her head, boxing in and making her ears ring before she lowered herself and grabbed at his leg. Jaeger's knee shot up and knocked her head back, her lower jaw and nose stinging and tasting copper. As he tried to grab her arm, Tanya slammed her head forward against his, knocking him back before pulling her elbow back to hit him in the ribs before a large hand grabbed at her face and pulled her backwards and up- through the fingers, she saw Shadis watching them with a flat look, Jaeger in a similar position.

"I don't give a damn what you're arguing about," he intoned, "all that matters is it ends _now."_

He dropped them both and Tanya forced herself to land upright despite her ringing head. Springer and Braus were already making their way over to Lenz and Ymir while Jaeger went off to who knows where, leaving her alone.

* * *

Tanya poked at her food, appetite diminished. Braus and Springer were sitting with Lenz- who kept sending worried looks in her direction- and Ymir, the latter looking deeply annoyed with the two interrupting her time with the blonde. This left her alone with Jaeger, Ackerman and Armin while the brunet ranted to his friends over what happened.

"It's not so surprising," Armin said once Jaeger was done. "Innovation for the gear at an all time low before Wall Maria since the only ones who would make use of it were those in the Survey Corps. To keep them from fully dying out, they had to raise the value of the gear by promising people a life in the Interior. But ever since Maria fell, everyone's been trying to get in..."

Tanya wished she could pay more attention to what they were saying but the day's previous events were sticking in her mind for whatever reason. _It's just an argument, and no one was hurt too badly,_ she thought, trying to shovel the food into her mouth only for her hand to drop back. _They'll come around soon enough, and if not..._

 _If not, what? Why do you give a damn? Why bother being concerned about their opinion?_ Her grimace grew, memories of her younger days coming back despite her trying to strangle them.

Ikeda Susumu never had inherent talent in anything, save the ability to follow the rules. He had tried to become the best at something- anything- and in that pursuit, lost any potential friends and allies, whether by breaking the relationships off themselves or drifting away to find others to fill their needs.

As she had spiraled downwards at the uncertainty and instability of the future, Ikeda Susumu had been able rise to a comfortable and secure lifestyle through economics, through sales, through cold logic and abandoning anything that would emotionally hinder him. For the sake of fulfilling his needs and gaining the secure life he wanted, nothing could be held sacred.

Just thinking of that time in her previous life was sending far too many emotions through Tanya now, the worst being inferiority- inferiority to geniuses who could affect the world, inferiority to the dreamers who got what they wanted through hard work, all while she had to adopt what others would call a twisted mentality to rise up. Her hand clenched tighter around the spoon, hard enough to send a crack through the wood.

"What is it, Eren?"

Tanya blinked at the strange look on the boy's face as he turned to face Jaeger. "Don't you think it's crazy that the only reason people are trying to improve titan-killing skills is by offering a life as far from them as possible?"

That was something that the white-haired girl should have been concentrating on, what she should have been concentrating on in the first place. _Of course they want the 'most gifted' to protect the ones on top. The only reason that people bother with the gear now is because of the titans and the promise of a life of comfort. But that still doesn't explain why hand-to-hand doesn't score points if all they deal with is other humans._

"You've got a point, but that's just how reality is," Jean shrugged, "that plan exists for people like me," and the white-haired girl knew that a fight was only seconds from breaking out.

Sure enough, both boys leaped out of their seats and Tanya really didn't have anything better to do than watch, even as her rations grew colder. Ackerman was already standing up between them, murmuring, "That's enough," and Jaeger seemed to calm down somewhat.

"DAMMIT YOU ASSHOLE!"

Tanya startled at the sudden yell from Jean as he grabbed Jaeger's shirt. _Where did_ that _come from?_ she wondered, shaking her head in disbelief before she caught Annie, Braun and Hoover looking their way.

She expected the two to start brawling only for Jaeger to grab Jean's wrist, kick his feet out from under him and send the on his back with a thud. The entire messhall went silent and Tanya noticed Braus and Springer looking their way as well.

"Jackass-!" Jean rasped in pain as he pulled himself up. "What in the hell was _that?!"_

 _"That_ was a move I learned in training while you were lying around," and Tanya wasn't sure if she was imagining the cold look in the brunet's eyes, so different from his normal fire. "Your reality's living an easy life, only doing enough to satisfy yourself- _how can you call yourself a soldier?"_

... that _should not have_ hit her so hard.

All humans did what they did to satisfy themselves or to protect themselves. Yet this boy's hotblooded and naive words had, just for a millisecond, made hot shame well in her stomach at her actions and words and the inferiority returned full force. She smothered the shame on the spot, disbelief and anger making her grip tighten, sending another crack up the spoon but the inferiority only became worse.

 _Who the hell do you think you are,_ she thought in hatred to the brunet, s _aying that shit when you don't know a Goddamn thing about the world?!_

"Tanya!"

She froze at Armin speaking her name, her body going cold as he looked at her before she felt something hot on her hands. Looking down saw her spoon in pieces and the splinters sticking into her flesh, drawing blood. The blond was already moving towards her to pry the spoon away despite her protests. She saw Shadis looking through the door but looking in her direction where Armin was with her seemed to pacify him and he closed the door, the cadets all letting out sighs of relief.

"I'm fine," she said, trying to yank the wood out but her fingers kept slipping from the size of the splinters and the blood.

"Here."

Lenz was standing above her, holding bandages- because of course she kept them on her- and took a seat beside her, helping the white-haired girl remove the splinters while wiping the blood away. Jaeger and Jean were glaring daggers at each other but they were saving their fight for later. She refused eye contact with Arlert, eyes locked on her bleeding fingers before she heard a chair being slid by her- looking up found Springer and Braus.

"Are you okay?" the girl asked and Tanya felt her face grow hotter when she realized she couldn't face her.

 _Be the bigger person and end this._ "I'm sorry about earlier," she ground out.

"No, you're not," Springer deadpanned before shrugging, "but we accept your apology."

"You know you can talk with us, right?" Braus said, that stupid god-like smile back on her face.

 _... this is why you don't make friends anymore,_ she thought exasperatingly. _Once this is over, you can forget about them and move on with your life, as far from them and the titans as possible._

* * *

The training is nearly done!

Also, I got Tanya's past from the light novel/ manga and the lines detailing inferiority were lifted from the translation of the light novel's prologue.


	22. Three years later

amerdism: I went back and edited that bit- sorry for the confusion^^;

In the world she was in, they had magic and she was naturally proficient in it, not to mention her rank and natural metocracy in the society allowed her far more leeway in dealing with those underneath her. Here, she has to constantly train because of her smaller size and refusing to be caught off guard, as well as the almost constant threat of death around her. Not to mention that

tentaclecat: Which is why I have rewritten earlier chapters and removed part of the subplot. Even _I'm_ annoyed at what I've written ^^;

I do however stand by what I said before: you don't like, don't read.

Jarjaxle: I rewrote chapter 20 and you can find their talk there.

RESTIA: I am rewriting some of the earlier chapters, and the action is coming this chapter.

Ippen: I am aware ^^;

Kaioo: Ah, gotcha.

Malavita: Abridge on Titan or Attack on Titan Abridged?

I will :)

Zettai Zoro: **Congrats, you're the 200th reviewer for Of Gods and Titans!** For your prize, I will write you a oneshot of your choosing- we can discuss it further via PM.

Andromeda: Thank you, I will.

(Goes off to bawl in a corner)

Eren's last name is spelled several different ways- Jaeger, Yeager, Jäger.

Ferno16: Would that I could but SPOILERS.

* * *

 **For those of you who didn't read the author's note that this chapter replaced, I have heavily edited chapters 18-21. Chapter 20 has Armin and Tanya finally talking, so take a gander if you're inclined.**

* * *

"Move faster, you shits!" Shadis bellowed as the rain came down harder. "Do you want to become titan food?!"

The cadets moved their legs faster, panting for breath in the cold and the packs weighing them down further. As he urged them on, the man saw Arlert start to lag behind the rest, panting harshly. "What's the matter, Arlert? You're the only one back here!" he barked.

He directed his horse forward but didn't miss when Braun grabbed Arlert's pack and hauled it up on his shoulders while keeping the blond hidden from view.

 _Reiner Braun- strong as an ox and with the will to match. He was deeply trusted by his comrades._ Shadis had seen few that had Braun's capabilities and any military branch would be lucky to have him.

Arlert's teeth gritted together and he yanked his pack back, forcing himself to run right up and past Shadis. By his panting and the erratic pacing, the blond was sure to fall behind soon but still pushed himself.

 _Armin Arlert- he doesn't measure up to the standard of physical strength of a typical soldier, but his prowess lies in academics and strategy. If he could be given direction, then perhaps he could become something more._ Shadis had seen brilliance like Arlert's before and if cultivated, he could become like...

The rain soon cleared up as noon came and they made it to the end of the trail. The cadets collapsed on the ground, uncaring for the mud as they panted for breath. Bott was talking gently with one of the more upset cadets, saying something encouragingly. "Here," Lenz said gently as she gave her water skin to one of the cadets.

 _Marco Bott- he is skilled in repairing as well as maintenance, and has natural leadership skills. He makes sure that his comrades have a chance, even if he doesn't. That's an invaluable skill to have for any soldier, to be able to put themselves on the line to protect their comrades._

 _Christa Lenz- well-rounded in each area and known for being an incredibly kind and considerate person. This in itself is a double-edged sword, not to mention how said persona is just that._

The cadets broke for a quick lunch, anticipation high. With the paper tests already out of the way the previous day, all that was left was the 3D Maneuvering Gear exam. The officers set out the titan dummies and set the cadets into the forest, points awarded for the speed they traverse the area and the "titans" they kill. A few stood out for their skills both areas, including-

 _Annie Leonhardt- brutally efficient with her blades, cutting deeply into the target. Personality-wise, she's a loner and had trouble cooperating with others._

 _Bertolt Hoover- he's mastered every skill that's been taught. While he had great potential, he is held back by lack of initiative and the tendency to leave decisions to others._

Kirstein shot away after that and searched for more targets. When he spotted another, he increased the flow of gas and shot towards it only to be overtaken by Springer. He nimbly leaped through the trees and shot towards the target only for the "nape" to be slashed out. Braus let out a cheer as she fell back on the gear, bouncing lightly with a grin.

 _Jean Kirstein- he has great understanding of the maneuvering gear and how to exploit it, as well as being able to take in situations at a single glance. The problem is that his personality- and words- tends to create conflict._

 _Connie Springer- he has a fine sense of balance along with speed and agility and effective with the gear, his mind isn't nearly as fast and often makes strategic mistakes._

 _Sasha Braus- proficient in unconventional technique with the gear as well as having quick movements and sharp instincts, but her mindset made her ill-suited for more organized activity._

Another cadet swung by towards the titan dummy only to shoot away and let Lenz take the points as she slashed out the nape.

 _Ymir, last name unknown- has good intuition and instinctive use of the gear. However her personality alienates her to the other cadets save a few._ _She's also holding back._

The noise of wires being retracted sung through the air as Ackerman took down yet another titan dummy, form perfect.

 _Mikasa Ackerman... has mastered every single difficult subject to perfection. Her talent is historically unprecedented, making her the most valuable of them all. At the rate she's going, she could give Humanity's Strongest a run for his money..._

Then he came down to the last two and Shadis kept his expression neutral.

 _Eren Jaeger- proficient in hand-to-hand combat and little else, but steadily improved his grades through diligence. He also has a powerful sense of purpose about him._

What would Grisha say if he saw his son, taking on his last wish to avenge Carla even if it meant his death? Moreover, what would she say if she saw him allowing her son to become a soldier in the first place? The boy didn't fear death but despite being called "suicidal bastard", he had no intentions of dying or sacrificing himself. Would He made it clear he'd join the Survey Corps and destroy every last titan, but Shadis wasn't hopeful in his chances to do so.

 _Tanya Degurachaff- she rose to the top of each of her classes through diligence and commands surprising authority around some of the cadets. However, she is deeply rigid in personality and rule structure, as well as prone to recklessness in high-stress situations._

Shadis still didn't know if he did the right thing in allowing her to stay after the first day but there was little he could do about that now. Just looking at her, he could see that she had come far since three years ago- while the same potential to snap was still there, she at least had a better handle on it than before. She was adamant about getting into the Interior and that had driven her.

 _For better or worse, those two will get what they want._

* * *

 _"Number Ten, Marco Bott."_

The freckled boy kept his composure, eyes locked ahead.

 _"Number Nine, Connie Springer."_

The bald boy grinned triumphantly

 _"Number Eight, Sasha Braus."_

Her stomach churned in relief and anticipation, smile trembling.

 _"Number Seven, Jean Kirstein."_

His eyes were locked to the left of him with a scowl.

 _"Number Six, Eren Jaeger."_

His eyes were filled with fire.

 _"Number Five, Annie Leonhardt."_

She looked as bored and done with everyone's shit as always.

 _"Number Four, Bertolt Hoover."_

He wasn't sweating this time, expression serious.

 _"Number Three, Reiner Braun."_

The confident smile on his face said more than words.

 _"Number Two, Tanya Degurachaff."_

Her gaze was locked ahead and composure secure, a model soldier.

 _"Number One, Mikasa Ackerman."_

Her expression was as stoic as always, showing no hint of celebration or triumph.

 _"In three days time, you will assemble here to choose the which military branch you will be assigned to. But as of this moment, the 104th Training Corps is officially disbanded! Dismissed!"_

* * *

Tanya stared down at her mug, the first real drink she had in this life- it was as bitter and disgusting as alcohol could be but the burn down her throat was comforting. As the cadets either celebrated or bemoaned their status as soldiers, she stayed in the corner away from them.

 _It's finally over._

The thought itself felt a bit surreal, not unlike finding out that she had been accepted as a salaryman before. No more training, no more fighting among cadets, even the paperwork for Mercury being transferred over into military stables was finalized. In a few days, they would be inducted into their chosen group: Survey Corps, Garrison or Military Police.

For the cadets- _the_ _soldiers_ who were unable to make it into the top ten, they'd most likely choose the Garrison while a precious few would go to the Survey Corps. Tanay was certain everyone save Jaeger was going to choose the Military Police. Bott wanted to join ever since he was a child, Annie, Braun and Hoover made their paths clear, Jean, Braus and Springer were a given and there was no way she could see Ackerman squandering her inhuman talent.

Lenz and Ymir were sitting together, the petite blonde's expression pensive while the latter was far closer to her than normal. They had both aimed for the top ten as well but had fallen short. Tanya didn't care what they did at this point but knew that their best bet for survival was to join the Garrison.

He'd _be safest in the Garrison,_ she thought, eyes flickering to the blond by Ackerman.

She wouldn't say it aloud, but she was somewhat proud of the effort that Springer and Braus were able to put into their scores, even the academic ones. Bott and Kirstein's mastery of the gear itself was impressive in it's own right, both boys knowing the ins and outs of the machinery like second nature. Annie, Braun, Hoover and even Jaeger were powerful fighters and that would serve them well. As for Ackerman, she had talent and power unlike any that had been seen before in the Walls, at least recorded. She'd feel worse about falling short of the number one spot if it had been anyone else.

 _It doesn't matter,_ she told herself. _I made it in, and the leisurely life I've been working towards is that much closer to my reach._

"Five years ago, this town was apart of the interior," Jaeger said loudly. "Besides Jean, isn't the interior of your brain soft enough for you?"

The sound of Braun exhaling his drink through his nose should not have brought a chuckle in her throat.

"Trying to call me an idiot? I'm just looking at reality," Jean scowled. "We sent twenty percent of humanity out to fight five years ago and only around a hundred survived. For every titan killed, an average of thirty humans die. It's crystal clear: humanity doesn't stand a chance against the titans."

The festive mood from earlier had been destroyed and the tavern went silent. Her grip tightened around her tankard, nails digging against the metal. The last thing she needed was anyone reminding her of five years ago, but she acknowledged the truth Jean spoke.

 _That's why we're both heading for the Interior, after all._

"So what?" Jaeger pushed. "What's so great about giving up? You're just saying that it's better to escape from reality by throwing away your hope!"

"There's a difference between fighting a losing battle and being in no position to gain any upper ground," Tanya stated from where she sat, hot anger curdling in her stomach- she refused to acknowledge the shame. "You keep saying things like that when you have no idea how reality works."

"I know it's given we lose to the titans material-wise- that's the main reason we keep getting defeated is our lack of knowledge about them," Jaeger said, earning more eyes and ears with each word. "We're getting more and more information with every encounter, and using that to develop new ways to fight back. If you want to just stick your head in the sand and ignore what's in front of you, go ahead."

"I have a dream- a dream to destroy every last titan, leave behind these cramped walls and explore the world beyond them."

Tanya knew everyone's eyes were on them and more than a few looked to him with light in their eyes. The knowledge made the rage burn hotter in her stomach and her eyes narrowed into a cold glare. "All I'm doing is doing what's best for my goals, no different from you. You want to kill all the titans, see the outside world? Go ahead, knock yourself out."

Her voice began rough as she snarled out, _"But don't you drag us down just because we've got more self-preservation skills than you!"_

She stormed out despite Jaeger's protests and Jean's indignant, "What the hell do you mean 'we'?!" and into the cool night air. _Stupid brat,_ she thought with a scowl, _acting like he's some bullshit shonen hero!_

Her steps soon took her down by the Kirsteins residence. She didn't head in, simply stood outside- the time she spent with them in the two years after Wall Maria fell had been some of the hardest in either life, even discounting being conscripted. Gaelle and Luke Kirstein had taken her in regardless of the risks and difficulties of that time and Tanya still resolved to pay back the debt she owed them for that.

 _I'll have to convince him to bring them along once we get to a high enough rank,_ she decided before frowning slightly.

Her interactions with Jean ever since they had entered the military had only been when they were forced to work together and he had ignored her the meantime. She knew he was upset at her barging into his life but she didn't think he's be _that_ averse to her after all this time- the two of them were rather similar and she thought he'd have come around by this time.

A disturbing thought came up that he was pissed off at her very existence and she brushed it aside, decidedly uncomfortable with that theory.

"Tanya?"

The white-haired girl froze at the voice and turned to see Elijah step towards her, cloak over most of his figure and face. She smiled slightly at seeing the young man once more. He had only appeared a few times in Trost, either to gather more signatures or to see how she was doing.

"They've finally put cannons atop the Trost Walls," she remarked at him.

His face spread in surprise before he laughed and pumped his fist triumphantly, an excited and relieved grin on his face. She gave a short exhale of a chuckle at this display before becoming more serious as she examined his eyes: they were hazel in the light of windows.

"Nothing?"

"I'm sorry."

His cheer vanished, expression solemn and apologetic. "I do not know if their silence is voluntary or if they are too weak," he said. "More still renounce our order though others still hold fast- we have no way of knowing if it's enough."

Neither of them had heard anything from Red, Blue or Green Eyes since her visit to Trost two years ago. Tanya had read the prayer book from top to bottom, looking for any clues, examined the rosary, dagger and sheath for anything that might offer her some clues. But the only words there were printed, the rosary was ordinary- save the hollow beads- as were the blade, hilt, belt and scabbard.

"Where did you get those items anyways?" she had asked his previous visit.

"The dagger and rosary belonged to the main Church- the goddesses urged me to give them to you," he had explained. "The prayer book was a gift from one of my cousins, a sister in the order. I long-since memorized it's contents."

"... you stole from your order."

"On the behest of the goddesses said order worships."

Regardless of his agenda, Tanya found she enjoyed the young man's company- she had no one to talk to about her circumstances, and even the soldiers who were closer to her true age either out-ranked her or were lacking in the maturity she sought. Having someone to actually confide in brought a great deal of weight off of her shoulders, and it also helped that he had some common sense and tolerance.

 _I never thought I'd describe someone of the church with those traits._

"I'm surprised you're not happier, considering you've graduated- it's been a long time coming," Elijah remarked before his expression became worried. "Did you not make it?"

"I'm number two." She scowled as she remembered earlier. "Jaeger was just being a fucking moron, as usual."

"The suicidal bastard, right?" Elijah smiled knowingly. "He certainly knows how to annoy you."

"He's not even trying and that's the whole problem," she declared, hand waving in annoyance. "He actually believes the shit he says, about killing all the titans and exploring the world outside! I get that he really wants to do it, but he acts like anybody who wants less than that are cowards!"

Her nails dug into the meat of her palms, leaving imprints. _He was_ there _\- he watched_ them _destroy his hometown and the walls. How can he be so-?!_

Elijah set a gentle hand on her shoulder, silent. Tanya's chest heaved as she reigned in her temper, controlling her breathing- she'd be more pissed if the young man tried to offer comfort or advice.

"You can still celebrate your achievements- there's a tavern not too far from here."

An exhale pushed through her nose and her smile became a little wider- a meal with a mature adult sounded great right now. The two of them settled in said building and the white-haired girl decided to splurge just for tonight. The smell of hot bread and butter, vegetable stew made her mouth water and her stomach gurgle- aside from her tankard of beer, she hadn't had much to eat or drink that day, too anxious to do either while waiting for the final exam results. The good, warm food sat comfortably inside her and she could feel the frustration from earlier slowly bleed out of her.

"I think we'll be able to cover more ground once you get stationed proper," he said once they walked back outside into the night. "Stohess is where one of our churches lays and my home is not too far from it."

He took a slip of paper from his bag and pressed it into her hands. "You'll be welcome anytime," he promised with a smile.

Her smile was soft as she accepted it. "Thank you, Elijah."

He nodded and quickly left, leaving Tanya holding the slip of paper. Her eyes closed and she let out the breath in her chest, smile lingering.

"Tanya!"

Braus' voice broke her from her thoughts and she turned to see the girl along with Lenz and Ymir. Cold horror filled her veins as she stared at the three of them- how much did they hear? When did they appear? Was their cover blown-?!

"I didn't think you had a type," Ymir remarked with a slight smirk.

 _"... huh?"_ her voice sounded tiny and confused in her ears.

"I'm so sorry, we just wanted to check up on you- I tried to stop them from following you, but..." Lenz trailed off in shame, face beet red.

... so they had the absolutely wrong idea of what just happened and while she was relieved they hadn't overhead them, now she had to deal with something just as troublesome.

"It's okay if you're dating someone, Tanya," Braus assured her. "You don't have to worry about the rumors from first year anymore, and it's not like any of us will tell anyone."

"Worried" was a strong word, "annoyed" was closer. "We're not dating," she said sternly, willing her gaze to freeze the four in their tracks.

"Whatever you say," Ymir shrugged.

Tanya scowled at the three girls, arms crossed. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"We just wanted to check up on you- I know that you and Eren don't get along," Lenz explained. "And you didn't come back for a while, and we got worried."

"I was doing just fine."

Ymir looked ready to say something before Lenz gave her a severe look and the freckled girl remained silent. Tanya was somewhat glad for this, not wanting to deal with her caustic comments and wanting the night to end already. She headed back with them, their footsteps echoing off the streets. Braus began talking about how excited she was to write home to her family and townsfolk about getting into the top ten and began salivating at the thought of the food they could have in Sina. Lenz and Ymir were both planning to enter the Garrison and hopefully get stationed near the Interior, with the freckled girl all but proposing to the petite blonde.

"- surprised Armin's going with Eren and Mikasa to the Corps!" Braus remarked off-handidly as they reached the dorms.

Tanya stumbled mid-step at this information, her body going cold. "What?"

"I heard the three of them talking when I went out to look for you..." the girl trailed off but Tanya barely heard her.

Ackerman she could understand wanting a challenge, but Armin-! What was he thinking?! Tanya had seen how he had struggled to pass the basic physical tests, there was no chance that he'd survive if he went out into titan territory!

Just the thought of him heading out there and getting eaten sent the meal from earlier traveling up her throat and she could barely swallow back the bile as she made it to her bunk. Her last conscious thought before falling into a dreamless sleep was the memory of Ambrose's body, bleeding out as she could do nothing but watch.

* * *

When Tanya woke the next morning, she was a little surprised at how well-rested she felt. Her stomach did growl a bit from hunger, but that wasn't anything too out of the ordinary.

The other soldiers were either sleeping in or had already left the cabin. As Tanya pulled on her jacket and belts, she took her knapsack out and examined the insides- her money, book, rosary and the dagger and belt were safely tucked away. On impulse, Tanya took the dagger's belt and wrapped it around her waist, the scabbard settled against her left thigh. The rosary she didn't put around her neck but wrapped it around her left wrist beneath her jacket and shirt sleeve.

 _They said it'd give me power, but nothing's happened yet,_ she thought, feeling the beads and medallions, light and cool against her skin respectively. She'd feel more irritated at wearing such a relic, but knew the pains Elijah must have gone through to get it for her.

The sun slowly moving higher as Tanya walked out and as she passed the buildings, she spotting Officer Bierne just leaving one of them. She quickly saluted once their eyes locked, beads chaffing against her skin a bit. "At ease, Degurachaff," the bespectacled soldier said with a light smile and Tanya relaxed. "How was your night?"

"... eventful," she finally decided on.

"I'd imagine." Officer Bierne's expression became more serious. "You've come a long way since three years. I'm proud of how you've been pushing yourself."

 _I'm sensing a "but" there._

"Just be careful."

Tanya waited, expecting more. The bespectacled officer did look like she wanted to say more, but eventually walked past without another word. She headed out of the compound and into Trost, seeing several of the ca- soldiers, exploring and waking about, enjoying their freedom. Most of the townsfolk were actually gathered in the streets and Tanya saw the beginnings of a procession coming, the soldiers all wearing white and blue wings on their back.

This was Tanya's first time truly getting a look at the fabled Survey Corps. The man leading them was impressive to behold- tall and broad, blond hair pulled back, thick eyebrows and piercing eyes the same color as the sky above them. He didn't radiate confidence but determination and steadfastness. Tanya remembered how in her old life she had worked hard to maintain her shape and she felt strangely jealous at the clear muscle and power that the man had while wondering just how he could keep such a strong gaze when heading into titan territory. Hell, she wondered how any of them could look so determined or even casual- as one soldier with auburn hair and glasses was far too cheerful and eager- they looked.

 _Are they all insane, or just desensitized?_

"It's Captain Levi!"

"Humanity's Strongest!"

Tanya expected someone that looked like the blond leading the way to the gates as she turned... not a shorter-than-average, stone-faced man who looked like he'd rather be anywhere but there. He murmured something distastefully as he passed by the group, voice surprisingly low. Tanya wasn't sure if she imagined it, but he looked similar to Ackerman.

Speaking of which, this brought back the conversation from the previous night and hot anger towards Jaeger filled her stomach. No doubt his stupid bullshit shonen speech convinced Armin to throw his life away alongside him and Ackerman. Her feet pounded against the street as she looked around for the brunet before catching a glimpse of him heading towards the Wall lifts. Though she was too late to catch him as the lift headed up, she could take another one a few meters away.

The lift onto the top of the walls was still in good use, as patrols were more frequent since five years ago. Along with the jobs the former cadets took in helping maintain and even clean them, they were familiar enough to use them at their leisure. Tanya's foot tapped against the wood as they headed higher and higher up and she winced as her ears popped from the change in altitude before it finally reached the top. The white-haired girl jumped onto the stone and ran down the side to where she saw Jaeger with a few others.

"- going to join the Corps too?!" the brunet's disbelieving voice rang out and Tanya saw Springer looking over the cannons. "You scored number nine, and you talked about joining the MPs..."

"Yeah, it's a lot smarter to join the Police," the bald boy acknowledged, trailing off before Wagner remarked, "Your speech last night had an effect on him."

Tanya felt her face twist into an angry snarl and she grabbed Jaeger's jacket collar with both hands, pulling him towards her face so they could see eye to eye. "What the hell do you think you're doing-?!"

"I told you not to drag others down with you on your revenge-quest, and now you're making others follow your lead-!"

"Tanya, stop it!" Carolina exclaimed, trying to pry them apart with Wagner.

"Oi, oi!" Springer barked, grabbing her hands and removing her grip from Jaeger's collar before Carolina pulled her back and Wagner put himself between them. "Knock it off, Tanya- you're not gonna get all creepy again, are you?"

"You've been working all this time to get into the Interior!" she exclaimed, whirling to face the bald boy. "You can't just throw it all away just because of some bullshit speech-"

"Hey, that's got nothing to do with last night!" Connie rebuked, face slightly pink. "I just don't wanna be 'round that ass, Jean- and considering you're gonna go there too, I'd think I'll take my chances with the titans!"

She stared in shock and some hurt confusion at his words- was that really how he felt about her? Sure she was hard on him, but she didn't think that he'd take it against her personally. "What about your village, and representing them?"

"I can still do that in the Corps- the Garrison might be safer but there're a lot fewer opportunities for being a badass. As for the MPs, you and Jean'll be there. That's the end of the sentence."

He inserted a pinkie in his ear, hazel eyes flickering towards her with a surprisingly stern light. "I get you're concerned about our futures and all, but it's my decision to make. So worry about yourself and quit being such a control-freak, huh?"

Tanya stared speechless at him before flinching as Wagner set a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. Sometimes even when you know what you should do, you still hesitate to follow through," he said gently before looking a little bashful. "Connie's not the only one..."

The white-haired girl looked between the blond, Carolina, Jackson and Springer with renewed horror- just how many of the 104 were planning on throwing themselves into the titans' mouths because of Jaeger's speech? She glared angrily at the brunet before actually seeing the surprised and concerned look on his face as he looked at Wagner.

"Hey guys..."

Braus' voice provided a temporary distraction and Tanya's eyes widened at the string of beef that the girl brought from under her jacket. "Wh-where did you get this?" she rasped, saliva building in her mouth just from looking at the shiny red skin and her hands began to reach for it involuntarily.

"I borrowed it from the Senior Officer's stock~"

Tanya froze, her mouth dry as flour before recoiling from the meat, the others paling in horror at her words as well. "Are you trying to get thrown in solitary again?" Wagner exclaimed.

"Geez, you really are dumb," Connie said in disbelief.

"It's okay, it was only a little bit," the girl assured them, voice euphoric. "We can cut it up, have it on slices of bread-"

"Put it back, right now!" Tanya demanded, trying to grab her arm only for the girl to bounce out of the way. "Are you seriously going to jeopardize everything you worked for over food?!"

"She's right," Carolina agreed, "meat's become so scarce since five years ago..."

Braus just smiled that stupid smile as she put the meat in one of the boxes. "It's okay- once we take back our territory, we'll be able to keep more animals and get more meat."

"That doesn't mean you can steal from our officers-"

 _ **"G** ET **OF** F T **HE W** ALL **!"**_

They turned to where Jackson had bellowed this, his eyes wide and no longer brown but bright red. While the others stared in confusion and concern at the young man, Tanya obeyed immediately and began to run for the lift. However, she didn't get more than a few paces before the area was filled with lightning and thunder crashed around them. Instinctively, she ducked down with her arms shielding her head and eyes squeezed tightly to guard against the light.

The air became hotter and more oppressive as the smell of ash and burning flesh filled her nose and mouth. Opening her eyes, Tanya found her vision completely dominated by beady dark green eyes, red and sinewy muscle against columns of pink flesh, exposed teeth and jaw. It took her a another moment to realize just what it was she was staring at.

 _Oh. Oh shi-_

Tanya was allowed no more time to process this before she was in the air, foul-smelling steam and pressure knocking her right off of the wall. For a few moments, her world was spinning around her as she fell before swiftly activating her gear, Jaeger's bellow cutting through the steam as the others followed her lead. Braus, Springer, Wagner and Carolina quickly secured themselves against the wall but Jackson continued to fall, red trickling from his temple.

Tanya was about to fly down to him before Braus disconnected her gear and ran down the wall, spearing the brunet's leg with her other grappling hook. "Samuel, don't move!" she called down.

Tanya flew down and grabbed the boy, wincing at the new weight she was supporting. His eyes flickered, amber and red flickering in his eyes. _**"M** o-m **ot** he **r-"**_ he rasped in her voice before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and Tanya felt his pulse stop against her skin.

The next moment, the entire wall shook and a great crash filled her ears and Tanya gasped as the impact knocked Jackson loose from her grip and the hook and his body fell from her grasp. A moment later, it vanished as debris crashed through the wall below them, smashing into his body and pulverizing it into nothing. As the dust cleared, a gaping hole stood where the gate used to be.

There was no coherent thought in her mind as she stared back between the gaping hole and the fingers clutching at the wall, steam simmering off the meat. She assumed she'd be stricken by panic and terror at the sight of the Colossal titan. She assumed memories of her own mother's death and Ambrose's bleeding body would overwhelm her.

All she felt was cold and diamond clarity and all she saw was a chance that they would never get again. The gas sung high-pitched in her ears as she let it propel her upwards, feet briefly running against the stone as she came up closer and closer. Jaeger's yells sounded dull and far-away in her ears as she finally reached the top. Her feet touched down on the stone as the Colossal titan stood there, it's beady dark green eyes flickering to her. Adrenaline and terror ran through her veins together before she shot into the air and not a moment too soon.

The Colossal titan's arm rose into the air and Tanya felt the tailwind behind as she dodged it, grappling hooks digging into the flesh of it's left shoulder. Her body was yanked forward as the Colossal titan's arm smashed down on the top of the wall with another mighty crash. Just being close to it's body made her skin and clothes feel like they would catch fire, the steam making her skin sweat and feel clammy. Her feet smashed against the muscle as she ran up it's arm, shifting her body so that she wouldn't fall from the height and from the way it angled it's body. She heard the smashing of the cannons atop, the machinery crushed and thrown off the wall.

It's beady dark green eyes were locked on her and there was no thought in Tanya's mind as she raced up it's arm, grappling hooks gripping it's flesh as she sailed closer and closer to it's back. It's hand moved towards her, as though it were trying to slap a fly off of it before Tanya heard the thud of grappling hook digging into flesh. Jaeger flew from behind, eyes wide with hatred as he raised his blades straight at it's nape-

More steam erupted from it's body, blinding Tanya and pushing her back. She snarled as she forced herself through it, using her grappling hooks to pull forward... only them both to go limp on either side as the steam dissipated, revealing nothing. Tanya stared around wildly but there was no sign of the Colossal titan, save two gigantic footprints in the ground. She quickly reactivated her gear as she realized she was in free fall and just barely managed to land beside Jaeger on the wall.

"How...?"

* * *

For those curious, Tanya right now stands at 5'04 at 120 pounds, majority of weight due to the muscle she built up in the last three years. Her white hair is cut in a messy bob that's just above her shoulders presently. Her eyes- cyan-gray- have dark circles from lack of sleep and stress from five years ago and training/studying.

Outside of her uniform- with a beige t-shirt underneath- she usually wears a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a gray vest and darker brown slacks with her boots. She refuses to wear skirts.

Also, Attack on Titan chapter 105.

:'(


	23. Cloudy skies

Ferno16: Yeah.

Jupiter's Bull: Their dynamic just kind of crept up on me- I realized I didn't want him to blindly like Tanya like Sasha sometimes does. He kind of functions as an Ego between Sasha's carefree Id and Tanya's rigid Superego.

TGDBS: :D

Andromeda: It's more reacting to PTSD reacting to Armin's grandpa and the emotions come later- like Kirito concerning Sachi from SAO abridged.

Jarjaxle: I have read the chapter, yes.

It's like with in canon when she's "training" the recruits for her battalion- she's flabbergasted and a little disturbed that they're willing to risk death. She has also assumed she understands everyone's motives in seeking safety and so this threw her in for a loop, just how in canon she thinks she understands someone when in actuality they're thinking something completely different. Unlike in canon, the characters will more often make their intentions clear to her.

Kiwire: Thank you.

tentaclecat: (Blinks) I don't recall asking anyone to unread anything, but I'll look back and try to find it.

I am sorry for my previous response- I'd be annoyed if someone told me "don't like, don't read" if a story I liked took a bad direction too. But barring improvements, the course isn't going to change. I can't please everyone.

I will endeavor to improve my writing regardless, and I am aware that my handling of Tanya can be sporadic at times. But the reason I write her how I do so far is because I want to explore her from a more emotional standpoint, try to write her acting on the sheer fear and desperation that Attack on Titan inflicts on everyone in it's world. That said, I know my previous chapters could be improved on and am open to any suggestions on how to do so and better.

Direwolf1974: I'm glad.

Malativa: Ah, okay.

Yeah, I was planning on their talk coming during the titan invasion but chapter twenty seemed a better place for it.

Guest: (Blushes)

Ghost: The magic in Youjo Senki is not going to show up here and Tanya's opinion of Eren's going to take quite a bit to change.

AlunaGray: That's mainly why I started writing this story.

In Youjo Senki's world, it feels like everything was put in place so a child could become a certifiable badass , as Tanya did in canon. Not to mention the Empire is a global superpower and technology and comfort offered to pretty much everyone. But in SnK, there's no magic, training will take time, the technology and comfort are either scaled down or only offered to the Interior and those wealthy enough to pay for it.

Not only that, but aside from the war- where she was in little danger thanks to Being X's power and her rank, along with the anime's portrayal of the orphanage she grew up in- Tanya never seemed to experience much suffering or emotion. She had little to no bonds save in work and there was so little to deter her from her goals save Being X trying to make things harder for her.

I wanted to explore how she'd do in a place where she was without the comforts, technologies and power that Youjo Senki's world offered and I also wanted to write Tanya from a more emotional angle, plunging her into the same raw fear and despair the world of SnK so often does to it's inhabitants.

Thank you so much :)

Jajo Camello: That's the biggest issue this story faces. This is not the same Tanya Degurachaff as in Youjo Senki, simply a Tanya Degurachaff that was born into the SnK world. Also, the anime made Tanya's character far more callous and cruel than the original Light Novel and manga and I am using characterization from said novel and manga rather than the anime.

* * *

 _Dammit, dammit, dammit! Of course it had to happen today of all days, didn't it?!_

Jean barely heard the Garrison captain's speech, just catching the main duties of the new soldiers along with their positions- and with the news that the titans had made it into his hometown, and that the Armored Titan was certain to appear. Along with, of course, the reminder that desertion would be met with execution. Just watching the sheer fear and upset of the other ca- soldiers made him feel worse, especially seeing Daz throw up a little ways away.

It was his worst nightmare come to life: his home besieged by the titans and being forced to confront them.

He turned away from the scene, refusing to acknowledge the two soldiers huddled by the stone walls _("Please no, please no, please no-")_ just in time to smack right into another soldier and he scowled at seeing Eren.

 _"Move!"_ he growled, shoving past him only for the brunet to grab his shoulders. "Hey, what the hell's your problem?"

 _"'What's my problem', he asks!_ The walls are broken down, titans're in the city- I bet you were wishing for something like this to happen, you psycho!" His voice became louder and an edge of hysteria crept into his tone. "I was just _one day_ away to finally moving into the Interior and now this-"

"Get a hold of yourself!"

"NOT ALL OF US ARE READY TO THROW OUR LIVES AWAY!"

 _"WILL YOU SHUT_ UP _FOR A SECOND?!"_

At that, Eren pushed him into the wall with a thud, making him sine at the contact, and held him there.

"What do you think the training over the last three years were for?!" His eyes were on fire, but there was something different about them now. "We survived and we became stronger while others died, left or got kicked out- after staring death in the face, we powered through and we're still here! _What's one more day?!"_

His voice lowered back down to a speaking tone but no less powerful. "Jean, you can do this- the MP isn't going away tomorrow."

Any protest he might have had died in Jean's mouth, hearing the brunet's words. Not only did they make an alarming amount of sense, but they actually made him feel something akin to... hope. It was stupid and absurd and just acknowledging the Suicidal Bastard had made him feel better chased away most of his fear and left annoyance.

"Hey Daz!" he barked to the older man, walking away from the brunet. "Get it together!"

Once the older man seemed to get some of his bearings back and Christa- the angel that she was- pulled him towards the building's interior, Jean went to check over his gear one last time- as much as he hated actually listening to Eren, there was no way in hell he was going to miss out on the Interior, titan invasion or not.

"- be okay?"

"For the last time, _yes."_

Jean's eyes flickered to where Sasha and talking with Tanya beside one of the pillars, the latter allowing the former to grip her shoulders. The auburn-haired girl looked plenty spooked already but was keeping her composure well enough, trying to put on a determined front similar to Eren. Jean wondered how long that would last before getting a look at the white-haired girl. Her eyes were wide and locked on nothing, irises smaller than normal. Her left hand was clutched around the back of her right fist and wrist, both shaking in her grip. Her body was hunched over like she wanted to curl into a ball but refused to let herself.

Her eyes held the same haunted look she had the time she was living with his family, the only difference was that cold determination was battling ferociously for dominance. Jean was torn on this- on the one hand, he didn't like or trust her, but at least she was acting like a normal person should be in this God-awful situation. Not to mention that for all of his dislike and distrust of her, he wouldn't wish the fate she went through on _anyone._

 _"Degurachaff!"_

A Garrison soldier walked over to the two of them, a worried-looking Mikasa following him with a slight bruise under her bangs. "You've been assigned to the rear-guard- the evacuation's going slower than normal, so we need the best guarding the public."

Tanya froze and Jean saw relief flood her entire body before she swiftly saluted, stating, "I understand," shaking Sasha off before followng the captain. As she passed Jean, Tanya cast him an unreadable expression, her lips twitching like there was something she wanted to say.

She remained silent as the three exited through the courtyard, leaving him with Sasha. The two exchanged glances before the auburn-haired girl gave a trembling determined smile. "It's just one more day, right?"

"... right," he sighed with finality.

* * *

If Tanya's view on "thanking god" hadn't been dashed to pieces, she'd probably be doing it right now.

She could handle this, taking care of the civilians and being the closest to the gates and farthest from the titans, though she wished she could have been stationed at the supply units- this was the very best case-scenario for her in this shit-went-sideways situation. She and Ackerman followed Captain Dietrich and the rest of the Garrison Elite into Northern Trost. They flew into the air and landed on the rooftops, taking different vantage points in order to be on the lookout for any titans that might come their way while the other Garrison soldiers continued to evacuate the civilians.

Her hands trembled as the last ebb of adrenaline had finally faded since seeing the Colossal titan. Her teeth grit together, eyes closing as she tried to reign in the fear all but clawing for a way out inside her. Her stomach was twisting itself into knots, her heart trying to crawl up her throat. The only reason she had been able to keep her head earlier was the fact that she knew that the Colossal Titan was intelligent and the opportunity presented to kill it once and for all.

Mindless, normal titans were a different story. At least with intelligence came some semblance of predictability, but without it she couldn't count on outwitting them. All she could count on was the weapons strapped to her body, feeling heavier and more suffocating against her legs and chest, and her own strength, physical and mental. The sounds of her village being torn apart filled her ears despite her best efforts, the screams, the footsteps, the crunching of bone and skin against teeth, the ripping noises of limbs being torn off. She couldn't tell herself that wasn't going to happen to her or the other soldiers she had spent the last three years with, not with thirty humans equaling a single titan death nor with them being without the only soldiers who actually stood a chance against said giants.

She tried to focus on what had happened with Jackson on the wall but even her curiosity on finally hearing something from the self-proclaimed goddesses _(I can understand the warning, but why say '"mother" of all things?)_ was too little to distract from her growing fear.

"Hey."

The white-haired girl turned to a dark-haired Garrison soldier with glasses as she addressed her- as she moved, she felt her jacket and shirt collar grow wet from the sweat covering her face. "Get it together," the woman stated, serious but not without understanding. "You freeze up now, you'll be of no use."

Tanya swallowed the lump in her throat, dry as sandpaper as she complied. _She's right, she's right,_ she told herself, struggling to keep it together. _If I panic now, I'll definitely make a mistake. It's only a day, you can survive another day-_

The white-haired girl stared in shock as she realized she had repeated part of Jaeger's advice to Jean earlier. Truly, the world had turned upside down if the boy was actually speaking sense and she was listening to it. Her fists clenched together around her swords hilts, hard enough to chaff against her skin as her fingers trembled harder. As the pounding in her chest became a little slower, Tanya's eyes flickered towards Ackerman. How could that girl be so calm, even now? She had yet to see Ackerman's cool demeanor falter even once during training and the fact she was able to keep calm when Tanya was barely keeping it together riddled her with envy.

The sun's rays soon were smothered by dark gray clouds and the air was filled with the sweet scent of incoming rain. The soldiers shifted about to cover more ground while Ackerman stayed close with Captain Dietrich's squad and Tanya with the black-haired soldier. The distant sound of footsteps echoed a ways away and the lump in Tanya's throat only became larger, her entire body like a live wire as she saw the figures in the distance, coming closer.

Her body went cold when she heard louder and faster footsteps thudding against the ground and turned to see a titan lumbering right past them through the streets at a startling pace, straight for the gates. _How-?!_

There was no time for thought and she activated her gear and shot into the air after it along with the squad. But even as she increased the gas, she couldn't catch up to the titan and even the Garrison elite were falling behind. Ahead, she could see several civilians swarming around the gate. She pushed her gear one more time and shot past the soldiers right before she saw a blur of black hair above her. Firing the grappling hooks and embedding them into the flesh of the titan's back, Ackerman's feet slammed onto it's flesh and a moment later, slashed the flesh of the nape out.

The titan pitched forward and slammed onto the ground before the civilians, Ackerman still standing atop it's body. Tanya quickly eased up on the gas and landed beside the titan corpse, ignoring the trepidation and envy towards the dark-haired girl by taking in the scene of the civilians staring at them in awe. _What the hell are they all still-?_ Tanya began to wonder before her eyes fell on the carrier wagon that was stuck in place of the gate and the balding man at the center.

"All civilians are to forgo material possessions," she stated, eyes locked on the man.

"Do you have any idea who I-?!"

 _"No, and I_ _don't care."_ Her fists clenched tighter around her swords. "We're out there fighting so you can escape-"

"Of course you are, it's your job to protect us!" the balding man snapped. "Don't get cocky just because you freeloaders finally getting some use after a century!"

Tanya's eyes closed for a moment, taken back at the white-hot rage that licked her insides- not even a titan attack being able to stifle human greed and stupidity. Yet as she took a breath to calm down, something strange came over her. Her face relaxed, her lips quipped upwards and the civilians and Ackerman stared at her in shock at the cheerful smile now adorning Tanya's face.

"I'm so glad you understand~" she said in a faux-cheerful voice as she brandished her swords, smile becoming a feral smirk. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of _you."_

Some of the balding man's goons went forward and the two moved, muscles and instincts already honed from taking on opponents who almost always dwarfed her in size. Tanya weaved through most of them, smacking her hilts against their stomachs, necks and sides and within seconds, she was right in front of the balding man.

"D-don't you dare!" he flustered. "You'll never find work in the walls-"

Her sword slashed through the air and several gasps rang out from the civilians. The balding man stared in terror as their blades rested against his throat, Tanya's gaze colder than ice, smirk twisted into a snarl- her expression brokered no argument, no bargain. If this man insisted on putting his greed above the lives of these people, she would not hesitate to kill him.

"... move the carrier," the balding man finally relented.

With the wagon pulled back, the civilians flocked through quickly. Tanya's eyes closed and the grin fell away, becoming aware of Ackerman's gaze on her. She met the girl's eyes and shook her head, indicting she was fine. She was a little disturbed at how she acted, wondering where the hell that had come from before dismissing it as nerves.

"Thank you so much, ma'ams!"

A little girl walked up to them, her mother not far behind. "We're saved thanks to you," the woman said softly, bowing her head. "We're very grateful..."

She still disdained of children and teenagers, but the glowing admiration in the little girl's eyes and the sincere gratefulness of the woman was not something easily dismissed. She and Ackerman both saluted sharply and Tanya found her lips quipping again as the child copied the salute with bright eyes before being ushered through the gate.

They moved back onto the roofs where Captain Dietrich caught up with them. "Well done, Ackerman," he said with a nod. "You live up to your reputation."

"Thank you, but in my haste I blunted my sword with one attack- I'll be more careful from now on."

Tanya remained silent as she watched Ackerman dispose of the ruined blade, envy becoming stronger. _How the hell is she staying so calm? Even after killing that thing, she hasn't so much as batted an eye! At least Captain Dietrich didn't see me threaten an unarmed man, idiot and asshole he may be-_

"Titans coming from the left!"

Her teeth barred together as she turned around- sure enough, three of them were coming towards them from the far left. Ackerman was already back in the air and Tanya shot after her. Her breath was coming out faster as she neared the titans, her hands still and clammy against the sword hilts before she noticed movement in the corner of her eye.

Not a moment too soon, Tanya released the hooks and fired to the right as a brunet titan jumped up from underneath, teeth snapping and barely missing her leg. She fired off the grappling hooks as she turned about, burying them into the titan's back, getting ready to make the kill. However, she miscalculated how short the titan was and as it fell back down, she was yanked down along with it. She shouted in surprise and pain as she was pulled down and she yelped as the titan reached right for her and grabbed for her.

However, it didn't get any further and Tanya saw a chunk of flesh fly through the air as the dark-haired soldier shot from behind where she slashed out the nape. The titan fell forwards and Tanya quickly shot sideways onto the rooftop. She was given no time to catch her breath before a giant hand barely missed her, slamming down and sending tiles scattering everywhere. The titan, red-haired and solemn, raised it's hand and tightened it into a fist before smashing down at them again. Tanya fired her hooks into it's shoulder as it made another blow and pushed the gas hard to propel her forward only for the titan to yank it's head back and pull her in the opposite direction. She could barely release the hooks before she was sent sprawling across the rooftop and nearly over the edge.

Tanya groaned from the impact, head spinning and body aching. She shook her head harshly, trying to settle the blood rushing inside her skull- she heard the dark-haired soldier call her name before cursing in surprise as more footsteps thundered her way. The next moment, her entire world was flipped upside down as the titan grabbed her leg, slowly bringing her to it's mouth. She fired off her wires again, the grappling hooks digging straight into the titan's eyes and it's hand released her to rub it's eyes. Tanya yanked one of the hooks out and fired for it's shoulder, whirling around it's head before her blades finally hit home, slashing out the nape.

As the titan fell backwards against the building, Tanya was able to leap onto the rooftop, nearly tripping over the tiles as she fought to catch her breath before slumping onto her knees. She stared at her hands, covered in hot but quickly evaporating blood, steam rising from the red and the titan corpse beside her. Any euphoria she had quickly evaporated as she saw the dark-haired soldier stabbing at the titan's fingers clutched around her torso and she raced towards them both. Firing off the wires, she shot around the titan's neck and slashed out it's nape while it was distracted by the dark-haired officer in it's clutches.

The bespectacled woman was barely able to pull herself out of it's fingers and leap onto the roof before it fell onto the building. "Thanks," she stated, wiping the blood and dust that had coated the lenses.

Tanya's chest heaved as she caught her breath, managing a short nod. She felt disconnected from body, similar to when she and Ambrose had encountered their first titan. Granted those had not been her first kills, but they were the first she made with the gear and no one had died between her or the officer.

More earth-shaking thuds rang out and Tanya quickly returned to reality to see Ackerman and the Garrison Elite land on a few rooftops away, three more titan corpses quickly evaporating. _Right, no time to get distracted,_ she chided herself as they shot over to join them. _There're going to be more titans to take care of-_

 **Clang! Clang! Clang!**

 _\- or maybe not._

The bells rang out, cutting through the air as the signal that everyone had been evacuated properly and that the soldiers inside were free to return to Wall Rose proper. A relieved smile crossed Tanya's face: this hadn't been as nearly as awful as she expected it to be. Some titan kills under her belt and she still had plenty of gas and swords and all her limbs intact- now she could finally leave this nightmare behind!

"Something's wrong."

Tanya turned to Captain Dietrich as he said this, the man's gaze concerned. "The supply units should be out by now, but we haven't seen anything from them."

 _The building isn't that far from the walls,_ Tanya reasoned before looking back at the last vestiges of steam where the titan corpses used to be. _But these still showed up here, and that abnormal from earlier made it too close to the gate for comfort._

"- kasa?! Hey!"

Ackerman was in the air, shooting for the south at high speeds despite Captain Dietrich's protest. _What is she doing?!_ Tanya thought incredulously. _The gate was right there!_

"Dammit..." Captain Dietrich turned to the bespectacled woman. "Maddox, take some of the squadron and go check on the supply building and see what's holding them up- you too, Degurachaff!"

Tanya twitched at this, her stomach in knots again. "Understood," she ground out, casting the gate one last forlorn look before following the bespectacled woman- Maddox, apparently- and the others. She had been so close, _so close_ , to returning to safety but there was little she could do under the orders of a superior.

 _It shouldn't be that bad,_ she tried to tell herself. _Even if titans are by the building, it's well-fortified and-_

Any more thought came to a screeching halt as a blond titan leaped into the air right at them. Tanya barely missed it's mass as her grappling hooks embedded into the roof and yanked her out of reach. Heinz wasn't as lucky, her head and arm falling to the ground as the blond titan's jaws snapped down, swallowing the rest of her. The white-haired girl's stomach twisted in nausea and horror at what had happened before Tanya realized they had quickly become surrounded.

A small voice in the back of her head noted that several of the titans' expressions looked almost drunk, or even high. However she was far more distracted by the fact that the chances of her survival had taken a vertical nose-dive. She looked about for any kind of escape, any gap in the giants that would allow her any chance at not being eaten or torn apart.

"Oh fucking hell..." one of the the soldiers rasped.

"No..." another whimpered, reaching for one of his swords.

"Keep it together!" Maddox barked sternly, even as her hands shook around the sword hilts from where she grabbed the soldier's hand. "All we have to do is evade them- focus on getting past them!"

Tanya didn't need to be told twice and activated her gear, pushing the gas to it's limit as she shot through the air. She didn't look back to see if the Garrison soldiers were behind her or not, she kept her focus on getting the hell out of there and away from the titans. One of them lunged at her and she leaped onto it's arm, racing up the limb and and jumped over it's shoulder. When another tried to grab at her, her swords took it's fingers clean off and she blindly refilled her hilts, uncaring if the blades before had dulled or not.

 _There's the building!_ Tanya realized, but any relief was crushed at seeing titans almost covering every square inch of the building and even more wandering around the area.

At the very least, she couldn't exactly fault the supply units for not showing up now and knew she'd be in deeper trouble if she had been stationed there in the beginning. She increased the pressure on her gas and flew faster than before, the wind hurting her face and her body screaming with protest as she circled the building, trying to find a way inside or at least one where a titan wouldn't grab her or her wires.

 _There!_

Tanya spotted a window that had the least amount of titans by it and she could make out a way to get to it. She checked her gas tanks and cursed: she barely had half left. _I must have burned through more than I thought just to get here,_ she thought with a grimace. _Even still, this is my only shot- at least I'll be able to stock up on new supplies!_

Regardless, Tanya pushed the gas tank pressure as high as it would go and broke into a run. Her feet pounded harder against the rooftops as she neared the window, eyeing the titans in case they noticed her. Her grappling hooks fired into the stone between the window and her arms covered her head as her feet landed against the glass of the window, smashing through and rolling against the floor before slamming against the wall.

She winced at the new jolts of pain that went up her body and pushed herself up to a sitting position before she felt someone grab her arm. Looking beside her, she saw two soldiers huddled underneath a table with another propped up on the side. "Are you- are you here to save us?" she whispered, voice tiny and cracking with fear.

Tanya stared at them for a moment before she heard another crash through the window- Maddox rolled for a few feet before she righted herself with efficiency. She looked around before her eyes fell on Tanya. "Did anyone else...?" she began before Tanya shook her head and her dark brown eyes closed.

 _There were at least eight soldiers with us- and now it's only us._

"You had _one job."_ Maddox looked down at the soldiers huddled with anger.

"It's not our fault!" a female soldier sobbed in upset. "The lower rooms are filled with three-to-four meter titans- we can't get anywhere near the gas! And the titans are swarming everywhere outside...!"

"How did they get inside?!" Maddox demanded. "The doors should have been fortified-"

This made the female soldier wilt in shame as she whimpered, "W-we tried to get out th-that way-"

"- and those that got outside died horribly, allowing the titans inside," Tanya finished, face twisted in furious and helpless anger.

What the hell did they do now? Their supplies were cut off from them, they had no way of getting out unless the titans around them were killed and she and Maddox were the only ones in that building who still had the composure to move! _The titans are inside the supply area, but they'd have to be small enough to get in- three or four meter titans-_

Tanya's eyes widened as the beginning of an absolutely insane plan began to take form in her mind. "Officer Maddox?" she addressed the soldier. "I think I might have a plan."

"Degurachaff, if you have _anything_ that might make this less of a shit-storm, I'm all ears."

* * *

This chapter DID NOT WANT TO COME INTO EXISTENCE. Especially since we're in the action and I desperately want to do it justice.

And Jean has to wait for his chance to sip tea and eat diamonds.

 _But Miki, shouldn't Tanya be laughing in the face of danger and grinning like a madman in the heat of battle?!_

Funny story about that, which the light novels covered and I quote from one Youtuber Golden Battler near the end of his analysis video on Tanya (which is excellent and provides great insight to her mentality and that you should totally check out): _she is high as a kite and no, I don't mean her altitude._ Imperial mages can use drugs to dull their sense of pain and instill wakefulness and alertness, similar to methamphetamine and is a reference to fighter pilots that used this drug to stay alert when in the air for hours on end. So all those times Tanya was far too cheerful in battle despite her professing a hatred of bloodshed? Blazed out of her skull from the drugs.

Tanya has no access to either of these drugs and with the strain of the gear and going at high speeds and the possibility of throwing up out of nausea or terror, it wouldn't be wise to take them anyways. There is nothing to dull her fear or her pain.

Question: Should I go back and make earlier chapters longer, maybe even combine some? Looking back, I know I missed a lot of potential in the beginning and dragged things on for too long and I am sorry for that. Not to mention I wasn't able in incorporate either OVAs into the story, which would have eventually been their own chapters. So, I'll leave that up to you guys!


	24. Initiator

Costa Coffee: I'm very aware of the whiplash in regarding these two.

Canon! Tanya and Ogat! Tanya are different from one another because they come from different places. Canon! Tanya has status, money, authority and is renowned for her staggering victories, all which were made possible because of the Empire's metocracy and the existence of magic. Ogat! Tanya has no status, little money/authority, is only just getting her first taste of battle/war and there is no metocracy or magic for her to access.

You'll see how they figure in, don't worry.

Ferno16: (Gushes tears) THANK YOUUUUU

Akuma-Heika: Ah, that's good to know. Compared to Canon! Tanya and especially with magic, Ogat! Tanya can be considered far weaker.

Acerman: Okay.

OBSERVER01: Haha, Tanya is never going to worship anything. Hollywood Atheism aside, she believes in and puts her trust in results and Economic Theory as they are more tangible and reliable to her than hoping that something that may or may not exist/ have people's best intentions will do it for her.

* * *

Jean forced his gaze forward, even as the soldiers' sobs and screams of pain and terror still echoed in his ears. What kind of person was he, using their deaths as a distraction just so they could keep living?

His disgust at his actions was quickly put on hold as they got closer to the building, more and more titans coming towards them. He weaved through them, moving as fast as he could to the building. His heart briefly flew into his throat when a titan grabbed his leg but his swords quickly slashed apart it's fingers and he was free.

 _There it is, the final stretch!_

He released his wires and stuck his foot out as he shot through the air towards the window. With the force and momentum behind him, his foot easily smashed through the glass and sent him tumbling over the ground for a few feet before coming to a stop. The sounds of more window's glass being shattered the grunts and thuds of the others behind him as they made it inside.

"How many...? How many, on my signal?" he rasped, eyes roving over familiar and unfamiliar faces. "How many of us made it, by using our comrades deaths?"

He could see Sasha, Reiner, Annie, Bertolt and Marco at least, but there were far fewer soldiers there than when they left the rooftops. Connie and Armin had gone after Mikasa after she led the way to the supply building and he saw no sign of the three. His eyes soon settled on the soldiers behind a makeshift barricade, some watching the door to the side while others were kneeling down.

"You... you're of the supply unit?"

"Y-yes-"

Jean's fist made contact, knocking the soldier closest to him backwards before another was able to catch him. "Jean, calm down!" Marco exclaimed, quickly hooking his arms behind his friend to keep him from advancing on the downed young man.

 _"You left us in a lurch!"_ he barked angrily. _"How many died because of you bastards?!"_

"The supply room is overrun with titans!" one of the female soldiers cried, dashing away the tears that were beginning to gather. "It took us everything just to come back these!"

That was when Jean noticed the swords and gas tanks they had gathered, but he wasn't allowed any more time as Reiner suddenly yelled, "Get down!"

Not a moment too soon as a titan's head smashed right through the wall, sending glass, debris and dust everywhere. Jean could faintly hear the soldiers' panicked screams and cries as they scrambled to escape the room and away from the titans' view. He would have followed them but he was frozen, eyes locked on the giant faces before him.

Why was he so filled with despair? Wasn't this what reality was? What he had been trying to avoid for so long? They had no chance, none whatsoever, against these creatures-

A fist smashed into the titan's heads and their faces vanished from his sight. A roar filled his ears, reverberating through the area and Jean's vision was taken up by a new titan with long brown hair, sharp teeth that went up it's jaw, pointed ears and eyes that were filled with fire. Jean would have kept gaping had it not been for two new crashes to steal his attention and he whirled around to see Armin, Connie and Mikasa land from where they went through the last windows still intact. A trembling, relieved smile spread across his face at seeing his friends had made it.

"Check it out!" Connie exclaimed with a giant grin as he gestured towards the new titan. "We found an Abnormal that's got a bone to pick with its own kind! And the best part, _he couldn't care less about us!_ That's right, you heard me! _This big, beautiful S.O.B is our ticket outta here!"_

It said sad things about his current mental state that the fact that seeing a titan kill it's own kind gave him relief and even a little catharsis. "This is no joke," Mikasa said as several soldiers expressed doubt. "Whether an abnormal or not, that titan is going to continue it's rampage- right now, it's our best bet out of here."

"But we still need gas and the tanks here aren't enough," Reiner pointed out before asking, "How did you manage to get these up here if the titans are in the supply room?"

The soldiers' exchanged glances before the abnormal titan let out another bellow and the sound of a fist smashing into flesh made them all acutely aware of how exposed they were. They quickly left the room for the staircase leading to the basement and the rooms around it.

"It was just a while before you guys arrived," a stout blonde spoke first. "A Garrison officer and Degurachaff showed up to check on us..."

* * *

 _"We sneak into the supply room and steal the gas and swords there. We've still got most of ours and the soldiers here still haven't used their gear, so we don't have to worry about being slowed down. Some of us will distract the titans while others use the lift and get the gas tanks and swords."_

 _Maddox looked thoughtful at this. "You're right that it's risky, but..."_

 _"We're not giving up our only lifeline!" one of the soldiers protested. "And if you think we'll just let you use us as meat-shields, you've got another thing coming!"_

 _This sent a murmur of discontent through the soldiers gathered there and some edged away from the white-haired girl. Anger and frustration became stronger on Tanya's face before she barked,_ _"And what if you hadn't opened the door earlier and let them inside? Wondering what could have been is pointless!"_

 _"_ _Did you forget that when you put on that uniform, acting in this kind of scenario is what you signed on for! You- we- are soldiers! Fighting, putting our lives on the line is our job, no, it's out duty! With the titans inside, we need every man and woman to fight and considering you've spent the entire fight holed up in here and costing us soldiers outside, this is the least you can do!"_

 _For a moment, there was nothing but silence before some of them exchanged glances, shame becoming stronger along with determination. "If we're going for a distraction, then we could use the muskets the MP's left behind," one of them suggested. "They won't kill a titan, but the noise could be enough to distract them."_

 _"I-if we stick to the rafters, we can escape even the four-meter titans too..." another murmured._

 _"It just might..."_

 _In the end, six soldiers volunteered to help distract the titans with Tanya and Maddox while eight would take the lift- the rest refused to budge. Maddox and Tanya led the soldiers down while the rest took the lift. As it descended, they could see see the titans lumbering about. At this time, the eight soldiers were on the beams with the muskets. As the titans began to look up from the lift's noise, Tanya fired the first round_ _in her musket to the ground._ _The titans around froze at the sound before their eyes flickered to the beams and they began to lumber towards the source of the sounds. Some were still too far away and Tanya signaled for the others to fire as well. Seven shots went off as more and more titans wandered to the sounds, attention torn from the eight soldiers._

 _Finally, the lift hit the bottom and the soldiers scrambled out for the gas tanks, filling up as many as they could before racing them back to the lift and returning for more while others ran for the swords. More shots rang out as the titans continued to swarm underneath the eight soldiers, trying to reach them. But one of the soldiers, in his haste, gathered too many gas tanks and fumbled with them. They crashed to the ground, one of the tanks hitting the ground nozzle first and letting out a squeal as the gas shot out and the tank hit the wall with a harsh clang._

 _"Shit-!"_

 _It had only been a few, but the titans who turned to the noise and saw the soldiers there immediately began to lumber over. The soldiers closest to the lift piled on and one of them began harshly slamming the lever to get them out of there, the soldiers who were further abandoning the tanks and swords they were holding and leaping onto the lift. The sound of wires firing came a moment later as Tanya and Maddox shot down from the rafters and began to combat the titans around them, the other six shooting down a moment later. The officer and trainee weaved through the titans, barely avoiding their hands and feet as they flipped through the air or slid across the floor, slashing apart whatever veins and arteries either could reach._

 _The lift continued upwards at what it seemed like a snail's pace only for the lift's ascent to be halted as two titans- one blonde, one black-haired- gripped either side. The soldiers shrieked in fear as they tried to huddle away from their hands, even as an unfortunate lanky brunet was yanked out and crammed into the blond titan's mouth._

 _Their grip on the sides lessened as Tanya's blades slashed down on the nape of the blond titan and it smashed to the ground while the black-haired titan let go of one hand on the lift to try and grab at her. The white-haired girl weaved through it's grasp, wires twisting around as she flipped over it's head and slashed down- however, she just barely missed the nape and her blades broke off from the force of her blow. As she tried to regain her distance, the titan's fingers closed around the wires and she gasped as her ascent was halted. Her body slammed into the pillar beside the lift, the impact knocking loose her scabbards, the remaining blades and sheathes clanging against the ground harshly._

 _The black-haired titan's other hand let go of the lift to slam against her body, trapping her right arm underneath it's fingers and and making her gasp as the air was driven out of her lungs. Maddox shouted her name and tried to reach them only for more titans to swarm around her and the remaining soldiers. Tanya_ _writhed in pain as it's fingers wrapped around her body and pulled her towards it's mouth, her eyes wide with fury and fear alike. Her free hand scrambled at her waist and pulled a dagger strapped there._

 _The last thing they saw was Tanya plunging the blade into the titan's fingers and the bellow of agony it gave reverberated a moment later..._

* * *

Jean didn't know what to feel about this information: this was completely at odds with what he knew of the white-haired girl. Tanya Degurachaff cared only for herself and only helped others if there was something in it for her. Yet she had motivated the soldiers here to fight and risked her life so that they could get the gas and swords they had there. She could be dead for all he knew because she had done this.

"So they're still trapped down there," Reiner concluded.

The stout blonde nodded, eyes closing. "And then you guys appeared..."

"We gotta help them!" Sasha immediately declared. "They risked their lives to get this gas, and we need more so everyone can reach the walls anyways!"

 _Easier said than down if there were still titans down there,_ Jean thought with a frown, his sentiments echoed by some of the others there.

"I might have an idea..."

Everyone's eyes shifted to Armin as he said this, the blond looking surprised at himself for doing so. "Go ahead, Armin," Mikasa encouraged him.

The plan was simple enough: he, Annie, Reiner, Bertolt, Connie, Sasha and Mikasa would investigate the supply room. If there were fewer than seven titans in there, they'd bring them down using the gas tanks and swords they brought up earlier. But if there were more, then they'd use the lift and the muskets the MPs left behind to distract them and allow them to get the chance to attack. There was always the chance things would go wrong, but no one found any fault with the blond's plan and they moved out.

 _We've got gas, the titans are only three-to-four meters tall and we've got less to take care of if their story was accurate,_ Jean thought before remembering the soldiers who had died just trying to get Tom to safety only to get eaten. _Of course no plan survives contact-_

"Or you could stick your blades up their asses!"

"Seriously?!" Connie exclaimed over Sasha's's deadpan, "That's the first I've heard of that..."

"Do you really want your last words to be an ass-joke?" Jean muttered to the blond.

Sure enough, there were still titans downstairs but Jean could see the corpses of the ones that were taken out- he could also see blood splatters and limbs against the floor and boxes from the soldiers who had tried to fight and were eaten for their efforts. _There are seven in total there,_ Jean thought. _We'd better double back then-_

The sound of gas escaping it's engine brought him out of his thoughts and he saw someone shoot through the air before it abruptly stopped. The soldier, a bespectacled woman with black hair tied back wearing the Garrison uniform clung to the support beam right by where the lift was, her legs kicking out from underneath her before she scrambled onto the beam. He saw the shock of white hair even through the dark as Tanya fired her wires and tried to fly to the support beam. But as she was in the air, the tank stopped expelling gas and her weight pulled the grappling hooks loose. She crashed to the floor, rolling to protect her head from injury but the impact had already drawn over the titans and they began to lumber towards the white-haired girl.

Sasha and Connie were already racing across the beams despite Reiner's hiss to them to wait before he ran after them as well. Seven gas tanks sung as they leaped off the beams and down towards the titans. With them distracted and their gas tanks filled, there was shockingly no difficulty in slashing out their napes. Seven thuds reverberated through as the titans fell to the ground around the white-haired girl.

Jean looked at her from where he landed on the titan that had been facing her directly: she was staring at him like a deer in a lamplight, her eyes became dryer as a few tears slipped down her cheeks and she wore her astonishment and relief in a remarkably open expression. She opened her mouth to speak only for Sasha exclaiming her name to interrupt her and the auburn-haired girl pulled Tanya into a tight hug.

It said a great many things when Tanya didn't protest or struggle against the girl, nor even bristling when Connie ruffled her hair in a good-natured noogie.. The Garrison officer- Maddox, it looked like- was talking with Mikasa softly, nodding in acknowledgement to the black-haired girl while Reiner called up to the others to come down. A few minutes later, the soldiers piled downstairs as they were able to properly refuel their tanks and stock up on swords.

As he hooked his tanks up to the pumps, Jean remembered the soldiers he had used to allow them to escape and his mouth tasted like ash. "Some leader I am..." he muttered to himself.

Of course this moment was interrupted when Tanya went beside him to refill her own gas tank, her eyes far away. "Is it really true?" she asked softly. "We're actually relying on a titan to stave off the rest?"

He gave a short nod to this. Several emotions flitted across her face: disbelief, bemusement and wonder, before letting out a humorless chuckle. "Our best bet against the titans is _another titan."_

She shook her head and returned to filling her tanks. The silence between the two was heavy and awkward- Jean did everything to avoid her and she never sought him out save if they were in groups together.

Any other time, he would have scowled at the white-haired girl and moved as far from her person as he could, but in the light of the titans being here as well as her actions she had taken here, his resentment felt far smaller. Oh he still didn't trust her as far as he could throw her and remembered that disturbing smirk and the control freak tendencies that Connie would never let her live down, not to mention that she was always putting on a facade or lying her ass off.

"You led them here," she spoke again. "Sasha and Connie told me how you took charge after Ackerman flew away."

The reminder of his actions made the boy grimace- she was either going to lecture him or insinuate she could have done a better job. Either way, just her saying that made him bristle with anger- the last thing he needed was her input.

"You didn't have any control over those soldiers' who threw themselves into the fray, and you made the decision that would save the most lives."

 _?!_

"They chose to throw themselves into the fray even if it meant them dying horribly, and you chose to take the route that would give as many soldiers the best chance at surviving."

She met his gaze, her own serious and startlingly empathetic. "Their deaths aren't your fault. No one can account titans."

His mouth opened, whether to speak or to breath he wasn't sure. He hadn't expected those words, least of all from her- even worse, she was being completely sincere. There was no lie, no half truth in her words. His eyes burned briefly and his throat was constricted by a lump that made it hard to breath.

"You risked your life with that plan of yours," he got out, focusing on something that didn't make him choke up. "You never do that, not unless it gets you something."

"It was the only way to get gas and swords, and I couldn't fight them all by myself," she replied, her voice becoming softer and her eyes narrowed with contemplation. "But it failed- we couldn't get enough and only myself and Officer Maddox survived."

Any other time Jean would have assumed she was fishing for pity, but she was speaking more to herself than him right now. Comparing how the two did made him feel sick to his stomach: these were people's lives that they had taken charge of, not some game where they were trying to one-up another! People's lives that were cut short in the worst way possible because of their decisions.

 _She's right,_ a smaller voice in his head said. _They all went to save Tom themselves despite the titans there._

Part of him wanted to retort that he should have done more, but Tanya's words and their logic had shut down many of the retorts he wanted to express. The fact that he found comfort in her words should have unsettled him, but it didn't. The titan's second invasion and one of them killing their own kind was plenty world-changing, but her acting like a decent person with no foreseeable ulterior motive was shocking in it's own right.

Eventually, their tanks were filled and they strapped them on before heading out the windows. Jean was about to follow the other soldiers when he heard Armin call out to Mikasa as she flew to the roof. He followed the blond, Tanya and Officer Maddox not far behind and Reiner, Bertolt and Annie also following. "That titan..." she said softly and Jean followed her line of sight.

The Rogue Titan was pinned to a building, smaller titans surrounding it and tearing off bits of it's body. The groan it gave was one less of pain and more of weakened anger as it moved it's head about and on closer inspection, Jean realized that it's wounds weren't regenerating.

 _ **"M** oth **er?"**_

Jean stared as Maddox went forward, eyes locked on the titan- eyes that looked distinctly red in the sunset's light. Tanya turned to her from where she had been transfixed, a look of clear alarm and confusion. "What...?!"

 _" **Mo** the **r!"**_ Maddox exclaimed again and broke into a run as she began to activate her gear only for Tanya to run after her, grabbing her arm to halt her trek. "What are you doing?!" she hissed.

 _ **"Yo** u d **on't und** erst **and- w** e ha **ve t** o h **elp m** othe **r!"**_

 _What the hell is she talking about?_ Jean wondered, staring at the two and knowing he was missing something. _And what's wrong with her voice?_

"This is our best chance to escape!" he said aloud, gesturing to the gate ahead, just out of their reach.

"If we learn it's secrets, it could be a valuable asset to humanity," Reiner put in, remarkably unfazed by the officer's actions. "We can eliminate the ones holding it down if it'll keep it alive a little longer-"

Officer Maddox didn't hesitate and was already in the air. "Wait!" Tanya exclaimed, clearly torn between following her and staying with the others.

 _Is she trying to get herself killed?!_ Jean wondered before Armin gave a noise of surprise as he looked down at a scrawny blond titan that was walking towards the building. "That's the abnormal that ate Thomas-"

 _ **"GRAAAAAGGGHH!"**_

Despite the titans clinging to it, the Rogue Titan lunged towards the blond titan with a furious roar. It's mouth snapped down on the blonde titan's neck and raised it's body above it's head, it's own body creaking from the strain. It smashed the blond abnormal's body down on one of the downed normal titans, the weight crushing it's nape. As one of the brunet titan moved towards it, the Rogue Titan threw the blond titan at it, the two crashing into the building with both their napes pulverized.

"... who did you say we were helping?" Jean got out, voice subdued especially when the Rogue Titan gave another mighty roar.

But not a second later it fell flat on it's face, steam starting to rise from it's body from where it lay. Maddox landed on the ground, racing to the titan. "Dammit!" Tanya snarled and flew down as well towards her.

"Come on, we need to hightail it!" Jean snapped, refusing to waste more time and turned to leave only to find they were all still standing. "Guys...?"

He followed their line of sight and his eyes widened when he saw there was something wriggling in the Rogue Titan's corpse, right where the nape was. Officer Maddox climbed over the body with Tanya stopping beside it's shoulder as the officer drew her sword. She slashed open the skin and pulled the shape out into the light.

Eren.

Jean could only watch as Mikasa and Officer Maddox pulled the brunet out and made it back up onto the roof, Tanya right behind them. The white-haired girl gripped the officer's arm to pull her away and Mikasa sobbed with relief from where she hugged Eren to her. Armin walked in a stupor and knelt beside them, lacing his fingers with the brunet's arm where his sleeve had been ripped at the elbow as tears filled his eyes.

"Eren... what happened to you?"


	25. Negotiators

Ferno16: Part of it is because of a subplot I wrote a while back that I've recently rewrote and part of it because others see her as too passive.

TGDBS: The plot thickens...

Guest: This is a Tanya Degurachaff that was born into the SnK World.

Jajp Camello: I like your screenname, it's fun to say.

Yeah, you really do ^^; It surprised me when I found out but then I realized how much it explained, especially Tanya's moods on and off the battlefield.

I really wanted to do that and the training during three years was going to be longer since it was the calm before the storm, but a lot of readers were getting impatient so I just cut out most of it. I am eventually going to be making the OVAs that happened during the three year training- the cooking duel and training exercise- their own one-shots.

* * *

Armin always had questions. About the world they were born into, what happened to his parents that left him with his grandfather, why the king forbade talk of the outside world to the point of branding it treason, where the burning water, plains of sand and ice were or if they existed, how to become stronger so he wouldn't have to constantly burden his friends. Questions never bothered him, as he was a curious mind through and through.

But right now...

"Eren... did all _this?"_ Jean rasped, eyes roving over the destruction and disintegrating titan corpses.

He had seen Eren lose his leg. He had seen him reach out to him only for the titan's jaws to snap down and take his arm off before swallowing. Even now, those images wove themselves over his eyes and all that kept him anchored was his fingers entwined with the brunet's.

Eren turned into a titan, defended Mikasa when she was out of gas, taken out the other titans and kept them off their backs and killed the abnormal that had eaten Thomas.

 _How?_ Kept circling his head. _How did all of this happen? How could it have happened?_

A gasp of pain came from Officer Maddox as her hand came to rest over her eyes. Tanya looked torn on whether or not to react with anger or concern and her hand reached out on instinct before the officer slapped it away. Her uncovered eye- brown in the light- was narrowed in anger and some fear as she looked at the white-haired girl.

"Officer Maddox, are you all right?" Reiner asked, walking towards her carefully.

All at once, the dark-haired woman straightened and Armin couldn't tell whether the red tint in her eyes was from the sun or not. She looked between Eren and back out to Trost, and while Armin couldn't see where she was looking his eyes did fall on the rock that had been brought in just in case the titans invaded. All at once, a crazy but possible plan began to take shape in his mind.

 _If he transforms again, he could pick that up and block the hole there- we could stop the titans where they are once we don't have to worry about them getting in and kill the rest!_

"We have to get going," she spoke, voice tight and repressing something and trying to keep her eyes from flickering over the group. "Regroup with the rest."

He hadn't imagined it before, her voice _was_ different. Or rather, her voice was back to normal.

 _She called Eren "mother" earlier- sure it was before we knew that titan was him, but why? And why does she keep looking at Tanya like that?_

"When we get to the other side, leave the talking to me until you are prompted and do not leave even if you are ordered by anyone else than me." Tanya looked ready to protest but a stern look from the bespectacled woman silenced her protest. "You are all witnesses to Jaeger's actions as a titan, and your testimony will to paramount if humanity expects to get through today."

 _Does she plan on trying to convince the other officers not to kill Eren? No, she sees that his power to turn into a titan could be used to humanity's benefit. Not only that, but she's already high-ranking and her word would give us support to possibly delay any soldier who might try to kill Eren._

Relief that they had her support made him feel a little more grounded but the prospect of facing soldiers who were not only at their wit's end out of fear but want to destroy anything that even looked like a threat made him more apprehensive. Armin helped Mikasa support their unconscious friend before they took to the air with the group. They found a working lift easily enough and boarded it. The silence was palpable and rather awkward but the blond was too preoccupied to be affected. Sure enough as they neared the ground, Armin saw several Garrison soldiers making their way towards them.

Officer Maddox got out first and Armin kept beside Mikasa to support Eren while Jean, Tanya, Reiner, Bertolt and Annie filed out beside the dark-haired officer. Captain Verman was at the head along with Captain Dietrich and a dirty blond female officer with glasses.

"You will leave Eren Jaeger here and speak nothing of this," Captain Verman barked.

Bertolt, Jean and Tanya were both clearly apprehensive, even Annie had a bead of sweat on her forehead while Reiner and Mikasa were both stone-faced and determined.

"You have every right to be wary," she spoke, hands still raised as she approached the Garrison soldiers. "But if you listen, then there will be much to gain from this."

"What the hell are you babbling about?" Captain Verman barked. "We're on the verge of another invasion and you're defending a titan masquerading as a human?!"

"He never harmed a human, and these seven can testify!" Officer Maddox declared, gesturing to their group and particularily eyeing the blond and Mikasa.

 _Her eyes are red again,_ Armin dimly thought as the officer's eyes flickered in a "come hither" motion. But he understood what she was trying to do- if it had just been them, they would be on far shakier ground as they were only trainees that had recently graduated against trained officers. But with Officer Maddox with them, they were on more equal ground, not to mention that the Garrison soldiers there worked with and under her.

He looked back at Mikasa who gave a short nod and he took the brunt of Eren's weight as she moved beside Officer Maddox. "I ran out of gas leading the charge back to the supply building," she spoke. "A titan had come upon me and I had only my swords to defend myself. If it wasn't for him, I would have been eaten."

"He kept them at bay when they attacked the supply station," Reiner spoke up, getting a startled look from Bertolt. "Our comrades would have been crushed or eaten if he hadn't fended them off."

Armin felt disturbingly disconnected but he spoke out, "Not only that, but the titans also focused on him as well- that means they saw Eren the same way they see humans: as prey! If you kill him now, we'll lose valuable information that we could use against the titans!"

This sent murmurs through the Garrison soldiers.

"Could it be?"

"That does make sense..."

"They did try to eat him."

"Officer Maddox doesn't usually get blindsided either..."

One of the officers, one that Armin recognized as Captain Dietrich, began to walk towards them. _"Stop!"_ Verman barked, voice cracking from terror-fueled rage. _"One more step and I'll execute you!"_

"Ian-" the bespectacled soldier beside Verman began but Captain Dietrich kept moving forward.

Officer Maddox rose and met him as he crossed the threshold, the two locking eyes. "Are you certain he won't attack humans?" he asked in a low voice.

"He didn't lay a finger on any humans during-"

 _"Mair."_ Officer Maddox startled at Captain Dietrich saying her name."Are you certain?"

Her eyes closed for a moment. "No," before they became hard, the brown more prominent. "But that doesn't mean we can just let them kill him. Not if he can be an asset to us."

Captain Dietrich turned to them but his eyes remained on Armin and the others. He said nothing, waiting for them to say their piece.

"He's a reliable comrade and a determined soldier- we'd be worse off without him," Reiner declared, looking to the others in a prompt before Bertolt responded, "H-he lost his family in Zhiganshina during the attack five years ago..."

"All he's ever talked about in training was becoming strong enough to kill the titans- I'm not even exaggerating," Jean said with some apprehension as he looked at the brunet.

"Last I checked, titans can't reproduce or have families," Annie deadpanned.

"If..." Tanya swallowed audibly but continued to speak, "If we learn how he became a titan, we could finally gain knowledge about the species as a whole." Her eyes flickered to Eren. "That's been the problem with fighting them, after all: lack of information."

"He's on our side," Mikasa said with certainty.

"... I grew up with him," Armin said. "I know him. Eren is-"

* * *

 _Everything under his chest was hot and wet. It reminded him of the hot springs that the trainees had once gone to during one of their days off. But whatever he was in was too thick, too oily and smelled of copper and salt, almost like-_

 _Blood._

 _Green eyes shot open with awareness and through dim light, he saw the bodies of soldiers floating in the stuff. Seeing their unmoving bodies, some of their limbs floating about, he could feel the absence of his left arm and even more acutely._

 _This wasn't what was supposed to happen. They had been training and strategizing so desperately, all to defeat the titans- they weren't the same as they were five years ago, dammit! So why-_

"It hurts... too hot..."

 _A soldier was still alive, barely- a woman just a few years older and one he could dimly recognize as a fellow trainee. "Mama- help m-" Her last words became muffled as she sank into the dark red stuff._

 _Tears and mucus flowed freely as a strangled and despairing sob cracked his throat. Flashes of his mother being crushed before that smiling fucker tore her in half, Armin's eyes shinning as he told of the sandy and icy plains and fire-like water._

"I won't- I won't give up!" _His stump reaching upwards even as his body became weaker._ "I'll kill them all- every last one of them on earth- with my own hands-"

 _And his hand was back and he was breaking free._

 _The sky was above him again and the fucker twitched beneath his feet. He was roaring, from rage, relief or both. He was given no more time to savor his freedom as another titan began to crawl towards him, like the damn animal it was. He raised his foot deliberately and smashed the nape of the titan below him as he rose to meet the smaller._ _It snarled and shot at him and he raised his fist, smashing through it's throat. He slammed it onto the ground and stomped on it's nape, pulverizing it._

 _It wasn't enough, not nearly._

 _Come at me, every last one of you fuckers. It doesn't matter how many there are of you. You're all gonna-_

* * *

 **"Mo** \- _Mr. Jaeger!_ So good of you to join us."

 _What the hell is with that voice just now?_ he wondered before his eyes flickered open and he took in the scene around them. "Wha-?!"

They were on one of the lifts by the wall and he wasn't alone. He saw Mikasa first and beside her were Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Jean and Tanya, as well as a dark-haired Garrison officer with glasses. More pressing was the Garrison soldiers surrounding them with their swords drawn along with cannons aimed right above them.

"Eren!" His shoulders were grabbed a moment later as Armin knelt before him, eyes wide and wet but filled with relief. "Eren, it's me! Just explain what happened and we can clean up any misunderstandings!"

Why would there be misunderstandings, and what were they about? Why were the Garrison soldiers surrounding them, turning the blades that were used to cut apart the titans on them? Why did they look at them- no, him- with such fear and anger? It wasn't just them either- Jean and Tanya were looking at him with apprehension and even Reiner, Bertolt and Annie looked grim.

 _Wait. Don't tell me-_

Eren's left arm raised on instinct and for a moment he was relieved that it was still there. But a moment later, his stomach dropped at seeing his sleeve torn off at the elbow and became acutely aware of the bare soles of his feet digging into the wood beneath them.

"Now that you've awoken, we can talk properly," the officer continued- was it his imagination, or was her voice different before? "Explain how you became a titan so we can put any confusion between us to rest!"

 _... huh?_

What the hell kind of question was that?! What the hell was she talking about?! Was that why the Garrison soldiers were looking at him like- like he was a _monster?_ Was that what they were seeing him as?

"I-I don't understand what it is you're asking of me!" he answered, voice wavering more than he liked.

The officer was about to speak further only for a bellow to cut her off.

"Don't think you can con the rest of us, you monster!" Captain Verman roared. "We all saw you come out of the carcass of that titan! If you even think about transforming again, I'll blow you to smithereens!"

"The titan that didn't lay a hand on any humans!" the officer barked back. "You all saw him only attack the titans-"

 _"Maddox if you don't shut your mouth, I'll execute you myself!"_ Officer Maddox's mouth shut like a trap but she scowled deeply at him. "The Armored Titan could still show up- we can't afford to waste anymore time or man-power on you, not if we don't want what happened five years ago to repeat! For all we know, his kind could be infiltrating our armies- _titans disguised as humans!"_

"Which is why it's imperative we not rush in and make any mistakes that will cost us!" Captain Dietrich barked back, gesturing towards Mikasa and Tanya. "Are you really willing to sacrifice soldiers who are worth entire battalions? Or do you have a better idea in how to protect humanity?!"

"So even you've joined that monster's side?!" Verman yelled.

"He's not gonna listen to anyone anymore," Annie said, voice and eyes flat. "He's too afraid."

"Shit, at this rate..." Jean muttered under his breath, eyes flickering upwards.

"We can still make a run for it, get out of the cannon's range," Tanya said to Officer Maddox almost pleadingly. "We've got plenty of gas left."

Was he really the only one there who didn't think he was a titan? His mind was spinning, his body felt heavy and sluggish and the fact that they were ready to kill him if he so much has moved or spoke wrong paralyzed him. Just the thought of being killed by humans was ridiculous enough, but...

What if it really hadn't been a dream? Then that would explain how his arm and leg had been grown back-

 _Just like a titan._

"- invaluable information!" Officer Maddox cried out. "Don't throw this away-"

"For humanity, and for protecting ourselves from those monsters, I'm not taking any chances!" Verman barked. "Jaeger, answer this: are you human, or a titan?!"

He couldn't answer wrong, not when other lives besides his were on the line. Armin and Mikasa were looking back to him and he knew his answer- from the start, just like them, he had always been-

"I'm human."

The silence couldn't have been longer than ten seconds at most and much of Verman's fear seemed to vanish, leaving only a stone cold resolution. Then his hand raised.

"Don't take this personally, but I have no choice. No one can prove that they're not a devil."

Incredulous despair filled him. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He had told him what he thought they wanted to hear and yet-

 _"Move now! Get out of blast range!"_ Officer Maddox barked, she and Captain Dietrich racing parallel to the walls on the left.

Five hisses of gas filled the air as Tanya, Jean, Reiner, Bertolt and Annie shot away from them and he yelped as Mikasa threw him over her shoulders. "Eren, Armin, we'll escape over the walls!"

 _No, no, they'll be killed like this!_ "Just get away from me, hurry!"

It was as though the fear inside him was smashed down as Armin stood his ground and saluted harshly, eyes wide with determination. _"As a soldier, I vowed to give my heart in service to humanity! If my life ends here while keeping that vow, I have no complaints!"_

"Arlert-!" Maddox said in surprise.

 _"If you combine Eren's titan-shifting ability with the remaining soldiers, it might even be possible to retake Trost! I beg you in my last moments, to replay his strategic value!"_

He heard Tanya shout something to Armin with a concern and desperation he had never heard before. The brunet tried one last time to break free from Mikasa before he felt the string chaff against his neck as the key swung in front of his eyes.

* * *

 _"Eren, you must never let this key out of your sight. Remember each time you gaze upon it, that you must return to the basement."_

 _The night was closing in, the trees larger around them. Tears freely streamed down dad's face as he handled a syringe he had never seen him use before. "The injection will cause some memory damage so even if I explain everything now, you'll more likely forget."_

* * *

Tanya and Jean landed in a heap behind the soldiers to the right, Reiner, Bertolt and Annie reaching the left.

* * *

 _The light in his eyes was stronger, manic but determined. "But when you go to the basement, you'll learn the truth. It will be a hard and merciless road, but you must recapture Maria and get to that room. The power I'm giving you will help you then and their memories will guide you."_

* * *

Armin's frantic pleas and terrified tears, Mikasa's grim and desperate movements.

* * *

 _"If you want to save Mikasa and Armin and everyone else, you must control this power!"_

* * *

He broke free of Mikasa but kept a firm hold on her arm while grabbing Armin close. His hand came up to his mouth, teeth ready to sink into his hand-

 _"Stand down!"_

Eren froze at the new voice and turned, his teeth just barely scraping his hand. Verman's arm was halted from where he was about to bring it down, a wrinkled hand closed around his wrist. "You never change, you're as delicate as a fawn. Have you no trust in your fellow officers, or so afraid that you'd blind yourself to that boy's magnificent salute?

The new arrival was a bald man with mustache and a genial demeanor, but Eren knew who this man was.

"I received word via rider- for now, you will command reinforcements," Dot Pixis, Commander of the Garrison Regiment, declared. "I have a feeling it will be worthwhile to hear what these kids have to say."

* * *

Of course Tanya knew who Commander Dot Pixis was. One didn't forget the face of the man responsible for protecting the Southern Districts of humanity's defenses, nor that he headed a regiment of over twenty-thousand soldiers.

Nor did one forget he was an inveterate eccentric. Tanya had heard of it before, but to actually see it manifest into a cooking duel of all things...

 _This has absolutely nothing to do with what's happening right now._

She, Jean, Reiner, Bertolt and Annie had not been executed or detained, nor had Armin, Ackerman or Jaeger. Just thinking how close they had all been to nearly being killed made her chest fill with cold dread but at least it hadn't ended like that. Armin, Ackerman and JAeger had been taken aside while the five of them were sword to secrecy of the entire thing.

"Rest assured you are not in trouble- you were given orders and you followed them to the letter," the old man had said before taking his leave.

She wasn't dead and her career wasn''t in danger- those two facts were enough to put some bounce in her step despite the circumstances.

"There you guys are!"

Tanya's eyes flickered up as Connie ran up to them, Sasha, Lenz, Bott and Ymir not far behind. "I'm so glad you're all okay!" the petite blonde breathed with relief.

The white-haired girl could only manage a slight nod and accepting a water skin from Sasha before sitting down on the steps while she and Connie tried to interrogate the others in what happened. From where she sat, the sun was casting dozens of shadows from the soldiers and buildings as it began to set.

 _It should be around seven, judging by the sun right now._ _And the Colossal Titan showed up around eleven..._

Eight hours.

In that period of time, her world had been turned upside down yet again, shoved in a blender on high speed and then loaded into a Gatling gun-

 _I really am tired if I can't keep track of my similes._ She groaned and let her head rest against her palms.

She didn't know what to focus on her first: the Colossal Titan appearing and letting the titans in again, Jaeger turning into a _fucking titan_ , or Red Eyes showing up via taking control of Maddox. Yet what her thoughts settled on first had been her disastrous plan back at the supply building- the bodies of the trainees who had volunteered to fight, putting aside their fear thanks to her words only to die screaming in terror and begging for their lives were etched in her eyes and ears.

 _They put faith in your plan and died horribly for it,_ that damn voice in the back of her head muttered. _You couldn't keep a single one of them alive._

Even as the soldier had retrieved the gas tanks and swords, it hadn't been nearly enough and she and Officer Maddox had to be saved by the others. She had been so relieved they weren't alone and had been rescued only for her failure to be pushed back in her face at learning of how Jean led the charge to the supply building in the first place. How he had used the deaths of the soldiers who tried to save a comrade as a distraction to escape and saved more than half of them.

Tanya meant every word she had said to the boy back in the supply building even now. Yet...

 _This boy, this_ child, _saved more lives than you, even though you're by all rights stronger and smarter than him._ _Not only that but he saved you when your own mission backfired, and rendered it redundant with the other soldiers._

This was not the turn she wanted her thoughts to take and she fought to turn her mind onto a topic that she could properly analyze rather than wallow in.

 _What was Red Eyes thinking, taking control of Officer Maddox right in the middle of battle?_ she thought, fresh annoyance thankfully chasing away the self-loathing. _Tensions were high enough then, we didn't need the others thinking an had gone mad!_ _Especially with her defending Jaeger possibly being cast in new light... At least with Ambrose and Elijah our interactions were private, controlled and not during a fucking titan invasion!_

She recalled them saying it was harder for them to speak through those not affiliated with their faith two years ago, yet Red Eyes still took control of her and Jackson. Not only that but both times, she had referred to the Colossal titan and Jaeger's titan form as "mother". That in itself made no sense whatsoever since mothers were usually female and one usually only had one of them.

 _That doesn't excuse her actions. We don't need people knowing any of this, and stunts like that will only make things more difficult. Especially with the titans breaking in._

The Colossal titan was undoubtedly intelligent and Ambrose was vindicated from five years back. It aimed for the cannons and pushed them off, showing it not only understood their function but also where to appear to get rid of them best. The Armored titan undoubtedly possessed the same intelligence as the Colossal if it knew where to burst through and when.

 _They attacked before when the Survey Corps were gone back then, and the same happened here. It_ can't _be a fluke._ _They_ must _have known when the soldiers best suited in killing them would be gone and when and where would be best to strike._

Her head lifted as the revelation struck her, cold dread settling in her chest as Captain Verman's words from earlier echoed in her ears. How else could they have known when and where to strike? Why else would the Armored Titan not show up this time around?

With the cold dread came the same diamond hard clarity from when the Colossal titan first appeared. She rose to her feet and broke into a run to the walls, the lift despite Connie and Sasha calling to her.

* * *

Apologies for the long wait- work, **The D** **epression** and general _anxiety_ over moving out soon have been taking their toll. Trost Arc is nearly over and what happened here is going to have major ramifications.


	26. Sword and dagger

Ferno16: To put it lightly. The ripples are growing...

Lander Blazer: Once things settle down and she reflects properly. Attack on Titan is a deconstruction of some shonen tropes, with Eren as a deconstruction of the hot-blooded shonen hero who never gives up.

You'll see this chapter.

SkellyStripper: Ask and ye shall receive.

Avery: I am aware my handling leaves something to be desired. If you have any advice on how to improve the story, I'm all ears.

* * *

"A plan to retake Trost?"

"You've got to be kidding me..."

"We don't even have the technology to seal up that hole!"

"Damn glory-hounds..."

Tanya ignored the upset and disgruntled voices of the soldiers around her as she headed for the lift. She could hear Bones faintly scream at another Garrison soldier and the dark and fearful looks in the soldiers' eyes. She saw another dark-haired Garrison soldier speaking to one of the trainees, his voice urgent and eyes wide.

 _At this rate, a riot may break out and we'll lose more soldiers in the chaos. No one wants to go back into Trost, not with the titans there- and I can't fault them for that sentiment either._ Her stomach quivered with unease and her hand settled not on her scabbards but the belt around her waist where the dagger lay. _We've only just got back and now we're being asked to go back in there._

She shook her head and kept her focus on finding the lift. Even if she was brushed aside, Tanya needed them to hear what she had to say. The idea of a human that could either turn into either a sixty-meter colossus or an armored juggernaut around them, ready to strike at any moment, was already making adrenaline and fear shoot through her veins. Half of her wanted to find the nearest rock and hide underneath, never coming out. The other wanted to find the ones responsible and cut them into pieces so she would never fear an attack from them ever again.

But she kept her head and found the lift they had used earlier, but there were Garrison soldiers guarding it.

"Excuse me, please!" She saluted sharply. "I need to speak with Commander Pixis, it's urgent!"

"All soldiers have been ordered to the square, no expectations."

"I understand, but I have important information-"

"That's enough." Officer Maddox came from behind her and set a hand on her shoulder, waving the two guards off. "Anything you say I can relay."

Tanya wondered if this was a good idea: if she said this in front of guards and they began spreading this, mass panic could break out. If they couldn't even trust the person next to them... it could become a blood bath.

 _We've already got a blood bath on our hands,_ she thought grimly and opened her mouth to speak. "I-"

"ATTENTION!" Commander Pixis' voice roared out for all to hear. "I WILL NOW EXPLAIN THE PLAN TO RECAPTURE TROST, THE GOAL BEING TO USE THE STONE INSIDE THE DISTRICT TO PLUG THE HOLE INSIDE THE GATE!"

Tanya internally screamed in frustration, but listened regardless. Introducing Jaeger as something the military concocted rather than something they just found would at least keep people from panicking too much. She didn't know if Jaeger's titan form would be strong enough to lift that boulder but she was fairly certain that he'd find a way to move it. It was a sound plan, considering the what they had to work with.

But with time against them as more titans would come through the hole and the lack of morale, the plan was already tenuous at best. Already shouts and yells were breaking out and soldiers were already turning their backs even as Garrison soldiers drew their blades to stop them. The riot in Ruhe was fresh in her mind and Tanya reached for the dagger against her thigh.

"UPON MY ORDER, ANYONE WHO LEAVES RIGHT NOW WILL GO UNPUNISHED!"

This succeeded in freezing them in their tracks, shock and confusion halting their leave.

"IF YOU HAVE ALREADY GIVEN INTO YOUR FEAR OF THE TITANS, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO STAND AGAINST THEM! ANYONE WHO'S SUCCUMBED TO THE TERROR OF THE TITANS SHOULD LEAVE NOW! AND ANYONE WHO WANTS THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO EXPERIENCE THE SAME TERROR SHOULD LEAVE AS WELL!"

The noise in the square quieted almost instantly. A few moments later, those same would-be-deserters, every last one of them turned back and rejoined the ranks. Tanya silently applauded Commander Pixis: threats would have only lowered moral further and incite a mob, while bribes wouldn't have been enough incentive. But by pointing out that their loved ones would be in harm's way if they left now, he simultaneously appealed to their hearts while bringing up an even deeper fear than being eaten themselves.

Of course when Commander Pixis brought up the operation to try and reclaim Wall Maria, it stirred up memories and emotions she didn't want to contend with- especially not when another battle was imminent.

"'OPERATION TO RECLAIM WALL MARIA' SOUNDS WELL AND NOBLE, BUT ALL IT WAS WAS A WAY FOR AN OVERBURDENED GOVERNMENT TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF MOUTHS TO FEED! WHAT NO ONE DARES TO SAY IS THAT THE REASON WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SURVIVE IN THESE NARROW CONFINES IS BECAUSE YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS-IN-ARMS WERE FORCED TO GO OUTSIDE IT! THAT SIN BELONGS TO ALL OF HUMANITY, INCLUDING ME!"

Part of her felt deeply vindicated that someone had said what that entire campaign was rather than tote about how it was their "duty to humanity", especially considering it was a commander inside the military hierarchy. Tanya would have felt more vindicated if it weren't for the fact that she had been forced to fight because of the greed of the soldiers who were supposed to protect civilians. That catharsis wouldn't take away the memories and terror of those few days or bring back those who were killed.

She was aware that Wall Maria's people were considered a minority while the bulk of humanity resided in Rose. That was the main reason war had never broken out, especially considering Maria lost nearly all of her people in the campaign. But if Wall Rose fell, they couldn't just arm them with whatever meager tools and weapons and kick them out to "fight". Wall Sina not only wouldn't have enough room for even half of them but she'd bet anything the same nobles and officials there would make sure only they survived regardless of what happened to the bulk of the common people.

Gaelle and Luke Kirstein would become refugees with little chance of someone showing them the same kindness and hospitality they had shown her. Even Elijah would be at more risk because the Wallist Cult could possibly blame him for sacrilege of the Walls because of his petition to strengthen them.

 _We'll kill each other long before the titans show up if that happens._

"WE CANNOT DIE WITHIN ANOTHER WALL!" Commander Pixis bellowed. "GIVEN THE CHOICE, _PLEASE DIE HERE!"_

 _I have no intention of following that order._

"What are you waiting for? Get moving!" Officer Maddox barked at the Garrison soldiers.

Once they were out of earshot, the dark-haired woman turned back to Tanya. "Well, what's so important?"

"... there's a chance the Colossal and Armored titans are like Eren Jaege: humans who can turn into titans," Tanya said in a low, hurried breath. "I don't have proof, it's just a theory-"

"I'm not stupid enough to cause a panic. I'll make sure he hears it in a discreet manner," she stated, eyes narrowing as her grip on Tanya's shoulder became tighter before she hissed out, _"And when this is over, you're going explain just what the hell your connection is with this 'Red Eyes' and why she saw fit to use me like a puppet."_

Tanya's mouth fell open before Officer Maddox let go and moved to board the lift, her blood like ice. For a few moments all she could do was stand there, unable to voice coherent thought. Red Eyes had communicated with her directly, had named her specifically as an affiliation and now the soldier clearly thought she had something to do with Red Eyes possessing her! Her teeth ground together as a new wave of frustration and dread went over her: this is exactly what she feared happening! Officer Maddox was only one person but one could become two and too many people caught up in Red, Blue and Green Eyes' machinations could make everything collapse!

"Hey you, white-hair!" a soldier yelled over to her. "Get over here!"

Tanya bit down a yell of frustration and relented to the order, storming back to the crowd and joining the others. Sasha and Connie thankfully didn't ask if she was okay but the former placed a hand on her shoulder as what she assumed was a gesture of comfort that the white-haired girl was too done with everything to shake off.

"We can't let the titans leave this area!" the Garrison officer in charge of grouping barked. "Focus on luring them in four groups of three to move on foot. Once you're by the wall, climb up as fast as possible and try not to die."

At least they were given the option not to die, and imminent death and injury was more than enough to keep her focused in the present. Even still, the task of herding titans and keeping their attention was a daunting one. Hell, watching the soldiers hanging from the wall like a fishing line to keep the titans' attention managed to be somewhat comical and downright terrifying.

 _Survive this, then you can deal with Red Eyes' bullshit._

* * *

Mair Maddox wished that a second titan invasion was the worst thing happening in her life right now.

It technically was, but those few minutes when _something_ ( _The voice was female, and she called herself Red Eyes_ ) apologized in her head before her body and mouth moved without her control were the most terrifying she remembered- and considering her day had consisted of barely avoiding death via titan, that was saying far too much. Mair knew how sporadic life could be and that she would come across situations where she would have no control.

She just never thought it'd be anything like what she had experienced.

 _"Tanya Degurachaff can explain everything," she said._ Mair scowled angrily. _But what does that girl have to do with anything? Was she the one who made that_ thing _control me? Oh hell, what if she tries to control someone else?!_

There was no more time to ponder as the lift reached the top. Commander Pixis was looking out across Trost before his head turned to the lift docking. Mair saluted sharply before he waved her down.

"A soldier brought a... _theory_ to my attention."

Even repeating what she said made her insides go cold. The commander's aide paled considerably and the few Garrison soldiers looked terrified. Commander Pixis' face grew more grave and his eyes closed before narrowing. "... a theory, you said it was?"

"Yes Commander."

"And who might this soldier who brought it up be?"

"Tanya Degurachaff of the Trainee Corps. She was with Eren Jaeger when he emerged from the titan."

"Then your orders: bring her here as quickly as possible. I'd like to speak with her on how she came to this conclusion."

Mair blinked in surprised confusion but nonetheless answered, "Understood," and went to the lift.

If she could piece something like that together, so could the others soldiers, or at least the ones who saw Eren Jaeger transform. _I'm glad I sent those two away- if word reached the other soldiers, even if it was just an idea..._

Mass hysteria wouldn't begin to cover it. They'd suspect anyone who did anything they deemed out of the ordinary. The future Commander Pixis described would come about with humanity destroying themselves. But as she reached the ground, another idea came into her head.

 _What if she and this Red Eyes has something to do with_ them?

She could still heard herself calling out for the trainees to protect "mother", her own voice like a stranger's in her ears. _She possessed me all to prompt those kids to protect Jaeger's titan form, who by the the looks of things would have done so without anyone's say-so. And why call the thing "mother"?_

Her fists clenched tightly before forcibly relaxed them so that her nails wouldn't bite further into her skin. _Find her first, Mair. It's your orders, after all._

The Officer ran down the wall, pointedly ignoring the sight of so many titans in one location. She knew that most of the trainees were being used to herd them further into the corner and kill any who stayed too far away. At the very least, Mair knew the girl wouldn't be too hard to spot, considering she was the only there with white hair.

As she ran further, Mair caught a glimpse of the group around Jaeger and she recognized Ian, Rico and Mitabi. They flew off the wall and away from Jaeger before lightning crackled around him and a noise like thunder rippled through the air. Goosebumps rippled up Mair's skin at seeing the bone, muscle and skin forming as the Rogue Titan materialized and let out a roar.

And it just stood there- she knew only a minute had passed, but it felt far longer and her confusion was slowly growing into apprehension.

 _What is he doing?_ _Is something wrong?_

* * *

 _Eren watched from where his mom and Mikasa were washing dishes, his dad reading at the table. The blanket wrapped around his body felt oddly hot but comforting. He had only just woken up but the ledge by the window felt so comfy, he lay there suspended between sleep and wake._

 _Yet a niggling feeling was there that kept him from fully relaxing. The brightness of the window hurt his eyes even with him turned away and the blanket started to feel smothering, even constricting. The more he tried to ignore the feeling, the harder it was for him to continue to keep still._

Why are mom and dad there? Dad's been gone for years and mom is-

 _The house vanished, revealing the ruins from where the boulders had destroyed the building. Above him, he saw the Smiling Titan bring the struggling woman before it's eyes, it's free hand snapping her in half. Blood splattered on his cheek as it bit down on his mom's corpse, the fucker still smiling as blood stained it's jaw and chest._

 _More memories flashed around him: the Armored Titan break through Maria while helpless on that boat, the argument the day after with Armin and Mikasa, Mr. Arlert being forced to go out and die, living off the pity of strangers inside stables and storehouses. The titans had taken so much from them: his mom, Armin's grandpa, Mikasa's second home, their town._

But we're still here.

 _Armin's eyes, shinning as he poured over the books that the king had forbidden. Books that talked of plains of ice and sand, fiery water and other amazing things that no one knew if they existed or not. Even if he had stopped talking of them save reminiscing during training, he still remembered them._

 _His hands looked so blurry before him but he could see where he was before a gigantic boulder. He could hear voices, faint but familiar a little ways away from him and he recognized Mikasa's. The mission- his mission- returned and Eren's hands clawed at the boulder as he fought to lift it. He could feel the strain in his body from the weight but not the pain. The bones creaked, the muscle tore and the skin caved as he hoisted the boulder atop his shoulders and began to walk towards the hole._

 _But that meant nothing to him, because if he succeeded humanity would be a step closer to victory against the titans, and the world outside the walls._

* * *

Tanya panted with exertion, the two titan corpses she left in her wake sprawled over the house she was currently hunched over.

When they had encountered their first group of titans, she had been quickly separated from her group when they had gone ahead and she was cut off by the aforementioned titans currently disintegrating beside her. The injuries from earlier in the day were beginning to catch up with her- her arms and fingers ached from clutching her swords so tightly, her legs were burning from the abuse they were going through and the bruises across her body whined in protest.

 _They should be fine on their own,_ she thought, albeit disgruntled that they had been separated so quickly.

As she scanned the area for any more wandering titans, she noticed Jean running down one of the streets before kneeling beside a dead soldier as a four meter titan was closing in. _What is he doing?_ she wondered with concern. _Why isn't he using his- no, don't tell me his gear's malfunctioned!_

Tanya moved in, her foot slamming into the titan's back. She felt her blade crack from the strain as she slashed down against it's nape and it crashed into the ground, nearly knocking her off. Jean stared at her with surprise before giving her a nod which she returned. Of course the sound of scraping quickly caught her attention and she saw a titan climbing over the houses beside them before tripping on the roof and landing on it's face.

She heard another hiss of gas behind her as she moved in and barked, "Get him the hell out of here!"

Tanya caught a glimpse of Bott descending to where Jean was, grabbing him and quickly flying for the wall. She was already circling around the titan as it was moving to get up, barely avoiding it's fingers before she hacked off it's nape, her sword snapping in half from the effort. She moved to go after the two boys before something caught her eye.

 _There those two are, but what are they doing?_ she wondered, a niggling feeling of apprehension building in her stomach.

* * *

"Plugging the hole like that...? What a reckless plan- Eren could be eaten."

Bertolt looked out from where and Reiner were standing. Even from their vantage point, they could see Eren's titan form carrying the massive boulder atop his shoulders.

"If it happens, they'll remain ignorant. Better for us to stay under the radar."

"Right... and if anything does happens, I'll just have to use my titan."

Bertolt was still feeling the effects of his previous transformation and while he had been trained in worse conditions, it still wasn't pleasant. Not to mention the work they had put in to luring the Coordinate would be put to waste with the hole he made earlier plugged up and the possibility of them doing them same to the one in Wall Maria.

"At this point, who cares?" Reiner smiled grimly when he voiced this. "We finally found the key we've been searching for for so long. Who knew Eren had it right under our noses?"

Bertolt didn't smile back. "Doesn't it bother you that it's _Eren_? The one who's been swearing up and down he'll exterminate the titans since day one of training?"

"He's naive, and too quick to anger. He wouldn't stand a chance against the others," Reiner replied back confidently. "Even Pieck's Cart Titan could take him the way he is now."

"Still, how do you think he got it? Annie didn't hear anything significant about the Jaegers, other than his father saving Zhiganshina from a plague- you'd think that it'd go to someone from the Fritzes or some other noble family."

"Who knows- the point is he has what we're looking for. All we have to do is wait for our chance to bring Eren to Marley and we can _finally_ end this."

In the distance, Bertolt heard a low and powerful thud echo before he saw a flare shoot into the sky. "Looks like they did it." Reiner turned back. "Let's move."

The black-haired teen nodded and followed his friend's lead, but as they leaped off the building Bertolt heard a third hiss of gas. Reiner doubled around, his face deadly serious and Bertolt followed his lead. The blond increased the pressure of the gas and got in a burst of speed that Bertolt quickly copied and he caught a glimpse of the soldier.

He knew that mop of white hair. _I was sure we lost her earlier-!_

Bertolt saw her move towards another soldier and he recognized Annie immediately as Reiner moved in.

"- titans, I heard them flat-out admit it!" Tanya exclaimed, clutching Annie's shoulders. "You need to get this to command, before they-"

She wasn't able to finish as Reiner's foot smashed into her side and knocked her against the window of the roof, knocking half of her body through the glass. Annie stared stunned at this before Reiner grabbed the back of the white-haired girl's jacket and threw her onto the roof, pinning her there.

"Annie, GO!" she coughed desperately, blood trickling down her face from the cuts. "Why aren't you-"

Reiner clamped his hand over her mouth, muffling her cries before blood trickled from the inside of his fingers from where her teeth dug into the flesh. "You heard her, she knows too much. _We can't let her live."_

Annie's face twisted in upset and anger. "Are you kidding me-?! You dumb assholes!"

Tanya's eyes widened, her entire body freezing as horrified comprehension dawned on her face. She struggled harder against Reiner, but there was little she could do against his weight and strength. Bertolt couldn't look at this any longer but as he averted his eyes, he saw a blond thirteen meter titan just down the streets. "Guys, we've got incomi-"

Reiner's shout made his body go cold. He whirled around in time to see Tanya stab a dagger that barely missed Reiner's eye and scratched his face before diving into the house. Reiner growled as he went inside to chase after her. Bertolt moved to follow him before he heard a soft noise.

Tears streamed down Annie's face as she tried to stifle a sob, chest heaving as she tried to breath. Bertolt wanted nothing more than to try and comfort her but knew this wasn't the time or place. "Get out of here- we'll catch up," Bertolt forced out.

Annie looked between him and the house, face twisted in upset as she fought to compose herself. She ultimately obeyed and activated her gear, the titan falling in her wake. Bertolt climbed into the house, the footsteps of his friend and Tanya audible. He heard a crash and another shout from Reiner from below. Heading down, Bertolt found Tanya struggling against her Reiner, her lower body trapped between his legs and stabbing forward with the dagger. Reiner's hand came up and the blade went right through his hand, barely avoiding his jugular vein.

Bertolt was already moving, grabbing Tanya's arms to pry them away from the dagger and pinned them above her head, imoblizing her completely. "Are you all right?" he asked, more out of instinct than concern.

Reiner nodded as he pulled the blade out of his hand, scowling at the offending wound. Thirty seconds passed as Tanya kept struggling harder against them, snarling angrily at them. Bertolt saw Reiner's annoyance turn to confusion, then to worry and he was about to ask what he was waiting for when he noticed something very wrong.

In Warrior training, they were taught when and how to suppress or speed up the healing their titan forms granted them: they had to pass as humans and most humans' injuries didn't heal in a matter of seconds after all. But Reiner was clearly making a powerful effort to heal it and the wound wasn't closing-no steam arose either. He looked back at Tanya, a strange expression crossing his face. Both of his hands closed around the dagger's hilt and raised it above his head, eyes locked on the white-haired girl's form.

Tanya's eyes went wide and she gasped out, _"Wai-"_

Bertolt startled as hot liquid splattered against his face and he recoiled from Tanya as a half scream, half gasp left her body. The dagger was buried into her chest, the girl writhing against the metal before Reiner pulled it out with difficulty. The black-haired boy was disconnected from his body as he watched his friend continue to stab downwards, the blade hitting home each time. Tanya's hands pushed and scratched at him, trying to get free as her struggling became weaker and her breaths more desperate. Red spattered all over her lower jaw and chest as she began to choke on her own blood.

Finally, Reiner stopped. Bertolt wished he didn't look, but his eyes were already moving down to Tanya's twitching form stained dark red. He had killed people before, by action and inaction, and knew that his place in hell had just gotten deeper. Reiner pulled out one of his swords and smeared Tanya's blood against it before placing the scabbard in one of her hands.

"Her gear malfunctioned and she hid here before deciding to take her life rather than risk being eaten. We found her just as she was taking her last breaths," Reiner stated without emotion, wiping the dagger clean before shifting it into one of his empty scabbards.

"... right," Bertolt finally said, eyes closing in resignation as he followed his friend.

 _"Kill you..."_

The voice was a rasp, barely a whisper, but it cut through the air like a hot knife through butter. Bertolt turned and saw Tanya reaching for them, a deranged hatred twitting her face into something animalistic.

 _"K-kill you,"_ she rasped. _"Kill you- I'll kill you- Kill yo-ou- I'll ki-ill yo-u-"_

Bertolt broke into a run.

* * *

 _ **Wa** it!_

Mair startled, nearly losing her trajectory as the voice entered her head and she quickly moved to land on the roof. _You again! What do you want? Are you going to use me like a puppet again?!_

 _Yo **u ha** ve ev **ery righ** t to b **e an** gry wi **th m** e, bu **t plea** se- Tan **ya ne** eds yo **u!** S **he's i** n th **ere!**_

Her eyes narrowed in angered disgust but went to the house that was shown inside her mind.

* * *

Tanya's voice cut off as blood filled her throat and she gave a watery cough, trying to expel the liquid. She rolled to her side, away from that bastard's sword, the coppery-salt red spilling out of her mouth. She tried to breath but the pain and blood making it all but impossible. Her fingers clawed at the floorboards as she tried to rise, tried to find something that would help her. Despite the warmth of the blood and the sun beaming inside the window, Tanya never felt more cold.

Or pissed off.

This was _nothing_ like the last time she died: she barely remembered the man's name and face and he had little connection with her, the train smashing into her had been painful but it only lasted for a second, and this certainly didn't have Being X-

The cold became stronger as panic set in beside the rage. He had said if Tanya had died again in her new life, there would be no further reincarnation. Even if he couldn't get to her in life, he could easily come after her in death- what would he do to her once she was dead? What kind of hell would he put her soul through after this? Or would everything just disappear into nothingness like Ikeda Susumu had once thought?

She snarled, tearing apart the fear and stamping it out of existence. Like hell she was going to die here, not after what she had heard and witnessed, not after what those she trusted had done to her!

As she struggled to move again, her sleeve slipped and she saw the rosary wrapped around her wrist. One of the red beads had cracked and she could see a drop of something clear begin to gather along the cracks. On instinct, she brought the wrist closer to her but the limb twitched and lay prone against her chest. Her body felt like ice and the room was growing darker, even thought was becoming too strenuous. Yet even as she fought against impending death, she remembered something.

 _May Gentle Rose give thee strength to work without a soul knowing._

Suddenly, she found her arm moving again with far less effort. Through the dark haze growing over her eyes, she saw the cracked bead as the drop of liquid became bigger. Her mouth opened, bloodied tongue reaching out as it broke away and fell.

Her entire world exploded into color as the strangely sweet drop dissolved on her tongue, body seizing up at the foreign sensations. The cold vanished and everything felt hot and wet, as thought she were inside the makeshift sauna at the barracks. Then everything disappeared.


	27. Evolving perspectives

Guest: I've been waiting to post this for some time :D

Ferno16: Indeed.

What do you believe I did?

alexc123: This is where things are going to go off-course.

Supersilver46: I mentioned earlier that there is no magic (that we currently know of) in the SNK-verse, just a lot of pseudo-science. And explaining more would be SPOILERS.

Jupiter's Bull: Yup :D

TGDBS: Thank you- this means a lot.

Kaioo: Whoops, spelling mistake! I went back and edited it ^^;

Acerman: Yeah.

Lewascan2: This has been a long time coming.

gabe. .1997: ... are you talking about Red, Blue and Green Eyes?

I am trying to understand, really.

* * *

Ashes, smoke and blood.

If he could only just smell it, it wouldn't be so bad. But Jean could feel it in the air and under his boots, taste it on his tongue and saw far more than he liked already. After a full day of the cannons pelting down on the titans nearest to the walls while the Survey Corps took care of the rest, Trost was finally titan-free. Of course they wren't in the clear yet: cleaning up and repairing the district would take time, not to mention the possibility of an epidemic breaking out.

So here he was helping clear out the bodies, limbs and general remains of the soldiers who had the worst luck of them all that day. Some had begun rotting already and flies buzzed about as he hauled the bodies into the wagons or presented them to the doctors to identify. Others were in pieces and Jean refused to wonder if the arms and legs he was carrying belonged to someone he was familiar with.

Connie was trying not to break down sobbing as he pulled another body out of some wreckage. Sasha was trying to look away from the piles of titan regurgitation and the warped, distorted corpses within while looking over the ones that were more whole. Annie was murmuring something beside a soldier whose upper head had been bitten clean off, eyes staring at nothing. Reiner and Bertolt simply did their jobs, the former somewhat hindered with the bandages wrapped around his right hand.

Jean looked away from the injured appendage, already bringing back the memories of the battle's aftermath.

* * *

 _He heard the distant thud that shook the ground and just a minute later, it was announced that Eren's titan form succeeded in blocking the hole up. For a moment, everyone could only stare as though they had heard someone speak gibberish. A ragged but relieved cheer rose up around them and many soldiers hugged one another tightly, crying unabashedly._

 _Marco pulled Jean into a close hug, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair as tears of relief clouded both their eyes. He clung to his friend, happily accepting the comfort. No more titans would get in and the rest trapped inside would be dead once the Survey Corps returned. It would take time to rebuild the district but it would still be done._

 _His home was saved._

 _The freckled boy withdrew from him and Jean saw that he looked conflicted for a moment before opening his mouth to speak-_

"NO!"

 _Jean turned and saw where Sasha had slumped to her knees, sobbing before Reiner and Bertolt, whose uniforms were stained dark red and the former had makeshift bandages wrapped around his right hand. Christa and Ymir both looked just as shocked before the petite blonde knelt beside the auburn-haired girl to comfort her._

 _"That- that can't be right. This is a joke, right?" Connie rasped out, disbelief more evident than upset even as tears clouded his eyes. "She's been training harder than anyone- she's wanted to survive more than anyone- how could she just-?!"_

 _"Her gear was damaged to the point it was nonfunctional," Reiner stated, voice monotone. "She must have thought this would have been less painful than being eaten. By the time we found her and tried to stop her... it was already too late."_

* * *

Tanya Degurachaff was dead.

He knew that every soldier had a smaller blade with their swords issued in case something happened to their gear and the only other way they could die was by being devoured, but...

 _She's the last person you'd expect to commit suicide,_ his mind finished.

And why would he? Upon looking back, Jean realized that from the moment he had met her, that girl had been focused on surviving and only that. She made a good impression on his parents and helped around so she wouldn't be thrown out. She kept her distance from others because she didn't want to risk the emotional fallout. She trained day and night so that she wouldn't be caught off guard by titans or humans. She relished putting down those who sought her harm because she couldn't defend herself as an unarmed and untrained child. She needed control because she had so little in her life.

And it was only dealing with a titan invasion himself that he truly understood just how something like that could do to a person. He fully felt the weight of Armin's words three years ago now that he had nearly lost his home himself, understood why Eren was so adamant in destroying the titans and saw just how fucked up an event like that would do to Tanya's psyche.

Hindsight was twenty-twenty but Jean couldn't believe what an asshole he was before. How couldn't he have seen all of this?

 _Because I was pissed about mom taking time for a refugee rather than her own son,_ his mind supplied but even it sounded disgusted.

He had yet to see either of his parents since Trost was retaken, too busy helping reload the cannons and bringing up the supplies and equipment for the Survey Corps before being tasked with cleaning the district. What would he say to them, especially his mom? She had risked so much to protect the girl, even lying about her being a relative. This had only made him hate her more back then, seeing her as trying to usurp his place. Now, he wondered if Tanya's own family was dead or alive- she had never spoken of where she had come from save a village called Leise in Maria on the first day of training and never spoke of her relatives.

 _They must be dead,_ the boy reflected soberly- he remembered what Reiner and Bertolt said about their village in the mountains never getting word of the invasion and waking up to titans at their doorstep.

He could imagine it too well: Tanya going about her daily life only to find the titans coming upon her village. Having to leave everything and everyone behind to survive with nothing but her horse and whatever she had on her. Having to ride through Maria with titans all around her, not knowing if she was going to find anything or anyone that would help her.

 _Until she made it here._

The sun began to set over Trost but there was still much to be done. For now, they would load up the bodies onto the pyres and hold what would be a makeshift funeral. But as they began to shift the corpses onto the wood, Marco took Jean's arm and pulled him over away from the soldiers.

"What is it?"

"I lied about coming from Wall Rose."

"... huh?"

Jean blinked in confusion at his words before Marco reiterated, "Well I came from it but it's not where I was born and raised." His eyes closed, letting out an exhale before visibly steeling himself. "My family comes from the Yarckel District in Wall Sina."

The boy's eyes widened in surprise and confusion at this admission: he had always assumed that Marco was keen on the perks of being in the Military Police aside from serving the king, but learning he actually lived there...

 _Why would he enter the military to join the MPs if he already lived within the Interior?_

"My family has served in a special branch of the Military Police for a few years now," Marco continued. "In order to enter this service, we have to place in the top ten before being deployed properly."

"How special?" he found himself asked.

Marco locked eyes with him, the normal cordial and warm brown now disturbingly cold and focused. "We answer directly to the king himself and carry out his will."

Jean's mouth dropped as his friend continued, "We do everything needed to keep the peace, to stop humans who want to cause disturbances, to protect those vital to everyone's safety."

Okay, this was huger than he expected. Part of him stung that Marco had kept this from them for so long, but the other part understood his reasoning. What he didn't understand about all this was...

"Why are you telling me this?"

No sooner had he asked, Marco's hands came to grip his tightly and Jean startled at the contact. "I want you to join me. I can put in word for you with our captain." Marco sweat-dropped a bit, eyes averting to the side. "He's... a little much, but there's not much reason he can say no."

"But why me? Annie and Bertolt are both heading for the Interior, or did you already ask them?"

"No, I'm only asking you."

Jean looked at Marco, unsure of what the freckled boy was getting at- Annie and Bertolt were both stronger than him, wouldn't they be able to serve in this special branch better than him?

"Jean, don't take this the wrong way, but you're weak." Jean stared at his friend at this admission before Marco continued, "But it's because you're weak that you understand how weak people feel. You're great at recognizing what's going on at any given moment, see what needs to be done and make decisions even if no on else will. Most humans are weak, including me, but if the one leading the charge was someone who could emphasize with me, I'd follow them right into hell."

"That's the kind of person the king needs on his side now more than ever, and the kind of person I know I can put my faith in."

A cart went by, wheels clattering harshly. Jean was speechless at this admission, hand growing numb between Marco's fingers from where they clutched. What could he say to this? Before today, he would have enthusiastically agreed and joined the freckled boy in whatever he was with. But now, his mind was blank and his tongue felt like lead in his mouth.

Marco seemed to sense this before letting go of Jean's hand. "The selection for the branches is in a few days time. You can think it over until then."

Jean could only watch as the freckled boy went off to help another soldier heave a corpse onto the wagon for inspection.

* * *

It didn't make sense, no matter how much she thought of it.

Sasha stared at the funeral pyres as oil was dispersed over the wood and around what was left of the soldiers they found. Those that had been... _thrown up_ by the titans were being burned in another location, in case any of them carried disease. As the torches were thrown onto each stack of wood, the auburn-haired girl winced at the light of the fires springing up. Ash and smoke soon filled the air again along with the smell of cooked meat.

She felt sick even thinking that: these were the bodies of her comrades, of soldiers who gave their lives for- oh, she couldn't even finish that line of thought without disgust and anger making her stomach emptier.

"After all the training we did... horse-back riding, endurance runs, hand-to-hand combat, lectures on strategy, technician skills, 3D gear maneuvering..." Connie sniffled from where he had curled into a ball, hands clutching at his head. "We worked so hard, we did so much... _was it all for nothing?"_

Sasha couldn't answer that, she didn't have the answer, she didn't want to have the answer. As the smells began to grow stronger, bits of ashes began to flake off and float around them. One came close to her and her hand came out to catch the piece. During the previous day of cleaning up Trost, she was torn between trying to find Tanya's body and wanting to stay as far from it as possible. She found no sign of her friend regardless and now all she could do was wonder which of the ashes floating around them belonged to her. Sasha would never see her again, even in death.

When Reiner and Bertolt had delivered the news of Tanya's... Sasha had denied it. Even now it didn't feel real, it didn't fit with what she knew of her friend at all. Tanya was always trying to improve herself, make herself stronger, faster, better any way she could. She was so determined to survive and to thrive after she had lost the life she had before. So how could she do that to herself, especially when they had been minutes away from sealing up Trost? How could she throw away everything she had worked for? Why didn't she fight? Why didn't she run away? Why couldn't she have found another soldier's gear and taken it like Jean had? Did she try to do those things but still couldn't find safety?

 _She must have been so scared_.

Tanya Degurachaff was the proudest person Sasha knew, and considering she knew Jean too that was saying something. But she had seen the cracks in the white-haired girl caused by the titan invasion and having to leave everything behind, and it was no stretch to assume her family was dead. But Sasha would never know this for certain, now that she couldn't ask her friend- it wouldn't stop her from wondering though. She didn't even normally think about things like this, but after the invasion of Trost she was thinking constantly. Just two days before, Sasha had most of her future planned out: join the Military Police and enjoy their comforts while sending what money she earned to her family so they'd never starve again. But now...

She didn't feel regret in her goals but in becoming a soldier and having to witness the horrors she did: if she had stayed in her town, maybe she could have helped it flourish by helping with the crops and animals. But even as she thought this, Sasha knew that that solution would have only worked for so long. Even if she went to the Interior, the Colossal and Armored titans could just show up there and the future Commander Pixis spoke of would come to pass.

Everything felt heavy, not even a week of hunting or the first few days of training had made her feel this tired. If it was just her body it wouldn't be so bad, but her mind and soul felt exhausted just from today and the revelation that the invasion had given her.

Nowhere was safe.

Sasha wondered if this was how a tired boar felt, on it's last legs as hunters closed in around it with weapons, with no where to run or hide. _That's everyone right now,_ she thought, letting the ash fall from her hand. _We're vulnerable. Exposed. We can only wait until our hunters appear and react to their actions._

She'd heard of the efforts of the Survey Corps trying to become hunters and how many were killed in trying to do so. But now she could see why they continued to try: if humans couldn't become hunters and attack before the titans, then what she went through the past few days would be the future for everyone else.

* * *

His hand twitched again and Reiner grimaced.

It had been years since he had dealt with injury that didn't heal in a matter of seconds and having the constant pain on him was disconcerting. He was used to pain but unlike before, couldn't count on his own abilities to heal it this time around. So it had been with rather sloppy work binding his palm up. At least the cut on his face would heal up faster and no one had yet assumed the two injuries were related.

His eyes flickered to where Connie was rocking back and forth, Sasha's eyes locked on the fires and a piece of ash falling from her palm. It had been easier than he expected to convince them of what happened, but it was still tricky business: if someone found Degurachaff's body and raised suspicions, then their whole cover could be brought down.

 _If we had just let her be eaten by a titan, then we wouldn't be under as much scrutiny._

The blond scowled. Why couldn't she have just laid down and died? She was out-numbered three-to-one and without help from anyone. He knew that Annie was giving her lessons but she never mentioned anything about that dagger she had, certainly not one that somehow stopped him from healing. At the very least, they had removed a possible threat but at what cost?

Once the soldiers began to drift off from the pyres, Reiner signaled Bertolt and Annie to follow him- they had no time to talk about what had happened two days prior and now was as good a time as any to speak, with the other soldiers preoccupied. They went around to the old barracks with Bertolt keeping lookout- Reiner was in no mood to have anyone overhear them a second time.

"All right, what is it?" Annie said, voice low and expression resigned.

Reiner dug through the dirt and drew forth the dagger from before, blade wrapped in old leather. "Prick your finger."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Annie's eyes narrowed dangerously but Reiner was in no mood to suffer through her irritation. She let her pinkie on her left hand tap against the edge, a drop of blood gathering against the metal. Already Reiner could see her making the effort to heal the pinkie once the prick didn't heal on it's own, frown becoming deeper. "What the hell is this?"

"Degurachaff had this on her." Reiner held his hand up for her to see. "It's why my wound here hasn't healed yet either."

"Why the hell didn't you say so instead of making me injure myself for no reason?"

"That's why I said to just prick your finger-"

"Reiner, what's our next move?" Bertolt cut in. "Trost was sealed but we know Eren has what we're looking for."

Right now, they had no idea where Eren was or whose custody he was in. Even still, Eren had shown he could be of use to the devils on this island. Even if somehow he didn't have the Coordinate, bringing back another shifter for Marley was no small feat. Reiner was certain that it's be enough to make up for losing Marcel and the Jaw Titan.

"We wait to hear news about what will happen to Eren," the blond stated. "The MPs and nobles are probably all clamoring for his death since he turned into a titan, but the Survey Corps might try to use him as a weapon."

"There's also the two titans the Corps captured yesterday," Annie brought up, eyes still on the dagger. "It's small, but there's a chance they might discover something from them."

"We can't have them finding out any connection between them and humans," Reiner agreed. "Once they do, it's only a matter of time before they start investigating humans..."

"But even if we kill them, they could link it back to us by looking at our gear," Bertolt pointed out. "We're on thin ice with the story about Tanya's death already, we shouldn't risk anything more than we can handle..."

Reiner's scowl deepened at this, regretting that he hadn't taken Tanya's gear when he did. He didn't want the ones who were the best at killing titans any where near information that could give them an edge, but they had no way to deflect suspicion if they did kill the two captive titans.

"So what do we do with that?" Annie gestured to the dagger. "We've never seen or heard of anything that can stop our healing like that thing does."

The blond looked at the dagger long and hard. Yet another unexpected development but unlike Eren turning into a titan, they had no frame of reference for this. Where did Degurachaff get a weapon like this? How was it made? Were there more like it? If there were, then why weren't there more of them?

 _At least we were able to keep this out of their hands,_ Reiner reflected. _If they found this dagger, they might reverse-engineer the metal and we'd be in worse trouble._

An idea sparked in his head as his fingers tightened around the handle: if they couldn't heal from the metal, then titans couldn't either. "We might be able to take care of them after all, with this."

"And how do you propose we use it then?" Annie asked, arms crossed.

Reiner was no good with daggers, even after training. He preferred guns, the swords here or his body as weapons. Bertolt could probably learn how to use the dagger in a short period of time but not in a few days. Annie was the best at hand-to-hand and was great with her swords but...

"You'll do it." Reiner turned the dagger carefully, offering the handle to the smaller blonde.

"Any reason why you two walking trees can't?"

"Watch it, Leonhardt." The blond's eyes hardened. "You're on thin ice right now."

"Reiner?" Bertolt said with concern before Annie scowled. "Is this about her going into the house? I didn't know she had that thing either, and you're the one who was trying to move her up anyways-"

"Nothing was stopping you from helping us take her down. If you had been there, we might have been able to take her gear, leave her for the titans and we wouldn't have to lie about her committing suicide."

"Reiner, I told her to leave-" Bertolt began but Reiner was in no mood for his friend's concern at this point.

"And what about those training sessions with her? Eren, Sasha, Connie, those three are decent enough- but you taught Degurachaff as well."

Eren was prone to anger but more towards the titans than the humans, Connie and Sasha were too soft-hearted to use that kind of brutality against others, but Degurachaff was ruthless and unafraid. If she was still alive, Reiner knew she'd waste no time using what she had learned against them.

This managed to take some of the wind out of the smaller blonde's sails, her scowl faltering. "You've seen the look she has, how she sees others: she's nothing but a conniving, two-faced, grasping bitch! She doesn't care about anyone unless they can give her what she wants and you know it!"

Of the devils on Paradis, she was the worst Reiner had met and the fact that she somehow saw favor in him only turned his stomach. He should have stopped it before it began, anything that was between Annie and Degurachaff- hell, he should have stopped himself before from trying to make friends with the demons who escaped their punishment. Even knowing how the white-haired girl saw the others around her- like sacks of rice with different amounts and quality- this hadn't been enough to dissuade the smaller blonde from bonding with her somewhat.

"Anything she said to you before was just so she could learn from you, nothing more!"

Annie's scowl was nearly wiped away, the venom receeding and apprehension casting a shadow over her face. "You know I'm right," Reiner growled. "You let that twisted girl learn and incorporate those moves and that nearly cost us when-"

He barely avoided the kick to his groin as Annie lashed out, snarling, "When you dumb assholes let her overheard you!"

"Guys, quiet-" Bertolt pleaded but Annie only threw her fist at Reiner's solar plexus, the blond barely catching her arm from the sloppy blow. "You're not gonna pin all this on me! What about you practicing with the other soldiers and all that 'advice' you ripped off of Marcel? And don't even get me started on roping us into that stupid cooking duel!"

"We were only supposed to get close enough so that we could gain their trust, and we've already done that!" Reiner snapped, pushing her back. "Not let our feelings cloud our judgement! Or are you starting to actually feel pity for these devils?"

Annie glared daggers at him, but his words had the intended effect. Reiner moved in for the kill. "Are you willing to let your father pay for your hesitation?"

The fight drained out of her and she accepted the dagger, re-wrapping the leather around the blade before storming off. "Reiner..." Bertolt said softly, frown creased.

"No, it wasn't too much," he stated sternly. "We can't waver now, not when our goal's just in reach."

 _That's right- once we get Eren back to Marley with the dagger, everything will be over..._

* * *

"In three days, Eren Jaeger will be put on military tribunal in the Stohess District. Erwin Smith will be there. I'm sure your ghost will be able to speak behind closed doors. In the meantime, make sure nothing happens to change her status."

Mair swiftly burned the note, making sure all of the paper was reduced to ashes. She moved for the lift, eyes flickering over the dying fires of the pyres. How many of her comrades were with them? Was Ian's ashes already in the sky, even if all they could burn was his head? Her vision blurred and her head bowed.

At least they had managed to seal up Trost, and the titans that had come inside had all been killed. The soldiers who had died there had been avenged properly and those who were still alive were stronger for it.

She wished she had more time to mourn the friends and comrades she had lost, but time was of the essence.

* * *

 **H** er **e!**

 _Mair moved through the house before seeing steam begin to emanate from one of the rooms. She burst in and nearly tripped over her feet at what she saw._

 _Degurachaff was on the ground, mouth wide but with no sound coming out as her back was arching against the ground, fingers digging into the floorboards. The steam came directly from her body, around her torso and the blood that was pooling around her. Mair knelt down beside her before recoiling from the hot steam burning her. She took off her jacket and used it as protection as she opened up the girl's shirt._

 _She counted eight different stab wounds, three that should have killed her by this point and another that tore through the sports bra. But before her eyes, Mair saw the wounds closing up at an inhuman rate. The only other time she had seen this kind of thing was when a soldier missed their mark against a titan. Just the thought made her recoil from the girl, even reaching for her sword for a brief moment before she shook her head._

What the hell is going on? Who stabbed her, and why?

I **t w** as m **other, tw** o **of he** r- I recog **nized h** er fr **om the** fir **st ti** me f **ive yea** rs ag **o-**

 _Mair could only stare in furious confusion as two figures flickered across her mind, both wearing military uniforms. She couldn't make out their faces or their insignia but saw they were tall and had black and blond hair respectively._ Speak plainly, dammit!

S **he hea** rd some **thing fro** m the **m she** sho **uldn't h** ave, _her voice sounded strained and weak._ Tho **se tw** o o **f mo** ther- **you cal** l the **m th** e Col **ossal an** d Arm **ored tit** an **s-!**

 _She saw a young man with glasses and church robes far more clearly, albeit the image was flickering violently._ E **lijah- a** lly- **keep h** er hid **den- what?!**

 _The presence broke off and away, voice cracking with confused horror and there was silence. There were not enough expletives in her vocabulary to sum up just what she thought about this revelation._

* * *

It wasn't enough that their walls were invaded and a trainee soldier turned into a titan. Now she found out there was more of him and they were the ones responsible for the invasion five years ago! Not to mention this business with Red Eyes and Degurachaff.

Mair jumped down just as the lift was a few feet from touching the cobblestone and moved as fast as she could. _Degurachaff had a horse that she was going to move to the MPs,_ she thought, gripping the documents that had been copied and given on the behest of Commander Pixis. _It should be- there!_

A gray horse with black mane and tail was beside the other horses that had been moved over to the next town in preparation and it shied away as she moved to it. She held her hands with the palms facing outward, voice low and soothing. _Wish Eilian was here, he's always been better at this,_ she thought as she murmured, "It's okay, I know your master..."

The horse seemed to calm from this and Mair wondered for the umpteenth time if what her little brother had said about horse's memories was accurate or not. Regardless, she suited up the horse with saddle and reins, handing off the written permission to the single MP that was in charge of them.

At the very least she was able to find the ally Elijah, as even she had heard of his petition to put cannons atop the walls. _Of course he'd be involved in this mess too._

* * *

 _She felt deeply disconcerted about just leaving Degurachaff in the house, especially with so many titans around. But she had seen those uniforms and realized just how precarious their situation was: if she brought her back in full view, they could attack and they would have no way to defend themselves._

 _Mair settled on moving the girl to the house's cellar away from prying eyes and found some charcoal and paper to write a note of explanation before moving back to the walls as twilight was settling over the sky. She reached the lift and made it to the top, Commander Pixis still in place._

 _"Commander." She saluted sharply._

 _"At ease."_

 _It was at this point that Mair realized she had no idea how to explain this: a girl had a connection with some being that could control people and communicate with them, and said girl had just been nearly murdered save for something the being did. Not only that but the information the being parted was that the Colossal and Armored titans were soldiers under their command._

 _She dared to move in closer to the older man so that she could murmur in his ear,_ _"I have received... word that the Colossal and Armored titans are hidden within the military."_

 _Commander Pixis' eyes narrowed at this news. "I see. And Degurachaff?"_

 _"She was almost killed for the information she has. She needs to stay dead, what she has to say could save or doom humanity."_

 _Mair hoped to hell he would understand what she could and couldn't divulge and her faith was rewarded with Commander Pixis' next words. "Then your standing orders until otherwise are to protect her."_

 _The dark-haired soldier nodded, saluting sharply. "Understood."_

 _"Dismissed."_

* * *

As she rode through the night towards the churchman and white-haired girl, Mair wondered for the umpteenth time just what the hell she had been roped into.

* * *

The wagon clattered down near the small grove of trees before stopping just on the verge of a small town.

Every moment, Elijah thought he'd see someone coming after them or that they'd be stopped before they made it to the walls. Considering that he barely ever rode a wagon, much less directed a horse like he was now, he also had to contend with the fear of his horse galloping off or straying off the road and crashing.

He stole a look behind at the tiny figure in the back of the wagon, chest stuttering with breath as steam continued to rise from her body albeit in smaller and weaker bursts. Elijah took the compress off of her face, the cloth now dry and hot, before dumping it back into the water. He barely rung it out before pressing it back on her skin, more steam rising from her face as her breath hitched.

* * *

 _Elijah was_ _horrified when he heard that Wall Rose had been invaded just an hour after he left Trost, torn between getting as far away as possible and rushing back to- do something._

 _The refugees of Trost had gathered in the next village but had been afforded only the slightest of comforts, most with nothing but the clothing on their backs. Ultimately, Elijah decided to stay and help who he could, even those who spat in his face and barked at him to take his gods and shove them somewhere painful. This continued up until twilight before Garrison soldiers arrived with news._

 _"Trost has been retaken."_

 _Elijah could hardly believe his ears- he had seen the boulder they had moved into Trost but how on earth had they sealed the breach? No more information was given and the Trost refugees cheered with relief. Even the civilians who had spat at him had pulled him into a relieved hug and he returned it with enthusiasm. The nightmare he thought would repeat had been put to a stop before it had truly begun- that alone was worth celebrating._

 _The next day had the booming of cannons echo even with them miles away, only stopping when the sun began to droop in the sky. More news arrived in that all of the titans had been killed inside and clean-up and rebuilding of the district would soon be underway._

 _As the Trost civilians began to make their way, Elijah saw someone coming his way: a dark haired and eyed female Garrison soldier with glasses. He looked beside him, wondering if she was trying to get through the crowd only for her to stop right in front of him._

 _"Are you Elijah?" she asked._

 _This... was unexpected. "Is something wrong, officer?" he asked carefully._

 _The officer looked ready to speak before her mouth clammed shut, unease flickering across her face before she shook her head slightly. "You're close with one Tanya Degurachaff?"_

 _The young man straightened at this- he hoped that this wasn't what he thought it was. "Please understand, what we have isn't what you think."_

 _She sent him a flat look before taking his arm and leading him through the crowd until they reached a deserted area by the wall. "So you know about those voices then- Red Eyes?"_

 _Elijah stared for a moment, stomach briefly plummeting before he nodded. "They're the goddesses of the walls," he explained swiftly. "They've lost a great deal over the last five years but they were able to contact us..."_

 _The officer looked at him like he had grown another head before providing him with what looked like her own uniform and baggier clothes with handkerchief. "Put these on- I can show you to where Degurachaff is and you're to take her somewhere safe."_

 _"U-understood...?"_

 _"Just call me Maddox."_

 _He put on the clothes, trying to smooth over his robes. During this, he saw a boy around seventeen years old with black hair and dark blue eyes arguing with Officer Maddox._

 _"- be easy!"_

 _"It's not that simple, Eilian."_

 _"Like hell it isn't, Mair! You just risked your life for those idiots and now you're-"_

 _"I'm a soldier. It's in the job description."_

 _"That's what you always say..."_

 _"Just wait for me to come back, okay?"_

 _The boy scowled but nodded before running back. Eilijah quickly made himself scarce, knowing he wasn't supposed to have heard that. After tying the handkerchief around his face, Officer Maddox sent the signal to open the gate and he prayed that they wouldn't be stopped or questioned._

 _Officer Maddox guided his horse and wagon into Trost and Elijah became grateful for the cloth covering his face as the smell of rot, smoke and ash assaulted his senses. The buildings around them were wrecked, entire streets had been destroyed, the imprints of gigantic bare feet visible along with dark red stains._

 _Panic set in far too fast, the screams of the Zhiganshina civilians filling his head, his father's last words- no, the words he was reading from_ that damn book _as a titan sunk it's teeth into him-_

 _Officer Maddox's hand came to rest against his knee, gaze serious but sympathetic. "They're all dead," she murmured. "For now, we're safe."_

 _He swallowed thickly, the memories still playing themselves over and over but the panic receding. He forced his eyes ahead, away from the pieces of human bodies littering the streets, from the piles of yellow goop that distorted the corpses of the soldiers inside. Vomit smelled more appealing than that substance._

 _The wagon clattered harshly as they went by two trainee soldiers who couldn't be older than fifteen and Elijah forced his eyes forward. They came to one of the more intact houses and Officer Maddox led him inside and to the cellar. Elijah's breath caught at the sight of Tanya twitching against the floor, steam rising from her body._

 _He could barely hear Officer Maddox explain what had transpired during the invasion, how Rose had forcibly taken control of her, how one Eren Jaeger became a titan, and how Tanya had been nearly murdered for finding out who the Armored and Colossal titans were the same as he. His hand came up the cradle the girl's head only to recoil from the scalding hot skin, the sweat on his palms evaporating just by being near her._

How...?

 _"Load her up and wait for further instructions in the next town over," Officer Maddox stated sternly. "Guard her with your life."_

* * *

 _What could have caused this?_ Elijah wondered for the umpteenth time- his limited inspection of the girl revealed nothing other than the abnormally hot skin and the disappearance of her dagger and one of the rosary's red beads.

The sun was fully up now and Elijah had to blink back the sleep in his eyes, still trying to keep a lookout for the soldier. The steam seemed to settle down a bit and Tanya's breathing was evening out. _At least some good has come out of this-_

The sound of hooves beating down the path brought him to full alertness and Elijah swiftly covered the girl, reaching for a stave. He relaxed quickly at seeing Officer Maddox catch up to him, riding a familiar gray horse.

* * *

 _Dark red staining legs._

 _Flies buzzing around a wide open iris._

 _A figure with their hands outstretched and bound by chains, eyes dead._

 _A little girl with black hair and gold eyes grabbing a cable, gun in hand._

 _A man speaking out passionately atop a stage, tears in his eyes._

 _A potted plant beside an old man and- Clint Eastwood?_

This is a very surreal dream...

* * *

Here we have Jean Kirstein reexamining himself within his natural environment and getting heaping doses of character development and hindsight, Sasha Braus thinking harder than normal, Reiner Braun diverging further from his soldier persona and Mair+ Elijah now in cahoots.

It's always been a headcanon of mine that Marco has genuine desire to serve the king and that he was planning on joining the Central MP once graduating.

Yes the dream is signifying things to come.

I'd say sorry for the wait, but I've been busy moving into my new apartment! Not to mention a lot more happened in this chapter than I was prepared for ^^;


	28. Board set-up

Andromeda: No, Tanya's gear was ruined in the fight with Reiner.

Ferno16: (whistles)

Jupiter's Bull: You and me both.

Mair and Elijah were originally only going to have small parts but they expanded far more than expected.

TGDBS: Thank you- what's Myes?

amerdism: It's half Reiner trying to rationalize his actions in killing Tanya, half of him seeing what Jean saw. It's also rather ironic that canon! Tanya was mostly seen as a devoted and determined soldier with few thinking she was a monster when she was really just pragmatic (and high off her ass during battle), while here most people she see's twisted but can make out the humanity even she thought she cast away.

MrKippling22: I'm glad you approve.

leo0074: To be fair, you have to buy the book or read the translations online.

Lewascan2: (Lightning and thunder effects)

That's very high praise- I hope that my story will continue to be worthy of it.

Being exposed to Tanya's more cold nature makes it easier for Reiner to rationalize his actions. As for Marco, I have plans for him and that's all I'm gonna say.

Actually, the girl in her dreams is a character that the manga already introduced.

Guest: A lot of soldiers died that day and more are missing, with there's no way to prove or disprove their words right now. Not to mention that the only one who knows Reiner and Bertolt are lying is Tanya.

Tracitus: I strive to do my best.

The differences of war between the world of magic and the world of SnK in the walls is the level of technology and the presence of magic. Their fighting styles and how they are confronted with magic and the titans also makes a world of difference, as well as their authority and power within the worlds.

Hinatale: I shall do so.

Guest 2: I will be covering Annie and Bertolt's reactions further soon, since I only wrote down Reiner's so far. As for his own lack of reaction, Reiner thinks that they're in the clear since they have this in their possession and they've yet to hear of this weapon being used so he assumes this is the only one.

Ransworn: It's not so much as divine intervention as it was a kick in the head to get the gears in her brain turning again. After the titans came in, she was convinced that it was Being X's doing and it had not only taken everything she had in her possession but had terrified the living hell out of her- because who wouldn't be scared if a bunch of naked man-eating giants showed up, ate everyone and destroyed your home, forcing you to leave it all behind? Tanya was in a deeply emotional state at that point and her logic pointed that anything she tried to do would only be stripped away. The reason this worked was because Red, Blue and Green Eyes knew what was plaguing Tanya and used the words that had the best chance of kicking her back into action. Tanya has already acknowledged in-story that even if Being-X wasn't responsible, she still had to deal with titans and the greed/stupidity of humanity.

That's more or less what Tanya's previous self did in their wold world: they were a human whose only talent was following the rules. In their pursuit of trying to become the best and eventually falling short, they alienated any potential friends and allies. The only way they rose to the station they did was through cold logic and economics/economic theory. The Walls don't have salesmen and Tanya is in their military that is comprised of Red and Mauve Shirts, who still views friends the same way she does in her previous world.

I am trying to write Tanya from a different standpoint, as most of the fanfiction I've read have her as insufferable and needlessly cruel (like how the anime shows her), and the whole reason I used SnK was so I could see how she would react to the titans. In canon, she was in a world of relatively advanced technology, comforts, born into a powerful empire with plenty of opportunities ties for a child thanks to being built as a meritocracy. That's not even getting into the fact that magic exists and she was born with inherent talent. It also bothered me that despite Tanya being killed and then toyed with by a deitic-like being and stripped of everything before being born as a female- who kept her adult mind even as a baby- had few to no issues.

Ajhat: It seems that the main beef you have with my story is the same as several others: you want Tanya as the badass ten year old who can do magic, command respect from others and kick ass while going toe-to-toe with Being X ideologically. I have defended my point and if you still find this story wanting, then consider these points: 1. I have barely just gotten past Trost, and there's still much to come. 2. This doesn't take place in a world of magic, this is the world of Attack on Titan. 3. Since this takes place in Attack on Titan, characters are going to go through heaps of shit to become stronger and their world view is going to be repeatedly altered and affected by the events around them.

If you wish to find a Youjo Senki fic that fulfills your needs, then hit the back button and return to browsing the site because you have made it clear my story is not going to satisfy you.

:Su comportamiento emocional adicional está influenciado por: 1. Los titanes entran y golpean cualquier sensación de seguridad que pueda haber acumulado. 2. Ambrose se destacó ante ella porque a. Él todavía estaba tratando de ayudarla a pesar de que ella lo rechazó y b. Ojos rojos, azules y verdes hablaron a través de él. 3. Tanya generalmente es más lógica que emocional, por lo que no está preparada para manejar la emoción que está atravesando, y estar dentro del cuerpo de una niña preadolescente / adolescente no ayuda.

animexxfreakxx: It's cool- and yes, it did. There's a reason the first chapter's called "Deja Vu" XD

(Ocular Gushers ensues) THANK YOUUUUUU

Eliza211: You'll see.

OBSERVER01: Indeed it is stupid, but children generally don't think that. Now that Jean has actually experienced something Tanya went through, he appreciates the shit it does to people.

Mexicat03: Yeah, you should probably read the manga otherwise you're going to be _massively spoiled._

wolfii: :D

Antryom-Dreizehn: That is what I was going for- seeing how Tanya would do without what gave her power in canon. Also, anyone would be fucked up psyche-wise in Attack on Titan.

As for Jean and Tanya, just wait and see.

* * *

Elijah knew most people would believe him mad for his explanation, so he didn't feel exasperation at Officer Maddox's incredulity.

They were lucky that his mother had taken refuge in the main church, burying herself further into her faith- he didn't know how he'd explain a soldier and fifteen year old girl suddenly showing up. That left only Elijah in their house with occasional help from members of his church. The plan, tentative as it was, was to initially pass her and later Tanya off as distant relatives he discovered in Wall Rose and whom he was planning on introducing to their faith. For now at least, the story would hold.

He wished he could say the same about his explanation for himself and the three goddesses.

Once they had settled Tanya in one of the guest rooms and spent the rest of the day recuperating, Elijah found out half-way through his explanation- where he had stated being contacted with the goddesses after the fall of Wall Maria and being told to steal the rosary and dagger- that he _couldn't_ leave out how Tanya was so connected to the goddesses.

"I get you being at the center of all this," Officer Maddox said, gaze narrow as she scrutinized him, "but what does any of this have to do with Degurachaff? More on the note, why involve her by giving her the relics of your church rather than keep them yourself? Not only that, but why would Rose or Red Eyes or whatever she calls herself direct me to her rather than you?"

Elijah was stuck. He knew that the news of Tanya's origins and her feud with Being X would be earth-shattering in it's own right, but was it really the right thing to lie to the officer?

He tried his damnedest to appear somewhat calm but he was screaming inside. Even if he told her everything, what could they possibly do with such information? It wasn't like Being X was a threat now that the goddesses had driven him away for trying to take control in their world.

 _But what if he isn't gone? Tanya is still here with all of her memories from her previous life. Who's to say he can't reach here through her? Is it really a good idea to keep this from the men who can make the most impact on humanity?_

Simply from how Tanya described him, Being X came off as immature, uncompromising and unwilling to change his mind regarding the lives that he was supposed to look after. Yet he also sounded like someone incredibly fed up with humans as a whole and Tanya simply had the bad luck of being on the receiving end of his anger. The thought of him being able to return through her...

Elijah yelped as Officer Maddox's hands slammed against the table, dark brown eyes furious. "All of humanity is on the line! If you have information about Red Eyes or whatever the hell she is and if she's going to go after other people, _then you need to come clean!"_

Her tone brokered no argument or bargaining and Elijah's throat was bubbling with his worries of the deity from her world. He tried to catch his breath, tried to calm down but under the officer's tone- a soldier who could easily beat him into a pulp- he was swiftly cracking. Maybe it would be better to just get it out in the open- if they did lie, then they'd have to keep lying. And if it got out, neither of them would ever be trusted.

 _I'm sorry, Tanya-!_

As his mouth moved to speak, a startled cry followed by a series of thuds echoed above them. Officer Maddox shot out of her chair and he followed right behind her, racing upstairs. She threw open the door and Elijah could see Tanya on the ground, curled into a ball. The soldier quickly moved to her, supporting her upper body while Elijah tried to see what was wrong.

"Ah... don't worry, this is normal," Officer Maddox said, voice surprisingly gentle- her hand moved towards Tanya's shoulder in an attempt to soothe her only for the white-haired girl to slap the appendage away.

Elijah yelped as Tanya grabbed the front of his robes, her face drawn in a pained and furious snarl. _"Bathroom,"_ she ground out.

He was on his feet and shooting out of the room as fast as he could, face burning as he located/led them there. It was fairly clean and Elijah was so glad he didn't have anything hanging in the room while checking over the towels and adjusting the basket for clothing and shower head. Officer Maddox was trying to talk to Tanya again but the girl simply stalked past them both and into the bathroom, slamming the door shut _hard._

"... I'll go make some tea," Elijah got out.

"... yeah, that'll help," Officer Maddox agreed.

* * *

Tanya harshly turned the knobs, letting the water from the shower head hit her body at it's highest possible temperature. It hit her back and head, the drops running down her face and body with a scalding but pleasant burn. She grabbed the washcloths and scrubbed at her body, eyes locked ahead.

It said things about her life that focusing on a second attempt on her life made her feel marginally better than acknowledging her first period.

Reiner and Bertolt were the Armored and Colossal titans. Annie was in on it and a possible shifter as well. They had invaded the walls because of something that the royal family had. Eren was in possession of it and from the they spoke, it wasn't just the ability to turn into a titan. They worked for something called "Marley", either an organization or a nation. There were other shifters besides them, they called one of them "Pieck" and "Cart Titan". Their plan was to deliver whatever Eren had to this Marley and had caused the death of literally hundreds of thousands of people to do so.

Her hands balled into fists against the wall, feeling so much and yet nothing at all.

Annie, she had considered a possible friend. Reiner, she had respected for his dependability. Bertolt... she hadn't really registered him on her radar but he had never given her cause to find fault in him.

The people that she put her trust in were responsible for the invasion of Wall Maria.. The same people who she had trained beside and even formed a camaraderie with them were responsible for literally hundreds of thousand of deaths, including those who had become important to her. The comrades she put her trust in fucked up her life and psyche

Her eyes closed again, remembering what happened all too well: Annie's upset and disbelieving expression, paralyzed where she was. Reiner's cold and flat voice, so different from the tones he used with the others. Bertolt's grip on her arms, the first time she had seen him decisive.

But they miscalculated and made the biggest mistake they could make: they didn't kill her. Now that she heard them and knew what they were planning, there was no way in hell that Tanya would just roll over and let them do what they please. Her teeth barred in a viscous smirk.

 _You should have stabbed a little harder, Reiner. Now I'm going to make you pay._

She turned off the scalding hot water and quickly dried herself off. She moved to get her clothes before scowling at the offending blood stains. A moment later, she heard someone knocking. She wrapped a towel around her before cracking open the door, revealing Maddox.

 _What is she doing here?_ the white-haired girl wondered but still accepted the new clothes along with a small bag and the rosary, mind racing.

Red Eyes _hijacked_ Maddox and the officer had been aware the entire time, unable to do anything. Tanya had seen all three self-proclaimed goddesses do the same with Ambrose, but he had been asleep and unaware. Even Elijah had consented to them using him however briefly. The fact that Red Eyes, the one that seemed the most empathetic and benevolent of the three, had used Maddox like a puppet during such a dire time- in front of her superiors and dozens of witnesses, no less- and forced the officer into this situation clearly against her will did not sit well with her.

That was bad enough but now she had _yet_ _another person_ who knew about the so-called goddesses and that meant more of a chance that the whole thing could collapse around her. Elijah was one thing, none of his order thought highly of him nor did many not affiliated with the Wallists. But Maddox was a soldier, a relatively high-ranking Garrison officer who had the confidence of those below and around her. The fact that she had hidden Red Eyes from her commander for the moment would only delay it getting out.

What could they do? Tanya considered fighting the officer off but brushed it off just as quickly, knowing she was in no position to fight yet, and had no weapons. She cursed the blond for stealing her dagger, leaving her with no way to currently defend herself. Lie? Elijah was there already and she had a sinking feeling he had boxed her in concerning their explanations for this.

She remembered their previous encounter, the officer making it clear that once it was over she'd get answers from the white-haired girl. Elijah was there as well and she could only assume the two had talked earlier. Dread flickered in her stomach- what if he had told her everything?

Yet even as she digested this and wondered what to say, Tanya quickly realized that despite this precarious situation... she had power. Power in the information that she had overheard. Power in that only a handful could know if they didn't want everything to go to shit. Power in that no one knew what she knew about the titan trio and their overall goals with the walls. Even if they were found out, even if Maddox would turn her in, she still had an edge over them in what she knew and could use it to her advantage.

The very thought that she had power for the first time in her new life made her feel a little giddy.

The clothes she was given were a little larger than her normal size but she could make do with it, wrapping the rosary back around her wrist. The bag held pills for cramps and other assorted items for her time, the former which helped settle the pain in her gut a little. She placed her old clothes in the small basket by the sink before meeting the Garrison soldier outside. "How are you feeling?"

"... better," Tanya settled on.

Maddox nodded. "We have much to discuss."

Going through the house, Tanya saw that it was more opulent than anything she had yet seen in her new life and a few glances out the window saw that she was in a completely different city albeit in a district similar to Trost. They sat at a small table beside a sofa where Elijah was waiting, expression concerned, a pot of tea and some cups sat on the coffee table. The white-haired girl swiftly poured herself a cup and took a moment to savor the taste and smell, her nerves already calming.

"Welcome to my home," the young man offered with a tiny smile.

Tanya huffed a small chuckle through her nose- she didn't think she'd be here under such circumstances, but the house's services were more than welcome after the shitstorm she had gone through. "So, what's happening? How long was I asleep?"

"Well..."

The next twenty minutes were a blur as Tanya listened to the officer. She was relieved she was only out of it for three days, and even more so in that they had succeeded in sealing Trost and killing all the titans inside. As for Jaeger, news of him turning into a titan and doing the deed was being spread all across what was left of humanity and would be put on trial in the district in a few days. She was very happy she had finished her swallow and had put her cup down when Maddox said that not only would Commander Pixis be listening to what happened to her but also Commander Erwin Smith- and the white-haired girl would bet anything on Humanity's Strongest Man being in attendance.

However there was still the elephant in the room that would soon be addressed, Tanya knew.

"Elijah Mandel told me of how Rose- or Red Eyes, contacted him, but he has yet to explain how you are involved in all this." Maddox's tone was flat. "In fact, I would go so far as to say he was trying to _protect_ whatever reason you are involved."

Tanya's eyes didn't flicker to the young man but she was relieved that he hadn't cracked under the officer's interrogation. She knew they didn't need anyone else finding out about Being X, and the fact that Maddox knew about Red Eyes was already a problem. Now, she had more leeway with what her explanation could offer.

"Now I understand wanting to protect someone you love-"

 _Oh fucking hell._

"- but not when all of humanity could be in danger because of this... _thing."_ Disgust was evident, Maddox's fingers gripping the table. "She could take control of anyone like they did me, and force them to do or say things they wouldn't normally do. I was..."

She closed her eyes for a moment before they opened again, hard as stone. "Now you're going to tell me everything you know about this, and if you try to lie, I'll know and take measures accordingly."

Tanya nodded, forcing herself to relax. Omitting Being X shouldn't cause her too much trouble, as it wasn't technically lying, not to mention that he wasn't currently an issue. It would be for the best, since setting them on a witch hunt that would never yield fruit would only make things worse. They had more than enough on their plate with the titan shifters and "goddesses".

Thus she explained how she met Elijah in Wall Rose during training, while omitting her previous talks with the three "goddesses" beforehand. "I don't know why they would involve me other than me being the first soldier to add my signature to his petition," she said. "As for why they directed you to me... I was closer to you than Elijah and could give you the information more easily."

Maddox frowned at this, clearly examining the white-haired girl before nodding in assent. Tanya forced her relief down, knowing this was only an uphill climb at this point. The officer had been told by Elijah already that Red, Blue and Green Eyes claimed to be goddesses and had asked if this was true or not, and Tanya decided to put her two cents in concerning them.

"Maybe, maybe not. They're awfully weak for goddesses, but from what I've seen they don't have malicious intentions."

Maddox scowled at her words and Tanya was about to back-pedal before the officer murmured, "She apologized. That was the first thing I heard in my mind when I became aware of her. But that doesn't make what she did any better- suppose she does the same with someone else, and they end up getting hurt or killed because of her? Apologies won't undo what she does- what any of them do."

"You're absolutely right," Tanya agreed immediately. "I've never see them do something like that, and I have no idea why they would."

That was the absolute truth in so far Tanya had no idea what the hell Red Eyes was thinking in doing it- she could see the others would have stepped in to help Jaeger's titan form, there was no need for her to get involved... yet she had.

Maddox accepted it with a nod. "Then you've as little idea to this situation as I do, it seems. This is going to make things more complicated, but I am glad that you got everything out here. It will make things easier to explain and more than one witness will help remove doubt."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help." The white-haired girl put contrition into her voice while inside her head she was screaming in triumph for having successfully omitted how large her role in all this. Even still...

"You're really going to tell the commanders everything, then?"

"Are you suggesting keeping information of some creatures who can take control of humans and force them into doing and saying things against their will?"

"Unless we have proof, there's no way they'd believe any of us. Besides, don't we have enough going on with the titans and Jaeger turning into one? We don't need a witch hunt on top of all that!"

"All the more reason to bring this up- if this gets swept under the rug and Red Eyes forces herself on others, who's to say it won't get out anyway and cause mass hysteria? At least this way, we have can still keep the information and will be able to get it out in a more controlled manner. Besides with both of your testimonies, it should give us more room to stand on."

What Maddox was saying made perfect sense, but much of Tanya was furiously trying to find an argument to counter this. "But-"

 _"This doesn't just effect you anymore!"_ Maddox brought her hand on the table with a thud, shaking the wood and their cups. "Say we do keep this from the best humanity has to offer and they find out we lied when the information could have saved lives! They'd never trust our word again and we can't afford to piss that away because you're worried about looking crazy!"

"This affects us, because they can affect us and who knows how many other humans! And if they don't believe us, then we get proof. We have two days until Jaeger's trial to put together our explanation." Maddox's eyes were like stone, hard and unmoving. _"But we are not leaving_ _anything out."_

Tanya stared in disbelief at the woman, trying to make a coherent argument. There were so many things wrong with what she was suggesting and even more that they could go wrong. But now, someone with authority over here was going to tell others with even more authority- and she always bent to those with power over here, in her old world and her new. It was not the first time she was frustrated by this, but it was the first time she wished she could fight back.

"You can go, Mandel."

Elijah startled at being addressed and began say. "But, perhaps..."

"The rest of this conversation will more than likely contain information regarding something top-secret within the military. The kind of information one can be tortured into revealing. This is for your own safety."

The young man grimaced but ultimately obeyed, shooting Tanya a quick glance before leaving the room. "Now that we've got that out of the way, you can explain who attacked you and what what led to it."

Tanya bristled at the subject change but obeyed. She explained how she had been paired with Reiner and Bertolt to herd the titans before overhearing them and being chased down. When the white-haired girl came to the part where she had been discovered and stabbed, she found her throat was closing up, brows furrowing together. Her stomach was curdling from a foreign emotion and it took a few seconds before realizing it was betrayal.

Ikeda Susumu had never been close enough to her co-workers or school acquaintances to feel betrayed when they inevitably drifted- even the man that had pushed him into the train he didn't remember his name and could barely recall his face. But these three... Tanya had admired Annie and Reiner, found no contempt in Bertolt. The two blonds had been the closest to friends that Tanya considered in her time training... and they had been the ones who destroyed her life and one of them had tried to kill her personally.

She finished regardless, eyes flickering to the where the rosary was wrapped back around her hand. "One of the beads cracked open- there was something inside of it. I drank it and then everything felt like the inside of a sauna. Then I woke up here."

It was doubtful there was anything meaningful about the dreams she had, especially if it had something as surreal as Clint Eastwood inside them.

"I must have found you right after that then," Maddox said. "Your body- it was giving off steam, your comparison to a sauna was spot-on. Red Eyes directed me to Elijah Mandel and we brought you here. I should mention your horse is being cared for in the district as well."

"Mercury's here?" That was unexpected but welcome news.

"Yes, but let's stay focused. Reiner Braun, Bertolt Hoover and Annie Leonhardt- they were all in the top ten for the 104th Cadet group then?"

"All three of them were- _are_ in high regard with the others." Tanya grimaced as one of her hands came to rest where she had been stabbed. "They're probably telling everyone how they found me committing suicide and could only comfort me as I took my last breath. That's what Reiner said they would do at least."

"And without you to tell the truth along with the bodies all being cremated, your other comrades have no reason not to believe them," Maddox finished. "Clever, if not a little sloppy."

"Yeah... what's going to happen now?"

"Eren Jaeger is going to be brought to Stohess and put on trial before the highest military officers of all three branches, with Supreme Commander Darius Zackley preceding," Maddox explained. "I filled in Commander Pixis what happened after I found you and he gave me standing orders to protect you. We'll be speaking with him and Survey Corps Commander Erwin Smith about what happened."

That made sense, bringing in the ones who were the most experienced in killing titans but Tanya still had mixed feelings regarding the Corps. Even if they were the best, they still suffered severe losses and were probably the least funded and smallest of the three military factions. It didn't help that they had spearheaded the charge for Wall Maria's reclamation before. Even still, she reasoned that the ones trying to kill the titans were probably the most trustworthy people inside the walls at this point.

"- liquid inside."

"Huh?" _Dammit, stay focused._

Maddox gestured to the beads. "Whatever's inside those beads was what saved your life. When I found you, you should have bled out from the wounds Braun inflicted. But they were healing right before my eyes. No only that... but the way they healed was reminiscent of a titan's wounds healing."

Tanya's insides turned cold as she digested this. Was she part-titan now? Or was she like Jaeger and could turn into a titan?

 _Should I test the rest out?_ she wondered, eyes flickering towards the beads before frowning. There were only twenty of them left and she didn't know if they all had the same stuff inside them or if she had gotten lucky in cracking the one bead that did.

"That's more proof to what you've told me," Maddox pointed out and towards the rosary. "There's also the matter of the dagger that Braun stole from you. You say that he acted strangely when you stabbed him?"

"He was looking at it like it was..." Tanya didn't know how to describe the look on his face other than horror. But from what?

"Titans can heal from most injuries and emit steam when doing so. Eren Jaeger had lost an arm and leg yet they both grew back when he was taken from the Rogue Titan. If he could regrow an arm, it's not a stretch to say other titan-shifters can do the same."

Tanya's mind raced as she remembered how Reiner had stared at his hand, despite her stomach curdling from the memory. Had he tried to heal the wound she inflicted on him but was unable? Her eyes widened as a thought occurred: had the metal of the dagger been able to stop the blond from healing? She remembered when she had used the dagger when a titan had grabbed her in the supply building. The bellow of agony that followed her stabbing rattled her but still allowed her to escape it's grasp.

 _I don't have enough proof,_ she thought with a scowl, still angry she had lost the dagger to Reiner after what had happened. _It's not completely hopeless,_ she thought. _They were all planning on heading to the Interior, I can steal it back from them- hell, there's a chance we could reverse-engineer whatever was made it make it!_

"Your face says you're planning on doing something incredibly risky," Maddox remarked before sighing. "You can share your plans with the commanders. Until then, you're staying here and out of trouble."

Tanya scowled at this, especially at the insinuation she would willingly look for trouble. Who did Maddox think she was anyways, some shonen hero who'd go up against innumerable odds with nothing but a half-baked plan and determination? She should be saying that to Jaeger, wherever he might be!

"I won't. I know a lot is riding on this."

* * *

"AAAAAHHHHHHGGGG! AAAAHHHHHGGG!"

"Squad leader, there's no need to scream alongside them!"

"How can I _not_ scream?! Look at how much pain Bean is in! Hang in there, Bean- you'll make it!"

Annie stared, mouth slightly agape as she beheld the scene before her as the Survey Corps continued their experiments. Since she was the one stuck with killing the captured titans, the blonde was trying to scope out the area and get a feel for where she could come in with the least resistance and get out the fastest. She would have preferred to use her gear but knew that the moment she did, it'd incriminate her.

The tests themselves- studying their reactions to lack of sunlight and pain- were not unfamiliar but she knew Marley had more "sophisticated" means to experiment on them. She had already known the Survey Corps were made up of the strangest minds of the Eldians inside the walls- because why else would they run out and keep getting killed, especially with few to no one giving a damn?

But witnessing this officer's actions: naming the titans after a cannibal (the smell of vomit was less potent but it made her nose wrinkle a bit still), speaking with them like they could understand them, screaming alongside them as they wailed in pain at her prodding...

"AAAAAAGGGHHH!" the squad leader screamed again alongside Bean as they speared it's eye out with a longer pole.

Yeah.

Yeah, she was done here.

Annie withdrew from her hiding place and walked back through the small town- she had foregone her uniform and was wearing her hood over her head and baggy pants. The dagger Reiner "entrusted" to her she had strapped to her leg, the weight unfamiliar but manageable. She had never seen Tanya use it before, so it was doubtful anyone else knew of it's existence.

But the fact that it had been used to kill her made the blonde wary of having it in plain sight.

Her eyes closed for a moment, trying to put it out of her mind. She didn't know which was worse to focus on: her kind of/sort of... finding out about them and Reiner killing her, or focusing on that bat-shit insane soldier's experiments of the titans. She knew it was entirely irrational, but just being in the same vicinity as that titan-obsessed freak made her think they would wear her skin as a winter jacket.

Though considering that the squad leader had shaved the skin off "Sawny's" back ( _"Does that hurt, Sawny? How do you feel?" like they were speaking to a child_ ), Annie wasn't so sure how irrational that fear was.

Bertolt was waiting for her beside a small inn where it was right beside an alley and alcove, hidden from sight thanks to some rubbish bags. She kept her report brief and could see that just hearing about what she saw made the taller boy break out into a sweat. "At least they're as in the dark as before," he tried to remark lightly but that quickly faded at Annie's impassive look.

"Are you doing okay?" His expression and tone were concerned but there was something else in them that she couldn't identify.

She would never admit it, but part of her was relieved that she had obeyed Bertolt before and gotten away from the two then. She hadn't wanted to see Tanya die, let alone participate in contributing to her death- and she was certain that had been what Reiner was planning, and that had allowed her to briefly escape.

So what if Tanya looked at and judged others for how they would be of use to her? So did everyone else in the world in some way or another. Besides, she had been doing the same thing that most Eldians did, including their group: do a good enough job and obtain enough security so that they don't fear for their lives.

If Eren was like her father's stupid-ass ideals and drive, then Tanya was the part that hoped and prayed that he would be able to become more and did everything possible to do so. At the very least she had more brains than Eren and recognized the situation around them with more clarity.

She still remembered the day that her father found out about Warrior Program. He had sworn to her he would do everything in his power so she'd be selected. Day in, day out he trained her, the only breaks being meals and sleep. She sometimes felt she'd die from the training he gave her... But she had gone along with it, half because she had been too young to defy him and half because she had wanted to believe what he believed: that this would be enough to be acknowledged for something other than a member of a cursed race.

But the moment she entered the program, Annie knew that there was no chance of that ever happening. She learned just how many people refused to give them a chance, how Marley didn't give a damn about them other than using them and throwing them away when they had out-lived their use. How so many around her refused to acknowledge this and blindly allow them to be used up and thrown away in the hope that they could become something more.

"It is what it is," she finally said.

"But... she admired you," Bertolt said back. "She looked at you like..."

Annie had seen it and still didn't understand what the white-haired girl had found admiring about her. She never went easy on her, leaving her in the dust like Jaeger, Potato girl and Springer, never offered any token or symbol of friendship beyond the lessons. Yet she kept getting glances of appreciation and even a genuine- albeit strained- smile from her.

"It's okay that you two were close," the black-haired teen said, wringing his hands. "And Reiner... he only said those things... because he regrets killing her. I know she admired him too, and- I'm trying to do the same. But I-

Bertolt's eyes ducked down. "She's only the way she is because of us. She lost everything in the invasion because of us."

As if she needed another reminder of what they had caused. Noble mission? Grand plans? This is was just them killing people, people who had no idea why they were there or any idea just how loathed they were by the world. There was nothing grand or noble about this endeavor, it was a massacre of people whose only crime were being the descendants of the Eldians who fled.

"You've still got it...?" Bertolt asked, looking a little shame-faced for asking.

Annie nodded. "What about his injury?"

"It still hasn't healed, no matter what he's tried." Bertolt frowned as his hands trailed to where the gear had put in permanent marks in the skin of his arms. "The gear is disturbing enough- it could be used to kill humans and titans alike. But that dagger stopped you both from healing."

The blonde knew what this meant: they couldn't completely rely on their healing factor anymore. If they ran into someone who used the same metal as the blade, then they'd be fucked six ways to Sunday if they managed to get in a hit. She scowled as she remembered Reiner's almost blase and incredibly naive notion that the dagger they had gotten was the only one of it's kind.

On the one hand, Annie could understand why he thought that: if the Paradis Eldians knew of this metal, then why didn't they use more of it to create weapons against them?

 _Because the titans are all that's keeping Marley from taking the island by force._

But she refused to believe that this was the only dagger they had. From the polished metal, the steady handle and the slight wave across the edge, Annie knew that this was a finished product. And if there was a finished product, that meant there were prototypes and failed versions- and that meant there was more metal than this. More metal that could completely destroy the titans and titan-shifters. But how did they find this metal and how did they secure it so they couldn't use it against them?

"The king and royal family must know this exists," Bertolt pointed out. "It wasn't coincidence they chose this island for the new Eldian capitol, not with so many resources and them not knowing about this weapon when they took the Founding Titan makes no sense whatsoever. The best way is to investigate Wall Sina."

Annie remembered when she infiltrated Sina briefly to find news of the king, as well as her run-in with the tall-ass man with the mullet. His reflexes were inhumane and she knew that it was only because of that sewer drain by them that she was able to escape from him. Even still, they had taken worse chances and at least she had been wearing a disguise then.

"I'm coming with you."

The blonde's eyes flickered to Bertolt, the black-haired teen actually looking decisive again. "This metal can't be allowed to fall into their hands and the sooner we find it, the faster we can stop it from being a threat. Reiner can keep track of Eren well enough and we can still report back."

His face turned a bit red as he faltered over his next words, "A-and, I want to help you however I can..."

This is not what she expected to hear from him, given how close he and Reiner were. But more help was appreciated and at least Bertolt had his priorities more straightened than Reiner. "Sure," she sighed, eyes closing.

The sooner they got answers and Eren, the sooner they could get this dumpster fire of a mission over with and sooner she could return home.

* * *

 _ **"What the hell were you thinking?!"**_

 _ **"Mother was there! She would have been-"**_

 _ **"They were gonna move in anyway- you used that soldier and showed yourself for nothing, dumbass!"**_

 _ **"Not to mention you made things more complicated down there than necessary with your meddling. There's a chance our endeavors could be shut down completely down there and we'll lose even more support if those with this knowledge decide to keep it secret."**_

 _ **"B-but... mother was there. You both felt her. We had a mother, Maria, Sina! We had a mother and we forgot her! I...! I just wanted to reach her, to just..."**_

 _ **" ... shit, how much did we lose five years ago? How much did we forget?"**_

 _ **"More to the point, why did we feel mother in both the Colossal and Rogue titans? There is something we are missing, and I fear that it's only going to lead to more trouble for everyone."**_

* * *

Happy one year anniversary of Of Gods and Titans!

I seemed to have worded my last author's note wrong- I was the process of moving before this chapter, just two days before deadline, and now I am more or less settled and living in my new apartment. Sorry for the confusion ^^;

As for the debate in this chapter about whether or not to tell the higher-ups about Red, Blue and Green Eyes (which is why the chapter took longer to get out), I can literally go either way right now: do you tell them and risk not being believed/ thought mad, or hide it and risk the chance of it getting out and causing mass hysteria? This was brought up in the manga concerning what they found in the basement and I was amazed that the characters chose not to hide the truth. I'll see what you guys think about it.

I always welcome reviews, but I am getting rather tired of explaining why I am writing Tanya the way I am. I have given my reasons several times and have heard what you have all had to say. I understand that this is not what people are used to reading. I understand others are annoyed with how long I am taking to get to the action. I understand that others are annoyed with what I've done with some of the characters.

I have only just gotten past Trost. I have said before this story is Slow Burn. I wanted/want to explore Tanya and her character from a different standpoint and setting. Much of this is experimental.

If you're still reading, I appreciate you all and will do my damnedest to continue. But if you're still reading in the hope that you'll get to see a Jerkass Sue flying through the air by magic and a respected commander at the age of ten... hit the back button and find another fic, because this is not that story. For those of you who will continue to berate me for not writing Tanya the way you want, I will no longer be responding in-chapter because it wastes time and word space, as this chapter can attest to. Either hit the back button or PM your complaints instead.

On another note, I've finished watching The Good Place and wonder what Ikeda Susumu/ Tanya Degurachaff would fare there XD Gimme a crossover between these two already!


	29. Setting up the pieces

DarkNightNRobin: Thank you *^_^*

animexxfreakxx: Ooh, that sounds intriguing! As for if she could survive, it'd depend on which side she is in Promised Neverland and if she is born human, ghoul or becomes half of each in Tokyo Ghoul.

Ferno16: They have knives like that from Before the Fall? Huh.

The knife in here is actually an original idea, I had no idea these existed in the prequel. But it does give me ideas...

Kewh Viola: It really is.

Maybe, but it'd be fun to see how he would do in such a place.

TGDBS: Hey it's cool- I'm plenty eccentric myself and I always welcome help.

Jupiter's Bull: All right then. Thank you :)

Supersilver46: I know. The first time I came into contact with her was in the anime and I only found more nuance in her when finding the light novel and manga.

tentaclecat: Don't worry, the story's going to be speeding up now.

Acerman: You should probably get caught up on the manga then, because this will have spoilers.

AlsoSprachOdin: Whoops! I edited that bit, thank you for pointing it out to me!

Yicti: I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.

Also, you should read the manga as the story is going to have spoilers for it.

Lewascan2: It's a classic case of Becoming the Monster.

As for sympathetic, I think the titan trio got their moments: Annie is fully aware of the bullshit Marley is feeding them but took to it because it was what her father- who swore he's always be on her side- wanted for her. Reiner wanted to become a hero so his family could live together only to find out his mother had been lying to him about his father. Bertolt is a passive and timid boy who was put in a situation where he killed hundreds of thousands and grows to care for the people he's supposed to be killing, eventually pleading to those same people to save him from death.

It's always been annoying that in most fics I've read regarding Tanya, she's almost immediately a prodigy or in a position of power. Hell, the world that Being-X sent her to had the conditions where a child could become a commander and gave her new body inherent magical talent. I've yet to see her actively/constantly put in effort and/or suffer in any of the fanfiction I've found and that makes what she achieves incredibly hollow to me.

Guest: That was what I'm going for- without magic and without the meritocracy of canon and placed in the world of Attack on Titan, Tanya's power and resources are close to nil.

jackpotdante: I like your screen name- it sounds cool :D

* * *

 _ **"Today's the day, then."**_

 _ **"Indeed."**_

 _ **"Rose still in time-out?"**_

 _ **"Where else would she be? Having her appear wouldn't endear us to them and she needs to understand the full ramifications of her actions. We can take care of explaining what's going on ourselves."**_

 _ **"Right. It'll be easiest to show our cohorts aren't bat-shit crazy. Still, it doesn't sit right with me, omitting Being-X. He tried to break into our world, warp it for his plans... all to break one person. What if he finds a way to come back?"**_

 _ **"That is impossible- you know this, Maria. More to the point, revealing his existence and Tanya's connection will only befuddle things more and distract them from the main priority: the immediate threat on our people."**_

 _ **"But leaving him out and lying... you know if this gets out, there's no way they'd trust any of us again!"**_

 _ **"If by some unfathomable chance that happens, then I will claim to have kept it from you and the others. By that time, Rose should win their good graces and the two of you will be enough to 'hold me at bay'. It's true enough."**_

 _ **"Dammit, Sina-! Why're you always like this...?"**_

 _ **"Wait, what?"**_

 _ **"What? I just said- fucking hell, another memory!"**_

 _ **"... let's just focus on the trial."**_

* * *

Being in the same room as money-grubbing merchants, holier-than-thou pastors and pig-shit nobles was not how Levi would choose to spend any given day.

But it gave them the chance to present Erwin's plan and hopefully the crisis that had been barely averted would be enough to get the idiots currently surrounding them on most sides to see some sense.

 _Doubtful._

Even if things went well here, there was still the meeting Pixis had told them about- a cadet, Tanya Degurachaff (wasn't that a mouthful to say)- that had information but was kept hidden for her own safety, the reports concerning Trost saying she committed suicide to escape being eaten. Information, according to the Garrison soldier who relayed the info, about the identities of the Colossal and Armored titan... both which had infiltrated the military.

Erwin already had a theory before that the Colossal and Armored titans were intelligent, but now with the existence of Jaeger and turning into a titan, more was beginning to make sense. It wasn't coincidence the Fall of Maria took place right after the expedition where Shadis had broken down, and they had waited for them to leave so they could attack Trost.

Regardless of what happened, he would do what it took to stop a repeat of the hell from five years ago.

The doors opened and Hange and Mike joined them. The black-haired girl in the witness stand beside Brzenska and Pixis was bristling as Eren was chained to the center of the room while the blond was trying to keep her calm.

Levi ground his jaw as Zackley began droning- he was pretty damn sure he could shorten that monologue to less than half as long and still get the point across: this was the first time anyone had turned into a titan so they were taking unusual methods to decide what to do while everyone was screaming in the background. Of course, this could just be for the benefit of the idiot pigs here who could only communicate through overly pretentious sentences.

"We'll be hearing from the Military Police Brigade first."

 _Of course they would be._

Dawk stepped up and normally Levi would tune out whatever the rat-faced bastard had to say, but considering the circumstances he listened. Again he could easily shorten what Dawk was saying by less than half: get everything out of Eren before executing him and placing him as a martyr to satisfy the scared-shitless populace.

"That isn't necessary!"

 _Oh, for fuck's sake._

Thankfully, Zackley cut off the pastor before he could get any further and finally let Erwin speak. He didn't get the "what the fuck?" look on Eren's face- he personally didn't see anything wrong with the blond's statement. It was short, concise and to the point and didn't ramble on like that asshole Dawk or preach like that holier-than-thou pastor.

Even still, using the kid's ability when he knew little to nothing of it to not only launch an expedition to Zhiganshina but plug up the hole so no more titans could get in would be easier said than done. No sooner had he acknowledged this did one of the conservatives start whining about sealing off all the gates.

"All you people do is blurt out idealistic ideals while plunging us further into ruin!" the man exclaimed, pointing their way We won't let you play at being heroes any longer!"

 _Oh, it's on now._

"You're full of talk, aren't you you pig," Levi ground out, fixing the speaker with a flat look. "Say we do that- do you have any guarantee the titans'll give us any time to do that?"

The man startled, clearly not expecting his answer. Levi pressed on, "Saying 'we' like you are, you're talking about my friends who protected your asses while you stuffed yourselves. You pigs don't take notice of those who can't eat because there's not enough land- so what you are doing saying 'we'?"

 _Yeah, let the idiot stew in that._

Of course, that moronic pastor took that moment to start screeching about his oh-so-precious walls. Levi would have given something to see the look on his face when he found out the whole reason they were able to set up the cannons atop the walls was because one of his order sent around a petition.

Zackley cut him off again and questioned Eren next, but Levi started to get a far-too familiar feeling that this was going to drag on longer than anyone wanted. The kid still answered honestly regardless- there was no danger in the kid trying to lie to save his ass at least, even if most of the people here wouldn't believe his words out of fear.

"Armin Arltert, Mikasa Ackerman," the man addressed the two other kids. "You two have grown up beside Eren, have you not? Have either of you seen any signs of him possessing the power to shift into a titan before?"

"No sir," both of them answered.

"And yet he was able to control both his titan forms with precision, without losing control either control either time or attacking humans," Zackley pointed out. "You must understand how this looks."

"If Eren had this power before, we would have known," Ackerman said with confidence, eyes flickering to Eren.

"So you say, but I have reason to believe why you favor Eren's side," Dawk put in, holding some papers. "While investigating his background, I came across an incident from six years ago. Astonishingly... these two, at the age of nine, stabbed three men to death. Now while this was entirely understandable, as it was in self-defense, it raises several questions concerning Eren's basic humanity."

... He had killed people before that age, but the Underground was the Underground. While he was loathe to agree with Dawk, he had seen the bloodlust in Eren's eyes, the rage that needed direction or else it'd rip apart anything in it's way. He was dead serious about slaughtering all the titans- not some of them, not to protect his comrades, but to wipe them off the face of the earth.

"Hey, he's right!"

"What if that wasn't the first time he transformed?"

"For all we know, he's a titan disguised as a human but couldn't conceal his violent behavior!"

"Is this the time to be talking? He could transform right now! Those shackles mean nothing!"

"What about those two over there?"

"I bet they're trying to cover for him!"

"If they knew him from before, then who's to say they're human too?"

Eren growled at this and Levi knew he was about to make everything worse-

"You can say whatever you want, but it doesn't change the fact that Eren still sealed Trost and gave humanity their first victory!" Arlert shouted over them, voice cracking slightly. "The only reason we're even debating this is because he was able to transform and save us all in the first place!"

Eren's head jerked to look at the blond, nearly colliding with the pole and mouth open like an idiot. Ackerman and Brzenska looked just as shocked and Arlert flinched as most of the eyes turned to him before continuing. "Not only that, we have proof he's always human! Eren's wounds regenerated even after losing an arm and leg. But when we were younger and got hurt, his injuries healed normally, leaving scar tissue behind! Even if we never found anything wrong, Eren's father was a doctor- he would have noticed, so would have his mother!"

 _Good move,_ Levi mused as the noise died down- not just in pointing out the past, but bringing up the fact Eren had human parents. Unless titans had somehow produced whatever needed to make kids, he doubted that anyone could argue against that.

The rage from before was thankfully gone- now, Eren's face was screwing up like Hange when they were realizing something new. "Jaeger, do you have something to say?" Zackley pressed.

"The last time I saw my dad, he injected me with something. My memories around it are hazy, but he was... frantic, crying. I remembered that when just before Commander Pixis arrived. I think... I think that whatever my dad injected me with... was what gave me the power to shift!"

... there were definitely better places he could have said that.

"Wait, what does this mean?!"

"His father have been the one to give him the power?!"

"What if he did this to others?!"

"He could be making a titan army!"

"Oh god, why aren't we issuing a man-hunt for him?!"

"That kind of information is just what we could extract from him if you hand him to us!" Dawk barked hastily over the peanut gallery. "Even discounting that Eren is indeed a human and Trost really was the first time he transformed, he still showed abnormally precise control over his titan form! What if he decides to use it against those he deems his enemies, however well-intentioned? Or what if he loses control and goes on a rampage? Either way, the populace would suffer for it!"

"All the more reason to entrust him to us," Levi spoke. "If he does try something like that, what will you be able to do to stop him? Better to keep him closest to the ones who can actually kill titans, in case he dares try something that stupid. As for violent behavior, that's my forte. How do you think I carved up the monsters who threaten your every-day lives? But you've never had cause to complain about it before. Or is it only because you think this kid can threaten you directly? Is that why you want to dissect him now?"

"Commander-in-chief, I have an additional proposal," Erwin spoke. "There are too many unknowns about Eren's power. Danger still lurks under the surface. Therefore in the event that you decide to put him under our control, I will be pairing him with Captain Levi as a failsafe. He is skilled enough to deal with even the worst-case scenario."

Zackley turned to him. "Can you do it, Captain?"

"I can kill him, no problem."

Ackerman was bristling at him but the blond held her back with a hand on the shoulder and look, whispering something to her. She lost some anger but she still shot him a wary look.

"Very well. I will make my decision-"

"Wait a moment!" Dawk exclaimed. "Erwin, what will you do about the interior?"

Now the bastard was just stalling.

Besides, he was the head honcho of the MPs- that was his jurisdiction, not theirs. Still, Erwin was too good a guy not to answer and too pragmatic to ignore that they depended on these pigs' good graces to get the funding they needed. Using Eren in an expedition was risky, but it was also the best way for him to not only gain experience but give them an idea of how to use his power best.

And judging by the faces of the peanut gallery, they were happy if it would get them out of their hair or kill the kid. At least they had clammed up now.

"Then it's decided: Eren Jaeger will be placed in the care of the Survey Corps- however, he may return here depending on his accomplishments.

Eren didn't relax but he was perking up at that. He didn't blame him: he was alive and joining the regiment he wanted since the beginning. They led him out and Levi caught Ackerman trying to catch him eye. The kid didn't even notice.

As Erwin talked with Eren, welcoming him in- since he was shit with those kinds of niceties- while Hange began all but pawing at the kid. Still, factoring in the time with the trial, they were actually making pretty damn good time.

"Come on, I'll show you down- we'll be getting up bright and early tomorrow!" Hange declared, pulling Eren along and Mike shadowing them both.

"So, what now?" Levi asked once they were gone. "Are we going to them or-"

"They'll be coming here."

Levi turned to see Pixis. "At 8 sharp tonight," the old man explained, holding a letter to them. "Anka and Gustav are bringing Officer Maddox and Degurachaff personally."

His eyes were already flickering back to Erwin, trying to see what the blond was thinking. He simply nodded in assent. 'Very well."

"Now in the meantime!" Pixis then pulled out his old flask and Levi was already turning away as he sat on the couch, the smell of the container nearly making him gag.

He didn't know what Pixis was drinking and he never wanted to find out.

Nightfall took longer to arrive, now that spring was coming. Mike returned dragging along Hange not long after. "But my questions..." they whined.

"Weren't you the one saying we'd be getting up bright and early?" he questioned.

"Aw..."

 _Knock- knock- knock_

They all straightened at the noise as the door opened. Anka and Gustav waked in first, followed by a woman with dark brown hair and eyes with glasses- Maddox, most likely- followed by a girl with white hair, black bags under blue eyes with the look of a cornered animal, half trying to disappear and half trying not to crumble.

Even with the defined muscle apparent, the girl looked like a stiff breeze would knock her out.

Then Mike sniffed them both. "Excuse you?!" Maddox exclaimed in disbelief, yanking the kid behind her.

"Sorry, sorry! He does that with everyone, it isn't personal!" Hange exclaimed with a laugh.

For a moment, Levi wondered if he had imagined it when a disturbingly venomous look flickered on the kid's face before disappearing as quickly as it came. But he didn't survive for this long with shit intuition.

"Thank you for meeting with us," Erwin greeted the kid. "Aren Degurachaff was a good man."

"... It's an honor to meet my father's old comrades," she stated, voice somehow high-pitched and hoarse at the same time, "and to have your acquaintance, Commander Smith."

That was more eloquent than he expected.

"We'll explain all we can," Maddox said as they sat down, eyes becoming harder. "However... outlandish it sounds, it is the truth."

For a moment, Degurachaff's hands looked ready to clench at her pants before they smoothed over each other and she straightened her back- she looked them in the eye and the nervousness and cornered look that had been there just seconds before was gone, face a smooth blank.

"During the battle of Trost, I was paired with Rei... _squadmates_ Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover. We were to help herd the titans away from Eren Jaeger..."

* * *

It was easier than Tanya expected.

Officers Rheinberger and Hoffnaass had come to escort her and Maddox after the sun had fallen just before seven-thirty. Elijah was out at that point running errands so he wasn't there when they arrived- this had been planned so he wouldn't run into them and give too much away. She had been worried they would be stopped or seen, but thanks to the darkness and the route they took in the back of the building, they were able to get in undetected.

Tanya had been nervous, seeing Commander Pixis, Smith and Captain Levi there, along with a woman with glasses and copper hair tied back and a huge man with bushy hair and mustache... who immediately began sniffing them both. The woman, Officer Zoe, was too carefree about this- who the hell sniffed people as a greeting? Was this man- Officer Zacharias, apparently- part dog or something?

It might not have been personal but it still unexpected and unsettling all the same.

As for Commander Smith, he had surprised her further in referencing her father in a positive light. Just by this gesture, his words, Tanya was already drawn by this man's very presence and she had only met him personally a few moments ago.

 _This would explain how he's able to inspire so many people to fight._

And yet again, Aren Degurachaff was giving her aid even in death. She could use this to her advantage, whether to garner sympathy or to gain information. This helped her calm down a great deal so she could finally look at the man they called Humanity's Strongest.

 _Wait a second- is he...?_

Even with the distance and him leaning/slouching a bit, Tanya couldn't deny what she saw: Captain Levi, the man who slaughtered titans like they were nothing, was shorter than her. She knew he wasn't on the tall side from when she first saw him and granted it was just a few centimeters, but the realization was still surreal. Thankfully, Maddox was steering them back over to why they came and she focused on that.

She readied herself and let her slip into the explanation she had drilled into herself for the past two days. She kept her gaze steady but didn't watch their expressions, just focused on getting the words out. But she was aware of Captain Levi's eyes on her as she spoke. She fought not to crumble under them, instinct of many interviews and reports keeping her form upright and tone nothing but business.

Commander Smith and Pixis' grave silence following what she learned was expected. Officer Zoe's excitement about there being humans besides them, even if they were hostile, was not.

"This is still exciting news!" Officer Zoe exclaimed in excitement. "Sure, Barley-"

"Marley," Officer Zacharias intoned, voice deep.

"- might be trying to kill us, but we're not the only humans anymore!"

"But they came here for something the royal family had," Commander Smith said with a frown. "Were they planning on adding another titan shifter to their arsenal, or is what they're looking for something different? What is the 'key' that Eren Jaeger has now?"

The fact that there were even humans aside from them was enough to give her pause. What was Marley- an organization, a tribe, a country? Clearly they had some kind of hierarchy at least, since it was clear Annie, Reiner and Bertolt reported to them. More to that matter, what did Eren have that was so important, they were willing to let so many people die just to get it? There was so much she didn't know or understand.

"They found you were listening," Commander Smith stated once she finished telling them what she heard.

At first, Tanya was fine as she explained what came after she was found out. But her pace began to stutter as she described how she found out Annie was with them (Did she care? Did she think about what she was apart of every day Tanya had known her, even before then? Why was she apart of this?). Then as she got to when Reiner and Bertolt had held her down, her throat seized up.

Her throat seized up, legs pressing together as her stomach curdled violently- whether from anxiety, the cramps or the phantom pain from the dagger, she didn't know or want to find out. She forced an exhale out through her teeth, forcibly swallowing the lump in her wind-pipe.

 _"I survived,"_ she ground out, teeth barred in something between a smile and snarl, _"and now I'll do whatever it takes to stop them."_

She felt barred, exposed, now that she had finished and she slumped against the back of the sofa, drained. She could hear Officer Maddox take over- pulling her into a slight hug to support her- while explaining how she had found Tanya and coordinated getting her into Stohess with Elijah.

"Elijah Mandal... as in the Wallist who got cannons onto the wall?" Commander Pixis reiterated with a chuckle while Officer Zoe began laughed uncontrollably in the background.

"That's... _convenient,"_ Captain Levi intoned.

And if the Strongest Man wasn't suspicious of them yet, he sure as hell was now. _He can slice apart titans with ease, there's nothing to say he won't do the same to humans- and this train of thought comes to a stop_ NOW.

"Trost was the first place he collected signatures- he visits there and just barely missed the titans breaking in," Maddox explained before her eyes closed, steeling herself. "As for how I found her..."

All of their reactions, Tanya had seen in her mind more times than she could count as the two explained the rosary, dagger and the so-called goddesses: skepticism, disbelief, incredulity. She showed the rosary itself, bead cracked, and how the liquid inside had apparently saved her from death. Maddox explained how Red Eyes/ Rose had taken control of her body during Trost and had been the one speaking to Captain Dietrich- who was currently nursing several injuries, including a concussion- and the one who had stalled long enough for Commander Pixis to arrive. She talked of how she had used the dagger against Reiner and the theory that it could possibly inflict lasting wounds on titans, and the potential of the serum inside the beads for healing.

"We understand that this sounds outlandish, but it is the truth," Maddox finished determinedly.

"... not the word I'd use," Captain Levi stated, eyes practically boring into them both.

 _Fuckfuckfuck-_

"You're not lying, we can see that," Officer Zoe said from behind the couch, one hand on Maddox's shoulder, the other ruffling Tanya's hair- the gesture was oddly comforting. "But you said it yourself: it's pretty crazy. Do you have any more proof?"

Maddox froze at this and Tanya kept her face as blank as she could. Her stomach was completely healed with no trace of the stab wounds. Elijah had gone on the errands so close to that time so he wouldn't cave under the officers or give contradictory information. Maddox had been the one to insisted on finding proof but this was all they had.

 _So what now?_

"- do you mean?"

"- talking about?"

Commander Pixis turned to where Officer Rheinberger and Hoffaass were standing, murmuring to their sides. "Anka, Gustav, do you two have something to add to this?"

"We were just wondering who was asking us to speak," Officer Hoffaass explained.

"'Asking to speak through us,'" Officer Rheinberger reiterated. "It's an odd way to phrase that, sir."

"... did you two drink before coming here?" Captain Levi asked.

Tanya's stomach dropped and Maddox was rising to her feet, eyes wide. "Oh no..."

 _They can't seriously be thinking of showing themselves here!_

Officer Zoe stood up fully, glasses opaque in the light. "Say yes," her voice was low.

The two officers traded another look before they nodded their heads, confused. _Wait, what's that?_ Tanya wondered, noticing threads on their jackets... start to move to the napes of their neck.

Just like with Elijah, their heads slumped down and their bodies became limp, nearly crashing into the sofa. Officer Zacharias and Captain Levi were already moving forward to keep them upright. The threads glowed blue and green.

"Anka, Gustav!" Commander Pixis barked, moving to their sides.

Then their eyes opened, no longer brown- Officer Rheinberger's were bright green, Officer Hoffaass' bright blue.

 _Well, that's it then._

 _"I **s th** is we **ird? D** o an **y o** f yo **u ne** ed t **o s** it do **wn... any** one no **t alr** ead **y sitt** ing, **I m** ean?"_ Blue Eyes offered.

 _ **"I tr** ust th **is i** s pr **oof eno** ugh f **or th** eir w **ords,"**_ Green Eyes offered.

 _"Astounding..."_

Officer Zoe was suddenly behind both Officer Rheinberger and Hoffaass' bodies, glasses opaque in the lamp light. Blue Eyes jumped and Green Eyes tried to stifle a noise of surprise. "You can communicate like this... what effect does this have on their bodies? What else can you do?"

 _"U **m, wo** w- ok **ay! Pe** rson **al sp** ace h **ere!"**_ Blue Eyes stuttered out, pushing the woman back with a hand to the head only for her to jump out of the way and begin circling the two similarly to a vulture- wait, was that drool on her lips?!

"How do you get your voices to sound like that? Are you really goddesses, or just creatures of power? How did you come to be? Why did you assume the names of the Walls? Can you do anything else besides possessing people? Have you possessed others to test this power out? What are the criteria of possession?"

Green Eyes was torn between pushing the woman away and trying to stammer out answers. Blue Eyes was about to interject only to yelp is surprise as Officer Zacharias began sniffing them both. _"W **hat th** e act **ual fu** ck?!"_

"It's fine, he does this with anyone he meets," Officer Zoe waved off. "Or do goddesses or whatever you are have scents? Mike, take notes on how they smell now! Maybe it's different depending on who they possess!"

 _Is- is this actually happening right now...?_

Looking at everyone around her, Tanya realized that the officers here were taking the news far better than she expected. Commander Smith and Pixis already got over their surprise and thinking hard. However, any relief was thrown out the window when she saw the dark scowl crossing Captain Levi's face the longer he looked at Blue and Green Eyes.

If this was before she learned "god" was a biased asshole who based who was worthy of paradise according to who stroked his ego, Tanya was fairly certain he could put the fear of such a thing in her if given time.

"Do prayers and-or-worship give you power? How old are you? There're only two of you here right now, or is there a third- _g-guk!"_

Officer Zoe's questions were cut short as Captain Levi grabbed her in a headlock and pulled her away from Green and Blue Eyes. "But my questions!" she rasped, flailing as she futilely reached out to the two "goddesses".

 _ **"Tha** nk yo **u f** or th **a-"**_ Green Eyesbegan only for the man to level his glare straight at them and Tanya had to avert her eye just to avoid looking at it.

"Regardless of if you are what you say you are, why the hell didn't you step in sooner? Why wait until the people you claim to look after and care for are on the brink of being wiped out?"

"Explain yourselves," Commander Smith stated. "Who are you, really? And why step in now?"

 _"T **he tru** th... i **s mor** e comp **licated th** an w **e believ** ed,"_ Green Eyes said.

"What do you mean?" Tanya asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

 _ **"U** p u **ntil recen** tly, w **e ha** d ev **ery rea** son t **o belie** ve th **at w** e we **re th** e godde **sses o** f the **se wal** ls. T **he ban** ners a **top th** e st **one he** ld o **ur fac** es fo **r a** ll t **o se** e, an **d** **ou** r na **mes we** re assoc **iated wi** th the **m.**_ _ **W** e belie **ved th** at t **he rea** son fo **r ou** r lac **k o** f po **wer an** d th **e lo** ss o **f ou** r me **mories w** as beca **use s** o fe **w peo** ple beli **eved** i **n u** s a **nd w** e cou **ldn't exi** st prop **erly wit** hout it."_

Green Eyes' fists clenched. _ **"Asi** de fr **om o** ur nam **es an** d fac **es, a** ll **we c** oul **d rem** ember w **as th** e na **me o** f ou **r la** nd- _**Paradis** _\- an **d th** e rea **son fo** r th **e los** s o **f ou** r **mem** or **y."**_

 _They're not mentioning Being X? But why? Not that I'm complaining, this conversation is a big enough time-waster as it is. We need to be focusing on Annie, Rein-_ Braun _and Ber-_ Hoover!

"You are seriously over-estimating your influence," Captain Levi stated. "If anything, the Wallists've gotten a boost from all the fear-mongering they've been doing- or the free meals. If you really do get power from something like that, then there's no reason to be tip-toeing like you are now."

"Not only that, but the Church of the Wallists didn't exist exactly when humanity first arrived in these walls," Officer Zoe pointed out. "It was formed only about seventy to eighty years ago, after a titan-worshiping cult lured a titan into the Zhiganshina District."

Officer Rheinberger's face drained of color and Green Eyes slumped onto the sofa besides Tanya. The titular girl's mind raced in the meanwhile.

The new information brought on troubling revelations. Already, Tanya was looking back at their interactions with a new light: the first time she had met all three of them, they had seemed so knowing, powerful even, and determined to protect their people even with what little they had. Not just that, but just from their words it was like they _knew_ Annie, Reiner and Bertolt would have come with or without their existence.

But the more she looked back now with Captain Levi and Officer Zoe's statements, the more contradictions began to pile up: how did they know what they needed to do to regain their memories? How did they know their power waxed and waned before the Fall of Wall Maria? If their religion only came about _after_ humanity entered the walls with a re-insurgence only happening because the titans broke in, how could they even know what they did, let alone repel Bring X?

 _It's like they're losing memories even as we speak!_ Tanya realized in horror. _Or else something else is happening... what if...? What if them driving off Being X was one of the only memories they have, rather than something that they know for certain happened? If that is the case...!_

"What have you been doing since five years ago, aside from these visits?" Officer Zoe questioned.

 _"T-try **ing t** o rel **earn wh** at w **e for** got a **nd cont** rol wh **at litt** le po **wer w** e ha **ve,"**_ Blue Eyes quickly explained, voice shaky.

Half of Tanya wanted them to stop talking so they could focus on the fact that they had info on the titans shifters who plunged their society into chaos and how to proceed, while the other wanted to know everything the "goddesses" had kept from her- which by what they were saying, was a lot. She had to know: was them driving Being X away just a memory or did they truly do it themselves?

 _This is just what I was afraid of- we can't take our eyes off what's important, but these two have everyone's complete attention now!_

"If you guys really are that opposed to..." Maddox grit her teeth before forcing out, "possessing humans, then why-?"

 _ **"- di** d R **ose pu** ll th **at sh** it o **n** yo **u?"**_ Blue Eyes finished while adding in, _"S **he's n** ot h **ere b** y th **e w** ay- sh **e's in** tim **e-o** ut f **or wha** t sh **e di** d."_

"... good to know," Captain Levi deadpanned.

 _" **Anyh** ow,"_ Officer Hoffaass' eyebrow twitched a bit, _"R **ose posse** ssed yo **u beca** use f **or wha** tever reas **on... s** he sen **sed o** ur mot **her ins** ide th **e tit** an for **m Ere** n Ja **eger to** ok. An **d n** ot j **ust i** n h **is fo** rm, i **n th** e Col **ossal Tit** an a **s we** ll. S **he s** aw th **at th** e cad **ets ar** oun **d we** re try **ing t** o le **ave a** nd wa **nted t** o ra **lly the** m t **o defe** nd hi **m."**_

"What does that have to do with-?" Captain Levi began before Officer Zoe face-palmed him out of the way as she looked at the two "goddesses". "Hange-?!"

"You never mentioned having a mother, nor is there anything about a mother of the women the walls were based on. Yet you remember having one not from worship, but from coming into contact with titan shifters," the woman said softly. "And because you only became like this after the Colossal Titan and Armored titans- or rather, Bertolt Hoover and Reiner Braun- broke through Wall Maria, you couldn't have known either and just assumed the bare minimum of what you knew was the truth. Everything you thought you knew has been thrown into question."

Green Eyes looked even miserable as her head bowed and Blue Eyes put a hand on her shoulder. Then Officer Zoe smiled at them both. "Now you've got a chance to get real answers, because now you've got a real lead aside from assumptions!"

Tanya didn't know how to feel about this- Officer Zoe's disturbing optimism aside, this could benefit them all. If their information is obsolete and their power in question, then finding the truth was a top priority.

 _ **"Tha** nks,"_ Blue Eyes said with a smile, becoming more determined. _"T **he po** int i **s i** s th **at e** ven i **f w** e do **n't kn** ow w **hat w** e a **re, we** 're go **ing t** o he **lp yo** u. I k **now w** e do **n't g** ot **a l** ot o **n u** s no **w, b** ut w **e're s** till n **ot ju** st go **nna-"**_

"You say that like it means something, like it makes up for not doing anything before," Captain Levi cut her off, that dark scowl back. "You talk about being repentant for what happened, but the fact is nothing has changed. Nothing has been changing for the last hundred years. The only reason you're doing anything now is because you were directly affected by Hoover, Braun and Leonhardt's actions. Whatever the reason might be, you were all in position of power and you kept your head in the sand, just like the pigs we had to entertain today."

 _"D **id y** ou n **ot ju** st h **ear m** e s **ay wh** at we **'ve be** en doin **g?! D** o yo **u serio** usly th **ink w** e hav **en't be** en thin **king abo** ut every **thing yo** u ju **st sai** d?!"_ Blue Eyes snapped, Officer Hoffaass' face twisting in anger and upset. _**"Th** ere's n **ot a** da **y wh** ere w **e do** n't thi **nk abo** ut w **hat we** 've l **et hap** pen, o **r wh** at pa **in we** 've caus **ed! Th** at's t **he** wh **ole da** mn rea **son w** e're h **ere try** ing t **o m** ake th **ings rig** ht!"_

"We're not questioning whether or not you feel regret in this," Commander Pixis stated. "But you said it yourselves: there is no way we can hold you accountable if you decide not to get involved in our affairs, or if you try to cause trouble, and we would have no way of stopping you if you did this. The question here is whether or not you can offer some way that we can trust you not to do this. If not, then we already stand on perilous ground."

"We could always do a schedule- have you report to us on a timetable," Officer Zoe suggested. "We can discuss your powers and what might have really happened to them. Trying to learn everything in one night is asking a lot, after all."

 _"... I sup **pose th** at co **uld wo** rk,"_ Green Eyes said softly. _"W **hat tim** e-"_

"Tomorrow mor- no, we'll be on the move then, and there're still so many theories about the titans I need to go over too, and there's prepping up our old HQ..." Officer Zoe trailed off, mumbling under her breath as her glasses became opaque from the lighting again.

"So, there's still the question of what to do about Braun, Hoover and Leonhardt," Commander Smith said and Tanya was deeply relieved they were finally getting back to what they needed to focus on in the first place, casting Maddox a look.

 _If she had just not brought it up, we wouldn't have gone through that shit._

"Annie and Ber- _Hoover_ , both planned to join the Military Police," Tanya voiced. "I'm not sure what Rei- _Braun_ , is planning to do."

"Now that we do know their identities, it will be easier to keep track of them," Commander Pixis noted. "If he tries to join the Corps or Garrison, we can keep a close eye on them. The problem that arises is that we don't have a way to keep track of the other two, and this information is incredibly sensitive."

"Dawk'd shit his pants if he got wind of this," Captain Levi deadpanned, Tanya nearly choking on her spit. "So not much help there."

There was that problem then- if they couldn't tell anyone outside of this room, including the higher-ups for the MP, then how could they keep a reasonable eye on Annie and Ber- Hoover? More to the point, they were more than certain to put whatever plan they made into action- their target was whatever Eren had and they were willing to let hundreds of thousands be killed to obtain it. If they didn't have reliable eyes on them, then who knows how many would be killed or displaced by their actions?

 _Unless...!_

"I'm listed as dead, aren't I?" Tanya voiced aloud.

"Marked down as 'suicide'," Commander Pixis confirmed.

 _So they did use that story after all,_ she thought before suggesting, "If everyone thinks I'm dead... why not use it to our advantage? I could be the one to keep an eye on Annie and B- Hoover and report back to you. It's the last thing any of them would expect."

Everyone's eyes were on her now. "You'd willingly spy for us, even if it gave you no benefits?" Commander Smith questioned.

That was a bull-faced lie, because Tanya was planning on living and having everyone know of her accomplishments once those three were dead, buried and Marley- whatever the hell it was- destroyed. In the next moment, she simultaneously moved in for the kill and unloaded the baggage of the last five years.

"I was born in Liese, a village in the mountains. We had no warning of the titans invading. I watched my mother be eaten and my village destroyed."

It was funny, how while Tanya had been accosted by an asshole deitic creature, her life hadn't truly been that bad. She had been able to roll with the life she was given, even without the comforts and technology she was used to and she had been as happy as she could be in that situation. But the moment she had seen that titan looming over her home, was the biggest, most irretrievable change to ever come to either of her lives.

Her mother had been so utterly brave- she gave her everything to secure her safety, even when it meant her death. Even when she had screamed for her and Tanya had made the mistake of looking back, she would never forget the sacrifices she made for her sake.

"I spent a week with no sleep galloping through Maria with them on my heels every waking moment. Even when I made it to Trost, I was forced into the Reclaiming effort because some asshole soldiers wanted my horse and money. The only person who was by my side to comfort me during that time was killed right before we reached safety."

That on the other hand, she would be happy to forget, if not for the fact that it kept haunting her dreams- just thinking of those days, barely sleeping or eating, accompanied by nothing but mindless, primal terror, gave her anxiety. It was nothing short of a miracle that Mercury hadn't collapsed during that run, or else she really would have been dead. As for the Garrison soldiers who tried to rob her, she found one of them dead and the other two transferred elsewhere so she never did see them again.

Ambrose Arlert... she hadn't even known him for more than three days but she wished she could have done more by him. The fact he had been killed because of a human's desperation never failed to anger her. Even more than that, she honestly did like Armin- he was smart, incredibly so, and willing to put in the time and sacrifice to get what needed to be done underway.

"Then I find out that the friend and comrades I put my trust in were the ones responsible... and then they tried to kill me."

She was more angry with Rein- _Braun,_ and B- _Hoover,_ than Annie, though this was more to due with the fact that the former had stabbed her and the latter had held her in place. But she knew that was a mistake- unwilling or not, sympathetic or not, she was still an accomplice to genocide and she had done nothing to help her when Re- _Braun,_ was trying to kill her. She had to stop them all, including her.

"I'd have to be crazy not to want to do something to stop them," Tanya finished, and she wasn't even lying or omitting the truth.

This had the intended affect as Commander Smith nodded to this, smiling. "Thank you for your help, Tanya- I know this must be stressful for you, and we appreciate everything that you've divulged to us."

Tanya opened her mouth to speak but no words came, eyes locked on the man before her. _"Right!"_ she said, a little louder and faster than expected and shook the hand back- again, she mourned she would never get the kind of muscle physique this man had.

"Not even an hour in and you've got another fangirl," Captain Levi remarked, nearly making Tanya fall over.

 _"Do you ever stop giving anyone shit?!"_ she snapped before she went cold at what she said.

There was a few seconds silence and Tanya further blanched, fearing the repercussions before the man's lips quipped into something resembling a smirk as he stated, "Never."

 _... huh?_

"Ahaha! That was great!" Officer Zoe laughed, ruffling her hair cheerily while Officer Zacharias huffed out a deep chuckle. "You're already fitting in with us!"

This... was unexpected. Talk like that would have gotten her demoted at best, fired with abysmal recommendations at worst. Considering they already get shit from everyone and fight titans on a daily basis...

 _Still, I shouldn't press my luck like that again. Damn mood swings!_

"Then my standing orders are still in place then, Commander?" Maddox questioned.

"Indeed. Keep watch over things here- I'll secure the paperwork to make sure you can be transferred here," Commander Pixis said with a nod.

"Heh- I dreamed of joining the interior, but I never thought it'd be like this," the brunette remarked with a sardonic smile.

"We'll also need to find this metal that was used for your dagger- the idea of a material that can stop titans from regenerating..." Officer Zoe squealed in delight, a blush apparent on her face. "Maybe it uses the old iron bamboo!"

"The royal family was supposed to have what Eren has now- so it's clear that they used to have the ability to titan-shift as well, along with this 'key'," Commander Pixis mused, a troubled look flickering across his face.

"Those beads as well- you say that Elijah Mandel stole them and the dagger from the Wallists?" Commander Smith asked.

 _"Y **es, w** e as **ked hi** m t **o,"**_ Green Eyes chimed in, weakly. _"Th **ey we** ren't he **lping any** one ju **st sitt** ing the **re..."**_

"Then they might be in on this, too," Captain Levi mused. "Never did trust those idiots. How did you know they'd help?"

 _"..."_

"Lemme guess, a gut feeling or a memory?"

 _ **"Y** e **s,"**_ Blue Eyes ground out, exasperated.

"Ah, right! Erwin!" Officer Zoe exclaimed. "Do you think you could get papers for me to stay in Sina?! This won't interfere with Eren's tests either, but we need to figure out the serums!"

"You, Anka and Gustav can courier correspondences between us," Commander Pixis told Maddox, who nodded in assent.

 _"M **aybe i** t'd b **e eas** ier t **o relo** cate t **o a** diffe **rent ar** ea f **or th** at,"_ Green Eyes suggested. _"Eli **jah's grand** moth **er ha** d so **me lan** d i **n Sin** a's far **ming are** as..."_

"We should still keep in contact with Nile if things do go south," Commander Smith said, earning a disgusted _"Tch!"_ from Captain Levi, muttering, "If we have to..."

Tanya looked at the simultaneous conversations going about- even with the revelations before them, these people were not only keeping their heads but were planning farther into the future than she realized. Their eyes were focused on what was important: finding answers and a way to stop the titan trio.

Maybe the shit-pile they were in wasn't getting any smaller, but they were already making headway in digging themselves out.

* * *

Me: Okay, this is a big chapter- which also adapts a scene that makes me profoundly uncomfortable. The one that could make or break the series via suspension of disbelief. Where the main shit from both Youjo Senki and Shingeki no Kyojin properly interact. Where if their reactions are off by even a bit, it could ruin the whole story, considering how grounded SnK is (for a series about naked man-eating giants) and are meeting supposed deities who've existed but not done diddly-squat until now. I need to keep everyone as IC as possible in such a scenario while addressing other matters-

Also Me: HEY LOOK! WRITER'S BLOCK! A NEW JOB AND CO-WORKERS! MARTIAL ARTS CLASSES! NUZLOCKE RUNS! SCUM-BAGS WHO MADE THE NEWS! **Depression!** _Anxiety!_ NEW SERIES ON NETFLIX/THE INTERNET! NEW ORIGINAL STORY IDEA AND CONCEPT ART! THAT NEW CHAPTER WHERE SHIT'S HIT THE FAN! ROLLERBLADING! LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE! LET'S PAY ATTENTION TO IT!

And that is how I spent the last five-to-six weeks! (That chapter tho O_O) I got a job closer to my new place and picked up several activities on the way. Now my days aren't endlessly comprised of work, rest and writing chapters!

More divergences begin to occur: because Eren didn't transform a second time, he was able to control the titan form that lifted the stone better. Because of that, people both feared his abilities and trusted that he could control himself. And because the court wasn't disrupted like it was in canon, Levi didn't beat Eren up and while his words were harsh, Mikasa doesn't bear the same kind of grudge against him.

Also writing Levi's POV was entertaining but rather difficult.

On that note, the first part of the chapter was harder for me because of the scene where Levi beats up Eren. It was profoundly uncomfortable for me to witness and profoundly uncomfortable that so many people are fixated the scene for the wrong reasons( Whether calling Levi an abuser or drawing... other implications. For fuck's sake, he's more than twice Eren's age! That's canon! Isayama flat-out stated Levi's more than thirty years old!)

Basically, everyone was braying for Eren's blood, seeing him as a monster and Eren was not helping matters by calling them out. So Levi made himself out as a bigger monster so they'd fixate on him- a thirty-something man- beating up a defenseless boy less than half his age. Levi has stated before that he has no problem being seen as a monstrous, abnormal lunatic so long as it got the job done and it has been shown that he usually resorts to violence because of his background and general awkwardness. And Eren acknowledges this: Levi asked if Eren hated him and Eren said that he knows that Levi did what he did to put on a show for those inside the court!

Do you really think that others who knew him personally would put up with Levi, let alone show him such reverence/camaraderie if he acted like how the fandom portrays him?

On another note, Levi and Tanya's pronoun-use to Hange are different because Tanya doesn't realize Hange is non-binary.

Anyone who guesses where I got Gustav's surname from gets a cookie!

Also, I was originally going to have a shit-ton more exposition in this chapter but realized it cut too much from it and didn't flow as naturally. As for when the next chapter comes, I will try to get it out before too long- I just don't want to overtake the manga or write myself into a corner. I usually have ideas and notes for what comes next or diverges, only writing one chapter at a time so it remains fresh in my head.

Once again, I apologize for the lateness of the chapter!


	30. Game, start

jackpotdante: Thank you.

Ferno16: Yeah, it all just kind of happened ^^;

TGDBS: Yup, the waves are starting to pick up now!

green cunt: I'll do my best.

You'll see.

Yeah, I noticed. It's probably why Isayama didn't portray it in his series. And even without it, fans are kind of rabid about ships ^^;

... oh. Wow. Thank you :)

Hawkcan1996: I'm glad that you enjoy my story.

Yeah... I've entertained the possibility of Tanya getting a crush, but if she does, Armin's not going to be the one she crushes on, nor is he going to crush on her.

As for her white hair, that happened over the course of her seeing her mom get eaten, the week of hell she went through trying to get to Wall Rose and finally culminating in her being drafted. But you are right, I could have done it better- if I could go back and rewrite it (without people being upset at me for being indecisive), I'd have her hair go white after Ambrose's death.

Guest 2: Many, including the author himself, refer to Hange as "they". But Tanya doesn't know that and refers to Hange as "she".

I was thinking the same thing, but the Survey Corps have been shown to roll well with unexpected punches and I quickly realized that while writing this.

Okay, but it was sad when they all died, not just Petra. They all had lives, families and loved ones, why was it only super sad when she died? Just asking because people seemed more upset over her death than Gunther, Eld or Oluo's.

efefr: You've technically already got her.

Lewascan2: Thank you- I was worried that I made any of them OOC. Honestly, I had them more either freaking out or more hostile to Red, Blue and Green Eyes but then the characters took the ball from me.

You'll be seeing more of these three, for better or worse.

Levi does garner some annoyance because of how popular he is, but it's because of his character- which influences his actions- that make him so popular in and out of universe. As for the trial scene... despite the disturbing scenes in the series, him beating up Eren is the one of the ones that makes me the most uncomfortable.

MOR The Divine Being: I'm sorry I disrupted your expectations ^^; I knew that some people wouldn't like it, so your dislike is not unexpected.

* * *

 _Come on, say something already._

Jean was getting antsy waiting for his mom and dad to respond.

He had gotten lucky- he and a few other trainees were sent to check up on the Trost refugees and tell them how clean-up and repairs were going to going. Now that they had finally cleared up the remains of the titans and corpses, his home would finally start being rebuilt.

He knew that the last thing she wanted to hear was him getting hurt and choosing to go to the Survey Corps when he could go to the Military Police was probably the last kind of news anyone wanted to get. But if he didn't tell his family this, he wouldn't have another chance before the induction ceremony tomorrow night. He just wanted them to be prepared and not find out their son had joined the regiment with the highest body count after the fact.

"Why?" was the first thing she had asked.

"Even if I go, the titans are still out there. We need to stop them, and running away... it's not going to do anything."

It was the truth but it was so much harder to say it aloud. Jean knew it was insane. He knew he could die. Yet while he was still scared, he was also almost resolutely resigned to it. He had to do this.

"Don't do this, please Jeanie!" she cried, gripping his shoulders. "Don't throw your life away! You can make a difference without risking your life like this! I can't- I-

"You weren't there!" Jean barked, gripping his mom's arms and taking them off of his shoulders- when did he get stronger than her? "You weren't there, and I'm so happy you weren't, but you didn't see what happened then! You didn't see what they did! If no one does anything, that battle's just going to keep repeating over and over again!"

He could hear his dad suck in a breath. The normally relaxed and calm man was almost crumbling in himself, head bowed and hands trembling as he gripped his crossed arms, trying to keep his composure.

"Is this because you thought I favored her over you?!" his mom was beginning to hyperventilate. "Jeanie, you know I love you! I never meant to make you feel less and I am so, sorry if I ever did! But-! I can't let you- not after what happened! Our home, Trost, even-!"

Jean's eyes were hot as his mom buried her face into his chest as she hugged him. "Please... I don't- I can't- I don't want to bury my baby..."

"You won't!" His voice cracked more than he liked and Jean hugged her to him.

He closed his eyes, sighing softly before continuing. "I know why you did what you did- she was alone and didn't have family to take care of her, and dealing with the fallout of what happened before. Her death... it's sad, but she chose to do what she did. And so do I."

She turned from him and to his dad. "Luke! Stop him, _please!"_ she beseeched.

His dad stiffened at being addressed before straightening. Jean knew the man didn't express himself much- the opposite of him and his mom- so the mixture of fear, upset and resignation makes Jeans' stomach twist even more. He walked before him and Jean felt daunted at his father looking him in the eyes.

"You feel you need to do this, no matter what? Even if you die?" he questioned.

Jean couldn't reply, so he gave a short, stilted nod. The next moment, his father was clutching his shoulders and leaning down to he could look directly into his eyes.

"I don't care what happens, what orders you're given, or what you're told to sacrifice. Your safety, your life, comes first, no matter what. You do everything you can to survive... and return home."

That... was unexpected. "R-Right!"

"Luke!" His mom grabbed his arm, angry and upset. "Why are you encouraging him?! Are you fine with him risking-?!"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Jean almost jumped at his father shouting back before the man calmed down. "Of course I want him as close to us as possible! Of course I want him to stay safe! Of course I want if as far from the titans as possible! But Gaelle, look at him- really look at him. He's determined to do this. There's nothing we can do to stop him."

The look on her face made Jean's chest twist painfully and she fell to her knees, sobbing quietly. "Don't go... don't go... please don't go..."

Jean couldn't have left faster. If he stayed, he really wouldn't go. He and the trainees returned as night set in. Worse, as he walked back to the barracks, he caught a glimpse of Marco looking his way. The freckled boy said nothing, just kept his gaze on him. He averted his eyes from him and stalked off to the messhall, determined to get as drunk as he could.

* * *

Annie shivered against the wind, pulling her hoodie tighter. This wasn't her usual white hood, but a darker one with dark pants and wearing her regular shoes. She needed to blend in as well as she could and she didn't want to risk leaving behind footprints in her army-issued boots.

It would have been so much easier with her gear, but even if she used it, it would incriminate her just from it's use- couldn't even take the blades since they were being accounted for as well. So she had to start her trek at around four in the morning, sneak aboard the wall and walk through the ruined Trost where the captured titans were being held before waiting for the opportune moment.

The guards weren't paying much attention and were as far from "Sawny" and "Bean" as possible. Both sentiments Annie got- still, this worked well in her favor. Annie crept across the houses, keeping inside the shadows of the houses and buildings as often as possible. The dagger felt heavy against her leg, the blade digging against her skin through the leather.

She couldn't help wondering... that with the dagger, could a titan die from anything besides cutting out a nape? Titans could regenerate wounds that would be fatal to a human, but what if they couldn't? Could they be as susceptible to injury as a human?

Annie ultimately dismissed them- the nape of the neck was where what was left of the human brain and spinal column was. Besides, she had one job: kill the two captured titans and keep the Paradis Eldians from learning anything compromising.

She was lucky- the tents they had used to see how the titans reacted to the lack of sun might have been taken down, but they had been folded up haphazardly. It'd make good cover. Annie kept her body low as she shot across the space, reaching the tents and ducking down She knew that they couldn't see her right now, but it didn't stop her from slowing her breathing and making it as slight as she could, even when her lungs begged for her to take a deep breath after running.

"Sawny" was smaller but "Bean" was much closer to the ground. Still, it could bite at her and alert the guards and "Sawny's" head was better held in place. Annie ultimately went for "Bean" first, clutching the dagger as she tip-toed towards it. She knelt before "Bean's" nape, flipping the dagger forward with some difficulty- without a second blade, she'd have to carve it out fully. She tightened her grip on the handle before stabbing into the beginning of the left of the nape.

 _"AAAAHHHGGGHHH!"_

"Bean's" neck shot up through the nails and broke the cables holding it's head, it's screeching bellow making her ears ring. The force of the head thrashing knocked Annie aside and she swiftly rolled back onto her feet before her blood went cold at the absence of the dagger in her hands. Her hands moved across the ground, trying to locate it in the dark. She hissed as her figners were cut by the metal and fumbled with the blade. She could hear the guards' shouts as they ran to "Bean" and a moment later, she could hear the creak of the cables and chains as "Bean" thrashed against them.

"Hey, who's there?!"

Annie turned and fled, heart in her throat. She didn't stop, didn't look back knowing it would slow her down. She kept going until she made it to the wall. However, the lift was already in the air. She looked around for another lift before hearing the thudding of boots against the ground and she swiftly hid herself in the rubble of a ruined house.

"What's going on?"

"Someone tried to attack the captured titans- we're looking for them now!"

Annie kept low as the guards went on her way, Annie crept towards the lift only for light to come behind. The blonde was already coiling around, her elbow slamming into the soldier's windpipe and keeping her from calling out for help while her fist knocked the lantern out of her hand. The blonde swiftly slit the soldier's throat with the dagger a moment. She gurgled futility, hand coming against Annie's face and head. The blonde pushed the soldier away, her body falling in a spasming heap.

Annie grabbed for the gear, stripping it off the soldier and securing it to her body- it might have been a little bigger than her size but it would do. She could hear shouts as she activated it and began scaling the wall quickly. Her heart was in her throat as she made it up the top and descended just as fast.

As she got to the ground, she yanked the gear off of her and threw it into a rubbish area in an alley. She tripped briefly and from the faint light coming up from the sun, her shoes had blood on them. She ripped them off and threw them down another alleyway, uncaring for the stone digging against her socks and skin. She'd be able to get to the barracks before role-call started but the fact remained she had failed- now the titans would be guarded twice as much and none of them would be able to get close again.

This was close to one of the worst days Annie had and it hadn't even started.

* * *

"Oh there there, Bean! It's going to be okay!"

Eren stared in silent disbelief as Officer Hange was trying to hug the seven meter's head even as it kept thrashing. No one had been able to get close enough without getting hurt- thankfully no one was killed or eaten yet- to retie "Bean's" head down and the rest of the restraints were holding fast.

Still, this got him wide awake after the literal night spent listening to Officer Hange's "findings" and kept him from hearing the rest. Just in time for one of her- _their_ squadmates, Moblit, to come in and tell them that someone had attempted to attack the captured titans.

"You yelled out and got the others to help you- I'm proud of you, Bean! Way to go!" Officer Hange said, ruffling "Bean's" hair.

 _"Aaaaggh..."_

Eren had heard the method behind Officer Hange's clear madness, but it was another thing to actually watch her- _them_ , trying to comfort one of humanity's natural enemies. Going from trying to slaughter them all to avenge the comrades the titans ate, only to turn to research to gain a better foundation for figuring out how the titans ticked... on some level, Eren respected the officer for trying a different approach and he could see that it took a different kind of guts than going straight into battle.

"Sawny, you should follow Bean's example if anyone tries attack you in the dark! Of course if you do eat anyone we'll have to stop you, so keep that in mind!"

Or it could be dependent on something else entirely, but Eren did not want to insult one of the officers of the Survey Corps, especially when he had only been a part of it for a few days. From what he heard from the soldiers there, it looked like someone had tried to kill the two titans here with a dagger, which was left behind before wounding a Garrison soldier and stealing her gear.

 _They used a normal dagger but even our own swords can only be used a few times against the titans before they're useless,_ Eren thought. _But from the sounds of it, they were able to escape using a soldier's gear, even if it was stolen. Was this a civilian, or a soldier- and why would they try to kill the titans captured?_

"There's nothing more we can do here- let's let the MPs do their job," Captain Levi stated.

"R-right..."

As they moved to leave, Eren noticed Commander Erwin being motioned over by Officer Hange towards "Bean". Officer Hange was gesturing to "Bean's" head and the commander looked almost shocked before becoming calmer.

 _Wonder what that's about?_

* * *

"So, you can get punished for trying to kill titans, huh?"

"Well, they were important test subjects and it was sloppy no matter how you look at it."

"Now they're even looking for culprits here- as if a trainee could have done it!"

Armin frowned as he overheard this, still waiting for his turn alongside Connie and Annie as the MP soldiers interrogated each trainee. "You can't blame someone for hating titans," the bald boy said between the silence.

"Even still, it was a foolish thing to do- they might have wanted to satisfy their thirst for revenge, but it would have been detrimental in the long run to humanity," he replied back.

"I'm an idiot, so I kinda get where they're coming from." Connie's eyes drift down, tired and flickering with buried fear. "You lose your ability to think. Before I saw my first titan, I really wanted to join the Survey Corps. Now, I never want to see another one as long as I live."

He rubbed at his head in frustration. "We're supposed to be choosing our branch today...dammit, even Jean said he was going to join the Corps!"

That was a surprise. "Jean really said that? But he was so adamant about choosing the brigade..."

"Who knows what's going on in his head now..." Connie's eyes flickered to Annie. "What about you? What do you think about all this?"

"I don't think anything. My mind's already made up," she stated curtly, eyes ahead.

"So you're going with the brigade then? ... do you think I should too?"

"Look, if someone told you to die, would you?"

Connie startled at that. "Wha-? No, of course not!"

"Then you should do what you want to do." She turned to Armin. "And you?"

Armin mulled it over before voicing his thoughts. "If I could understand why I had to die. I think there are times when people have to die, even if I don't like it. So..."

"So you've already decided."

"Yeah..."

"You're a weakling," Annie stated, eyes flickering to him, "but you've got spirit."

That was unexpected. "Th-thanks..."

Connie stared at him with worry and some disbelief. "Seriously? You too, Armin...?"

Just then, one of the MPs came over and began to question Annie over her gear and usage. Armin's eyes flickered away before seeing Reiner and Bertolt from where they had been cleared. Bertolt looked worried but he didn't look the scowl that Reiner was sending at Annie.

"Cadet Arlert!"

Armin quickly snapped to attention, trying to pay attention to the questions and keep his voice from shaking. He was never good with confrontation, especially when people assumed of him before hand. Even remembering him shouting during Eren's trial made him shake- he had been so sure the trial would have become a lynch mob.

Once they were finished, Connie was running over to Sasha while Annie was walking at a more sedate pace. "Annie, wait!" Armin said quickly. "I- you're actually pretty nice."

Annie turned to him, staring at the blond like he had grown another head. "... what?"

He could have worded that better. "I mean, it doesn't seem like you want to join the Corps or Garrison, but I bet you have a reason to join the MPs..."

Annie turned away from him. "No. I just... want to save myself."

After that, she walked away while avoiding Reiner and Bertolt the best she could. As Armin moved to go over to Mikasa, he saw Reiner scowling in Annie's direction and Bertolt looking conflicted.

* * *

Reiner scowled from where he saw Annie wander off, pointedly avoiding him and Bertolt both. He knew she was trying to avoid them both until the assembly tonight when they would be going pick their regiments.

It was supposed to be a simple mission- just slit their napes and be done with it! But now there was no chance of them being able to kill them at this time.

"Reiner, it was a tall order from the beginning- no gear and just that dagger? Annie did her best," Bertolt said when the two were secluded from the other soldiers.

"She had one job and she failed- suppose they find something new from those captured titans?" Reiner shot back.

"Even still..." Bertolt trailed off, averting his eyes.

Reiner rubbed at his temple with a sigh. He understood where his friend was coming from, but this was a very serious situation. Frankly, he was beginning to regret agreeing to let Bertolt head to the MPs with Annie, even if it did mean finding the source of the dagger. Honestly the sooner they found the metal/possible daggers and destroyed every last one of them, the better.

Maybe it was better this way. He was suspicious of Annie beginning to move away from their mission- he got that she put her self-preservation above all else, but he wasn't going to let her prioritize that over their mission. Not with so much on the line.

Yes, Bertolt would keep an eye on her. And he would continue playing "Marcel" with the Corps and continue observing Eren.

As he and Bertolt moved to head out, Reiner noticed Armin looking their way with a strange expression before turning away. The blond blinked at this, his more paranoid self wondering if Armin found them suspicious- he didn't know how close Armin and Tanya had been, but they were cordial enough with each other from what he had seen.

He tried to calm down- even if Armin suspected him, he had no proof or evidence to support that. They had been the only ones there and Tanya's body was long since burned to ash. There was nothing he could do.

* * *

Armin gave her a weak smile as he approached Mikasa after finishing up answering the questions the MPs had for him. "Well, they didn't convict me."

"Please joke don't about that."

"... right."

The two walked off together to wait for nightfall and the selection process. While most would chalk Mikasa's stoicism as her usual self, Armin could see that she was trying to hold back much of her worry. While Mikasa was relieved Eren was safe, she was still worried for his safety even after he avoided being executed- especially given Humanity's Strongest Man's orders regarding their childhood friend.

"I understand he wouldn't be as trusted as he is if he hurt his subordinates, but he's still expected to kill Eren. I can't ignore that," was what Mikasa had said regarding the subject matter before refusing to mention it again.

Speaking of subjects not mentioned... Tanya's suicide became one with what remained of the 104 Cadet Group. No one talked about her, not even Sasha who had been the most devastated. Not even Jean, whose family had given her shelter. It was like she was a ghost they were all determined to ignore.

Armin remembered when he first saw the girl, staring at him like she had seen a ghost when they were under Commander Shadis' interrogations. The times that she would look at him and then pretend not to, he hadn't known what to make of her in those days.

When he learned she had been with his grandfather in his final moments, it gave him several mixed emotions: he was angry with the woman who killed him only to die a few moments later, he was sad for the senseless loss of life and relieved that at least his family had had someone with him during that time.

After that, Tanya seemed to gravitate to him and Armin couldn't say he didn't find favor in her. Tanya was rigid, had control-freak tendencies and sometimes too cold, but she was also sharp, hard-working and had a deep thirst to improve herself. Funnily enough, she was very similar to Eren and he'd be lying if the look on her face when he told her so didn't make him smile just a little.

Of course the two of them just barely tolerated one another- Eren thought she was too cruel and cold, Tanya thought he was too childish and naive. Other than Annie's combat lessons, the two only interacted when Tanya sat with them during some meals, Connie and Sasha sometimes joining along with Ymir and Christa.

But while Eren had at least built up some resistance to her because of the fighting lessons with Annie and he had seen enough of her that he knew people were either exaggerating or not privy to her dimensions, Mikasa was the one who tolerated Tanya the least. She didn't speak to her unless necessary and she was deeply disapproving of the white-haired girl at best.

"It doesn't matter if that girl's the strongest of fastest of us all physically, her mental state was the weakest of us all," Mikasa had said in private.

"She shouldn't have been made a soldier... and now she'll never have a chance at the life she wanted."

He could understand wanting to escape that hell- when he had watched Eren be eaten, he had wanted to die. He should have died back then- he was the weakest, in will and strength. Eren should not have been the one to lose his life- strong, fierce-willed Eren who wanted to avenge his mother and his comrades' deaths.

When he had gotten Mikasa away from the titans when she ran out of gas, Armin had wanted to die then too. At least then, he was saving their strongest soldier and one of his precious friends. At least he could choose how he would die and go out on his own terms.

He understood why Tanya would choose what she did. Yet he couldn't believe Tanya would do something like that.

She might have been... well, a bitch, but she was stronger than his friend had given the white-haired girl credit for. She had a strong will and was able to translate it into reality. He had seen it in how she pushed Connie and Sasha even when the instructor had resigned himself to helping them scrape through just barely. He had seen it when Annie would leave her covered in bruises and she would still get back up until she was physically unable to or Sasha and Connie had to help her up. He had seen it in how she would practice with the gear even when it ended with her sprawled and once nearly snapped her neck.

Not to mention she had managed to survive the operation to reclaim Wall Maria even when she had given up on herself.

So even though Reiner and Bertolt had delivered the news, Armin couldn't believe it. In fact now that he looked back on it, Reiner and Bertolt were acting oddly- he could see flashes of anger on Reiner's face whenever someone brought her up, though this was rare, and he would clutch at his bandaged hand like it was on fire. Bertolt meanwhile went cold- no sweat, no nervous looks, it was like he was frozen. Even though Armin rationalized it as them finding a comrade killing herself, there was something suspicious about the two no matter what angles he looked at it from.

Was he over-thinking this? Or did something more happened during them finding Tanya? Something that's made them react the way they did. Something they weren't- _proud of._

Was it because they failed to stop her? Was it because of something she said to them? Or was it something else entirely?

* * *

Connie didn't know how to feel anymore. The terror had died down to a numbness in his bones that he could feel from when he woke up to the moment sleep took him. Now they had the rest of the day to wait for the induction ceremony.

"Do what you want to do," Annie had said- but he didn't know what he wanted to do!

He meant every word he said with Armin before- he never wanted to see another titan again. But now he was hearing that Jean was joining the Survey Corps- Jean, who had gone out on his way to make sure everyone knew he was joining the Military Police Brigade. Connie was an idiot but even he could see that this was insane. Why would Jean want to risk his life like this?

Luckily, said blond was coming over to them now. From the way he was holding his head, he looked like he was still nursing one hell of a hangover.

"Jean, what made you decide to join the Corps?" Sasha cut to the chase before he could open his mouth. "I mean... I thought you were scared."

"Of course I don't like it- the Corps I mean," he replied.

Well, this was making even less sense. "Then why are you-?!" Connie began before Jean cut back in, "It's not like I'm suddenly not afraid of the titans and I'm not saying things like 'Only the most skilled should join' either. Look listen, okay? I'm no hurry to die young like Eren is, so don't lump me with him."

"Then why?" Annie asked, eyes flickering to him.

"... The point is no one convinced me to put my life on the line," Jean finally said. "This isn't the kind of job you can do without really choosing it for yourself."

Well that was incredibly unhelpful. Jean eventually went off to try and get some medicine for his head, Annie was doing everything possible to avoid everyone and that just left him and Sasha leaning against the wall. He didn't know what to say to her- none of them had been the same since Trost, but Sasha had been taking it especially hard. Hard enough that she barely ate anything, and considering how she prized food...

"What are you going to do?" he asked softly.

Sasha's brow furrowed, silent. After about thirty seconds, Connie concluded she wasn't going to answer his question.

"I get why Jean changed his mind."

The bald boy's head whip-lashed back at the unexpected answer. "O-Oh yeah?"

"The walls... they're all in circles. I know that's common knowledge, but it's never really hit me until after Trost. Even if I chose to go with the MPs, I'm only going further inside the walls... and I can only go so far until there's no where left to go. Meanwhile, the Colossal Titan and Armored Titan could show up at any time and kick the walls in and let the titans in. We're fish in a barrel, Connie, cornered animals against the pen. Targets."

Sasha's hand clenched into a fist, eyes hardening. "So if I want to survive... I can't afford to stay like this."

Connie shivered at her words as he was once again reminded that even though Sasha was a goofy, food-loving girl, she was also a competent hunter with nerves of steel. So was he really the only one going to the MPs? The short answer was no, since Annie and Bertolt were going too. The long answer... why was this so hard?! He was gonna join the MPs to give glory to his town, then switched to the Corps to avoid Jean and Tanya, then Trost happened and he had no idea what the hell he was going to do. If he joined the Corps now, he could be eaten. Killed. He might even be so cornered he'd...

Tanya was one of- if not the- biggest asshole he knew. Cold, rigid and a perfectionist through and through. But she was also stupidly hard-working, sharp and dedicated to the work she did, always doing her best no matter the task. When she was in a good mood, she was actually kind of witty and her criticism, while biting, was still constructive. Still, Connie wouldn't choose to hang out with her as a first choice. She, like Jean, made it clear where her priorities lay: join the MPs and climb up high enough to lead a peaceful and leisurely life until she died of old age.

He still couldn't believe that she'd let herself become so trapped she'd end her life, not after she had placed it as her absolute priority. But Connie had seen what fear could do to people and combined with Tanya's pent up... _something_ , it wasn't so outlandish she had taken her life rather than being eaten.

"Why did you choose to be friends with her? What did you see in her?" he asked aloud.

That had always been something he never understood. Tanya might not have shunned Sasha, but the bald boy had never seen the white-haired girl go out on her way to kind to her and preferred being alone. Yet Sasha stuck to her like a bad stain. He had stuck it to the two of them bonding somehow over running together the first day- since then, Connie could usually count on them being together.

Sasha startled at the question before her expression softened. Connie blinked at this before another thought entered his mind. _Could they have been-?! No. No no no, not going down that rabbit hole! Great, as if I need more fuel for nightmares-_

"She needed a friend."

Connie blinked. "I don't follow."

"I don't know if anyone's noticed it, but Tanya wasn't isolating herself because she was the proudest of us all. It was because she had completely given up on people and was just trying to survive. She worked so hard because that goal, to get into the Interior, was all she had- she really wasn't kidding when she said she didn't have any other path. She didn't talk about her family, but they're all probably dead- she was born in the mountains like Reiner and Bertolt, so they didn't know the titans had broke in until they invaded their hometowns."

Sasha's fists clenched. "I once heard that she was apart of the operation to take back Wall Maria. She... she even admitted she was ready to die back then."

Tanya had been tossed into that hopeless battle? Well now he knew where the white hair had come from. But the idea of Tanya wanting to die at any time after watching how determined she was to excel during the last three years was mind-boggling. Or was it because of what happened before made her determined to grab everything by the throat?

"Even before that, when we were running together, she was barely holding it together. Being picked on by Commander Shadis had really upset her. When I found out it was because he was taking his anger on her after what I did, I wanted to make it up to her."

Sasha looked back at the bald boy. "I know that Tanya could be... well, a bitch, and I know she wasn't the best person to be friends with. But I don't regret it."

"Even if it didn't get you anything?" Connie questioned, arching an eyebrow.

"She helped us with our studies. She kept us training with Annie and I'm pretty confident I could take someone in a grappling match now. We're eighth and ninth in the top ten. We'll be able to handle ourselves if push comes to shove." Sasha's eyes closed. "And she appreciated the company, even if she'd never admit it- she's the proudest of all of us, even more than Jean."

Connie could agree with her assessment on Tanya's ego, but still frowned somewhat at her words. At least she was acknowledging the white-haired girl's bitchiness- he'd be more worried if Sasha denied any of her bad points. But getting back to the matter at hand was the fact that someone he cared about was literally throwing her into the mouths of the monsters.

"Look, I get that you make your own decisions- but please, be careful okay? I-I care about you a lot-"

"This is a terrible time for a love confession, Connie," Sasha deadpanned.

"NOT LIKE THAT!" Connie squawked before reigning in his voice and trying to get the right words out. "It's not like that. You're- you're more than a friend to me, like a best friend- or like- like a twin, y'know- Ugh, this is coming out all wrong- this is so stupid..."

"I've never had a brother before." Sasha smiled softly at him. "I wouldn't mind having one."

* * *

Erwin looked over the newly minted soldiers before him gathering into columns. A freckled brunet kept trying to catch a dirty blond's gaze. A bald boy and auburn-haired girl were exchanging glances. A freckled brunette and petite blonde let go of each other's hands before falling in line.

He kept his eyes from flickering towards the tall and muscled blond and dark-haired boy, or the second-shortest blonde. To think that three teenagers were responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths, not they would have been around at least ten or eleven at the time. What had gone through their minds? What was so important that they would risk hundreds of thousands of lives?

Did they think about what they did, hiding amongst the recruits and the rest of humanity- no, he couldn't call them the remnants of humanity anymore, not with the revelation of other humans besides them. What did this Marley have to gain from sending children to get what the royal family formally had? Was it their idea to kill so many, or was it was a plan that the titan shifters concocted themselves?

The conversation they had with Tanya was still in his mind. Erwin had expected theories, not what the white-haired girl imparted on them. Healing serum in a rosary, creatures that had powers to possess people, a dagger that could stop a titan from healing... he was given proof they exist, and he had accepted them to some degree, but the entire situation was absurd no matter how he processed it.

They had gotten so much information, so many answers concerning who was attacking them and why. But these had only opened the floodgates to more questions: who and what was this Marley? What was so important they were trying to get that they would send three preteen children to slaughter so many people? Why did the royal family have the ability to turn into titans? What was this key Tanya heard them speak of?

And that wasn't even touching upon the three creatures that had promised them aid.

Erwin had accepted that they were on their own, in an absurd and violent world. So finding out that there were creatures who had once considered themselves gods living amongst them was not one he was prepared for. He could completely understand Levi's anger towards them as well.

"Doesn't mean a damn thing- they're only helping because they were impacted by what happened. If they were just left alone, we'd never hear a thing from those bitches," he had said.

Regardless, they were stuck with the creatures and the only thing keeping them on their side was their clear guilt over what happened and their clear altruism. From what Erwin could see, neither Green Eyes or Blue Eyes had been lying about their intentions to help... but they had covered something up. Erwin was unsure of what it was or why it was being covered up, but the existence of it was clear.

And they weren't the only ones hiding something either.

When he first laid eyes on Tanya Degurachaff, she acted how he expected her to: a scared to death cadet who was in the company of several high-ranking officers. From the white hair that could only come from stress (he had seen soldiers who had gray hairs even in their late teens) and the dark bags underneath her eyes to how she held herself (most likely that time of month from how her legs had been squeezing against one another and how her hands kept hovering over her stomach) and the look of a cornered animal ready to bolt at the first sign of danger.

Then this girl, who looked seconds away from crumbling to pieces, not only completely pushed down her nervousness but was maintaining her composure almost perfectly, similar to how veterans reported casualties. Not only that, but she wasn't speaking like a fifteen year old. Her tone was almost disturbingly clinical and her responses so carefully measured- she didn't stutter, didn't backtrack and was clearly given thought to what she was saying and how she was wording it.

Even when she spoke of Annie Leonhardt- who was someone that Tanya clearly cared for, even discounting the girl being a spy and/or possible shifter- she still forced down most of her emotions, save the clear anger and vindictiveness, before completely deflating.

But he was most surprised when she volunteered herself as a spy. From how she reacted, Erwin had thought the girl wanted nothing more to do with the military or fighting the titans and would request to be hidden away. He had heard her argument, had heard of how her life had been turned upside down by the invasion and what she had gone through after, but it sounded almost hollow. She might have felt that way, but it still sounded like she was using them as excuses- but for what?

If being close to the titans had traumatized her to the point she had white hair, if she had been nearly killed by the titan shifter trio, why would she willingly volunteer the closest, most dangerous position next to them? Shadis' report's personal notes had said she didn't have the mentality to be a solider- had even called her a high-strung basket case and Erwin was inclined to agree.

But then how did that explain how she acted before? It had been _business-like_ , how she conducted herself save a few slip-ups. While he could chalk that up to the trauma resurfacing for the girl, he felt like that didn't explain everything. Did it have to do with what she and the creatures were hiding? If they were both omitting the same thing, they could be collaborating on a level that Officer Maddox was unaware of, which explained the discrepancies between the two.

What were they hiding? Did they think it didn't mean anything, or were they trying to hide something more?

Even without the hair and eye color, she had reminded Erwin of the man who bred horses for the Corps and saved them quite a bit of money on the side. Aren Degurachaff was a gentle, patient and sometimes timid man to most of the Corps in the time he was there, but there were times that he would be secretive and lie by omission. Times when he would become cold and nonchalant at the drop of a hat.

But with all the trainees all lined up, Erwin could no longer linger on the man or his daughter. He opened up with the first speech- he Survey Corps usually went first in recruiting, since they usually got the smallest amount of new soldiers. By this point in time, he had memorized his speeches.

This year's speech was going to go differently.

"In the recent titan attack, everyone here experienced what the average excursion outside is like. I'm sure nothing in your lives came close to it. Though you are trainees, you have experienced sacrifice. As a result, I'm sure you came to know your limits, and the terror of the titans."

The trainees shifted a bit and Erwin could see the haunted fear in their eyes as they recounted the battle in Trost.

"Yet while it is true we suffered losses in this attack, the human race has advanced towards victory like never before. By now, everyone is aware of the existence of Eren Jaeger. Through his and your actions, the titan incursion was halted and we have obtained a path to understanding the true nature of the titans."

He could feel the understatement in his words even as he intoned them, along with the lie that had been shown before. How many more humans were out there besides them? Enough that humanity wasn't on the verge of extinction? Not to mention the new questions risen about the nature of titans, and the revelation of the monarchy more than likely to be privy to these answers.

"While I am not at liberty to tell you much regarding Eren, what I can tell you is that he is an ally who's willing to put his life on the line. We are also privy to that his basement in his hometown of Zhiganshina contains answers regarding the titans' true nature, answers that not even he has. If we can get to that basement, I believe we'll find clues that may free us from a century of domination by the titans."

Eren had said that his father, Grisha Jaeger, had injected him with something before he blacked out. While they had muzzled the more fearful rumors regarding the man, like the one saying he was trying to create a titan shifter army or another that said he was experimenting on dozens of people, the fact remained that there was a chance Eren's father was responsible for Eren being able to shift into a titan.

Erwin had a feeling they'd find more than that from the basement, perhaps even answers into what this Marley was.

Murmurs rippled through the trainees and Erwin kept his gaze from lingering too long on the three titan shifters. He did catch a blond looking at him with searching eyes and could see his mind racing from here.

"And yet if we are to launch a full investigation on the basement room in Zhiganshina, we will need to retake Wall Maria first. On first glance, our objective remains unchanged. But because Trost was sealed up, the path that took one of our battalions four years to complete is lost to us. Ninety percent of the Survey Corps have died over the course of those four years. Even if we sent another battalion to reclaim Wall Maria, that would mean casualties would be five times greater and twenty years of work. Those aren't realistic figures."

And considering that a soldier's life expectancy was just a few years, a commander's just a little bit higher, even less so.

"The Survey Corps are always looking for talented people. Since many are killed every time we go out, we suffer from a chronic shortage of personal. I won't hide it: those of you who will join the Survey Corps will participate in an expedition beyond the wall one month from now. A supply route needs to be put in place as soon as possible."

Nedlay was out of the question, being in the north and too far to make a realistic route. Quinta had been overrun by titans according to the reports of the evacuated townspeople (along with the rumors of the woman who had turned the area into a tyrannical place where criminals were fed to titans), so the Karanes District was the best bet at the moment, though he had made plans and maps of supply routes from all three areas if things went south- which they usually did.

"I believe that the mortality rate for new recruits on their first expedition is roughly fifty percent. But those who do get through it go on to become superior soldiers with a higher survival rate."

"Now you know the dismal state of affairs. Those of you still willing to put their lives on the line, remain here."

His gaze narrowed into a stern look- he's seen it happen before, when soldiers stayed behind either for the thrill of it all or because of a dare. He had no use of soldiers who didn't take their duties seriously. He's rather have the few who would give their all than the majority who wouldn't.

"Let me reiterate: the majority of the people who stay here and enter the Corps will likely die. Ask yourselves if you really have it in you to sacrifice your life for humanity. That is all. Those of you who wish to join the other regiments are dismissed."

Most of them walked away. He wasn't surprised or disappointed. Tanya had been right in her assessment, as Hoover and Leonhardt walked away and Braun remained. The freckled boy kept looking towards the dirty blond but he didn't follow. His eyes closed in resignation as he kept walking. In the end, twenty remained- the dirty blond, the bald boy, auburn-haired girl, the blond with searching eyes, a petite blonde, a freckled brunette and a black-haired girl of Asian descent were among them.

"I see... you all look good." He saluted sharply, raising his voice. "Very well! I welcome the newest members of the Survey Corps! This is my real salute! Devote your hearts to the cause!"

All of them were terrified. Most were openly crying. But they stood tall, saluting back and giving a sharp, "YES SIR!" in response.

These twenty had experienced a hell that only a few soldiers could come back from, and were now willingly stepping back into it. "You have withstood your fear. You are all brave soldiers, and each of you you have my heartfelt respect."

* * *

Tanya looked over her bag- most of her belongings were probably with the Kirsteins since her "suicide", so this only had medicine, a notebook and pen and her clothes. Dawn was just barely beginning but any tiredness she had was gone, now that it was time to head out.

"I've given a note for my absence and explained it to my mother- I'll be on a pilgrimage for the next month to reflect on my actions and faith," Elijah has said in explanation. "The farmland should still be left alone by this time. It should serve as an ideal place for Officer Zoe's tests."

He had risked his life and was still prepared to offer more. He had kept communications with her regarding Red, Blue and Green Eyes. He had smuggled her out of Trost and kept her hidden away. Tanya didn't know how, but she would repay him for his actions.

As they stepped into the cold air, she saw the covered wagon waiting for them, Mercury hitched up. Elijah took the reins while she and Maddox went into the back. A moment later, the wagon began to move out.

* * *

Me: Ooh, Explorers of Sky! I just wrote down a rough draft of the full game like SAU! Now, there are a few directions I can take this chapter. I should think clearly and calmly through this-

(Snk chapter 111, A Crack of Thunder chapter 31 and RWBY Volume 6 episode 3 happen.)

Me: (Yeets into a corner to cry.)

And of course when I go to actually type out the chapter, the site crashes -_-;;;;

There was really only one way explaining to your parents you were going to join the military regiment with the highest body count was going go.

Bean being more sensitive to pain is shown, but Annie wasn't around to see the differences or didn't take them into account.

Erwin is referencing Rita Ighelaut from The Harsh Mistress of the City, an Attack on Titan light novel series. Just look at her- she's a dead ringer for Tanya. Now I'm thinking of an AU where Tanya either works alongside Rita or takes her place entirely.

So we have Bertolt, Annie and Marco going into the MP Brigade and Armin, Mikasa, Christa/Historia, Ymir, Reiner, Sasha, Connie and Jean going into the Survey Corps and Tanya, Maddox and Elijah going to the farmland mentioned in chapter 29.

I'm going to be trying to make chapters longer, now that more is happening and I'm getting more confident in my writing again. Or as confident as I can be in this point in time. However, I might be taking longer for chapters- nothing too bad, just a month to six/seven weeks is my estimate at worst.

Life is going well for me- I learned my workplace caters personally when someone's birthday falls on a work day, I managed to place+ get two medals in my first Taekwondo Tournament and I've been speed-playing through Explorers of Sky and forgot how much I loved playing. I may be going down into a spiral of getting Mystery Dungeon games again. Hell, I've already made up a plot and characters for a self insert/OC novelization of Sky with notes, ala how I wrote Skies Above Us. It shouldn't affect the new schedule, mainly because I've got rough drafts of the chapters already made up and a clear idea on how it's going to go down.

Also had an idea for a Kung Fu Panda Infinite Loops- or Youjo Senki Infinite Loops. You can thank/blame Mr. Chaos' Infinite Loops series with MMPR Comic Infinite Loops for getting me into this- am disappointed by the Code Geass loops being less story and more discussion. If there's already a KFP or YS Infinite Loops, then never mind ^^;

I've been trying to make an account on SpaceBattles, but every time I try to contact the admins for proof I am a living, breathing human being, an error pops up and won't let me send it. Then I have to wait an hour to try again and by that time, the account I'm trying to activate is deleted. Even when I log in, they say that my account name or email isn't coming up. Help would be greatly appreciated!

Okay serious talk time. Looking at the more recent SnK chapters now... I can't help feeling Erwin dodged a major bullet. No pun intended. With everything happening, the revelation of the basement about the outside world, Marley and Eldia, the disturbing fervor that has Paradis in a grip... I have a feeling Isayama killing Erwin where he was was a kindness. I don't want to see Erwin see what's become of the place he fought to protect, or the perversion "Dedicate your hearts" and it's salute has gone through. I'm more than a little relieved he doesn't have to- you know, being dead and all.

But you know what'd be super sad? If Hange or Levi wonder the same about Erwin and are both secretly relieved he doesn't have to see this but then feel bad because he's dead and they both miss him and just want him back because he's always known what to do and without him, they both feel lost. Hange has to fill some huge shoes and they're not doing what they would do but what they think Erwin would do and Levi is just trying to do the right thing which is becoming harder and harder with so many more variables.

I really, really don't want to think about how Youjo Senki's opening "Yos! Yos! Yos!" fits a little too well with the mindset the Paradis Eldians right now. Now I'm wondering what would be good songs for this- any requests? I'm personally leaning on Fleurie's "Soldier" for one of Tanya's songs.

On a more positive note, we're nearing three hundred reviews! For those of you new, I write the hundredth reviewer for my stories a one-shot of their choosing- barring explicit material, of course.


	31. Test (Anxiety)

**I AM ADDING A CLAUSE TO MY "EVERY HUNDREDTH REVIEWER GETS A ONE SHOT OF THEIR CHOOSING": IF THAT REVIEWER IS A GUEST OR SOMEONE I CAN'T PM DIRECTLY FOR DETAILS- SINCE THAT'S HOW I COMMUNICATE WHAT THEY'D LIKE TO SEE- THEN THE HUNDREDTH-AND-ONE REVIEWER WILL BE GIVEN THIS PRIZE.**

* * *

Ferno16: Thanks, but I knew that some wouldn't like the turn I take. I've more than dealt with others before.

A Degenerate: That is completely unintentional on my part.

To be clear, nothing romantic is going on between them and nothing romantic ever will go on between them (though you can see everyone else thinks so). Tanya trusts Elijah the most out of the people she knows and Elijah wants to support Tanya however he can after what he went through. The common denominator in these feelings is that they are the only humans to know about Being X in the SnK World.

Acerman: It was sad that Erwin died, but I'm glad you enjoy my story.

Hawkcam1996: I am wary of romance with Tanya for several reasons, including her own disinterest, my lack of experience in writing romance, SnK's lack of said genre and the fact that the author and animation team for the anime didn't want to make her a "waifu".

As for Hange's pronouns, I actually came up with it during the writing for chapter 29. Like, their comrades and close friends would know they were non-binary, but others who aren't as close to them see them as a female. And they've yet to meet Hange at the moment anyways.

It would be, wouldn't it.

Green Cunt: I will update whenever I'm able.

I'm afraid I don't know what you mean ._.;

Oh-ho-ho :D

TGDBS: You as well :)

Emperor Palps: (Has Villain Pub flashbacks)

Tracitus: Thank you.

Akuma-Heika: Oh, whoops! I meant the opening "Jingos" ^^;

Uhh...

Siatru: Well, I'm glad that you're still reading this and I fully respect your decision if you do ultimately drop this.

As for game-changing abilities, they'll come but it won't be what you expect them to be.

Lewascan2: Originally Annie was going to lose the dagger but I decided to let her still hold onto it. It would make more sense for the coming chapters for her to still have it.

As for Jean, he was always going to join the Corps but he would have different motivations for it.

Guest: :D

Guest 2: (Ocular Gushers ensues) THANK YOOOOOUUUU

Miss Seraphina: Thank you.

Guest: They take place in places inspired by Germanic nations.

Jajo Camello: I know the feeling ^^;

I already watched it- Soul has done a great job of analyzing Eren's character :)

That... is a great idea.

* * *

"Squad Leader, you're scaring the horses."

Hange vibrated in their seat as they headed down the worn path, satchels heavy against their side. Moblit was driving the wagon with their supplies while Nifa had yet to return from scouting ahead on their path. Either she reached the farm on the map, was doubling back in this moment or something had happened.

They had only been able to spend a few days with Eren before heading to Wall Sina, but those brief seventy-two hours had given them an abundance of information- they had even managed to fill up half a journal with sketches and notes!

The trigger to shift- titanize? Well, the trigger at first seemed tied to Eren's will. But when he was inside the well, he couldn't shift no matter what. They had taken a break and when a knife fell off the table and Eren grabbed it by the blade... _an entire arm formed._

Sure, Levi's squad flew into action almost immediately, but their little buddy (and they could _feel_ his rage from afar from the nickname) kept things from escalating long enough for them to get all the notes they could.

They wished they had more time to study Eren, but they were also obligated to check in with Tanya and the "goddesses". Once they returned to HQ, they'd finish up the experiments- and once they found a way to bring Tanya out properly, they'd be able to get much farther in determining what they could do and if their abilities and transformations (if Tanya could shift) were connected.

Ooh, they couldn't believe how much information had been given to them! A treasure trove of information that wouldn't just save countless lives and give them an advantage over the titan shifters, but open up more information on the titans and their world! Sure the idea of "goddesses" was contrived but Hange was not one to ever ignore evidence of something existing or look a gift horse in the mouth!

What was the world like outside of their walls? With this Parsley, it was clear that there was at least one organized group of humans. How had they flourished after the titan war a century beforehand? What kind of people were they? If they had managed to survive and thrive, then they must have the means to kill titans without losing as many people as the Corps- at least, that was their hope.

Either way, they were no longer alone and that thought gave Hange so much relief. They weren't ignoring the fact that Ardley sent spies or that they had sent so many to their deaths and stolen away their territory. Once they figured out why they came and how they could compromise, then things would get better.

All they needed was information and understanding. No different than when researching the titans.

Also extensive experimentation on the three shifters and a round of apologies to those who lost people in the last five years. It was the least they could offer after ending so many lives after all.

It wasn't too long after that the farm came into view and Hange could make out Nifa's horse. It looked fairly standard: a fenced-in area for grazing, a building for stables, and as they came around, they could see some pens. The only animal that was there was a gray horse with black mane and tail, grazing in the field. A wagon was latched near the pens where it was cleanest.

Moblit took care of moving their supplies while Hange hitched up the horses and Nifa reported in. "They just got here a few hours ago, and just finished setting up the area," the young woman relayed.

The house itself was modest, at least by Interior standards. Two floors, a kitchen on the left side of the staircase and a living room on the right. She could see Mair leaning against the doorway of the living room.

Tanya sat on the sofa, hands clasped together as she leaned over the coffee table. A young man with sandy-brown hair tied back with wide glasses sat beside her, fidgeting nervously. When the two noticed them, Tanya straightened her posture and the young man swallowed as he smoothed out the wrinkles in his pants. He and Mair shared a look before the brunette moved her head to the side.

"I will, uh, leave you to it then," the young man said and swiftly left the room, but not before shooting Tanya a concerned glance.

 _All right, let's get to it._

* * *

 _Why did she bring more people here?_

Tanya fought to hide her dismay when the soldier- Abiola- arrived with news that Officer Zoe and one more would be arriving soon. She hoped that all they were doing was to be helping figure out the serum and that they hadn't been told the whole story. But even she knew how naive that sounded in her head.

Officer Zoe was clearly an eccentric but intelligent and inquisitive person- while she would admire the traits from afar (while hiding her disdain for the rest of her person), it would make things difficult if the officer probed them further.

"Has anything happened since we met before, Officer Zoe?" she asked once they settled in.

Over the next twenty minutes- along with a ten minute tangent about the captured titans and how Officer Zoe hoped her "babies" would be safe while she was away ( _What...?_ )- Tanya learned of Annie and B- _Hoover_ , heading for the Interior while Rei- _Braun_ , went to the Corps along with Commander Smith's plan to lure the shifters with the expedition happening in a month.

Tanya saw several ways it could go wrong and how many flaws were in it, but remained silent as her hands clasped around each other. "If you've got something to say, you can say it," Officer Zoe invited. "You won't get in trouble for speaking your mind here."

"It's incredibly risky," she said carefully. "I know that Commander Smith has whittled down causalities, but the Corps will still suffer severe losses if they come into contact with a titan shifter. It's be safer if we could just wait them out or ambush them when they're humans-"

Tanya stopped mid-sentence. If they did something like that, they could shift and kill and hurt countless people. Even if they contained them, news would spread and cause panic. But out in titan territory, they would be able to fight at their full strength. The plan was still incredibly dangerous and full of ways it could go wrong, but...

"So what is the plan then? You spoke of... a time table of sorts for Green and Blue Eyes the last time we talked," Maddox put in, brows creasing. "How does that even work?"

Officer Zoe pulled out several note books and laid them out- Tanya blinked in surprise at seeing a time table before Maddox grabbed it to look it over. "Now this is factoring in the time needed for us to get here, the weeks before the expedition and the time we'll spend here testing out the beads."

"But this is assuming they'll actually honor this agreement," the brunette said, frowning. "There's nothing we can do if they decide not to do anything."

Officer Zoe smiled without humor and Tanya's blood went cold at the glint in her eye. It had only been for a moment, but she had seen bloodlust there. "Well, there's still time until the first shift starts," she shrugged ultimately, the look and smile more relaxed. "I made allowances in case things deviated."

Maddox looked over the papers in incredulity, muttering, "I can't believe you _actually_ made this."

She really made a schedule for the "goddesses". Just thinking that made the whole situation more absurd- it was something out of a third-rate shonen! Tanya shook her head at this before noticing Officer Zoe's eyes on her before she stilled, expression becoming neutral. Much to her confusion, this only made the auburn-haired woman's lips quip.

After this, Officer Zoe and Berner led them outside while bringing the kitchen table and chairs. She could see Elijah trying to watch in secret and didn't say anything. Abiola and Berner both strapped on their gear, scabbards and swords, Maddox joining them. Tanya forced herself to remain calm, but the thought that one of the serums in here could possibly turn her into a titan...

The fact that Officer Zoe had them bring the gear in the first place made it clear that she wasn't discounting it.

"All right then!" Officer Zoe spoke clearly and loudly. "Now let's go over what we know: the beads of this rosary, at least the red beads, have a serum that healed wounds that by all rights should have killed a person. Now I have gone over several theories about them-"

They gestured to the multiple notebooks laid out on the table and Tanya realized that each as full. But... their last meeting had only been a few days ago! "Did you... sleep at all, during all of this?" Maddox asked incredulously, realizing this as well.

"Not important," the auburn-haired woman waved off before steering them back on the topic. "So our best bet is to check the other beads and see if they have the same serum."

Officer Zoe handed Tanya a small but sharp kitchen knife. "Tanya, if you would bring out a differently colored bead, we can start."

Tanya slid the rosary from where it wrapped around her wrist, cutting the cord of the rosary and slipping a blue bead out before retying it. Slipping the blade up, she pricked the fleshier part of her left palm just hard enough to draw forth blood. Out of the corner of her eye, Berner, Abiola and Maddox were on battle standby.

"Whenever you're ready."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, pinching the blue bead until she heard a soft _crack_. Already, Tanya could see slight vapor rise from the bead, now much hotter than before. She quickly placed it on her tongue, a brief flash of deja vu from the sickly sweetness.

A moment later, her entire body felt like it was on fire and boiling at once. Her eyes widened at seeing steam start to emit from her body, escaping out her sleeves and collar. She panted for breath, feeling light-headed as she loosened the buttons and felt her sweat evaporate against her fingers.

"It's just like before..." Maddox murmured, hands twitching against the hilts. "Just like a titan..."

Tanya's jaw clenched at her words but anxiety was already creeping back into her gut at her words. Officer Zoe in the meantime was heading right for her, notebook and pen in hand. "How are you feeling, Tanya?"

"... really hot," Tanya managed, her voice sounding slurred in her ears. "And my head is swimming, but both of those are due to the... heat and... and steam."

She nodded to this, writing down rapidly before looking back up. "Show me your hand, Tanya."

Her palm turned upward- the cut was still there, the blood evaporated by the steam. Officer Zoe's hand moved faster, jotting down more new notes- Tanya didn't know what the auburn-haired woman was getting from this, but it was more than her right-

 _Now?_

The anxiety from earlier was building up inside her, her heart thudding louder in her chest. Everything was starting to move too slow and too fast at once, even the light above her was blinding. She could feel her face become wet with sweat once more and while the steam had stopped, her body still felt uncomfortably hot. While her body wasn't as hot as before, her muscles felt like they were burning inside her skin, even as her veins felt lice ice. Her own breath sounded like the harsh crashing of a drum in her ears, and felt shallow in her chest.

Officer Zoe was approaching her, a strange look in her eyes that made fresh anxiety settle in her stomach- what conclusions was the officer drawing from this? Did she think she was lying about before? Or did she already suspect Tanya had omitted something?

This had been a mistake. A horrible mistake that would reveal everything.

She had to get away, and get away now-

"Try moving."

Tanya bolted. Her muscles burned, her breaths were low and her vision clear but everything was moving too slow-

Her breath slammed out of her and Tanya's head nearly hit the ground from where she slumped half-way over the fence. She could feel something sharp and wooden against her belly as she struggled to catch herself. As she clutched for something- anything- for support, she grabbed at the wooden post-

 ** _Crack_**

Tanya's head titled up to see her hand clutching hard enough to splinter the post. She could feel the splinters and blood, but the pain barely even registered. As she's stuck in place, she can hear Elijah exclaiming in the background and Abiola speaking back. Out of the corner of her eye, Officer Hange approached her with palms raised upwards.

"Can you let go?"

Tanya shakily pushed herself backwards, landing back on her feet. She couldn't hold back the flinch as the officer's fingers pressed against her eyelids and her gaze drooped down immediately, unable to keep eye contact. The officer took her hand, fingers and thumb pressed against the pulse. Her body's begun shaking harder, she can't just stand here-

"Tanya, can you speak? How do you feel?" Officer Zoe's voice sounded far away and Tanya's throat was too dry to reply.

"Tanya, try moving again."

Moving was good- staying stationary wasn't doing her any favors- but her hands still ached from the splinters, and so did her stomach from the impact.

"I don't- think that's a good idea-!"

"Try anyways."

She swallowed back the dryness in her throat and her muscles screamed at her to just do something already. Her body tilted back and she shot forward. She could feel the earth shudder under her feet with each step, the wind cold and screaming from her speed, and she never felt more relieved or excited to be moving-

 _"GACK!"_

\- right before tripping over a rock and sprawled hard against the ground, nearly swallowing a mouthful of dirt and grass.

* * *

Annie looked around her new barracks. It was certainly a step-up from her old sleeping arrangements- it might even be the nicest place she's ever been in.

"Hah! Sucks to be those idiots in the Corps and Garrison! Do their barracks have showers with hot water?! I don't think so!"

Now if only the company were better. Hitch Dreyse was exactly the kind of person Annie expected her to be but it didn't make dealing with her any easier. Still, she didn't plan on spending much time with the girl regardless of her goals.

Still, this was a nice flat. They had their own beds, a good view of the city and it smelt clean and fresh.

"- party later tonight- hey, where're you going?" Hitch's head popped out of the bathroom as Annie reached the door handle.

"Out."

"Like out to explore, or-? No way. Are you actually picking up work?" Her expression became incredulous. "It hasn't even been an hour since we got here! I thought we could at least get to know each other!"

Annie repressed an annoyed sigh. If she went now, it'd possibly alienate her from the girl and the last thing she needed was to give someone an excuse to be wary of her. She turned around and sat on the bed. Hitch blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting Annie to stay.

"All right then! Hitch Dreyse, graduated eighth over in the west by the Chlorba District. Known for my agile movements and creative thinking," the girl sounded off, grinning like a hyena.

She refrained from commenting on that. "Annie Leonhardt. Fifth. Barracks by Trost."

Hitch's smile froze at her words. "So then, you..."

"Fought the titans when they invaded Trost."

The girl's smile dropped off completely and she stared at Annie with new comprehension... before asking, "So, are you gonna party with us recruits tonight or what? Be a good way to unwind after what happened and celebrate you getting here."

She still wasn't going to drop it, was she.

"I also got some drinks for us. I mean, it's always helped me after a shitty situation."

Annie made it a policy not to drink in excess. Not just because of the taste or the compromising of her senses but because it was near-impossible for a titan shifter to get properly drunk thanks to their healing rate and metabolism. But after Trost and... well, it was sounding more appealing than she liked. But before she could think of an answer, Hitch groaned and slapped her head.

"Aw geez, I'm not trying to pressure you into this- and I'm not gonna take it personally if you don't wanna," she sighed exasperatingly. "Just offering a way to ease into this. We're gonna be in this together for who knows how long and so it'd be better for us both to be on good terms. Look, it's at seven tonight if you wanna come, okay? Just throwing it out there."

Annie shouldn't have been doing this. She wasn't going to stay here for long anyways, if things went south. This girl was going to die horribly however well their mission went. It was no use getting attached her, not when the last time-

"I'll think about it."

She left the room without fanfare. As she headed down the stairs, the blonde wondered if Bertolt was done settling in. If they wanted to find the source of that metal, they needed to act fast. Maybe some of the factories once used the same metal, or the miners could have dug up the ores to create it. They'd have to find information on them and think of covers for investigating them.

The very first view she got of the higher-ups was them lounging around with liquor and cigarettes. They wouldn't object to a trainee asking for work when they were all too eager to put it off themselves. As she began to round the corner, her eyes fell on Marco from where he was staring between Commander Dawk- who looked incredibly pale- and two other people: a blonde with ponytail and ice-like eyes, and-

 _SHIT!_

Annie hid herself as quickly as she could, body flat against the wall as she found herself staring at the tall-ass mullet bastard who had nearly blown her cover the last time she was in Sina. What the hell was he doing here?! Could he be a soldier or officer?!

Should she run?! Go back to the dorm?! Try to sneak past them?! What if he was stationed here?! He could blow her cover!

She had to calm down- the office was in front of the main room and if went further down that way, she could be spotted. Besides, she had been disguised the last time she was there and it should have been long enough that she probably didn't register on his radar (though she was far too aware of how hopeful this thinking was). If she really did run now, then she might as well paint a target on her back.

Either way, sticking around when the mullet bastard was literal meters away was the worst thing she could. Annie crept backwards was quietly as she could- though Commander's Dawk's increasingly loud protests would mask her footsteps well enough- only running when she reached the stairs and sprinting straight for the dorm.

"OH SHIT! IT'S NOT WHAT IT-" Hitch began to exclaim as she tried to cover up several bottles of liquor before giving a surprised and relieved laugh. "Oh geez, don't scare me like th- whoa, are you okay?"

It was too much. Annie's legs gave out and she slumped against the ground, her head coming to rest against her hands. Her heart hammered like a concert's drum in her ribcage, and hurting just as badly. A moment later, she felt a hand on her shoulder and-

 _Tanya-!_

No.

No, she's-

Hitch stared at her with unveiled concern, green eyes worried. "Did some old-ass officer try to hit on you?"

The laugh came out before Annie could stop it, her hand slapping on her mouth a second later. But she couldn't stop the laughter even as she muffled it. The hammering from her heart was hurting her ribs and everything felt cold and hot at the same time. Her eyes burned and _she fucking hated this hated the mission hated everyone everyone is going to die she wanted to die-_

Hitch was hugging her now and she wanted to kick her off, wanted to stop her from seeing her like this, wanted to run away- wanted to just go home and forget everything that happened. Wanted him even though he had been the one to put her on this path-

 _You can't. You can't have that. Even if you leave, even if you go against them, you can't ever have that._

The thought was cold and cruel, but the coldness brought clarity and clarity squashed the panic slowly but surely. Her body relaxed away from Hitch as her hand came up to rub at her sweat-soaked face. Her heart hammered against her chest but it was slowing down.

"If it's all the same to you," Annie got out, "I'd love a drink right now."

Hitch blinked in surprised before grinning- albeit with less energy than before- as she yanked out the bottles she had stuffed. "Now you're speaking my language."

* * *

Tanya collapsed on the ground, uncaring for the dirt against her body, face or hair. From the corner of her eye, she could see the sun had barely moved- at most, an hour had passed.

She had been pushed to her limit in training, body and mind exhausted at the end of nearly every day whether from scheduled training or her own regiment. But she had never felt this drained, especially after what happened.

After taking that serum, she couldn't even concentrate on her thoughts with her body feeling like it would explode just from standing still. She felt so full of energy, her mind was racing and her body felt like it could run forever, break anything. Now, she felt like she could sleep for a week.

Officer Zoe peeked down at her, squatting from where she was taking notes. "Looks like the serum finally wore off," she remarked blithely. "How are you feeling?"

Tanya's hands twitched as she tried and failed to repress a glare at the bespectacled officer for her blase attitude and question. She still tried to answer only to groan and press her forehead against the ground- her mouth still tasted like dirt and grass.

"'Too tired and done with this shit to answer,'" Officer Zoe enunciated as her pen scratched the paper.

 _Must... repress urge... to... to... uuugghhh..._

That's it- she was too drained to even think. Tanya .exe had officially crashed.

"All right, let's take a break!" Officer Zoe announced. "We'll meet back here in two hours!"

Elijah's concerned expression entered her field of vision and she let him sling her arm over his shoulder before hoisting her up- her legs felt like lead. Once they were back inside, Tanya sequestered her in the bathroom with a change of clothes and a roll of gauze.

She was immensely relieved her cycle really had ended earlier today, otherwise she didn't know how she would have reacted to the serum's fuckery with her emotions and whatever it did to her body.

Her hands ached from the abuse she unwittingly put them through and she painstakingly picked out the splinters she missed, wincing a bit as small prickpins of blood erupted in their wake. After throwing a bucket of lukewarm water over herself and getting the grime and dirt off her person, she bandaged up her hands and pulled over the loose shirt and pants.

Lunch was simple enough- bread, some dried fruits and meat and some rice were spread out. Still, this was better food than Tanya had in training (even if it was nothing to Gaelle's cooking). From what little she saw of the two, Tanya deduced that Berner and Abiola must have been told about the serums at least, but it was unclear if they knew of their origins yet. Either way, neither went out on their way to approach her or speak to her and Tanya was relieved.

Still, they worked under Officer Zoe, the head of intelligence and research for the Survey Corps, for a reason.

As for Maddox, Tanya wanted to tread carefully with her. The brunette might be on their side, but she was also the most wary of the "goddesses" after what Red Eyes pulled.

"How are you doing?"

Elijah stood over her, offering a cup of tea that she gratefully accepted. "Better," she sounded out, her throat and nerves already soothed by the liquid.

As she finished the cup, Tanya felt calmer- and sleepy. "If you want to rest, I can wake you up once our break is done," Elijah offered when she stifled a yawn.

That sounded more appealing than it should have- if she fell asleep now, she might take longer to fall asleep at night, and what if this just made her more tired?

 _Just take the offer, stupid._ But her more tired side eventually won and Tanya curled up on the sofa. Before long, her eyelids became heavy and her mind fuzzy...

* * *

"Adequate. Keep cleaning the corners and get between the cracks, and you'll get better."

Eren sighed with relief at Captain Levi's comment on the room. This time, he only had to clean the room twice over before it met the officer's expectations.

It had only been a few days since he met the man, but Eren was constantly surprised by him. He had expected... well, not _this_. Officer Ral had explained that Captain Levi had once been what he had imagined him to be. Finding out that he was a criminal before meeting Commander Erwin had explained much of his character though. His obsess- _determination_ , to keep everything clean, his really, really filthy language (Eren nearly choked on his own spit when he heard how casually the man swore) and his fighting prowess.

But he wasn't cruel or arrogant. He didn't insult or demean his subordinates or Eren (unless his cleaning left something to be desired) and while most of what he said was either constructive criticism or a round-about way to give advice.

"Huh. Looks like the recruits are finally here."

Eren looked out the window and immediately spotting Armin and Mikasa down there. He could see Ymir, Christa and Reiner as well... along with Sasha, Connie and- wait, was that Jean?! What was he doing here?!

He turned back to Levi, who arched an eyebrow. "What're you looking at me like that for? You already finished up. Go see your friends."

"Y-yes sir!" he blurted, saluting on impulse before running down to them.

Just what had he missed that made Jean of all people choose the Survey Corps? Annie, Bertolt, Tanya and Marco must have gone to the MPs then, since they all made it clear that was what they were aiming for.

The brunet put this from his mind as Armin and Mikasa ran over to him. Their concern he saw coming and he didn't even care that Mikasa was mother-henning him again, he was just so glad to see their faces. He had been right about Annie, Bertolt and Marco.

But his mind stopped when he heard of Tanya's fate. "... is this a joke?" he got out.

"We're not joking. Reiner and Bertolt found her right when she..." Connie shook his head, unwilling to finish.

This... made no sense. Tanya prioritized herself and her safety over everyone else and was one of THE smartest of the 104-and the only thing that kept Eren from despising her was the fact that despite her coldness, she wasn't overly cruel or callous to others.

She wouldn't let herself be put in a situation that would cause her harm or kill her. But even as he thought this, Eren recalled the sheer chaos of Trost, how- how Thomas had been eaten in mid-air, how Nac and Milius were ripped apart, how Mina had begged for help in the end, how Armin nearly-!

He had only spent a few minutes inside that titan's stomach, but just thinking of that time made fresh anxiety twist in his stomach. He also remembered that Tanya had come from the same kind of village Reiner and Bertolt had: one in the mountains that never got word of the titans invading and waking up to find them on their doorstep.

 _It... it makes sense,_ he concluded sadly. _If she really did get cornered, if she didn't want to go through that hell..._

Another life that was cut short by those bastards. But once he mastered this ability, he'd be able to avenge everyone that had their lives ruined by the titans.

Sasha turned away, expression saddened before Connie and Christa both put a hand on her shoulder and Jean cast her a sympathetic look. Mikasa was as stoic as ever and Armin... was looking at Reiner carefully, as though trying to find something. Eren wasn't sure what he missed, but it was clear that it was monumental.

* * *

It seemed only minutes later that she was nudged awake but Tanya felt much better with the rest. "Thank you," she murmured to Elijah before heading back outside.

"All right, I got some great notes but I'll leave the hypothesis alone until we complete out experiments," Officer Zoe announced once they had returned outside. "Now Tanya, if you would."

Tanya untied the cord and slipped out the green bead. She cracked it open and pressed it against her tongue, sickeningly sweet and hot against it. She braced herself and waited for the heat and steam to come.

Any second now.

Any second.

Tanya blinked in confusion before looking down at the bead. She knew she tasted the serum, so why wasn't anything happening?

Officer Zoe approached her, eyes searching. "How do you feel?"

"No different than usual." Tanya examined her hand and the cut was still there, though it had stopped bleeding again.

What was going on here? Just what did she put in her body and what was it going to do to her?

"Here, look towards me." Officer Zoe's hand reached out to pull her eyelids back-

* * *

 _Small and dirty hands are clutching at a spade too large for them, but continue to dig into the ground._

* * *

 _Blood-soaked hands clutch swords as they slash down on a titan's nape, the impact enough to decapitate it._

* * *

 _A hand reaches out to- Captain Levi?! Along with a dirty blond and a red-head with pigtails where they're sitting on a stone floor._

* * *

 _Hands clutch at bars and Eren stares ahead from where he's chained in bed._

* * *

Tanya barely regained her balance in time to stop herself from falling over, heart in her throat. The look of shock and violation on Officer Zoe's face was palpable from where she had pushed the white-haired girl back. But that quickly gave away to an intense look of concentration before she grabbed the notebooks that had fallen from her grasp, frantically writing in them.

"Squad Leader! Are you all right?!"

Berner and Abiola were rushing to Officer Zoe in concern and she could hear Elijah shouting. A second later, Maddox was right in front of her. "What happened? What did you _do?"_ she snapped, grabbing her by the collar, her knuckles pushing harshly against her collarbone-

* * *

 _The smell of fire and smoke. Screams of pain and fear all around._

* * *

 _A little boy with black hair and blue eyes staring ahead blankly at the fire even as he's pulled away._

* * *

 _The same boy, older but with the same dead look. Some light returns to his eyes as he pets a brown horse._

* * *

 _Standing alongside other hopeful cadets, uniform feeling unnatur-_

* * *

 **Crack**

This time Tanya did hit the ground, tasting copper and salt in her mouth. Maddox looked livid and terrified as she stood over her, her bruised hand already reaching for the swords in her scabbard. She tried to speak, tried to protest but her throat was dry and her mind reeling. What were those visions and where had they come from?! The blades that were inches from her weren't helping matters and her mind was already going back to Wall Maria, _surrounded on all sides-_

Officer Zoe gripped Maddox's shoulder. "None of us knew what was going to happen, least of all her. This isn't going to do any good."

The brunette glared furiously at Officer Zoe but the auburn-haired soldier's expression was uncompromising and unafraid, even when Maddox looked ready to cut her down then and there. and at her before she sheathed her swords and stormed away. Elijah barely avoided her as he ran to her side, kneeling before her. "Are you okay? Did you lose any teeth?!"

Tanya's tongue flicked out and while her cheek had been cut on the ends, her mouth and jaw were more or less intact. A tentative touch against her jaw sent fresh pain up her cheek but nothing else was injured. "Here," he said softly, already reaching for her hand, "let's get-"

* * *

 _The book feels cool and fresh against the skin, the blonde girl with freckles and a smile that didn't reach her dim blue eyes turning to leave._

* * *

 _A man stares up at a cross-eyed titan as it approaches him. He continues to read even as it grabs him, only cut off by the sound of teeth crunching into skin and bones._

* * *

 _Staring down at the district from above, one more step away from the open air and an end to it all-_

* * *

Tanya ripped her hand away before the vision could go further. Elijah cried out in shock, gripping his hand like it had been burned- the look of horrified mortification on his face made her stomach turn and he all but raced back to the house without a word. She barely heard Officer Zoe's voice and shied away from the woman when she tried to reach for her. Her stomach twisted itself into knots and she felt like she was seconds from throwing up.

Officer Zoe finished writing and got back on her feet, eyes thoughtful. Berner and Abiola stared at her warily and the white-haired girl felt even worse now. She got back on her feet and speed-walked past them, eyes locked on the ground before she made it to one of the upstairs bedrooms. She slammed the door shut and slumped against the wood, staring at nothing.

* * *

 _Ivy and weeds grew over the rubble. The rest of the roof had caved in. Deep foot prints were in the ground and faint blotches of red were evident against the grass and stone._

 _In the back of her mind, she was relieved that she was the only one who was here._

"Excuse me."

 _She froze at the voice- indistinct but undeniably male. Her head turned trying to locate the voice before her eyes fell to her right._

 _The figure looked more like a picture than a person and i_ _f it weren't for his voice and the faint stubble on his face, she would have more trouble telling what gender he was. He was svelte and tall, face long._ _He wore a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a black vest and dress pants and she could see brown issued military boots beneath the slacks' hem._

 _His hair and eyes flickered between paper white with charcoal shading and blond and blue-gray as he stared back at her._

"Do you know what happened to my home?"

* * *

Tanya blinked into darkness. When had she fallen asleep? Her back and seat both ached from the position she was in and her limbs creaked ominously as she got back up. The sky was a dark blue with little to light in sight- the sun must have set hours ago.

She could see some light below and upon further inspection, recognized Maddox from where she was keeping watch below. The white-haired instinctively stepped away from the window, back against the wall. As if she didn't need another reason for the brunette to be distrustful of her- whatever the hell just happened hadn't been her fault! How was she supposed to know what that serum would do to her?!

The images that had entered her mind were fuzzy now, almost like a dream now. But the few that stuck out to her had been the image with Captain Levi and the unknown duo with him, the boy with lifeless eyes and-

Just imagining stepping over the wall made an older anxiety settle in her stomach. It was far too common in Japan for such a scene: losing a promotion, a job, a family member, being boxed in with artificial normality due to not wanting to deviate from what was expected of you until it was just too much...

Ikeda Susumu always dreaded such an end, but only for the return of feelings he thought he had gotten rid of forever.

What the hell was she going to do now? That fiasco with the green bead's serum must have destroyed any good will that had fostered between her, the officers and...

What she saw... was uncomfortably similar to the images that Being X had put into her mind just seconds before the train shattered every bone in Ikeda Susumu's body.

Her stomach curdled at the thought and Tanya winced at the emptiness. Maybe if she was careful, she'd at least be able to eat- she wouldn't get back to sleep like this, and the sooner she could blot out today, the better.

"Nightmare? There's no shame in them. I still have them most nights than not."

Tanya turned to where Officer Zoe was seated at the table, nearly every square inch covered by papers, books or journals. The auburn-haired woman tilted her head towards where some of the bread and dried fruit was to her right, along with a warm pot of tea. She accepted the food, relieved that she felt a little better once she finished.

Tanya had had nightmares before, following her mother's death, the week of hell that followed and the disastrous campaign. But this is the first time she's dreamed of her father. And ever since Commander Smith had mentioned the man to her, she had been thinking of how little she knew of the man outside of her mother's words. Who had Aren Degurachaff been?

Perhaps here, she could find out more.

"I didn't expect Commander Smith to know my father," she said carefully. "My mother told me that he died on an expedition but she never expressed anger to the Corps. She just... said that he was a brave man who fought to protect us."

Officer Zoe's gaze was understanding. "He wasn't brave in the way most people think of the word. He hated confrontation, always tried to be diplomatic and fighting was never his strong suit. He was a gentle man who shouldn't have become a soldier."

Her lips quipped a bit as she continued, "But he was stubborn as a brick wall and as determined as an ox when the going got tough."

"So, you knew him then."

"I did. You know, he helped breed most of the horses that the Corps used. It saved us quite a bit of money."

 _Huh._

Well, that lined well enough with what her mother had told her of him- a kind, gentle and brave man who risked his life for their sakes. But something in Officer Zoe's expression gave her pause- was she going to continue, or-?

"Would you like to hear what I found?" Officer Zoe patted the chair beside the table.

Despite the curdling in her stomach as she mentioned this, Tanya's curiosity won over and she accepted the seat. Officer Zoe opened up her notes and Tanya blinked at seeing some sketches of Eren along with a half-formed titan arm beside her emitting steam.

"I noticed with the blue bead serum that it replicated similar effects to the red bead that you described, but it clearly didn't heal you. And since the green bead's effects weren't immediately apparent, I believe it's safe to say that each colored bead has it's own serum."

Tanya nodded, eyes still locked on the sketch that showed the half-formed titan arm. "Do you believe that it's related to whatever helped Eren titan-shift?"

"I believe that they are similar- the heat and steam of the blue and red beads show this, as does the healing of the red. However, Eren has shown no apparent light-headedness, more heat resistance, as well as markings on his body from the titan-shifting. Then again he was rather preoccupied whenever he shifted, so there's that..."

The marks sketched out were like lines or wrinkles going down from underneath Eren's eyes, under his ears and towards the sides of his neck.

"Meanwhile, you showed clear discomfort to the heat and no marks have developed. So while whatever Grisha Jaeger gave Eren and whatever made the serum in the rosary may be connected, the two are different things."

"So I'm not a titan shifter then?"

"That remains to be seen. There's a chance that the serum gradually makes you a titan-shifter and that Dr. Jaeger may have administered it in stealth to Eren, but it's still a theory- nothing more."

Well wasn't that paranoia-inducing and disturbing. But Tanya was deeply relieved at that- sure, having the power of the titan gave Eren powers unlike anything anyone had ever seen and gave them a fighting chance, but the thought of having the power of those creatures- the same ones who...

Tanya looked at the cut on her hand on impulse as she asked, "So, what are the effects of the bead's serum?"

"Well, the blue bead was a little difficult to figure out. I assumed it was enhanced your speed and strength at first. However, I believe that all it really did was give you a boost of adrenaline."

That... would explain several things. "How could you tell?"

"Your pupils were larger than normal even though your face showed clear signs of fear. Along with the shaking of the body and heightened speed and strength, all are commonly shown symptoms."

She turned to Tanya, expression deeply serious. "I've seen this in the field: when recruits and soldiers were moving on the adrenaline of combat and the fear for their lives. I can't tell you how many we've lost when it became too much for them and they flew into combat under it's influence. So don't use that serum unless there's no other choice and especially don't use it in combat. It exists purely as a defense mechanism in the human body to either flee from death or fight if there's no choice. It might give you strength and speed, but it will also affect your mind and drain your body afterward, as you can attest to."

Tanya grimaced as she remembered the anxiety that screamed at her to move, to escape, and how tired she had been afterward. "What about the... green bead?"

Her glasses became opaque in the light, silent. Tanya knew it was a mistake bringing it up-

"What did you see?"

 _Huh?_

"Tell me what you saw when I went to examine you."

Tanya explained as best she could, the apprehension growing even as Officer Zoe's expression didn't change.

"When I was a child, I tried to dig a tunnel under the wall after hearing about tales of a man who had tried to do the same. When I was a recruit, I was determined to slaughter all the titans until I saw how light a titan's decapitated head was."

 _Wait, what?_

"I met Levi and two friends of his- Farlen and Isabel- when they were brought in by Erwin. And I was face-to-face with Eren before his trial."

 _... no. No way...!_

"That serum allows you to see others memories through physical touching their skin."

Then the images she saw when Maddox and Elijah had grabbed her-! She had just went into their heads and saw moments that had been deeply personal to them both. The very thought made disgust ripple through her at the unknown intrusion she had committed- the mind was a person's sanctuary and their thoughts belonged to only them. And if someone had gotten the serum and used it on her-!

"I know it wasn't your fault. Mair knows too, she just needs time to calm down," Officer Zoe said, hand gentle on her shoulder. "As for Brother Mandal, just talk with him. You two should be able to work things out."

Her jaw clenched at the officer's words. On the one hand, she was relieved Officer Zoe didn't hold any ill will towards her after what happened. But on the other, that was yet another insinuation about her and Elijah- it was getting incredibly annoying.

"Nothing is going on between us, except unusual circumstances," she stated, immediately regretting her choice of words.

But the officer paid it no mind. "I can give you the rosary, but I'll be holding onto the green beads for now. I know you're a responsible person, but right now it'd be best for moral at least to have something like this out of anyone's hands."

Tanya nodded, bitter- she understood that having an intelligent and experienced officer holding onto the green beads would certainly project more confidence than a fifteen year old girl who unwittingly mind-raped three people in mere minutes. That, and she felt sick at using them herself even when she was already wondering at the myriad of uses they could grant.

She handed it over and the officer untied it, slipping the green beads out carefully before returning it to Tanya. As Tanya slipped it back around her wrist, lighter than before, her eyes fell upon the papers on the right- the time table for the "goddesses".

"What will you do if they don't arrive on time?"

"Even if they don't, it won't change the plans we've made. We've done as well as we could be without them before, and we wouldn't lose anything unless they deliberately tried to stand in their way. And if they do try..."

The same manic bloodlust crossed her face, teeth barred in a smirk. "Well, it'd be a perfect time to figure out how to dissect a deity."

... perhaps Captain Levi wasn't the one she had to worry about the most.

* * *

 _ **"U-Um... hello."**_

 _ **"Hey. You can come out-"**_

 **"For now."**

 _ **"... isn't there anything I can do to-?"**_

 _ **"It's not us you gotta make peace with."**_

 _ **"... I know."**_

 ** _"Rose, we know you understand what you did wrong and we know you've been punishing yourself since Trost."_**

 ** _"Of course I have been! I made everything worse! And now...!"_**

 ** _"Hey hey, deep breaths, baby sis..."_**

 ** _"And there's that too! Everything we thought we knew- it's all lies! How deep do they go?! And who grafted them in us?!"_**

 ** _"Losing our calm is not going to accomplish anything-"_**

 ** _"And neither is lying! I know you don't want them to take their eyes away from the immediate conflict, but these lies and secrets are only going to drive wedges between them and make everything more complicated and worse!"_**

 ** _"It's just a temporary solution, Rose-"_**

 ** _"How long is 'temporary', Sina?"_**

 ** _"..."_**

 _ **"We can't keep this from them. We can't keep deceiving our own allies.**_ **_It will only make things worse for all of us, and you know it. Maria, you know this too."_**

 ** _"Yeah I do. But there's not much we can do right now. We don't have enough information or enough of a jump on those guys. If we start a fight, they could shift and kill innocent people. And if we try to go in without enough support, they'd get wiped out or stopped."_**

 ** _"But-!"_**

 ** _"I know this is hard, but we must play the long game for the moment."_**

 ** _"... this is going to end badly for us all."_**

* * *

Me as I write about characters expressing hope about humanity outside the walls: _**HA. HA-HA-HA. HA. HAAAAH...**_

 _ **Oh you poor sweet summer children...**_

Isayama has previously stated Hange is the most terrifying when mad and we got a glimpse of this temper when they held Pastor Nick over a fifty meter drop. I'd love to see something where Levi is visibly terrified of Hange's temper XD

As for the use of "She/her" in this chapter, that's from Tanya's POV and she doesn't know Hange is non-binary yet.

Literally when I saw chapter 113 was up, I said, "Oh shit," and procrastinated as much as I could before actually reading it ^^;

Alcohol makes panic attacks worse. But Annie calmed down enough so that it wouldn't affect her.

(Looks back at the previous author note, saying 5-7 weeks at worst while looking at the current date.)

*Sighs*

I'm going to start the author's note with some heavy stuff: **The Depression (Seasonal and Otherwise)** and _Anxiety_ have reared their unwanted heads again, along with some issues that I wish would stay dead and buried. I am getting help for it and my family and friends are both being supportive. I'm going into therapy again and I am currently questioning many things about myself, including my gender.

As a start, I am comfortable with any pronouns but have a preference for **"They"/ "Them."**

I wanted to tell you all this because I thought that you guys would like to know. You've been reading my stories and I've kept you updated with an abridged version of my life. So I guess what I'm ultimately trying to get across is...

I'm going through some big life-changes. I've made it abundantly clear that I welcome constructive criticism.

On Writing. Not my life.

If you have nothing nice to say about the changes I've told you of, don't say anything at all. You know where the back button is.

Now onto a more light-hearted topic!

My holidays were spent with the people I loved in an extended sleepover and gift-giving whilst binging RWBY fanfiction and internally screaming about the many revelations popping up within it. One of the (many) reasons I've been screaming is because plot-bunnies concerning RWBY _will not leave me alone_ \- I've gotten Peggy Sues, Self Inserts and even a Pokemon-RWBY fusion (which I've already made avatars for.)

They have a tendency to flare up whenever new episodes get posted, and considering the information, world and lore-building we've been getting and everything that's happening I just asddmfADNS,JF

(Bangs head against the wall to calm down.)

And we're getting a movie for Youjo Senki apparently! And hopefully a second season! So that's something to look forward to :D


	32. The Arrogant Man

scranity: Thank you for pointing that out- I edited it.

green cunt: :)

TGDBS: Well, Hange is a scientist.

Yeah, I forewent sleep to get the chapter updated. I edited the chapter once I got rest.

Acerman: Okay.

Ferno16: (Rolls away)

Hawkcam1996: :)

Guest: I'm sorry you feel that way. You're not the first who's made such a comment, and you won't be the last.

REDthunderBOAR: In the original series, Tanya was able to get ahead thanks to her magic and the metocracy that would take in even eight-nine year old children. Along with the relatively civilized and safe environment outside the battle field+ her being able to draw several references from her old world to help her and familiarize herself, canon! Tanya had little to complain about save the war and Being X.

But here, Tanya has no such advantages and the world of Attack on Titan is one of the worst worlds in anime, period. She has no frame of reference for such a world, unlike the Empire, and can't even draw comparisons to her old one (yet). Tanya freaks out and can barely process the events that happened because it's a world where naked-man eating giants could tear apart her corner in the world at any given moment and all she has at her disposal is her gear and the help from pseudo goddesses who have so far done more harm than good.

Killua Meatrider: First off, cool username :)

Tanya has been preparing herself, physically and mentally. The only reason she ranked two out of the top ten is because of Mikasa, and her resolve might not be as present, but it's still as strong. As for her mental state, it's going to be addressed by her this chapter.

Jajo Camello: The beads were shown to be different colors in earlier chapters, and the green beads' effects will be shown in more detail- anything more I say will be going into spoiler territory.

... thank you.

As for me, I'm actually doing a lot better now, sans some stress due to the bullshit happening in the world. I will try your suggestion out- thank you again.

* * *

"Here's the next folder."

Bertolt passed it over to Annie while he took another, wincing as more dust settled into the air. If it was just the one folder, it wouldn't have been so bad. But it only added to the dust in the air from the last five folders, all stuffed to the brim with papers and notes. Annie leafed through it carefully, setting apart the missions and requests that might be of help on one side, possible leads on another and the irrelevant to the corner.

When they had approached their senior officers wanting to get to work right away, they had been immediately led to an office stuffed to the brim with folders of unsolved or discarded cases.

"It's good to see you kids wanting to work hard."

"Th-thank you..."

"Hey, you're taking work off my hands. I should be thanking you."

"... lazy ass," Annie had muttered as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Let's get to work..."

There was nothing else for them to do, but get cracking. They were narrowing down their leads to two main sources: the factories that produced swords and gear, and any mines that took ore for said equipment.

Unfortunately, they couldn't find many leads or cases around such places, even after going through more than half of the room. They could investigate on their own, but even in Stohess, people were jumping at the slightest sound after the Battle of Trost. It looked like it finally dawned on them that any of their districts could be attacked at any given moment.

Not to mention the danger of unwanted attention from the higher-ups and the chance of the mullet-guy catching either of them.

Annie had made it clear she was all right, but Bertolt was still unsure. She had barely been able to escape thanks to luck and the sewer drain that had been there- if they ran into him again under less favorable circumstances and he recognized her...

 _Well if worse comes to wear, she could use her titan,_ he had assured himself. _She's the strongest of us all._

After a few more hours, they managed to find some leads- but out of the hundreds of cases, only around ten of them pertained to their leads. Still, it was better than nothing and they leafed over them. There were reports of sabotage, issues of harassment and embezzling and pleas to deal with thieves and robbers.

He looked over at Annie but she remained silent as she looked through them- it felt so strange to be on his own... with Annie. Reiner was the usually leading their charge and Bertolt followed out of loyalty and Annie because there was nothing else she _could_ do. They were far from lost on their own and they were managing just fine... but after being beside him for so long, it was strange not having him there.

Annie slid down a report to him and Bertolt quickly looked over it.

* * *

Half a day should not have felt as slow as they did. When Officer Zoe said she had planned for best and worst case scenarios, Tanya didn't think that meant every worst case. Still, considering the luck that the Corps had, Tanya could at least respect the level of planning their officers had.

(Also apparently Officer Zoe preferred "they", from how Abiola and Berner addressed their superior officer. This opened several questions on her end concerning the presence of different gender identities and their acceptance within the walls.)

Thankfully, no one seemed bore her any ill will over what had happened before. Even Maddox had calmed down and was directing her anger over to the serum and "goddesses", even if she was giving her a wide berth (which Tanya did not object to- her jaw was still smarting from that punch.) Elijah was keeping a wider berth but from the man's cow-eyes, it was just because he was sorting out his feelings.

"Will those things really show up?" Berner murmured under his breath.

"We've still got a few minutes," Officer Zoe replied back. "Even if they don't..."

The glint in their eyes from before was back and Tanya fought to remain composed. That was not a look she wanted to be on the receiving end of.

Elijah gave a soft gasp as he straightened. "Brother Mandel?" Officer Zoe questioned.

"Yes, you may!" he said quickly, relief evident before Tanya saw the green thread rest against his neck- he went limp and his eyes closed.

Abiola quickly steadied him and his eyes opened, bright green. "His eyes-!" Berner exclaimed.

Maddox's eyes narrowed, a dark look on her face. Tanya simply kept her gaze and breathing steady- no use delaying the inevitable.

"Well, it's good to see you again, Green Eyes," Officer Zoe greeted her. "Will anyone else be joining us?"

 _ **"It w** ill on **ly b** e m **e fo** r th **e mom** ent." _

"Well, let's get down to business. You mentioned criteria of possession briefly in our last meeting. If you could go over that in further detail..." Officer Zoe suggested while grabbing a pen and journal.

 _"W_ _ **e ca**_ _n pos_ _ **sess peo**_ _ple, b_ _ **ut a** s_ _M_ _ **air Mad**_ _dox des_ _ **cribed be**_ _fore, th_ _ **ey're awa**_ _re_ _ **of u**_ _s wh_ _ **en w**_ _e tal_ _ **k thro**_ _ugh th_ _ **em an**_ _d mo_ _ **ve the**_ _ir bod_ _ **ies. The** re a **re ot** her **li** mitatio **ns we must**_ _ **ta**_ _ke in_ _ **to acco**_ _unt: phy **sical limit** ation **s, fo** od an **d dri** nk, a **nd re** st **. W** e can **no** t ma **ke any** one d **o anyth** ing out **sid** e o **f th** eir phy **sical limita** tions, su **ch a** s ask **ing** a chi **ld to li** ft a **hea** vy cra **te o** r a **whe** el-ch **air bou** nd per **son t** o walk **."**_

 _Wait._

Tanya remembered how they had communicated with her the first time through Ambrose- and the way they spoke, they must have found this out before meeting Elijah but after possessing Ambrose. At the time, she had brushed off the first time as him being senile... but they had said before that people were aware of them possessing their bodies. The second time they had done it when he was asleep- could they use their powers on someone unconscious then?

 _"What the fuck is wrong with you all?"_

Maddox was on her feet, hands trembling and eyes wide with rage and horror. "How can you just stand there and listen? How can you accept these methods so calmly? What these- _things_ , have done... it's completely inhuman. It's unspeakable. You stole their wills away. You made them your puppets without a thought of the damage you could do to them or to others. And now, you're suggesting doing more of this to other humans?!"

She wasn't wrong and Tanya agreed with most of her points: the idea of stealing someone's will away was abhorrent in her old life, even before Ikeda Susumu assumed the libertarian label (and scenarios like this could only be found in stories or shonen). She had never given thought or care to how Red, Blue or Green Eyes knew of their powers beforehand when they possessed Elijah and Ambrose.

This wasn't like with Being X when time had come to a sheer halt- the way he spoke through those people (and the one pigeon for whatever reason), none of them had seemed to be aware.

They could see why Maddox was horrified at such a thing, but Tanya could also see the benefits in this: if an enemy tried to attack them, they could interfere and stop them. Or they could bring someone with information directly to them

 _"W_ _ **e've to**_ _ld yo_ _ **u th**_ _e crit_ _ **eria o**_ _f poss_ _ **ession,"**_ Green Eyes said softly, " _a_ _ **nd w**_ _e d_ _ **o n**_ _ot pla_ _ **n o**_ _n ca **using o** r allow_ _ **ing wan**_ _ton dea_ _ **th if**_ _w_ _ **e ca**_ _n he_ _ **lp i**_ _t. W_ _ **e're n**_ _ot fo_ _ **olish o**_ _r ho_ _ **peful eno**_ _ugh t_ _ **o thi**_ _nk i_ _ **t wi**_ _ll ma_ _ **ke u**_ _p f_ _ **or o**_ _ur inact_ _ **ion, n**_ _or d_ _ **o we**_ _ex_ _ **pect forgi**_ _vene_ _ **ss. B**_ _ut w_ _ **e ar**_ _e go_ _ **ing t**_ _o he_ _ **lp, ho**_ _wev_ _ **er w**_ _e c_ _ **an**_ _. Bes_ _ **ides, wh**_ _at rea_ _ **son**_ _co_ _ **uld w**_ _e ha_ _ **ve fo**_ _r tell_ _ **ing y**_ _ou ev_ _ **erything ab**_ _out u_ _ **s i**_ _f w_ _ **e di**_ _dn't e_ _ **xpect t**_ _o h_ _ **elp?"**_

 _That would be a lot more meaningful if they actually provided something useful._

"Oh wait! Officer Zoe exclaimed, hand almost flailing like a student trying to be called on. "Is it possible that you can just latch onto people but not control them? Just hovering about or however you move about and just listen in?"

 _"Wh **at?"**_

"Mair, you mentioned that Red Eyes communicated with you, right? She told you where Tanya was!"

"... she showed me where she was, yes."

"Then it's possible to do! Try it with me! Right now!"

"Officer Zoe," Maddox said through strained teeth but the auburn-haired officer was too excited to pay heed. "If they can do this, you could become spies and relay intelligence between us faster than messengers or letters!"

Oh, why the hell didn't she think of this? If they could really do something like that that didn't involve directly possessing someone but still listening in on people, then they'd be stupidly hard-pressed to be caught off guard!

"Exactly! Now come on, either of you is fine!"

Green Eyes had been completely silent during this and Tanya suddenly wasn't as confident in this at the careful look Elijah's face had now. Regardless, Green Eyes said, _"Ve **ry w** ell_ _ **. Red Eyes ca** n-"_

"Not. Her." Maddox was furious.

 _"... ve **ry we** ll. M **aria, if** yo **u wo** uld..."_

Tanya watched as the blue thread materialized and began to move forward, flickering against Officer's Zoe. Unlike the green thread that was attached to Elijah's nape, the blue thread simply laid atop their clothed shoulder. They blinked in surprise, eyes flickering before they closed in concentration. "Squad leader?" Berner questioned, worried.

Officer Zoe's eyes fluttered open- their irises were still amber in the light. "This is so weird," they said, half in awe and half giddy. "It's like a thought in the back of my head-"

Blood seeped down their nose and Officer Zoe's eyes rolled into the back of their head.

 _Wait what._

The blue thread recoiled away immediately. Abiola leaped over to the auburn-haired officer's side as Berner exclaimed in concern and fear.

 _"... **th** at sh **ouldn't ha** ve hap **pened,"**_ Green Eyes whispered, stunned. _"W **hy di** d it. **..?"**_

Maddox was already grabbing Elijah's shirt collar and slamming his body against the wall, arm crushing against his collar bone and beginning of throat. "WHAT DID SHE DO?!"

 _ **"I do** n't kn **ow!"**_ The elegant voice cracked, frantic. _"Th **at's nev** er happe **ned be** fore, n **ot th** is so **on-"**_

"'THIS SOON?!'"

Green Eyes winced from Maddox's roar and Tanya watched as the green thread pulled away from Elijah, the young man's eyes turning back to hazel, wide with fear. "W-wait!" he rasped before Maddox recoiled backwards and the young man crumbled to the ground, coughing.

 _'That shouldn't have happened'? What the hell does she mean by that?!_

 _"Whoa okay!"_

Officer's Zoe's head yanked back up and they wiped the blood off of their nose. "Squad Leader, are you okay?!" Berner all but shrieked. "How many fingers am I holding up?!"

"That is a fist, and I'm fine- everything just went black for a moment," the officer said, already walking over to Elijah and helping him up.

"Damn them...!" Maddox growled angrily. "They're nothing but cowards, hiding away and making others bear the brunt-"

Officer Zoe set a hand on their shoulder. "They're relearning as much as we are. Setbacks are to be expected," they said. "For now, let's just calm down and analyze what we've found out."

Maddox scowled before sighing, heading for the front outside. Elijah remained silent, arms hugging at his body as stumbled away to the back. Tanya saw the green thread from before trailing behind him.

 _I've had enough._

"I'm going to go check on him," she said, just loud enough for the officers to hear and concerned enough so that they wouldn't suspect.

"We'll meet back up in an hour," Officer Zoe called behind as Tanya went outside.

Tanya looked over her surroundings one more time. Finally, she spotted Elijah sitting near the fence- the green thread was still there. His eyes were hazel.

"So, how many?"

Elijah looked startled at this. "Tanya-" he began, voice small.

"I know you can hear me," she growled, eyes locked on the thread. _"How. Many."_

Elijah opened his mouth before he bowed his head, resigned as the green thread touched his neck. _"Ta **nya,**_ **ple** _ase,"_ Green Eyes said. _"El **ijah i** s-"_

Tanya grabbed Elijah's arm, uncaring for how rough her grip was as she yanked his body up, slamming him against the fence. "The only reason I listened to you was because you at least sounded like you had an idea why this is all happening," she hissed. "Now, I can't even be sure if what you remember is yours, or if _Being X put those memories there!"_

 ** _"Wh-what?!"_**

"Oh, _don't give me that._ You told me that he tried to put himself in this world before, and was partly successful since I'm here now. You were wrong about needing people to believe in you, you were wrong about your origins, so it stands to reason you're wrong about keeping Being X out!"

Green Eyes looked horrified as Elijah's hands clutched at his head. _**"No** -! _**No!** _I_ **know** _th **at w** e re **pell** ed **him!** We' **ve fe** lt _not **hing lik** e hi **m** _ **ev** er si **nce fift** een y **ears a** go!"_

"You don't even believe the words coming out of your mouth, do you?" Tanya fought to keep her voice down, spittle growing in her mouth from the furious whispering. "Ever since you showed up, you've done nothing but either make things worse, or make everything more complicated! I could be out there, shadowing Annie and Hoover, but I'm stuck here because of you!"

 _"A **re y** ou sa **ying o** ur eff **orts i** n help **ing y** ou rec **over w** ere noth **ing a** s we **ll?"**_

"And now you've stooped to emotional manipulation?" Her laugh sounded like a harsh bark in her ears.

 _ **"I acc** ept t **he bla** me f **or o** ur mis **takes a** nd acti **ons wh** ole-hea **rtedly. B** ut d **o n** ot sa **y we'** ve do **ne n** o g **ood!"**_

"Really? Because I'm having a really fucking hard time believing you over the how many people you possessed- seriously, how many? Did they try to fight you like Maddox? Did they think they had gone insane? And how the hell am I supposed to put even a microcosm of anything resembling trust if you pull shit like this?"

Green Eyes shoved at her but Tanya held her ground- Elijah might have had a head over her height, but she had years of training and more muscle mass on her side. Eventually, she just grabbed at her shirt collar, eyes filled with a helpless anger.

 _"I **s th** is givi **ng yo** u plea **sure, drag** ging u **s throu** gh th **e mu** d wh **ile igno** ring y **our o** wn deficie **ncies?"**_ Green Eyes spat.

Tanya's teeth barred together in a snarl as she clutched at the wrists and pulled them off her. "No, but you actually answering my question might! _How. Many?!"_

Out of the corner of her eye, Tanya saw a flicker of red that touched against Elijah's neck and his eyes flickered turned red.

"W **e di** dn't ke **ep co** unt, a **ll righ** t?! No **ne o** f u **s di** d!" The anguish was palpable before Red Eyes turned away, unable to meet her gaze. _"I **t w** as to **o pain** ful."_

The sneer became venomous. "Of fucking course you didn't. You don't wanna think about the lives you fucked over just so you could-"

Tanya's words stuttered to a halt as something occurred to her: if Being X had more of a hand in this than she was initially led to believe... then was he really behind the titans attacking then? Did he send them after her specifically to hurt and scare her into compliance?

Another new thought came and this made Tanya's entire body go cold: Being-X had been responsible for her being born into this world... did he make it so she was born to the woman she called mother in this world? Did he send the titans over to Liese and kill her just to hurt Tanya, then use the trauma to mold her into... something else?

Her ambitions hadn't changed in getting a peaceful and luxurious life- if anything, they had been strengthened. But Tanya would be a fool if she didn't see that she had changed from the person she had been before. The last five years... the horror, terror and despair that had plagued her, the budding relationships that she somehow managed out of necessity (and a microcosm of affection that even she didn't believe existed) and the revelations brought on by the Battle of Trost were shaping her in ways she couldn't stop. Old habits and actions that Ikeda Susumu thought he shed since his youth had resurfaced while newer experiences were actively turning her world upside down.

Was everything from the titans destroying Liese to the Battle of Trost, along with Blue, Red and Green Eyes' existences, even the lives of the others in the 104, the titan trio and the man before her... just Being-X _gaslighting_ Tanya into changing her ways? Was that all this was?

How much of the person she was now of her own will?

Was all that was left was the dream- the ambition- the need for safety, prosperity and security, and the immutable knowledge that everything and everyone had a price... all that was left of Ikeda Susumu and Tanya Degurachaff?

 _ **"Ta** ny **a?"**_

She didn't hesitate, already pushing Red Eyes away from her as harshly as she could. Elijah's back slammed against the wooden fence. _"Yo **u'll h** urt hi **m li** ke thi **s-"**_

"I don't give a shit," she growled in her face and she took dark pleasure in the flicker of fear in her eyes. "If you think you can make me do your bidding, you've got another thing coming, _Being X."_

Red changed to green and the slap that connected with her face barely hurt and she caught the hand easily, pressing her thumb harshly against the joint between the index finger and thumb.

 _"Di_ _ **d y**_ _ou b_ _ **elieve e**_ _very_ _ **one w**_ _as goi_ _ **ng t**_ _o rev_ _ **olve**_ _solel_ _ **y arou**_ _nd yo_ _ **ur des**_ _ire_ _ **s?"**_ Green Eyes asked, voice frigid. _**"Th**_ _at i_ _ **s the**_ _on_ _ **ly rea**_ _son_ _ **I c**_ _an un_ _ **derstand you**_ _r frustra_ _ **tion.**_ _You wi_ _ **sh fo**_ _r se_ _ **curity,**_ _pros_ _ **perity an**_ _d t_ _ **o m**_ _ake_ _ **othe**_ _rs t_ _ **o alig**_ _n s_ _ **o th**_ _at yo_ _ **u ca**_ _n ach_ _ **ieve th**_ _ese thi_ _ **ngs wi**_ _th n_ _ **o ca**_ _re fo_ _ **r ho**_ _w it m_ _ **ight co**_ _m_ _ **e to b**_ _e."_

"Wa **ke u** p. Th **at i** s n **ot realit** y. Yo **u can** no **t ex** pec **t thin** gs t **o g** o th **e w** ay yo **u w** ant t **o."**

Tanya openly sneered as she pressed harder, making Green Eyes wince and shrink back. "So what if things don't go my way? I knew from the start it wouldn't be easy. But you listen up: you might think I'm just another lost lamb that you can bring into your cause, but I'm the wolf circling your flock."

Tanya's teeth barred in a snarl as she closed the distance between them, faces millimeters away. _"And I'll rip out your throats if you keep fucking with me."_

 _"... s_ _ **uc**_ _h pighe_ _ **adednes**_ _s,"_ Green Eyes murmured before her gaze hardened, _"I_ _ **t**_ **wil** l _ge_ _ **t yo**_ _u in_ _ **to trou**_ _ble o_ _ **ne o**_ _f th_ _ **ese d**_ _ay_ _ **s,"**_ before Elijah's eyes fluttered shut and the green thread fell away.

Tanya let go of him and the young man collapsed onto the ground. He looked up at her, hazel eyes filled with pain and fear. "T-Tanya-" he began, voice cracking as he reached out to her.

She turned and left without sparing him another glance.

* * *

Mair looked out on the field where Mandel was still sitting by the post. She hadn't heard what he and Degurachaff had been talking about but it was clear it had ended badly.

She had known this was a bad idea from the start. She couldn't fathom how Officer Zoe could be so calm after what happened. Hell, she wasn't even sure how she hadn't smashed apart something after that fiasco.

 _Every time they say they want to do something good, or that they don't want to hurt everyone... they go ahead and do it anyways,_ she thought in disgust.

Being angry like this was not doing her any good and she hated constantly having to battle her temper. She didn't remember being this angry at anything since...

Mandel was coming back, eyes averted down- he looked so tired, so downtrodden. Mair reached out carefully and the young man flinched in surprise.

Right, she had attacked him earlier.

"... I'm sorry," she said, eyes averted away. "I was out of line earlier."

"... I know," he said, eyes shifting down as his hand came to grip at his arm. "You were angry."

... dammit, she was terrible at this.

"Don't take anything she said personally," she tried. "She's frustrated too."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say as Elijah's face fell and he hunched into himself. Great, now what? She didn't have anything personal against the young man: he was kind enough and actually seemed decent for someone affiliated with the Wallists, even if she didn't understand why he worshiped them. Hell, she could understand him going out on his way to protect Degurachaff.

But he still put most of this into motion, by just listening to the "goddesses" and giving out items like the serum-beads to Degurachaff. And his tongue-tiedness in trying to shield her from this bullshit when he had been the one to start all this was hypocrisy if she ever saw it.

"Look, none of us are angry with you," Mair tried again. "And if you want, you can take a swing at me, and even things out."

"I don't want to hit you. That won't make anything better for anyone," Mandel said with a sigh.

"... is this about the 'goddesses'?"

Mandel remained silent but from the way his head dropped, Mair knew she hit the nail on the head. Well, she was completely unprepared in how to tell someone how to handle a crisis of faith.

"Have you ever considered taking your life?"

... ohh, it was worse than she expected. "Are you-?"

"I'm not going to kill myself," the young man waved off, eyes averting away. "I was just... curious."

"No," Mair said carefully. "And even if I did... I have someone relying on me to stay alive. If I died, I'd leave them all alone."

After the fire (No, after the _arson_ ), they had so little left. Mair had to take up so much, be a mother and father and sister at once for Elijah. She never had time to feel down enough that she wanted to end her life, not when she was trying to support them both and get Elijah to open up after what happened.

She could not overstate her relief when he opened himself up, even if it was only to horses.

Now, she had no idea when she would be able to see him again, or even knew how he was doing. Mair never journeyed far from their home just so she could watch over him... she had never been as far from him as she was now.

He would be safe (they were all they had left, and prized their well-being over all else), but he would be alone.

"'To love another is to know the faces of the gods.'" Mandel smiled softly. "There are few who can live for another person so completely, no matter what people may say."

His eyes were far away. "I lost my faith once already, and nearly gave up on life. Yet I was given it back in the most extraordinary way possible. Now I've lost it again and am left wondering if such a scenario will repeat itself."

... well damn. What could she even say to that?

"I don't need you to comfort me, Officer Maddox." He held a hand up gently, smile tired and sad. "You listened to my ramblings and that was more than enough."

* * *

 **"Sina! Are you all right?! Maria, what happened back there?!"**

 **"I have no FUCKING idea! That never happened before, not that soon! What the hell is wrong with me...?!"**

 **"... it's him. It must be."**

 **"Don't listen to that bitch, Sina! She's just being pissy-"**

 **"But she has a point. We're not even sure what's ours anymore. We forgot we were sisters, we forgot we had a mother! What can we even be sure of anymore?"**

 **"We're sure we want to help! We're sure we want to keep as many people alive as possible!"**

 **"A fat lot of good that is."**

 **"If he really is here...! He invaded our world just to torment one person-who knows what else he's capable of?"**

 **"Please Sina, we can still work things out. I know things are tense, but..."**

 **"Would they even listen to us?"**

 **"Officer Hange would."**

 **"But would anyone let them speak to us?"**

 **"We can try. That's all we can do."**

* * *

Hange rubbed at their temple, head still ringing a bit, as they wrote down their notes furiously.

What an experience that had been! Sure it had made them black out a few moments and their nose started bleeding like Eren's did, but they didn't feel any worse for wear. Moblit had started hovering less over them once he realized they were okay and Nifa had gone after Mair to help her calm down.

Things could have gone better, but what had gone well had gone very well. This new information, intentional and unintentional shed much more light than anticipated.

 _Possession depends on the person, their physical limitations and the state of their body,_ they reviewed. _And if they could simply "hover" in people... it looks like Red Eyes could do this without any problems, but Blue Eyes is less proficient and there are clear drawbacks to this._

* * *

"... **th** at sho **uldn't ha** ve hap **pened. Wh** y d **id i** t...?"

"It **'s nev** er happ **ened bef** ore, no **t thi** s so **on!"**

* * *

 _But it seems that their abilities are wavering, if they weren't expecting this,_ they mused, frowning. _But what's changed since then? Even Green Eyes was shocked by this._

They shrugged at this. It was clear that they did not enjoy what they did and had done it out of necessity. But the idea of stealing someone's will and putting them through something like that- what Mair had described- put a bad taste in their mouth.

 _Would I have such a reaction if they were unaware?_

"Officer Zoe, are you feeling better?"

Tanya stood beside the table, posture straight. "Yes, thank you," they said. "How is Brother Mandel holding up?"

"Officer Zoe, I believe this would be a good time to focus our efforts on shadowing Annie and Hoover."

 _She didn't answer my question,_ Hange noted before saying aloud, "We have a few days yet, and the expedition is at the end of this month. There's still time."

Tanya's posture and voice remained composed, but Hange could sense the urgency in her. "I understand, but having them unobserved would be detrimental if they decide to pull something we're not expecting."

"You make a valid point, but let's wait just a bit longer until we finish up here- I only have a few days to spare in this endeavor before preparing for the expedition itself." Hange cocked an eyebrow. "Or is there a reason you want to be done now?"

 _Perhaps something they talked about is making her worried?_

"The 'goddesses' have made it very clear they'll cause more harm than good." Tanya's arms crossed. "Intentions aside, all they've done is make things more complicated. At the very least, we know they won't deliberately hurt others, so this would be a perfect time to focus on what's important: stopping the titan shifters."

 _Ah, so that's the crux._

"I understand wanting to get revenge. I joined the Corps for that very reason." They could still recall the bloodlust that fueled them, that had become like second nature to them- from watching her comrades be eaten alive to the people who didn't even care to keep their voices down as they came back to the walls just barely alive.

They knew all too well how fragile such a state was, and how quickly it could be destroyed. All it had taken on their end was feeling the lightness of that titan head and the fog of bloodlust lifted from their mind just like that.

"But that can only carry you so far. Rather than focus on how you hurt those who hurt you, try to understand them so that you put a stop to them all together."

"We know what they want: whatever this 'coordinate' is and why Jaeger has it now," Tanya pressed, still keeping her tone level and calm.

"But why do they want it, and what they plan to do with it," Hange pointed out, "is still unknown."

"... from how they spoke of Marley, it's most likely an organization, country or army," Tanya said carefully, mind clearly racing. "Since it's already made up of other members aside from those three, from this 'Pieck', we can assume that they're more people too. And going off of that, there are other humans aside from them as well."

"That's what I garnered too. So we have to ask: why would this Carley want this 'coordinate'? And if the lengths the titan shifter trio have taken were choices they made on their own... or orders from their higher-ups."

Tanya's eyes widened before her composure returned. "You're suggesting that the trio might be pawns in this."

"It's been five years since the Fall of Wall Maria." Hange leafed through their notes. "Going by their ages from their records, Braun and Hoover would've been eleven at the very least, Annie twelve. I find it highly unlikely children would have had murderous instincts by those ages."

"Jaeger and Ackerman killed three people when they were nine, didn't they? At least, that's what the newspapers said."

"In self-defense, but I understand the point you're trying to make."

This was one stubborn recruit, and an especially composed one- she didn't usually meet such a combination outside of their own colleagues. "Tanya, have you ever killed another human?"

"Not yet."

Hange arched an eyebrow.

Most people would be shocked by such a question, or at least uncomfortable enough not to answer. Yet not only did she give a straight answer, but delivered it quickly and calmly. Had she thought of such a question before, and already arrived at her answer? Even if she hadn't, it already spoke volumes of her.

"I would prefer not to kill someone if I don't have to," Tanya reiterated, "but if there was no option and letting them live would result in my death, then my life takes priority."

 _Interesting,_ Hange mused. _She's so certain such a thing will pass. It's not often another human would consider taking another's life, but she had not only seen it as a possibility but had accepted what she would do when the time came._

"And would you kill the titan shifters if you got the chance?"

Tanya remained silent but it was clear she was thinking hard. Her brow furrowed tightly before her hand clenched against her chest involuntarily. "Or is it just Braun and Hoover you want to kill?" Hange pressed.

Her grip tightened.

"You should think this over, decide what it is you truly want to do," Hange suggested. "Just so you have as few regrets as possible."

"... the green beads."

Tanya's eyes flickered to them. "If we use them on the shifters, we could get information on them. Once we get everything we need to know out of them, we can kill them."

Hange nodded to this. That made sense and was pragmatic on first hearing. "How would you get close enough to them to use it? Or subdue them long enough? Would the serum even show you what you want to see?"

Tanya's brow furrowed and she gave a sigh of defeat. "How much longer?"

"Two days, at the very most." Hange placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't be in too much of a rush to head back into the fray. You never know when you're going to get another break."

The white-haired girl walked off and the officer sighed. As they turned back to their work, they felt a flicker against them- the same flicker of thought from earlier. A few seconds passed and Hange's fingers came to their nose, but there was no blood or dizziness.

 _Hello?_ Hange reached out, curious.

 _H-h **ello.** _The thought sounded timid even without noise. _W **e a** re s **o so** rry f **or ear** lier-_

 _No one was hurt. That's what's important._ Hange cut off the self-pity immediately. _It could have been handled better, but we still have time. Now, what exactly did happen?_

 _W **e we** re a **ll ab** le t **o comm** unicate li **ke th** is bef **ore. W** e nev **er h** ad prob **lems unl** es **s w** e st **ayed f** or **t** oo lo **ng.**_

 _How long is "too long"?_

 _F **or Ma** ria, sh **e ca** n on **ly mana** ge a **n ho** ur a **t mo** st. Si **na, fo** ur. I ca **n hol** d ou **t fo** r ei **ght hou** rs, b **ut i** t w **ould st** rain m **y... ho** st, gre **atly.**_

 _Yet you're fine with completely possessing people, aren't you?_

 _It **'s... a** n a **ll-o** r-not **hing scenari** o._ She sounded hesitant as she tried to explain. _Th **e bo** dy- th **e mi** nd, doe **sn't kno** w ho **w t** o rea **ct i** f we **'re ju** st ha **nging ont** o th **e** **fr** ing **es o** f th **eir selv** es. Eith **er w** e st **ay o** ut fu **lly o** r ta **ke com** plete co **ntrol- a** for **eign pres** ence n **ot do** ing any **thing wou** ld m **ake th** e bod **y... r** ea **ct adve** rsely. Th **ey** ca **n fee** l a thr **eat bu** t anyt **hing i** t do **es wi** ll o **nly hu** rt t **he ho** st._

 _Like a parasite,_ went unspoken.

 _So what changed?_ Hange pressed. _Or was it something to do with me specifically?_

There was a minute of silence as Hange waited. Had she left? What there something about the question that either stumped her or scared her.

 **I ca** n't d **o th** is.

They could feel the anguish. _**I c** an **'t jus** t tip **toe arou** nd an **d hi** de th **e tru** th, e **ven wh** en s **o mu** ch i **s happen** ing._

Hange straightened but waited silently for what she would say next. Would it be as ground-breaking as the information from before?

 _The **re's som** eone- som **eone simi** lar t **o u** s- Si **na thin** ks h **e mig** ht b **e interfe** ring wit **h ou** r po **wer!**_

... looks like it was. _So he's like you? Is he a long-lost brother or something?_

 _Y **es, t** o th **e firs** t- defin **itely n** o t **o th** e sec **ond!**_ They could feel the fear and frustration. _The **y- h** e- do **esn't co** me fro **m he** re... h **e ca** me fr **om somew** here el **se!**_

 _Why?_

 _T **o puni** sh som **eone, ju** st beca **use th** ey did **n't wa** nt t **o wor** ship hi **m lik** e a **god.**_

Hange stopped. This sounded familiar. They took a few moments to think before freezing. They were already leaping to their feet and racing out to the field, eyes searching before they fell on Brother Mandel speaking with Mair.

"So sorry, I need to borrow him!" they said as they pulled the young man away.

"Um, officer, is everything all right?" he asked as they sat him down.

"Can you tell me about some of your parables, brother?" Hange requested, pen and paper ready.

Brother Mandel blinked. "It's been a while since I read them- I gave away my book of parables a few years ago, but I do remember some. There's the Selfless Girl but that's the most popular. The Titan's Child, the Giant Bird are also commonly spoken of, and the Tragedy of-

"Are there any pertaining to figures who defied the gods?"

Brother Mandel froze at their words, expression careful. "... The Arrogant Man."

Hange looked at him expectantly. But the young man looked rather flustered as he admitted, "I don't remember much of it, and I gave the book that had it away-"

"Tell me what you remember, at least."

Brother Mandel took a breath and spoke.

"There was an angel who looked after the souls of the good and pure. One day, they decided to save a man from death, even though he was neither. But he spat at the angel and declared he did not believe it existed despite being saved and by given proof it was real- he even declared that he had no need for such a creature. But rather than punish the man for his insolence, the angel decided to give him a second chance to change his mind and had him reborn into another life. It teaches forgiveness is divine and that even those with closed minds should be given a chance to see the light."

 _Well?_

 _... i **t's a** n inc **redibly biase** d sou **rce, b** ut th **at is** th **e gi** st o **f thi** ngs. _She sounded resigned and angry.

"Thank you, brother." They took the young man's hands into their own. "You have been an invaluable help to us all. We wouldn't have gotten this far without you."

Brother Mandel swallowed, wiping at his eyes before giving a watery smile and returning outside. Hange sighed as they sat down.

 _There's no point in asking if there's truth to this. So, who might this arrogant man be?_

Hange could feel their head turning without their sensory input and their eyes laid upon where Tanya was standing outside. And just like that, several things began to click into place. Their eyes closed- this was certainly shaping up to be something interesting.

 _Thank you for sharing this with me, but..._

Hange's eyes flashed with murderous intent. _Keep information like this from me again, and I_ will _make you regret it._

 _... o **f co** urse._

* * *

"So, you're the only here, huh?"

"... yes."

"Would've thought more would be eager to get as far from the titans as they could."

Marco swallowed the lump in his throat as he nodded, trying to keep his posture as straight as he could. The reminder of the absence only made his stomach clench tighter. He had hoped that he wouldn't be alone in this- while he wasn't angry with Jean for his decision, he still couldn't understand why he chose the Survey Corps at the last minute.

 _He'll die out there,_ he thought with sorrow. _It's too cruel..._

He squared his gaze- this wasn't the time to be thinking about that.

Officer Carven's expression didn't betray any emotion and Captain Ackerman's far-too casual posture was disarmingly open but Marco knew what happened to those who underestimated the man before him.

He wasn't called Kenny The Ripper for nothing.

"Well, you still got your wish, Bott." Captain Ackerman lazily raised his arms above in an apathetic gesture. "How does it feel to be apart of the oh-so illustrious Central Military Police?"

If he had been asked that question before today, Marco was certain with how he would have answered. For as long as he could remember, his family had told him of the group they worked for, who made sure the king was safe from all harm. They were the silent guardians, the watchful protectors, the soldiers who would never be known but who had the most important duty possible. His mother's eyes would shine and his father would smile knowingly whenever he asked for stories about them.

So when his reality was that the king he had been planning on serving was just a figurehead (And who could apparently sleep with his eyes open), and that the true king was not known to the public... well, it certainly hadn't been what he was expecting. He was surprised, and somewhat disappointed.

But that didn't matter. He was dedicated to his mission, promised to fulfill it ever since he could remember. "I'll do whatever is necessary to ensure-"

"Spare me, please," Captain Ackerman cut him off with a scoff. "Seriously, we're not gonna shoot yer face off for being honest."

"... it doesn't matter how I feel. I swore to fight for the king, like my parents and their grandparents," Marco said, gaze hardening. "So I won't shirk my duties and I won't turn coat- is that to your satisfaction?"

He immediately regretted how exasperated he sounded... before that regret turned into primal fear at the wide, yellow-toothed barred smirk that spread across Captain Ackerman's face. "Looks like you've got a spine after all, Bott."

* * *

Questions are asked and few to none are answered while leaving more in their wake. So nothing new for SnK ^^;

I've been doing a lot better since the last chapter. My therapist, family and friends' support has been nothing short of a boon and sans some stress, I'm in a much better place than I was before.

This time, my computer began going wonky and prevented me from writing the last part of this chapter. And writer's block kept me down until literally the last minute ^^;

Me, a month age: 4,000 or so words with rough notes

Me, a month later: WRITER'S BLOCK

Me, roughly a few hours ago: Writes 5,000+ words for this and the next chapter.

Thank you for bearing with me this long, and for continuing to read this story. I will endeavor to keep going.


End file.
